04

I woke up this morning in a very unfazed mood, I spent all morning packing my suitcases. I couldn’t wait to see my brother, he’s the only reason why I’m putting up with all this bullshit.

Last nights events still lingered in the back of my mind, Kaz was the type of man to teach a woman how to be submissive and that alone scared me. There was no denying my need to be fucked correctly for once, his son couldn’t give me a orgasm but maybe he could but at what cost.

« Baby, your dad is waiting for you in his room. » Bodhi says while trying to kiss my cheek, I swiftly avoided his kiss by turning my head to the left. He was a coward, he knows exactly what my dad does to me yet he allows me to be alone in the same room as him. « You’ll be fine. » He says.

My eyes slowly met his, disgust was all I felt when I looked at him.

« You can stop this. » I whispered, lowly. I was scared to go see my dad especially after what I pulled last night about my brother, there was no going easy on me.

He glances down at his watch like time was suddenly fascinating to him. « We all have our jobs, our places. My place isn’t to tell your dad what he can or can’t do to you. »

I refuse to cry in front of this man, it would make no difference even if I did. He likes the idea of loving me but he doesn’t actually love me, there’s no way that love feels like this right ?

« Take my bags on the plane, I’ll see you then. » I said, my tone changed to a more defeated one.

He didn’t look at me, he kept his eyes everywhere but on mine. I nudged him out of the way and hurried out the door, being late can only cause my dad to snap even more. I hate my life and everyone in it, there’s no purpose living in such a cruel world. I stood outside my parents room, my shoulders rolled back as I gulped down as much air as I could.

My shaky hand knocked on the door, my mom opened the door revealing her bruised face. It was going to be bad today, I can tell. She looked at me with a drunk haze, she opened the door a little bit wider so I could squeeze through. My dad was sitting on the bed with his sleeves rolled up and his bloody knuckles sitting against his bouncing knees. He scares me way more when he’s like this, I wanted nothing more then to hide in a corner and never leave.

« You wanted to see me. » I disguised my voice acting like I wasn’t scared, I stood up straight not cowering back because if he senses fear it’ll just make everything way worse.

My mom stayed in the corner avoiding eye contact with me, the blinds were close not allowing sunlight to enter the room.

« I love you, baby. Você sabe disso certo. » My dad cries, his cry sounded fake and dramatic. (Translation : you know that right)

I shallowed down the huge knot in my throat, I know exactly how this is going to end.

« I know, dad. » I whispered, my voice cracked mid sentence as my eyes fell down to the ground.

I could hear him standing up from the bed, my hands rolled in a fist.

« I told your brother, he’s meeting us over there. » My dad says.

I nodded my head, I’m way to afraid to get words out right now.

« Thank you. » I said.

A whoosh of air smacked against my cheek, my head fell to the left from the impact of his harsh slap. A painful groan escaped pass my lips, my mom yelped from the sound of the slap.

« Did I tell you to speak ? » He shouted, my body jumped out of instinct.

I shake my head rapidly, I was trying to cool the situation down just a little. My hand slowly crawled up to my cheek where I tried smoothing my pain but he was quick to slap my hand away.

« You are such a stupid girl. » He spits while turning around, he looked anxious for some reason.

Suddenly his fist back handed me causing me to flip on the floor, blood immediately started pouring from my mouth. Pain was such a familiar feeling for me, I’ve lived with it almost my entire life.

« I’m sorry. » I cried, it was such a lie but lying is what saves me from him and his brutal abuse.

He laughs while looking down at me, anger once again takes over him. He slams his foot right on my stomach, my hand tries to shield my stomach as a painful groan left my mouth. I roll on my back, it wasn’t the pain I was afraid of, it’s the man who’s suppose to protect me that terrified me the most.

It was quiet, my mom never stands up for me because she’s afraid he’ll instead focus all his anger on her.

« Clean yourself up, we don’t want your father in law seeing you like this, do we ? » He nudges my shoulder with his shoe, I simply nod my head.

Go to hell, is what I really wanted to say but what he’d do to me is the only thing keeping me from saying those words.

I did my normal routine afterwards, I grabbed the alcohol in their room and dabbed it all over my injured face. I used my mom’s heavy concealer to hide my bruises but they were bleeding pass the makeup, I rolled my shirt up to look at my tender stomach. I wasn’t sure why or how but tears just started pouring from my eyes, I couldn’t hold them back anymore. My fingers gripped the sides of the sink, a quiet sob came out from my mouth.

I hate him

The door opened, I tried closing it with my leg but missed miserably. Bodhi closes the door behind him and walks slowly over to me, I flinched when he tilted my chin to the side inspecting my injuries. He spoke no words as he brought the soaked cloth up to my cheek, he patted my cut trying to somehow wipe away the memory.

« You stood outside. » I whispered in disbelief, I pulled back from his hand. « You heard him beat me and you didn’t say anything. »

« There was nothing to say. » He says.

He doesn’t care about my health or safety, as long as I’m still beautiful and marriage material he’s fine with it. He makes me sick, I now realize that I could never love this man.

I pushed my way past him while putting on my sunglasses trying my best to hide the evidence, will it always be like this ? I didn’t speak to anyone on the way over to the airport, I simply stared out the window praying for all of this to be over with. Kaz was already at the airport waiting for us, his jet was ready for take off and I hated the idea of being on a 9 hour plane ride with my parents and Bodhi.

Kaz looked at me strangely while I slipped my way inside his jet, did I look different ? Could he see the bruises through my clothing ? We all took our seats, I purposely sat far away from Bodhi and my parents. I leaned my elbow against the window and lowered my head down, my body is in so much pain that I couldn’t even keep my head up. I heard the seat next to me shuffle around, my head turned to look.

« There’s something off about you today. » Kaz mentioned.

I looked back out the window, I shrugged my shoulders to afraid for words to spill out.

« Did my son do something ? » He asked, why is he so concern about what was going on with me ? For some reason it triggered me beyond measures, my body completely turned to face his.

I studied his face for a couple more seconds, I know it isn’t his fault that I’m so angry right now but honestly he’s the only one I could really take my anger out on. My body came forward while keeping eye contact with him, my lips formed in a awkward smile.

« Fuck off. » I said, slowly. My eyes were probably glassy, my face was definitely puffy and noticeable even with my sunglasses on.

He chuckles while rubbing his bottom lip, I leaned back against the window while rolling my eyes.

« Will do, darling. » He says.

I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, he didn’t get angry at me for my outburst. I’m so use to all the men in my life having a toxic masculinity that it was weird when I met someone who didn’t. He allowed me to use him as a punching bag, he didn’t care if my words were harsh or hurtful.

We remained in silence the rest of the plane ride, it was a comfort silence.

I kept thinking about how my fiancé heard the pain I was enduring and he didn’t even try stoping it, a soft tear rolled off my check but I quickly wiped it away before anyone could see anything.