3

And then it happened. One morning when I deposited my wide ass in the driver’s seat and reached

to pull the door shut, there was no bang. The door

had bounced off my fat bulging over the driver’s

seat. My face felt as if it was going up in flames

even though nobody else was around. I really

needed to get my eating under control.

As it turned out, embarrassment wasn’t enough

of a motivator. The changes in my body were so

gradual that I adjusted quickly and that the extra

motion of bending towards the stick shift to keep

my fat away from the door came naturally. Well,

and then came the day when I found myself

wedged between the stick shift and the door in a way that I couldn’t move the stick anymore. Even

though it had been a tight fit that morning, I had

gotten to work OK, but now I was sitting in our

company’s parking lot, practically trapped. I had

outgrown my car. Nobody who hadn’t been there

themselves could ever understand what that felt

like. Freaking out would be an understatement. Not

being able to walk very far or cycle at all, I depended on a set on wheels.

Somehow, I managed to shove some of my hip

fat underneath and behind myself. It was anything

but comfortable but at least I could drive now. As

carefully as I could I took myself home, heaving a

sigh of relief once I had yanked myself out of the

car and closed the door behind me. Tomorrow I

would have to borrow Silke’s truck. Being an automotive enthusiast herself, one of the things I

adored most about her, she loved powerful, comfortable cars. These days she drove a used Chevy

S-10 pickup, a big-ass vehicle in the truest sense of

the word. From the beginning, I’d been fascinated

by the size of the twin globes that made up her ass

but since she’d both put on weight along with me

in the five years we’d been together, she’d upgraded. She still fit into my car but only her

pickup’s bench seat was able to accommodate that

masterpiece comfortably, so we always took her

truck when we went out together.

Well, and now I would have to ask her if we

could swap for a while and hope she wouldn’t suspect anything. I’d never been able to hide much

from her. Even though I really needed to get seri-ous about dropping some weight, right now I just

needed to drop enough to fit back into my car.

That shouldn’t be too hard, should it? After all,

only the day before I had fit, so it shouldn’t take me

more than a couple of days to get there again, right?

Wrong. I really tried this time but it seemed the

more I tried, the more I gained. At some point, I

couldn’t come up with excuses for not driving my

own car anymore and I had to come clean to Silke.

Her face seemed to freeze over when I spilt the

news that night on the couch, and she withdrew her

hands when I reached out for them. It was the first

time I had seen that face on her, and just like with

Oskar, I hoped to never see it again.

“You can drive my pick up until you fit back into

your car. Still,” she folded her arms across her

beautiful chest, giving me an ugly frown, “this is a

wakeup call. You need to do something. I’ll help

you, you just need to tell me how. You need to

want it yourself.” She got up, her eyes piercing

mine through her blue nerd frames. “Please, you

have to do something. I… can’t deal with this much

longer.”

And she shut herself in the bathroom. A moment

later I heard water rushing into the tub. Did she actually mean to take a bath or was she trying to

drown out the sound of her crying? Suddenly goose

bumps broke out all over my arms. Of course, I

had known Silke was unhappy with my weight but

it was the first she hinted at a breakup. No, I just

couldn’t lose her. She was the best thing that had

ever happened to me. I tried, I really did this time but I just couldn’t do

it, and then the day came when Oskar called me

into his office a second time and I knew it was

over. The 1500€ angle grinder I had knocked off a

workbench with my belly and destroyed the other

day had been the final straw. He looked as crushed

as I’d never ever seen him, only it was nothing

compared to how I felt.

“I would give you a desk job but I know how

hopeless you are with a computer,” he told me

while wearing a sick smile that did nothing to cheer

me up. “Try to get healthy and take as long as you

need. Your job is waiting for you; I can promise

you that.”

Normally Oskar would have to observe the legal

notice period. In my case, the usual four weeks

were extended to three months under German law

since I had been a part of this company for eight

years. When Oskar suggested instead I leave now

and he'd pay me my full salary for one and a half

month, I didn't argue, though. I had no more energy left to argue. Combined with my considerable

overtime, I would leave now and still get paid for

three months before the state’s unemployment benefits would kick in. Still, it wouldn’t even come to

that. I might be the worst dieter on planet earth but

I was great at my job and good mechanics were always in demand. It would be tough at my size but

maybe there was a garage that had a spot for me.

With my excellent references, I should be fine.

I wasn’t. I really tried looking for a work and I

actually got invited to a few interviews. Well, guess how those turned out. With every rejection letter,

Netflix seemed like the better alternative to writing

an application, as did the fridge, of course. Without

a job, I moved less and ate more. As long as I went

through ads and kept our place clean, Silke wasn’t

on my case too much but the more often she came

home to me munching to some movie, with dishes

and clothes strewn all over the apartment, the more

I ticked her off. She’d always complained about

having to clean up after me, but usually with good

humour since I took care of everything that needed

fixing. Now I wasn’t taking care of anything anymore, though, least of all myself. My belly had surrendered to gravity and flowed over my lap. No Tshirt was large enough to cover it, so I had no

choice but to tuck it into my ever-tightening pants.

A salon visit was long overdue, too, but what for?

Plus, I wouldn’t fit into their chairs anyway. All in

all, I couldn’t blame Silke for staying on what remained, her side of the bed. I could see the train

wreck ahead but I kept my eyes closed as if that

could change reality.