03

I watch intently, I watch as the shock and pain spreads across his face, the way his huge and tanned hand flies to his chest as he begins to feel what I feel.

Good.

He looks at me with a flabbergasted stare, his fabulous chocolate eyes dull slightly, I can literally see the light disappear.

And for some stupid fucking reason, it upsets me.

Don’t fall for him.

He was the the alpha who slept with you last night and then openly rejects you in front of everyone.

He’s a prick.

Courtney chuckles, brazenly as She flicks her hair over her shoulder and stares at me cruelly.

« You think he cares ? No, he doesn’t. He has me as a mate not some low breed queer ».

Her words are sharp and this does hurt, hearing my status being pulled into the mix is a very raw thing.

I flinch at the coldness of her voice, the way her face scrunches up in anger ; it’s an ugly thing to witness.

I turn my gaze away from her and onto my former mate, he’s paling ever more now and it looks like he’s having difficulty breathing.

I can’t stand the sight.

« Good bye ». I mutter as I turn and force my numb body to walk away for the dead like silence.

But in that silence I swear I hear a whimper, a whimper of a lost mate.

My own wolf returns the goodbye.

SIX YEARS LATER.

« I really don’t want to listen to this anymore, Court. Just piss off and leave me alone ». I hiss with venom, I know I should apologise for such behaviour around a woman, but she really gets to me.

My whole body thrums with energy, annoyance and anger, my idle wolf is joining in on the hate train for my ‘mate’.

I slam the door to my study, I turn and make my way to the terrace, the warm breeze of the afternoon somewhat calms my wolf and mood, I lean against the railing and sigh quietly.

I scan the forest, it’s really beautiful up here, the autumn leaves radiating in the golden sun light, I smile briefly at the sight.

The pack house has always been around such beautiful scenery, the last place was in Oregon, the place before that was in Rome- fuckin’ Rome, man.- and now we’re in SummerHill, a small county in the south, we all needed a new break after…

The reminder of what happened six years ago still hurts like a bitch, the feeling is god awful, it has my wolf howling for his rejected mate and my stomach is twisted into painful knots.

My eyes sting, I roughly wipe them away with my sleeve. Ignoring the bite of my fabric against my skin. Tears don’t help, I fucked it up myself, I have no one to blame but myself.

Regret, the only feeling that courses through me whenever I think of Charlie, regret for how I acted, how I treated him, for rejecting him and not shutting his lips with mine so he couldn’t utter his rejection.

YOU FUCKED UP, STOP WALLOWING ! I DONT HAVE A MATE AND YOU LET THAT DECEIVER TOUCH YOU.

I cringe at the hate in my wolf’s voice ; he really abhors me and Court.I can’t blame him, I hate me too.

An Alpha is nothing without their mate and that saying is truer than I care to admit.

I’m nearly 25 and my dad is still the Alpha of our pack, he won’t give me leadership over the pack until he dies and even then I doubt he will.

The idea that one moment could ruin everything, I don’t even know why I rejected him ! You shouldn’t be able to find your mate until you’re in manhood, until you’re mature enough to know who you are.

I slept with him the night before and It felt amazing, he was perfect, our bodies just fitted together perfectly and I take pride in knowing I was his first and back then I hoped I would be his last.

Just the idea of someone else sharing him, feeling what I felt with him makes me grit my teeth and growl, my hands clench at the thought of him happy with another man…with children.

The idea of having a male mate was scary to me, well young me, but now all I want is him, I want him back, I would love to show him off and proudly declare him as mine.

But no, I can’t.

Because that fateful day, he left the pack.

Packed up and ran off and I don’t blame him, everyone treated him awfully, his parents are broken…their youngest cub ran away and they blame themselves.

But it’s my fault.

Hanging my head in shame, I remain here for god knows how long.This is the life I deserve, an uneventful and unloving one.

Just living through the motions.

Sighing heavily, I stand up and rotate my neck working out the knot.

My hands tighten around the cool metal.

I wonder what he’s doing right now.

I really wish I was with him, just being there in the moment.

« Hunter, come for dinner ». My mother’s voice reaches me, I sigh quietly, I’m 25 years old and my mom still makes me dinner.

Pushing myself away from the balcony, I make my way downstairs.

….

The dinner was amazing, naturally.

Mother’s do tend to make the best food ever ; well, mine does anyway.

Huh.

Pushing up from the packed dinner table, I drift off away from my pack and find myself outside on the porch, the sky now getting dark ; I pull out a cigarette from my pocket and light it up with a lighter I’ve had for a year, its green, which is Charlie’s favourite colour.

I bring the lit cancer stick to my lips and I inhale quickly, I rejoice in the feeling of my stress level go down.

I exhale and watch as the smoke disappears into the sky.