07: Goodbye

Ezra’s Point Of View.

THE NEXT day, I cooked food early in the morning so I couldn’t catch up with Hyde. But because I was born unlucky, they also woke up sooner than usual.

When I finished cooking, I set it down at the table right away and was about to leave when the seven dorks arrived in the dining area.

“The food smells good!” said Jeremy while blinking his eyes, fresh from sleep.

“I’m hungry. What’s our breakfast for today, pretty chef?” Axle’s never-changing loop of teasing.

“It looks delicious!” Clarence exclaimed and hurried to his seat after seeing the food I served on the table.

“Uh… I’ve already cooked. Eat up,” I said awkwardly as I ran straight into the guest room but I didn’t succeed.

I hadn’t gone far from them when someone suddenly stopped me and pulled my arm back. I looked away and immediately avoided his eyes when I realized it was Hyde.

“What are you doing?” He asked crookedly.

I looked at the ceiling then on the wall, unable to look straight at him. “Uh… Entering the room?”

He shot me a serious, menacing stare. “Why?”

I swallowed excessively. “W-What do you mean, why?”

“Why are you going to your room? You’re not going to eat again? Do you want to get sick? What are you doing with your life? You’re always locked up in your room!” He blurted out of the blue.

I was greatly stunned, as well as the six others behind me. It’s still early but he’s in a bad mood again. What is this man’s problem? He has mood swings all the time. Anyway, why am I still innovating? What’s new about him? Only once did he not get surly.

“S-So, what?! Why do you care?!” I also shouted back as I pulled my arm away from him.

“The fuck?”

I glanced at the six but they just shrugged their shoulders in response. In the end, I had no choice but to sit down and eat with them so the argument would be over.

Who knows? This might be our last meal together.

I ate in a flash as if a horse was after me. It’s a surprise I didn’t choke. I consumed the glass of water in front of me before I stood up.

“I’m done,” I announced and threw a glance at Hyde. “Satisfied now?”

I rolled my eyes and entered the guest room in annoyance. I lay down on the bed and picked up my cellphone on the bed side table. I logged into Facebook and browsed online to entertain myself since I have nothing to do and I’m bored. Add to that is that I’m confused about Hyde’s inconstant actions towards me. His gestures and everything.

Why does he have to be so complicated? Why can’t he just make it simple for me? Why can’t he just be straight to the point so that I can be able to understand him easier?

What I hate the most is beating around the bush. I can’t guess everything his eyes are indicating and what his moves are implying. I might literally go insane because of him in no time.

I blocked Mom in my previous account and I created another one that they wouldn’t recognize. I only entered my code name as my username and my silhouette photography was the only profile picture I made. My parents haven’t seen it yet since I was alone when I went on a trip and captured it. Only the seven idiots and Kiana are my friends on social media.

I was shocked to see that the notifications and messages I have received were loaded even though I rarely post a status. I opened them one by one. I was surprised when I discovered Hyde liked all of my posts and his messages were just recent.

Hyde: Hey. Can we talk?

My eyebrows met. Why is this man messaging me as if we weren’t about to spit fire at each other at the table earlier?

I rolled my eyes and didn’t reply to him. I’m choosing peace over another pain in the neck. But the capricious man was consistent and he still hadn’t stopped bothering me.

Hyde: Don’t you have plans to respond to my messages?

Yes, I don’t. Good thing that you know.

I massaged the bridge of my nose in stress. This man is so stubborn! He’s really one of the causes of my headache.

Hyde: If you’re mad at me, I’m sorry, okay?

My jaw dropped at what I read as my phone slipped from my hand. This is unbelievable! Is this for real?

Is he really apologizing?

But I don’t want it to be only a message. I want to hear it from him personally. What could have gotten to this man and he changed his mood again?

Hyde: One more time you leave my chat on read, I’ll go to your room. Mark my words.

Is he warning me? As if I’m afraid of him.

I ignored him and just put my phone back on the table near my bed. I stared at the ceiling for a few seconds until there was a sudden knock on the door. I stood up immediately.

“Shit!” I cursed at myself. “So, he’s serious about it!”

I hurried to clean up the mess in my room. What the hell? I thought he was just joking when he said that? Who would have thought he would do as he says?

When I opened the door, I saw his jaw tightened in impatience while leaning against the wall. I swallowed hard and instantly averted my gaze.

Why is he like this? How can I not fall deeper if he keeps stealing my heart by his every move? I’m close to being completely in love with him. But no, I know this isn’t right. This should stop before everything gets worse.

“Why aren’t you replying to any of my messages?”

“Am I required to?” I pretended to be clueless but it didn’t work on him. He closed his fists in rage while giving me an intent look. “M-My phone’s battery was low!”

I raised my voice so that he would think I was annoyed, too. I have no plan to lose to him, especially now that I’m in a tight spot.

“Why are you avoiding me?” he asked.

“I-I’m not avoiding you,” I replied without looking back at him and clearing my throat.

“Really? Then, why can’t you look over at me?” He lifted up my chin and caught a glimpse of my face. “You’re blushing.”

Come on, Ezra! Don’t be so obvious! Hide your feelings!

I rolled my eyes at the thought. Even the word hide sounds like his name. I want to curse myself for making him see how my cheeks turn red because of his impact on me. My face feels hot and I’m sweating really hard.

I was too stunned to speak the next second when he brought his face closer to mine. I almost closed my eyes.

“I know you like me…”

Damn! Come up with a plan, Ezra! You have to deny it at all costs! He shouldn’t know!

“W-What are you talking about? Have you gone mad? I said I’m not b-blushing! I don’t like y-you! Stop assuming!” I defended myself and faked a laugh to ease the situation I’m in right now, but there’s no way he would believe everything I say.

“Why are you stuttering?” He smirked playfully, trying to catch me red-handed.

I took a deep breath and bravely faced him even though I was really awkward.

“You know, if you’re here to pester and tease me, go out! Now!”

“Look at me…”

My knees are weak now. It’s really only a little push and I might give in. They are right, you can’t really avoid the person you like.

“See? You can’t do it–”

“Who told you I can’t?”

I kept up with his gaze but I couldn’t hold back longer either. I quickly averted my eyes and blushed. Hyde grinned broadly.

“I knew it. You do like me, Ezra. Don’t try to keep it a secret because you’re too obvious.”

Shit! I have no escape here. I think I might have to confess my feelings for him any minute now.

I was just about to open my mouth to speak when he covered it with his thumb, which made my heart stammer.

“Don’t say anything. You have nothing to explain. I know you will just make an excuse and deny it, but even if you do, I already know the truth. I can feel it, Ezra. I can easily tell. I can see through your soul. The glow in your eyes can never lie to me.”

My eyes widened as he slowly leaned closer to me until his lips finally stuck to mine. I closed my eyes and stayed frozen like a statue until what happened gradually adapted to my system.

When I was able to get over the shock, I immediately pushed him away with force.

This isn’t right…

“Fine! I like you! I do!” I shouted, starting to get a bit emotional. He was taken aback by my confession. “But it’s wrong to feel this! That’s why I’m avoiding you, and I don’t want to fall for you!”

I don’t want to involve them in my own chaos if ever, and there is a zero percent assurance if he likes me either. I don’t want to have my hopes high for nothing.

“Why did it become wrong? It’s not like it's a sin to love, Ezra.”

“No, Hyde, you don’t understand!” I shook my head, frustrated. “If I fall for you, I’m sure I won’t be able to get up again. I will drown. I will sink. I don’t want to hurt you either. I’m preventing the damage from growing as long as I can. I don’t want any of us to suffer in the end.”

“I don’t care about other people, Ezra.” He seriously held my hand. “If you like me, I’ll take responsibility for it. I will catch you if you fall.”

“I hope so, Hyde.” Tears rolled down over my cheeks while looking sympathetically at him. “I hope that’s just how easy the situation is for the two of us.”

I wiped my eyes and pulled myself together. I forcibly let go from his grip on my hand as I took a step back. He seemed hurt by what I did. My lips trembled and my gaze dropped on the floor. I feel ashamed to even dare to go near him after all the cruel words I’ve thrown to him.

“I will pack my things up and leave tonight.”

“E-Ezra…”

“I’m going to find another place so I would be relieved not dragging you into my personal issues. In that way, if ever a war breaks out between me and my mother, I wouldn’t feel responsible to save the seven of you and you would lose a burden. It’s a win-win decision, right?”

“Is that what you really think all this time, Ezra? Did we make you feel that way?” His tone is full of angst and bitterness. “You mean so much to us! You were never a burden–”

I cut him off and did my best to act like I didn’t hear him. “It’s my decision and it’s final, Hyde. I can’t stay here anymore. I’m sorry for all the inconveniences.”

Then I walked out while he stayed there, alone, and hanging where I left him deep wounded.

It may not be my intention to hurt him – them, but vanishing is the least thing I could do for them. To keep them from the harm I could give them.

I hope they find happiness once I leave.

***

I was lying on my bed while feeling the sting in both of my eyes after I cried relentlessly earlier. Hyde and I had an intensely agonizing conversation recently and it was still fresh for me.

Not that I’m criticizing him, but I know too well that he’s a bad boy. It’s impossible for him to like me. But he didn’t tell me he likes me anyway, and even if that moment comes, I don’t want to hear it from him either because I know, I won’t be able to stop myself from staying here forever and falling in love with him even though it’s unjust to do so.

I touched my lips and reminisced about my first kiss with him. Although the kiss we had was only a few seconds, it was something I didn’t want to finish soon. I can’t get past the taste of his soft sweet lips. It was quite addicting that it felt so bad to crave for more.

Kiana and I talked yesterday on the phone and I heard that Mommy still hasn’t really stopped searching for me everywhere in the world, so I packed my clothes and made up my mind.

I don’t want to leave the seven men who had played a big part in my life because I made a promise to them, but at the same time, I know that if Mommy found me, the boys would be done for and I didn’t want that to happen. I don’t want everything to go far. This is my mess and I don’t want them to get involved. There’s no way I would bring more catastrophe to their lives. Therefore, I have to make sure to leave tonight at all costs.

The door of my room suddenly opened and the six showed up in front of me. Hyde was the only one missing. The expression on their faces changed as they turned to look at my luggage on the bed.

“What’s the meaning of this, Ezra?” Xavier asked me. I tried to force a smile.

“I’m leaving,” I simply responded.

“B-But why?” Iñigo asked, completely baffled and surprised.

“My Mom is still haunting me and I have a strong hunch that she will find me soon. My instinct never fails.”

“You have us, Ezra,” Axle uttered sadly. “We’re ready for anything. What is it that you’re scared of?”

Jeremy sniffled. “You don’t have to leave…”

“Don’t be afraid to ask for help, Ezra. We’re here, we can help you,” said Joaquin.

I never liked the idea of confronting because it sounds bad to me. I grew up holding back and doing self-reliance. Now, I don’t know the substance of asking for help. I don’t bother and I will never bother to.

I shook my head. “No, you basically don’t know my mother. Just for the prosperity of her dearest business, she can do everything! I won’t put you in such situations.”

I’m not used to seeing Jeremy and Axle unhappy and not cracking a joke to make everyone die laughing. They are usually the ones who lift up the mood by their silliness in times like this but they couldn’t do it right now like they always did.

It’s making me fragile. I don’t want to cry in front of them, but my tears were treacherous because it deliberately flowed one after another at what Clarence said.

“You swore you would never leave us! Then, why are you going to leave? You’re a liar! You can’t keep your promises!”

“Clarence…” I called his name as my vision started to get blurry because of the tears pooling in both sides of my eyes. “I… I’m sorry…”

I couldn’t look at him in guilt because he’s right. I promised them I would never leave yet I couldn’t keep it.

I can’t take the heaviness anymore. I don’t want to leave them but I can’t let them meddle with my conflict either. I would rather sacrifice than sacrifice them.

They hold an exceptional place in my heart that no one could ever replace. I will never forget these seven. Because in the span of two months, they made me feel the meaning of the word family that I had never experienced in my real family.

I hugged them tightly one last time, except for Clarence. I understand him. I knew it would hurt for him to accept that I was leaving them. But what can I do? This is what life is supposed to be. You need to sacrifice and let go of your happiness even if it’s opposed to the things you wanted.

“Take care of yourself,” the five of them gently reminded me while Clarence stood behind the door, fighting his bursting emotions.

I smiled at them sparingly. “Thank you.”

My eyes darted at them one by one. I will always remember them as a big part of me — of my life. They are one of the best things that ever happened to me and I’m beyond grateful for their existence. They are a blessing lent to me. A gift that I never wished to have but came.

I took my things and the five gentlemen helped me. I let Clarence storm out of there. I know he’s mad at me or maybe he despises me now. I can never complain nor blame him.

I was the one carrying my last luggage. I was about to go out when I happened to come across Hyde in the hallway. I stiffened and met his eyes by mistake before I glanced in the other direction.

“So, you’re still leaving…”

For the first time, I could see the misery in his eyes. I took courage and continued taking off. I walked past him and I didn’t expect I was able to do that without stopping. I don’t want to look at his eyes again as if it’s begging me to not leave.

Every step I take as I walk away equals a few stab wounds to my heart. It was nauseating. The weight it brings to my chest and the difficulty it gets as I feel nostalgic about the very first time I met all of them. It was as if I was being killed over and over again.

My legs froze in my stance when he spoke further which crushed me inside even more.

“I can’t stop you from leaving even if I kneel down and beg, right? But I don’t want to regret not telling you what I really feel. So before you go, I want you to know that…”

I remained turning my back on him. I didn’t want to look back because I know, the second I catch a glimpse of him, I might suddenly change my mind and run to him.

I can feel the sorrow in his voice and it makes my heart ache. I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t think of another way to settle everything without choosing the hardest decision. I feel so frail. I want to hug him tight for the last time but even as much as I want to, I know I can’t. I have to fight my emotions. I have to get a grip and hold it whatever it takes.

He’s my weakness…

“I am in love with you, Ezra.” His voice screams pain and longing. “I wish I could bid you a farewell, but I don’t want to think that this would be the last time we’re going to see each other. I don’t want to say goodbye to you because I know, and I hope, we will meet again.”

And because of it, I cried even more. I covered my mouth so he wouldn’t hear a noise when I started to sob. I immediately ran outside and wept. My knees weakened and I was caught in my chest.

The hatred I feel for Mom is nothing compared to the melancholy I am feeling at this moment. I can’t even state the exact words to describe how racking this is to me. All I know is it hurts so much and it’s ripping me apart.

Would you cut me some slack? I need a break from everything.

It was difficult to leave them and to stay away from the seven of them. I felt like I lost the greatest people in my life and I could never find another like them.

It was, indeed, painful to sacrifice — but for them, for Hyde, there’s nothing I won’t do. Even if I get wounded a thousand times, I will still do it. I will still choose to be the one hurting. I will still choose to be the one taking all the fall.

Goodbye, my seven bad boys…