Stay With Me

     "Are you fucking serious right now, Perrie?" Jade angrily threw her hands up in the air as she shouts her lungs out. She paced quickly around the room as she tries to calm herself down by rubbing her temples. As soon as she stopped pacing, she faced Perrie who was sitting on the edge of the bed, frustrated as Jade currently was. "So you're telling me that you didn't flirt back with Zayn? You're telling me that you didn't like the way he kissed you?"

     "Oh, look who's talking! It's the hypocritical Jade!" Perrie sarcastically laughed, standing up. Both of the Geordies now apoplectic with anger as their eyes shoot sharp bullets to each other. Perrie barked, "You think I didn't see the way you looked at Jed when he kissed you? Well, guess what, Jade? I fucking saw the way you looked at him and it makes me sick! So don't go accusing me with those things because unlike you, I didn't like kissing Zayn!"

     "Perrie, you should know by now that this isn't what I wanted! You and I both know that this is part of our contracts! I need to act all lovey-dovey with Jed because Management practically owns our asses now! So as much as we both despised this, we can't do anything about it, okay?"

     "And same goes with me and Zayn! So stop accusing me because just like your stupid relationship with that stupid Jed, I also have to act all lovey-dovey with Zayn!"

Jade frustratedly ran a hand through her ombré waves and massaged her temples once more. She heaved a deep sigh before closing her eyes shut, wishing this ridiculous fight would just end right now because she never wanted to fight with her lover. She just wanted to spend her time cuddling with Perrie, not arguing with her.

     Perrie, on the other hand, did not even think about the possible consequences their relationship might face because of this. In fact, all she could think about is winning. Be the dominant person. Be that type of girlfriend who controls her partner. And seeing that Jade can be very submissive to her, she wouldn't have a problem with controlling the ombré-haired girl.

     Perrie stared blankly at Jade, shaking her head at the older Geordie's irresponsiveness. "You're not saying anything because you know it's true, huh? Because you know deep inside you that you liked the way Jed made you feel! Because you love Jed—"

     Word after word that flowed from Perrie's lips, it only aggravated the anger that Jade was currently feeling. The brunette wasn't thinking straight as she swings her hand towards Perrie's cheek. All she could think about was how many buttons Perrie had already pushed from her, and she was already on the verge of blowing up. And this had took Perrie by surprise as the blonde felt the pain linger on her now sore cheek.

     She growled, "Perrie, I love you! Only you! I don't love Jed nor anybody else! I love you! Is that so goddamn hard to comprehend?"

     Right now, the 2 Geordies are inches away from each other; face to face. And as much as they hated being this far from one another, they needed this. It's either they discuss their problems right here and right now or they will both just deal with them by themselves.

     They weren't like this before.

     Jade and Perrie never fought this badly before. Sure, they argue sometimes but those fights are nothing compared to what they are having right now. They never fume in front of each other, they never walk out in the middle of their arguments, they never raised their voices at one another before so this was all new to the both of them.

     And that's what terrified them both.

     Because they've never been in this severe situation before. They've never been this infuriated, this enraged. And they didn't know what to do when it comes to these things.

     Jade and Perrie were just staring at each other, opening then abruptly closing their mouths for they are unsure of what to say. Jade wishing they would both just stop and Perrie wishing that Jade would be the one to stop. They were staring for a few minutes until Jade decided to break the moment of silence.

     She sighed heavily before looking sadly at Perrie. Not caring even if her voice cracks, Jade questioned, "Perrie, what are we doing?"

Perrie averted her gaze from her girlfriend, her blue orbs taking interest on the floor this time. She, too, does not know what was going on. She took a glimpse at Jade who was still holding her gaze at the pale girl and Perrie looked away timidly. She heaved a sigh. "I don't know, Jadey. I mean everyday we fight because of the same reasons and...I don't know."

     "Don't you think—" Jade tried to utter but her words never seemed to come out from her lips for Perrie's lips immediately hovered over her heart-shaped ones. Sighing sadly yet relieved, Jade gently placed her arms around Perrie's neck and deepened the kiss.

     At this moment, both Geordies realized that they have already forgotten the taste of each other because their hearts almost jumped out from their chests as the sweetness of each other's lips starts to become addictive.

     But just when things start to get heated up, Jade pulled away too soon for Perrie's liking. Perrie opened her eyes only to find Jade looking at her as if this was the last time they'll get to see each other.

     Perrie somewhat demanded, "Stop looking at me like that."

     Jade gazed at her. "Like what?"

     "Like this is the last time we'll see each other. Stop."

     Jade blinked hard, trying so hard to hold the tears. But hearing Perrie's downcast voice cracking at the end, she just wished that life would be fair to the both of them. She spoke, "Perrie, we keep on fighting everyday because of what? Jealousy? Possession? Perrie, we can't keep doing this—"

     Perrie smashed her lips on Jade's once again, hoping Jade would just forget the words she's going to say. And when she pulled away, she abruptly spoke, "Don't you dare break up with me, Jade Thirlwall. Don't you dare give up on me. Don't you dare give up on us."

     "Perrie, just stop—"

     "No. I can't do this without you, Jade. Please don't break up with me. Jade, please, I'm begging you." Perrie frowned at how vulnerable and sensitive she sounded but if this is what it takes to stop Jade from walking away, she won't hesitate to do it. "Please, don't do this to me, Jadey. I love you too much to let you go. Jadey, please don't do this to me. Please."

     Perrie cupped Jade's cheeks and entwined her lips with the brunette's, not giving any chances for Jade to protest again. But sadly, Jade pulled away again, not knowing that Perrie was starting to become irritated and inwardly groaning from the lack of touch.

     Jade's brown eyes peered deeply into Perrie's blue ones, forgetting what to say for a moment. Her vision becoming blurry from the tears that have been building up everytime she thinks about what life would be without Perrie by her side—which is what she is doing right now. She muttered under her breath the words she found arduous to say.

     "Perrie, I think we need to take a break from all of this."

     Perrie was shaking her head at this one. Are you fucking kidding me right now? Perrie thought. Both edges of her lips were curving downwardly as she frowned at Jade's statement. She didn't wanna break up. She never did. Thinking it would be her last resort, she grabbed Jade's soft hands and clutched them.

     "No. We are not breaking up. That's final." Perrie contradicts, rubbing the back of Jade's hands. She knew that this publicity stunt couldn't do anything good to her relationship with Jade but she just wanted to make certain that despite all these messed up shits, they would still be together. She just wanted to know that Jade would still be by her side after all this. But seeing the way Jade's eyes flashed with doubt in them, she would be having a hard time convincing both the brunette and herself.

     "Perrie, stop convincing yourself that this relationship would work because it will never work! No matter what we do, Perrie, Management won't let us come out to the world—"

     "You know why it will never work, Jade!? Because you won't even fight for us! You won't even fight for our love! You're just getting conscious because you know that this would ruin our career but guess what, Jade?! I don't fucking care because I love you and I am willing to risk my career if that's what it takes to let the world know about us!" Perrie yelled. She was trying so hard to keep it in since the first day but since Jade was already ranting about everything, it would be fair if she rants about her side as well.

     "What is wrong with you, Perrie? Of course I would fight for you—"

     "But you're not doing it! You're not fighting for me! You're not even doing anything at all! I'm the only one staying strong between us and I'm sick of it! Why won't you fight for me? Are you ashamed of me? Of us? Are you ashamed of the fact the we're both girls and that you don't want them to know 'cause you want to keep your reputation?"

     "Perrie—"

     "No, Jade. Just stop."

     Jade frowned and tried to reach for Perrie's hand, wanting to touch the blonde's soft and delicate hand, wanting to feel its smooth texture as if it was something sentimental to her. But sadly Perrie pulled her hand away abruptly, causing Jade to frown even deeper. She was tired of fighting and seeing Perrie still fuming, she knows that this silly argument would last a little bit longer than she had hoped for.

     "Perrie, listen to me." Jade speaks up. The lump in her throat precluding her from speaking but she immediately swallowed it down, not allowing it to grow bigger. She wasted no time in reaching out to Perrie's hand once again as she sits down beside her irritated girlfriend who was trying her best to avoid eye contact with Jade.

     One by one, Jade could see Perrie's walls slowly crashing down when she held Perrie's hand and this gave her the opportunity to speak even further. "Perrie, I love you with all my heart—"

Jade's words were cut short when Perrie pulled her hand back forcefully. Her eyebrows connected as she looked at Perrie bewilderingly. Confused, Jade attempted to reach for Perrie's hand but once again failed when Perrie pulled away once more, trying to build more walls surrounding her, which only angered Jade even more.

"Perrie, stop being stubborn and just accept the fact that our relationship will forever be hidden behind closed doors. We signed a fucking contract and we can't just turn our backs on it."

     "You know what? Fine. Let's just break up. I'm done with this bullshit." Perrie hissed.

Jade was staring at the blonde with an addled expression and Perrie staring at her with crestfallenness. Blue staring at brown and brown staring at blue.

They were both accompanied by silence until Perrie cleared the thickness of the air as she stood up, walking towards the wooden bedroom door, leaning her back on it and spoke, "Let's just break up, Jade. What's the point of trying when we both know it would evidently not work at all, right?"

     At this moment, Jade could actually hear her heart cracking as she swallows the huge lump in her throat. Piece by piece, her heart was slowly but surely falling apart the minute she saw Perrie finally letting go of everything that's been memorable. She wasn't sure of what to say at the moment. She wasn't sure of what to do. Her vision of Perrie leaning back on the door was becoming blurry from the salty waters that were building up in her eyes and the next thing she knew, she was already drowning in her own tears. Her shoulders were shaking violently from the loud sobs that flowed one by one from her lips and she was getting tired.

     But she isn't the only one fatigued from all of this. Because Perrie's tears were flowing as well. Dripping down to her pale skin down to her black t-shirt, her tears were flowing continuously like how the rain was pouring relentlessly from the stormy clouds of the reality. Her tears were glistening through the minimum light that was shining from the moon of the outside and Jade—as per usual—admired how her dark blue eyes were suddenly lighting up despite the pain and sorrow that Jade was knowingly giving to her.

     It was like those ironic moments when you thought you would be happy and satisfied with your life when you let go but then reality hits you and now all you could do was wish and pray and hope that someday everything will be alright.

    Yes, that actually sucks.

"I love you, Perrie." Jade choked out between her violent sobs. "You know that, right?"

     "Yet you don't love me enough to fight for me. Maybe you're right. Maybe our relationship will only make things worse after all. Maybe our relationship was meant to end this way. Maybe—"

     "Don't say that." Jade interjected. Her teeth sinking in her bottom lip as she tries to stop herself from sobbing too much. A little amount of blood was drawn but her thoughts were occupied with the current situation. "Perrie, you know that I love you but we both know that this relationship won't go anywhere but merely behind closed doors. Please do understand that."

     "I understand. I completely understand." Perrie lied. She doesn't understand anything at all. Her comprehension of what is going on hasn't even reached up to her brain yet. She just doesn't understand why they have to hide from public, from the whole world. She doesn't understand why they have to hide who they really are when all the people want is the real them. She couldn't grasp the thought why Management was this cruel.

     "I wish this would be easy for us...but Perrie, our life isn't private anymore. We can't go out of our houses without having stupid paparazzis trailing behind us, stalking, invading our lives. Perrie, this is all too much."

     "I know." Perrie muttered under her breath. Another round of waterfalls streaming down her face as she looks up to meet Jade's loving yet hurting gaze. It seems like Perrie isn't the only one who would be inevitably devastated or dissatisfied with her life now. "I understand your reasons, Jade. Though as much as it hurts me, I couldn't turn back time and let us meet in different circumstances now, could I?"

     Jade's face was soaked as the tears kept streaming and streaming relentlessly on her sore cheeks. She was desperately willing to do anything to keep Perrie but it seems like they were already in the depths of their despair now and they couldn't do anything about it.

     "I know, love. I wish we could just be ourselves but it would be impossible." Jade sadly agrees. She placed her palm on Perrie's knee as she peered at the downcast and darkened blue orbs that belonged to the woman whom she unashamedly and truly loved. "But I promise you, Pez, I will never love anyone as much as I love you."

     Perrie forced a smile, somehow not convinced with Jade's assurance because seeing Jade being herself, her beautiful and charming self, it would be hard to trust that nobody won't pursue her. She knew that first-hand when she saw Jed and Jade cuddling together in a restaurant.

     "Don't make promises you can't keep, Jade. You'll never know what would happen to us in the future." Perrie warned. "And I wouldn't want to have false hope for us."

Jade sighed heavily, thinking for a few moments before she speaks up. "I'm not giving you false hope, Pez. Because I'm certain that nothing will change between us. I'll still be your Jadey, and you'll still be my Pez. We'll still be together...just...not now."

Perrie nodded meekly. Her eyes were already bloodshot from all the pressure that her eyes had been doing from all the crying. She whispered, "Will you still stay with me?"

"Pez..."

"Please...just for tonight. I want to have you all to myself before tomorrow comes. Please. I just want to be with you tonight before we part."

Those words were strong enough to make teardrops stream down the cheekbones of the brunette. Those words, though short, can figuratively throw dozens of knives at Jade's chest, stabbing it like it was their number 1 target.

Jade pulled out her hand from Perrie's thigh and placed it on her lover's cheek, cupping it gently. She peered deeply into those sad blue eyes, and she was greatly affected by the sorrow that the blonde was carrying.

"I'll always stay with you. Always."