06: Arising Feelings

Ezra’s Point Of View.

AFTER the incident when we toured the mall and unknowingly got into trouble, I never left the guest room again. Even though the seven of us are on good terms and breathing fine, I still locked myself up here.

I’m avoiding something, or maybe someone if I have to say…

Because these past few days, I’ve been feeling a bit strange. I don’t know why but whenever he’s around, my heart begins to flutter and beat so fast. As if it were racing.

It feels weird and very unusual to me. And I don’t want to feel that. I don’t like this kind of feeling, that’s why I’m trying to ignore it in every way possible. I’m trying to restrain myself from falling while I still can.

I have to get myself out of another mess. I have to prevent self-destruction before it eventually occupies my entire system.

I sighed as I looked out of the window and picked up my phone to answer Kiana’s call. She calls me every time to stay in touch with me and to keep me updated with my mother’s every move. She observes while I do the move.

“Hello, Ezra?” She spoke on the other line. “I have an update…”

“Tell me, what is it?” I directly asked, full of curiosity.

“Well, I’m still not yet a hundred percent sure about this, but I think your Mommy has a clue about where you are now.”

I swallowed hard, feeling constantly nervous because of the possibilities playing inside my head.

“W-Where is the location she has in hand?”

“The only thing I found out is that Auntie knows that you haven’t gone far away and she knows that you also haven’t left the country yet, so it will be easier for her to find you,” she updated me furthermore. “By the way, please turn off your phone’s location and never open it because her personal guards and hired staff can track you.”

“I don’t usually open my phone’s location and I already changed my sim card.”

“It’s a relief. Gosh! I really can’t believe your Mom! She can probably do everything for the sake of her company even if you, her own child, will be at stake!” She sighed, annoyed.

I was blown away by the wind in emptiness. Yes, that’s Mom. That’s what she is like. That’s who she is. For the company and for her own interest, she can do everything. She is the worst.

“I’m so worried about you, Ezra. I hope you’re safe and sound.”

“Don’t worry, Kiana. I’m completely safe here. This place is almost a hidden place. No one can find me.”

“I really hope so. Anyway, I’ll try to gather more information and maybe they’ll find another place far away. Better be careful, okay? I miss you so much! I’ll call you again some other time.” Then she turned off the call.

I put down my phone and lay on the bed while staring at the ceiling and spacing out.

What if Mom finds me? What will happen to the seven? I don’t want the marriage she hopes to continue, which is only for her own benefit. I don’t want to do her a favor that will cost my life.

I had no intention of leaving the bed but my stomach suddenly churned. I was planning to stay inside my room but I had no choice since boredom and hunger struck me so I decided to go downstairs.

When I got out of the room, I went straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat, but unexpectedly, I met the man I was trying to avoid. He turned to me when he noticed me standing beside him.

“You’re hungry, too?” he asked. I just nodded at him and sat down at the table.

I hurried to consume the food on my plate. He looked at me for a moment then he leaned over me. I was stunned. I feel like I’m melting in my seat. My cheeks are now burning. Help!

Shit! Calm down, Ezra!

A deafening silence enveloped between us as we ate. I also didn’t attempt to speak because the only thing on my mind at those times was to get back in the guest room.

“Hey, is there a problem?”

He broke the silence. I can barely feel his stares. I rested deeply before I cleared my throat and answered.

“N-Nothing,” I replied and still didn’t look at him.

“I don’t buy it. Why are you so silent, then?”

Because I’m confused, Hyde! Why do I feel this way?

“You don’t seem to be used to me,” was my excuse to defend myself and then I forced a laugh.

“Are you sure? You’re not as quiet as you are right now.”

“I have answered your question, haven’t I? Don’t start with me now. It will ruin the day.”

He then shut his mouth and didn’t speak again. Maybe he can feel that I’m not comfortable and I don’t want to talk. But in fairness, he levels up. He is no longer irascible to me.

After I finished eating, I went straight into the room without hesitation. I can’t stay longer in the kitchen with him alone.

I don’t really understand myself. At first, I hated him because he’s a snob and cold. But now, my heart screams in joy whenever I see him around me.

What is happening to me?

I didn’t realize that because of too much overthinking and figuring out what I really feel, I had fallen asleep.

***

IT WAS already in the middle of the night when I suddenly woke up. Maybe the seven are asleep now because the lights in the corner of the house have been turned off.

I’m thinking about going to the pool area. I couldn’t sleep again because I’m no longer feeling drowsy. Besides, I want to freshen up a bit. I want to unwind. I want to be alone.

I closed my eyes when the cold air hit my skin. The view of the moon and the stars along with the tall trees around me is making me feel relaxed. I wonder how nice it would be if I weren’t human.

Getting lost in life realization, I screamed out loud in surprise when someone suddenly spoke behind me.

“Hey–”

“Damn it!”

I was caught in my chest due to the speed of my pulse. My mouth hung open loosely and I almost lost it. Pissed off and with fiery flashing eyes, I turned to Hyde, the man who startled me.

I thought I was the only one awake. I was sure of it because I checked every angle and area of the house earlier.

So, how come he’s here?

“What?” he said innocently.

I just rolled my eyes and averted my gaze. I calmed my heart and slowed down its fast beating. I was grateful that I don’t have a heart disease or else I might have had an attack at this time.

How can I not be surprised?

Imagine, three o’clock in the morning and you are alone and then someone suddenly shows up in front of you creepily.

“So moody,” he murmured as he winced at me. “What are you doing here at this hour?”

“I just woke up and I couldn’t put myself back to sleep again, so I decided to come out for a while. I wanted some fresh air. I felt like I needed to breathe,” I replied and caught sight of the water in the pool area. “How about you? Why are you still awake?”

As far as I know, he doesn’t like to stay up late unlike the six dorks. He always sleeps early, that’s why there’s no wonder his skin is so soft and clear, as in crystal clear. His face is even clearer than my future. Even my skin is embarrassed and has no fight against him.

“Just because…” he shortly answered and sat down in the chair next to me. “I couldn’t sleep as well.”

“Is your wound healed?” I lifted his sleeves to examine his shoulder. “It left a scar.”

“Yeah, that’s far from the gut.”

No one spoke to the two of us after that. The sound of crickets was the only noise that dominated our surroundings.

I stole a glance at him. He just looked seriously at the clouds above the sky. I held my breath because I was just sitting next to him. My heartbeat is speeding up again. Here is this feeling again – the feeling that I don’t want to feel but it’s hard to stop.

It’s getting more annoying to me because the person I’ve been wanting to avoid the most, is also the person whom I get to meet every day. I don’t know if destiny is really playful on purpose.

Why is the person I used to hate the person I like now?

I like Hyde, and that’s what makes me mad at myself even more. I shouldn’t be falling in love, but I can’t dictate to whom cupid’s arrow will hit either. I can’t dictate to whose heart it will beat. I also never thought that in my two months stay here, I would like one of them.

I want to refrain from this feeling while I’m still not drowning. Because by the time I finally fall for him, it will be difficult for me to get up from going under.

Another thing is I also don’t know if we feel the same way. I’m scared to take risks, especially since it’s my first time to have feelings for someone. I’m scared to start playing a game that I’m not certain if I could end it. It’s hard to gamble if in the end, you also lose and if your love can’t be reciprocated by the person you love. What’s even harder is when I want to stay away, then we are forced to get closer.

I let out a deep breath at what was forming in my mind. I looked at him again. He had fallen asleep now. A smile flashed on my lips as I stared at his face.

How can he be so perfect in my eyes?

I approached him and gently stroked his hair. Fortunately, he fell asleep quickly.

“I have to set aside my feelings for you for now, Hyde. I need to end some things first so I can be free. Free enough to love you with my whole heart and soul,” I whispered beneath the wind. “Wait for me…”

I’ll take a risk if what we have is real and if we could finally be together…