I Could Have A Happily Ever After

     I could feel my eyes bulging out when I saw her standing right there with her hand on the other girl's cheeks as she kisses her. I could feel my heart dropping down to the floor as the worst feeling anyone could ever have starts to overwhelm my whole being. I could feel it swallowing everything in me.

     I took a step back, then another step, then another step until someone bumped into me, causing the both of us to lose our balance.

     I spun around only to be met by a death glare that the man I bumped into has been giving me and I gulped loudly and looked at him with my eyes bulging out. "Shit! I am so sorry. I didn't see you and—"

     "Perrie?"

     Fuck. I averted my gaze from the man I bumped into to the woman I thought I could trust completely.

     As I peered through Kendall's brown eyes, I could feel the air leaving my lungs and it's suffocating me. I couldn't breathe. It's like when I looked into Kendall's eyes, the air has been swiped away as if it's something that could easily be taken away.

     "Kenny, who's this?"

     I was engrossed with the fact that Kendall cheated on me that I didn't even notice the woman she was cheating on me with. My eyes darted towards the woman beside Kendall, glaring at her.

     "I'm Perrie." I took a brief glance at Kendall then glared at the woman again, my serious expression manifesting nothing but coldness. "Kendall's new ex-girlfriend." 

     I stared at the both of them as I try to keep all my emotions in place. I couldn't forgive myself if I break down in front of the both of them. But the minute I felt Kendall's hand reaching out for mine, I completely lost my mind.

     "Perrie, please listen to me..."

     Rage boiled inside me as I forcefully pulled my hand away from Kendall's grasp. My patience was already running out and my temper was flaring. I couldn't think about anything else except of the fact that my trust has been annihilated violently.

     "Fuck you, Kendall." I growled through gritted teeth as I swung my hand towards her cheek, hearing nothing but a sound as similar as the sound of a thunder roaring from the outside.

     "Fuck you. After everything I've done for you, this is how you repay me!? How dare you!? I trusted you, Kendall! You said that you wouldn't do this again and I believed you! I had faith in you! I stood by you all this time and I even defended you in front of my own family who did nothing but criticize your whole being!" I shouted, loud enough for everyone in the club to hear and know how much of an asshole Kendall has become towards me.

     And in that moment, I don't even give a crap if I humiliated her in public.

     Kendall stared at me utterly horrified as she slowly lifted her hand to feel her cheek that is now red from the hard slap I gave to her. I stared right back at her, ignoring the gasps and murmurs that came out from the people surrounding us. But I knew the longer I stay, the sooner my emotions will get the better of me. So I took a step back away from Kendall, not breaking eye contact. I shook my head and chuckled humorlessly.

"We're done, Kendall." I say, flipping my hair as I whirl on my heel and marched away from the scandal.

~•~•~4 weeks later~•~•~

     It has been 4 excruciating weeks since the night I saw my ex-lover shoving her tongue down that slutty woman's throat. Since then, I was never in the mood to get out of my room and explore the beautiful nature. And those weeks basically consists of me locked inside my house like a prisoner.

     Jade and Gigi have been constantly convincing me to go out and party with the both of them but I just wanted to isolate myself from everyone, from the world. And so I gave them the lamest excuse anyone could ever ask for; I told them I'm busy.

     Yeah, I know. It was a bullshit excuse but hey, if Kendall told me that several times and I believed her, maybe Jade and Gigi would believe me if I say it for the first time.

     Right now, I was slumped down against the door. My head rocking back and forth, banging on the wooden door in the process though I couldn't care less. My hands were clasped around my knees in front of my chest as the banging of the door starts to aggravate me. I've been having the worst headache and having someone slamming their palms on my door multiple times while shouting at it, well that was too much.

"Perrie, you need to have fun! You have been inside your lonely room for virtually a month now! Me and Gigi have been texting you, calling you to check if you are ready and you tell us the same bullshit excuse! Oh come on, Perrie! When are you gonna realize and accept the fact that you need to move on?"

     The ire that lit up inside me starts to get the better of me as I gather my energy to stand up and yell through the door. "I don't need your help! I don't want your help! I am perfectly fine right where I am and I don't want you guys to tell me what to do! If I don't wanna move on, then leave me be!"

After I said that, I hear a growl on the other side and I knew that Jade was getting frustrated already. She slammed her palms on the door again and shouted, "Perrie, stop doing this to yourself! Stop isolating yourself from us! Stop isolating yourself from the world! Perrie, fucking move on!"

"You think it's easy to move on from someone you're still insanely in love with!? You think it's easy to move on from someone whom you thought you could never replace!? Well, guess what, Jade? It fucking isn't! I could never have the strength to move on from Kendall. I could never have the strength to let go of something so ridiculously precious to me. No matter what I do...I just couldn't let go because I still love her!"

Silence. That's what I hear for a few minutes. And with those few minutes, I thought Jade already left me. That was until I heard a sigh on the other side of the door.

"Perrie...please." Jade pleaded, knocking gently on the door this time. "The first time she cheated on you, you told me she would change. And I believed you, because I know you love Kendall and maybe Kendall was just making a mistake. But, Perrie, the second time? Don't you think this is like a warning that maybe you and Kendall aren't meant for each other? That maybe...the universe is giving you a sign that Kendall just isn't the right one for you?"

I closed my eyes shut as I let the tears that had been threatening to escape from the start to roll down on my cheeks like a waterfall. I raced back to Jade's words that struck me.

What if Kendall really isn't the one for me? What if we were really not meant to be from the start? What if—what if Kendall was just another person who just passes by me?

So many questions left unanswered because right now, I couldn't even think straight.

"Perrie, whatever happened to the independent woman whom I met a year ago? Whatever happened to her?" Jade asked.

I frowned deeply. "She's still here. I—I know she's still here. She's just hiding..."

"I don't think she's there anymore, Perrie." Jade interjected, and I imagine her looking at me straight in the eye whilst saying those words to me straight-forward. "Because trust me, Perrie...if she's there, you wouldn't have a problem of letting go because you know that it's the right thing to do."

"What are you implying, Jade?" I demanded, sitting down on the edge of the bed as I bury my face on my hands frustratedly.

A sigh was heard before Jade spoke, "I'm saying that the Perrie I know is an independent woman. The Perrie I know can be strong even without someone by her side. And when she does have someone by her side, she wouldn't dare let that someone control her. And if things go wrong, the Perrie I know would gather up the strength to let go even if it hurts because she knows that if she lets go, it would be all worth it in the end. She wouldn't let vulnerability and sorrow govern her. Sure, just like everyone in the planet, she gets insecured. She sometimes let the small voices get the better of her and destroy her defences. But one thing's for sure about that Perrie is that—that woman that I always knew—can stand on her own feet and be the bigger person in front of everyone."

I held my breath at Jade's words. Oh how much consolation she has given to me already. I felt as if a hefty burden has been finally lifted from my shoulders and I can finally get up on my own.

I smiled brightly for the first time as I stand up to open the door to find Jade standing in front of me with her brightest smile as she sees me. She wrapped her arms around my torso as she engulfs me in a soothing embrace, drawing circles on my back as she lets soothing words flow out of her lips.

"We're here for you, Pez. I'm, I'm here for you." Jade whispered in my ear and I nodded at her reassurance, holding her tightly as if she was my protection.

~•~•~1 month later~•~•~

     A month has passed by and I have been good now. Jade and Gigi were constantly there for me and I was so grateful to have these girls by my side. I know that deep inside me, the 'independent' woman that Jade described me to be, I know that it was already gone. Actually, it has left me ever since Kendall and I started dating.

     I learned a few things in life, and in love as well.

     I learned that once we fall for someone, we could never go back to the same phase ever again with that same person. It would take time. And who knows, maybe it might take forever. But we all know that this 'forever' could never exist in this world. Or at least, in my world.

     I've learned to forgive.

     I have learned to forgive all the wrong doings Kendall had done in our unsuccessful relationship but I haven't forgetten at least one of them. Hell, I don't think I could even do it.

     Kendall left too many horrifying memories for me to easily forget about them. It was like a scar in my heart that could never be removed permanently. It was like a ghost haunting me whenever I think about it. Kendall had damaged my heart and soul completely and I hated myself for letting her. I hated myself for giving her the opportunity to break my heart but I guess that is what relationships are.

     Relationships are about trust. And I gave Kendall my complete and absolute trust. A trust that Kendall will never hurt me. A trust that Kendall will never leave me alone. A trust that Kendall will be devoted to our relationship. But I guess Kendall just isn't even committed to keep that trust. And I admit that it fucking hurts.

     The first time I saw Kendall snogging with another girl in a club, I knew that she changed completely. I knew that she wasn't the same Kendall that I insanely fell in love with the first day we met in Justin Bieber's concert in L.A. I knew that what I saw in there was a different Kendall.

     And I knew that I needed to let go of whatever indelible memories Kendall and I made together.

     But when I saw Kendall's eyes, those sorrowful, downcast, regretful eyes, I thought, Maybe she didn't change. Maybe she's still the same.

     But boy was I wrong.

     Because the second time I caught her snogging with another girl in that same club, it was a slap in the fucking face.

     I locked myself inside my room thinking if I could never find hope in love again. I isolated myself from Jade and Gigi, from my family, from the world. I treated myself as something so worthless to everybody, without even realizing that I am precious to somebody.

     And that somebody was Jade.

     After a few weeks of moping around, I am finally on the next stage already; dating and moving on. I have dated a few people here and there but none of them really caught my eye. And so I sort of gave myself a break for awhile, savouring the single pringle I am until the night where me and Jade hung out in her apartment.

     Jade and I were lying on her comfy sheets of her queen-sized bed, cuddling and giggling like little children. Whispering in each other's ears sweet nothings just to get a reaction from one another. And I just realized that what we were doing is actually flirting.

     "You look hot in pajamas to be honest." Jade whispered in my ear, earning a giggle from me in response.

     I whispered back, "And you look even hotter in those as well."

     Jade smiled and snuggled closer to me, burying her face on my neck and I suddenly felt her lips kissing my clavicle softly.

     And I spoke, "Jade..."

     Jade sat up without any warning, and I copied her actions, confused as to why she was suddenly becoming affectionate towards me.

     Jade faced me with a serious expression with a hint of anxiety hidden underneath her eyes. She opened her mouth then closed it, unsure of what to say.

     And so I just had to ask, "What's wrong?"

     Then Jade groaned and frustratedly ran a hand through her ombre waves and looked at me, agitated. "Don't you get it, Perrie?"

     I gulped and continued to hold my gaze on her. I questioned, "What are you talking about—"

     Jade angrily threw her hands up in the air and groaned, "I love you, Perrie! Always have been since the start! And I'm pretty sure I will never stop loving you! I've been giving you signals already. I've been hinting my undying love for you but you were too oblivious to even know it!"

     Jade sighed shakily and looked down on her clasped hands. She whispered, "I've been in love with you ever since that day in Coachella. You were there for me when Lauren dumped me and I was very grateful for that. And when I caught your eyes, your icy blue-colored orbs, gazing at me, that was the time I knew I was falling for you...for my best friend."

     "Babe? Are you there?" Jade snapped her fingers in front of me and I blinked as I shook my head and smiled at her.

     "Sorry, what did you say again?" I asked.

     "What are you thinking about?"

     I shrugged and grinned. "Nothing important, love."

     Jade playfully raised an eyebrow and leaned her back on the stool as she folds her arms on her chest. "Considering you've been in a trance for a few minutes now, I think it's pretty damn crucial."

     I shrugged and smirked. "I guess I have no choice but to say it...I'm gratified with my life now, Jade."

     Jade stared at me and smiled. "Okay...? Is that what you've been cogitating about awhile ago?"

     "Well, not exactly..."

     "So what was it?"

     "I just wanted to say...I love you."

     Jade just stared at me and nodded. "And I love you, too, sweetie. Is...that all?"

     I smiled brightly and leaned forward to kiss her and pulled back. "Those words are enough to manifest how contented and satisfied I am with you. Those words are the words that I will never get tired of saying. Because you never got tired of waiting for me. You never lost hope that we could be together in the end and I am very, very, very, grateful to have you. I love you, Jade Amelia Thirlwall."

     Jade's smile reached up to her eyes and she grabbed my neck, pulling me in for a passionate kiss before she pulled away and leaned her forehead on mine. She whispered to me the words I will never get tired of hearing.

     "And I love you, Perrie Louise Edwards."

     Those 4 weeks of depression and sorrow, it was all worth it in the end. Because right now, as I sit down in front of Jade, my loving and caring girlfriend, watching her smile reach up to her eyes, I knew that I could have a happily ever after.