5

It's been a week since I left my house.

My eyes are red and swollen from crying.

I look like a corpse.

The girls came to see me several times and Maeva stayed to sleep.

By all means they tried to comfort me.

But how do you put a smile on someone who has just lost their parents?

Car accident I was told...

I remained stoic when I learned of it. I couldn't say anything, do anything.

The Alpha left and I collapsed.

I screamed without being able to cry.

And then when my voice stopped I felt the tears running down my cheeks.

Today is Saturday and my parents died on Monday.

Their funeral took place yesterday.

I was comparable to a zombie with my complexion pale as death.

Sitting on my bed, I stare at the ceiling like it's the only thing I can do. My eyes wander slowly over the white paint. Sobs start to shake me but little by little I feel a new energy surge in my body.

The doors start to slam in my house and a cool wind blows in.

An unknown force encourages me to go to my parents' room.

I am magnetized by an aura of well-being.

Arrived in the parental room, I look around the room and put my eyes on a white chest of drawers.

I open it and pull out a newspaper.

When I start to leaf through, a shiver comes over me.

It was my parents' diary.

I start reading the first page.

These are simple summaries of days.

There are described events such as my birthday, Christmas, Easter, my return to college,...

As I go to close the diary, a piece of paper slipped between two sheets catches my attention.

I unfold it and read:

swan,

If you're reading these lines, it's because we're not here anymore.

We are no longer here to protect and cherish you like good parents.

Sorry for leaving you...

But instead of locking yourself into a descent into hell and letting your grief dominate you, pick yourself up.

Grieve and rise for us.

So that you are our greatest gift to this world.

A joyful girl, smiling, loving, beating and breathing the joy of living.

We did not leave without leaving you a memory of our presence by your side.

In the dresser, you will find a pendant.

Wear it if you want we don't force you to do anything but know that it's our way of staying with you until eternity...

We even love you from heaven...

Mom and Dad 12/15/2004

They wrote it on my 5th birthday...

This letter warms my heart and I put it away carefully in my room then I go back to the chest of drawers and pull out a jewelry box.

I open it and see a silver chain from which hangs a half moon.

For half an hour, I contemplate it as if it were the most beautiful wonder on Earth because that is what it is for me.

I wear it around my neck and tie it.

It's long enough so that with my T-shirt you can't see the half-moon, only the chain.

So much the better, I prefer to keep it to myself...

Even if it doesn't erase the pain of their disappearance, it gives me a reason to fight.

Let's think...

It's Saturday morning and in two days I'm going back to school.

That leaves me a day and more to prepare myself to resume my life.

I go up to the bathroom and undress completely.

The result is not famous...

Not having eaten, you can see my ribs and my cheeks are enormously sunken.

My hair is dirty and misshapen.

I run the water in the bathtub and pour blackcurrant bath creams into it, my favorite perfume.

When the bath is hot, I immerse myself in it completely.

The boiling water does me a world of good and relaxes all my muscles.

I soap, massage and exfoliate my skin.

I then tackle my hair.

My long hair looks like nothing. Usually bouncy and artificial looking, my curls are just a bunch of knots.

I carefully detangle each of my locks before drying them.

On leaving, I wrap myself in a bathrobe and waiting for my face mask to rest, I smear my body with cream.

Finally my body is more or less recovered from the trying week.

All I need to do is eat a little more.

I go into the kitchen and, with a burst of renewal, start cooking actively. Dancing while mixing my cake batter. When I finish eating, it is already 9 p.m.

I grab my phone to send a message to Maeva.

from YOU to MAEVA: dmn stores?

It's time for me to get back to my social habits.

A little shopping won't hurt me.

I loved shopping with my mom...

At this thought my heart sank.

Instinctively, my hand comes to fiddle with the pendant around my neck.

Still emotionally unstable, I finally decide to call Maeva to come and sleep tonight.

An hour later, we're in my bed and she's telling me high school gossip.

When I tell her about the letter and the gift from my parents, I feel tears running down my face and Maeva hugs me.

I fall asleep lulled by his hugs and for once I feel good.