05

The night breeze softly touched my bruised cheeks, the smell of nature filled my nose. I could feel the sateen sheets underneath my fingertips and the soft material of my pajamas rubbing against my body. My eyes finally fluttered open, I definitely wasn’t inside the plane anymore.

I sat up a little just to take in my surroundings a bit better, Bodhi is sitting at the edge of our bed with his head between his hands. It’s a rare sight because he almost looks guilty, the way his leg is bouncing up and down, and the soft noise that are escaping pass his mouth.

« Bodhi. » I called out.

His legs automatically stopped, his head slowly lifted up and his shoulders relaxed a bit.

« We made it, you were so exhausted from everything that I just decided to carry you up to bed when we got here. » He whispers, his head turned a little giving me a sideshow of his wet cheeks.

« Thank you. » I said.

The atmosphere is tight and suffocating, my mind is still foggy from all the rest I’ve received from the last few hours.

« I remember when I first saw you at one of my hockey games, you were wearing my teams merch. » I saw a small smile against his lips, he was reminiscing on a old, happy memory. « I knew just how clueless you were about sports because you we’re cheering for the opposite team. »

« I didn’t want to go. » I replied, quickly.

He’s silent for a little, it’s not like he was processing the information that just spilled from my mouth but instead accepting it. He straightens his back and faces towards the empty wall, it must hurt to hear the reality of things.

« I saw your dad there, I should’ve realize sooner but I didn’t at least not until I found out about the abuse. » He chuckles very dryly, this is the first time he’s even come close to speaking about the abuse.

« It doesn’t matter anymore, does it ? » I said.

« No, it does. » He stands up, his height over powers me.

I watch him carefully, he looks like a lost puppy.

« What do you want from me ? » Bodhi asked with a strong tone, my eyes were rapidly blinking on him.

« What ? »

« You heard me, what the fuck do you want from me ? » He says the question a bit more clearer hoping I’d give him a better answer.

I stared at him with a blank look, the lights from outside were shining inside allowing us to see each other a bit clearer now. His eyes are puffy and red from crying so much, he coated his lips with his own saliva.

« Don’t start this nonsense. » I warned. He knows exactly what I want from him, I literally begged him the other day to put a end to my pain and suffering and instead he stood back and listened to it all.

« I have no say over you until we get married, I can’t and I won’t put my foot down with your father. » He spits out.

His sentence broke me in multiple ways, he thinks of me as property instead of a human being who has feelings. Does he seriously think everything will be okay after we get married ? Like I’d ever forgive him for not being my protector.

« What I want from you ? I want you to love me the way I deserve to be loved. » I shouted, angrily.

« Oh really ? You don’t even let me make love to you, or even kiss you. » He shouts back equally as angry.

I kicked the blanket off my body, I stood up with so much eagerness that my head almost got whiplash. My finger jabbed at his chest, he fell back just a little before balancing himself.

« Because you disgust me. » I screamed on the top of my lungs, my chest was out and my hands were shaking. It was like all my pint up aggression and hatred was finally boiling up, I couldn’t hold it back anymore.

He looks taken back, like as if I had shot him right in the chest. He couldn’t seriously be in love with me not after all the abuse he’s never protected me from, looking at him now made me realize that he was uncontrollably in love with me which made me even sicker.

I pulled my finger back while staring at him with so much confusion. « This isn’t love, this is nothing more but a compulsory. » I said with a serious face expression.

His face shifted to a more angry one, he lunged towards me with all his strength. I tried backing away but he grabbed ahold of my shoulders preventing me from moving away from him, I started to hyperventilate from the fear of him maybe hitting me.

« I have given you everything, I’ve bought you expensive handbags, expensive makeup, I have paid every debt your family owes. » He yells. « I have loved every piece of you since we were teenagers in high school. »

My heart was beating so fast, that sentence hurts me for multiple reasons. He is such a dick for that, he knows how I feel about that. He doesn’t love me, he loves the idea of loving me.

« You have loved the very image of me. » I said.

He laughs like it was a joke, it pissed me off how carefree he is about everything.

« And you have loved me ever since knowing about my inheritance. » He replies with a unsettling smirk.

« At least I have the balls to admit. » I growled, quietly.

He shakes my shoulders just a little trying to grab my attention again, we both always test each other, we test how far we can hurt each other without completely destroying us.

« You told me when we first met that you’re a Rhodes yet you will never be like your father. » His eyes watched me carefully for the next part, this is toxic, we’re toxic together and I hate it. « You’re to much of a pussy. » I spit, angrily. I wanted to hurt him, I know for a fact that his biggest insecurity is his dad.

His eyes visibly flickered between colors, I could practically see the smoke leaving his ears. His hands tightened around my arms, his fingernails were basically leaving marks on me. I tried pulling away again but there was no chance I could get away from him.

« You are a fucking pussy. » I spit once again, I was trying to get him even more angrier.

His hand suddenly lifted up in the air and crashed back down against my cheek, my head whipped around to the right. My body was in shock as my breathing deepened a lot more, my hand slowly made its way up to my pulsing cheek, my eyes glared up at his bewilder ones.

He immediately released me before backing away from me, that slap didn’t just hurt me physically but it also hurt me mentally. It took me a few seconds to regain my strength, I pushed him hard against the chest and when he didn’t fall back it made me even angrier so I decided to push him again but even harder.

« You piece of shit. » I shouted, betrayal leaked pass my lips. This time he kept his eyes on the ground, he couldn’t look me in the eye anymore. I brought both my hands up and slapped them right across his cheeks, over and over till he caught both my wrist.

« Stop it. » He says, I didn’t listen.

I jabbed my knee against his crotch area trying to have him release my wrist, we both were hitting each other. After wiggling around a little longer he finally got me to settle down, my eyes are dilated and I was breathing through clenched teeth.

« I’m sorry. » He cries before dropping to the floor in front of me, he clings to my stomach with his hands tightly wrapped around my waist. « Forgive me. »

His head falls right above my skin, my body froze when I heard his cries get louder. My mind and body are programmed differently, it’s like I accept abuse with open arms, like I almost expect it to happen to me.

I gave up on trying to stand up for myself, my hand softly touched his shoulder. I need him, is what kept storming through my mind. I bent down to the floor carefully, his glossy eyes stared into mine.

« It’s okay. » I whispered, it’s not okay, it’s so far from being okay.

He lays his forehead against mine, his eyes shut while mine stayed wide open. If I’m not my dad’s prisoner, I sure am Bodhi’s prisoner.