Let It Go

Seeing Jade sleeping with another woman caused Perrie in a total mental breakdown, considering she was so engrossed with her work and end up being shouted at by her boss.

It was a horrible event.

It was their second anniversary as a wedded couple when Jade decided to not respond to Perrie's relentless texts nor call her back and it started to aggravate the worry that Perrie is feeling at that time. And as to why Jade would suddenly neglect her is beyond her knowledge.

Perrie tried to remember the crucial events that happened the other week, the week where Jade and Perrie were so happy and contented.

Though there were times where Jade and Perrie fought, she was certain that those fights and arguments couldn't possibly drive their relationship away. Nor lead Jade to cheat on her.

Perrie's currently a mess right now. Sitting on her couch, watching Jade's proposal for her a year ago, whilst drinking her whiskey. You could tell that the video she's watching is surely breaking her heart. And the thought of Jade sleeping naked with another woman is slowly digging a humongous hole in her heart as well.

Perrie tilted her head up, resting it on her couch, a tear falling from her watery eyes, followed by thousands.

Why didn't I notice it?

Perrie closed her eyes, once again thinking of Jade's actions, desperately seeking for any signs that Jade is getting tired of their relationship, though she was frustrated that she was too blind to even see it.

She was blinded by her unconditional love for her wife that she couldn't see what Jade is actually doing once she closed the door.

And Perrie was oblivious to even check what's going on with her.

Then she heard her phone blow off, indicating that somebody is calling her and she placed her bottle of whiskey on the marble coffeetable before picking it up.

"Hey, babe. I miss you."

Hearing her wife's lovely voice made Perrie's heart break like pieces of glass scattered on the floor. She almost forgot that Jade didn't know that Perrie saw her sleeping with another woman.

Perrie suddenly felt the earth-shattering urge to just scream at Jade for her hurtful doings to her own wife. Yell at her for cheating on her. Yell at her for her infidelity towards Perrie.

But, she couldn't. Because she still loves her no matter how much the brunette had hurt her.

"Hey. I miss you too." She said, her voice soft like a bird's coo, but little did Jade knew that the tribulation is swallowing the blonde's broken soul.

"Don't worry, Love. I'm coming home in about thirty minutes or so." Jade said through the other line, her joyful voice somehow made Perrie smile.

"I love you." Perrie spoke, swiping the tear that had unknowingly fallen from her eye.

It was a moment before she heard her wife say, "You have no idea how much I love you, Perrie."

Now this, this had officially broken Perrie down. Hearing those words ripped every piece of her flesh, organs, though at the same time it made Perrie elated. Knowing that Jade would be coming home made Perrie excited to see her 'busy' wife, but simultaneously she felt nervous and apprehensive.

She didn't know what to do about this. She didn't know if she should forget about that night or if she should just give up.

She's really a mess.

Checking her phone and realized that she had only twenty minutes left, Perrie immediately jolted up from the couch and ran up to the bathroom to take a quick shower and changed into her usual clothes, tank top with short shorts.

Perrie was watching a documentary show when she heard her doorbell ring, and she soon found herself standing in front of her lovely wife, peering at her whilst flashing Perrie a huge smile as she engulfed her in a tight hug.

"Oh, Perrie. How I missed you." Jade cooed in Perrie's ear, causing chills to roam freely around Perrie's body.

Once again, Perrie's heart was beginning to shatter. And she couldn't do anything about it. She was beginning to breakdown by the way Jade said those words to her. She didn't know if Jade was telling the truth—that she indeed missed her—or if it's just one of the many lies Jade had told her.

"I... I missed you too." Perrie struggled to let those words out for she was too heartbroken to even speak. It was like a huge lump in her throat was precluding her from speaking but she tried her best to swallow it back down.

Jade had no idea how much she broke Perrie just by her presence and her words. Just how much seeing her sleeping with another woman suddenly became something that can haunt Perrie in her dreams.

But Perrie loved her too much to say it.

~•~•~

"Goodnight, Pez." Jade mumbled, her eyelids fluttered against her cheeks as she tries to sleep and soon drifted off in Perrie's arms a few minutes after, leaving Perrie's tears roll silently once again.

"Goodnight." Perrie breathed out as soon as she heard the even snores of her love.

Gazing at Jade was one of the few things that Perrie made a habit of, though sometimes staring at the brunette without thinking about that night can be an arduous thing to do.

Perrie slowly and gently shifted Jade's body to the other side of the bed, thankful that she didn't wake her wife up, then stood up to grab her phone from the mini desk beside Jade's side.

She dialed the only number she could think of that belonged to the person who would always hear her out.

"Perrie?"

Perrie let out a deep sigh because she never thought that Harry wouldn't answer in this hour, especially when it's already quarter to 12 in the morning. But she was certain that the lad would always pick up whenever she calls.

Harry is the only person who would be there for Perrie. In fact he is the only person whom Perrie shared all her struggles with, especially whenever she and Jade had a messy fight. Perrie will never forget how Harry continuously showered her with his many consolations and soothe her with his assuring words. And she felt somewhat guilty because her problems will only add up to Harry's problems as well, and she wouldn't want to be an additional burden that Harry would be carrying in his broad shoulders.

"Harry, sorry if I wake you up." Perrie struggled to speak, trying to steady her breathing when she sobbed.

It was a moment before Harry's words shot her. "It's Jade again, isn't it?"

Of course it's Jade again. Jade will always be the reason why Perrie would end up blaming herself for not being good enough, for not being perfect. Jade will always be the reason why Perrie cries herself to sleep. And the worst part is, Perrie was too infatuated and too forgiving to even turn her back on her.

Perrie let out another sigh and then spoke quietly through the phone. "I saw her... sleeping with another woman."

Then Perrie heard what sounds like a muffled growl through the other line. "Perrie, you need to stop this. She is crossing the line already."

Perrie took a glimpse at Jade, checking if the brunette is in a deep sleep, then walked towards her bedroom door, then down the wooden staircase where she plopped down on the comfy couch inside her living room.

"I love her." Perrie mumbled. "And I know it was just a mistake."

But Perrie doesn't know that. Hell she doesn't even know if Jade really got bored of her that she decided to see other women aside from her or if it's just for her own entertainment.

"Perrie, stop it. Jade cheated on you for fuck's sake!"

Perrie flinched by the volume of Harry's voice, serious and firm like a father scolding his child. His muffled yet strong voice could signal goosebumps to creep up from Perrie's skin and she knew that Harry is being protective once again, though she couldn't blame him for that.

Harry is practically her brother, ever since they met in Jade's eighteenth birthday party.

Yes, they met through Jade.

"Perrie, trust me, once a cheater, always a cheater. Don't let Jade take you for granted. She cheated on you, Perrie. You have to stop this." Harry spoke, his hard and firm voice suddenly soft and gentle, like Perrie was fragile.

"But—" Perrie tried to protest.

"No buts, Perrie."

Perrie rolled her eyes. "Harry—"

"No."

Then he hung up on the phone before Perrie attempted to protest again, leaving Perrie's indecisiveness finally control her.

~•~•~

The next morning, Perrie found herself waking up next to an empty side, causing her frown to start creeping up. And she soon came to the conclusion that Jade is having fun again on her own.

Perrie sat up, grabbed her phone on her mini desk and dialed Harry's number again, hoping to be showered with soothing words before she gets the courage to speak to her wife.

"Perrie, what's wrong? Did Jade hurt you?" Harry spoke from the other line, and in that moment, Perrie just wished he was there with her.

"I'm going to do it, Harry." Was all Perrie said before she heard a loud thump coming from downstairs.

"Shit. Harry, I'll be right back." Perrie immediately locked her phone without a word from Harry and jolted up from the bed, tiptoeing towards the door, sticking her ear on the doorknob where she heard a high-pitched voice saying a few curses here and there.

Is that Jade?

Perrie slowly twisted the doorknob and silently stepped out of the bedroom, then she heard another loud thump that actually came from the kitchen.

She walked downstairs and towards the kitchen where she found Jade sitting down on the floor, clutching her foot and grimacing.

"Jade?"

Jade's eyes immediately darted up to  meet Perrie's and her lips formed into a sheepish smile.

"Hey, Pez. I-uhm. I just had a fall." She chuckled, then groaned whilst clutching her foot tighter saying another curse again.

"What are you doing here? Don't you have work?" Perrie questioned, bemused as to why Jade would suddenly stay at home for she was too 'busy at work' and would always come home late.

Jade stood up abruptly, only to bang her head on the wooden drawer that had been opened on top of her and she groaned again, rubbing the back of her head where she bashed it. "Fuck! That hurts."

Perrie fell into peals of laughter, somehow seeing Jade being her typical clumsy self amused her and hearing Jade cuss out loud sounded adorable because Jade looked like a child and her voice sounds just like one.

And that's what made Perrie's insides melt, because she missed those things.

"I made blueberry muffins, your favorite." Jade said, pointing towards the lighting oven, where five or six aluminum cups where placed beside each other in an appropriate distance.

Perrie looked at the oven, then switched her gaze back at Jade again, with an addled expression. She honestly was panicking because she has absolutely no idea what's going on.

"Is it your mom's birthday?" Perrie asked abruptly, her eyes amusingly widening.

Jade laughed at this one, causing Perrie to frown at her. 

"What's so funny?" Perrie asked, leaning on the refrigerator beside her and placed her hand on her hip.

Jade just smiled at her and shrugged. "Just because I rarely made you blueberry muffins doesn't mean I do it merely on occasions."

"I thought you have work."

Jade shrugged again. "My boss gave me a break for today and tomorrow."

"Oh."

Jade smiled. "Yeah."

Perrie opened her mouth, then abruptly closed it, not really quite certain of what she's going to say. But she managed to change the topic to preclude the discomforting silence.

"So, how's work?" She asks, smiling at Jade, who was doing the same thing.

"Boring, to be honest. I feel like quitting." Jade answered, chuckling at her own joke.

"That boring, huh?" Perrie chuckled. Although she couldn't help but smile at Jade. "I'm still leaving for work though. But I promise to be back by dinner." She informed her.

Jade pouted, not quite happy to be staying at home alone until evening but she couldn't just beg her wife to stay.

"Okay." She nodded understandingly, though mentally wishing Perrie would stay. "But you're still eating breakfast here, right?" She asked, making sure her eyes showed hopefulness in them so Perrie could give in.

Perrie grinned widely, and nodded vigorously. "Of course."

~•~•~

A few weeks later, Jade was finally in her senses again. And Perrie was so stoked because she finally had Jade to herself.

Jade would always go home every night before Perrie closes her eyes and she would bring Perrie her favorite Chinese take-out at the supermarket. She would always text Perrie some 'goodmorning' texts since she couldn't tell her personally due to her working early in the morning, but Perrie didn't mind.

Perrie was so euphoric, ecstatic, like she was in cloud nine these past few weeks.

But that soon changed one night...

"I just couldn't bring myself to do it." Perrie whispered through her phone, staring at Jade who is currently sleeping on her lap on their couch. "Harry, I know this is ridiculous but I really am convinced that Jade wouldn't do it again. I mean, she changed these past few weeks. She... she's my wife again."

Perrie heard a muffled sigh on the other line and she knew Harry would start to give her another lecture.

"Perrie, if you're certain she's changed then I'll be at your side in this. But, I would never forgive myself if she hurts you again." Harry spoke, his voice somehow soothed Perrie, though she was astonished by his words, thinking he would start sermonizing like usual.

"Thank you, Harry. You have no idea how lucky I am to have a supportive friend like you. Thank you so much." Perrie said, smiling broadly.

     "I love you, Pez. Don't let her break your heart again, or else I'll break her everything. Capeesh?"

     "Bye, Harry."

     "Bye."

     Perrie locked her phone and placed it on the coffeetable in front of her, and find herself gazing at Jade once again.

     She scrutinized every single detail in Jade's face, from her cute freckles to her pointed nose, down to her thin-lined lips then to her eyelids covering her chocolately brown irises inside her eyes.

     She wondered how lucky she was to have a wife this ravishing, to have a wife with such flawless facial features.

     But she couldn't find an answer to that.

     Perrie tried to raise her arm up, that was being squished by Jade's body, and managed to tuck Jade's strand of ombré hair behind her ear, just so she could stare at Jade again before closing her eyes.

     And that's when she noticed Jade's phone lighting up on the coffeetable, and she sluggishly reached for it.

     Rachel: Hey, Jade. I'm free tomorrow night. Wanna have fun again, babe? ;)

     Perrie stared at it for a disturbing minute, analyzing the text she's currently reading. Her mind was bombarded with ridiculous questions and her imagination of what Jade is doing behind closed doors made her stomach twist in disgust, pain, and betrayal.

     Perrie anticipated that Jade would cheat on her again. That was inevitable. Since she saw her sleeping with another woman, she knew that this could all happen.

    "...Once a cheater, always a cheater..."

    That line was more than enough for Perrie to consume all the energy she has to abruptly stand up from her couch—not really caring if Jade could wake up from this—and hastily ran towards her bedroom and just lock herself inside it, trying to isolate herself from the depths of her thoughts and imagination, and particularly from Jade.

~•~•~

    The next morning, Jade woke up from a slight headache that thankfully went away a few minutes after she massaged her temples.

    And then she sniffed something delectable. She smiled at the familiar aroma of pancakes. And she could never forget how Perrie cooked them.

    She instantaneously stood up from her bed and practically ran downstairs, surprisingly not slipping in the process considering she was always the clumsy one. She excitedly ran towards the kitchen until she saw Perrie, sitting down on her stool, whilst eating the pancakes like no big deal, surprisingly not cognizant of Jade's presence in the kitchen.

    After a few minutes of Perrie staring into oblivion, Jade cleared her throat, finally getting the attention she wanted from Perrie.

    Perrie looked up at her, then looked down at her pancake again, conspicuously not in the mood.

    Jade frowned. "What is up with you?"

    Perrie took another bite of her delicious pancake, then shrugged, still not peering at Jade's brown orbs. "I don't know. Nothing, I guess."

    And with that, Jade's frown deepened. But she attempted to shrug it off and walked towards the stool in front of Perrie and sat down, taking Perrie's plate away from her, once again grabbing her attention.

    "What the fuck are you doing, Jade? That's mine." Perrie growled.

    "Well, I have to get your attention somehow."

    "Give it back to me." Perrie demanded, she was not in the mood for games, especially when she had broken her heart last night due to Jade's stupid and childish games.

    Jade furrowed her eyebrows. "What the fuck is your problem?" She asked, noticing the uneasiness that Perrie was feeling at this moment, and realizing she was feeling it too.

    Perrie sighed, peering down at the table. "Nothing. I just woke up at the wrong side of the bed, that's all." She then looked at Jade and stretched out her hand. "Now give me back my plate."

    "No. People who are grumpy do not deserve pancakes." Jade remarked, beaming childishly.

    "I'm not grumpy."

    "Yes, you are."

    "If you just give me back my plate—" Perrie tried to reach for her plate, but failed when Jade placed it farther away from her, placing it beside her.

     "Nope."

     Perrie rolled her eyes and hopped off from her stool. "Fine. It's all yours. I don't care." Turning her body around, she walked towards the living room, leaving Jade perplexed and at the same time galled by her wife's behavior.

     Jade furrowed her eyebrows and glared at Perrie. "What the fuck is your problem, Perrie?"

     "I have to go. See you." Perrie simply said, before grabbing her parka from the couch and walked towards the door, sighing afterwards when she heard nothing from Jade.

     She wore her parka and walked towards her favorite little coffee shop down the street, figured she would need a coffee to ease her mind a bit.

     Jade, on the other hand, didn't say anything nor do anything for that matter. She just peered at the door, not really knowing when Perrie would come back.

     But she was just too prideful and too conceited to even run after her wife and ask for forgiveness.

     Jade isn't the type of person who would always be the meek one in relationships, she isn't submissive to Perrie. She's always the dominant one in their relationship, and she intends on keeping it that way.

     Jade thought about the reasons Perrie would start to act this way. And the only conclusion she could guess is, Maybe Perrie found out about Rachel and I.

     But she just shrugged it off. Nah, Perrie loves me too much. She won't be mad.

     Her phone vibrated on the countertop and she reached forward to grab it, and read the message.

     Rachel: So, you up for tonight?

     Jade grinned and texted her back, "Sure."

~•~•~

     A few weeks had passed and Jade is practically a stranger to Perrie. She wouldn't answer Perrie's calls and texts, and Perrie would always end up locking herself inside her and Jade's bedroom.

     Oh who is she kidding. Jade doesn't sleep with her anymore.

     Sure, she visits Perrie sometimes and Perrie was glad Jade at least remembered that she has a wife, but the way Jade acts doesn't seem like she wanted it anymore.

     And Perrie was back in her phase again, depression and paranoia. Locking herself inside the house, crying her eyeballs out whilst drinking her whiskey that she bought when Jade was away. Hopping on her bathtub, thinking if she should just end her life, because obviously Jade wouldn't care about her dying anyway.

     She's practically a prisoner in her own household. But she's fine with that.

     Right now, she was having a staring contest with a picture. It was a picture of her and Jade kissing on their wedding day in Jade's favorite church, Saint Peter's Basilica.

     She remembered Jade claiming her love for the church, stating that's where her parents got married and she wanted to get married there as well. And Perrie being the hopeless romantic she is, she married Jade in that same church.

     They were both wearing their white wedding gowns, Jade having her hair in a Dutch braid and Perrie having hers in a French one. They were both so happy, so contented during that time because that was the time they both sealed their promises and vows to each other through that kiss.

     Jade looked elated here. Perrie couldn't help but notice Jade's happy tears on her cheeks in the picture, it was too conspicuous for anyone to not notice because the tears were glistening from the flash of the camera that took this photo.

     Perrie sighed and ran her hand on her slightly damp hair that had been wet from the shower. "What did I do to deserve this?" She asked herself, once again disappointed because she couldn't find the answer to her question.

~•~•~

     It was the day before Christmas when Jade decided it would be a great idea to come home to her wife. Though she knew she would be answering Perrie's relentless questions—which will inevitably lead Jade to confess about her infidelity towards her wife—she knew it would be the right (yet wrong) time to tell the truth.

     She already bought Perrie's gift, which is Perrie's favorite sweater from Adidas, and light-washed jeans which she thought would be great on Perrie.

     She checked her phone, seeing that it's already eight-thirty in the morning, it would be a perfect time to go home while Perrie is still asleep.

     She parked her car in their house's garage and sneaked inside. Seeing that the living room is still empty, she knows that Perrie is still asleep and so she went towards the kitchen to prepare breakfast for the blonde.

     "... My favorite would be... hmm... would be bacon and eggs!"

     Jade beamed brightly at the random memory. She remembered Perrie sitting in front of her, inside an Italian restaurant. Staring at Perrie was her hobby. She remembered Perrie smiling suddenly while she was eating and she just had to know why Perrie began to smile, then Perrie said those words.

     But then something triggered inside her, and that something is none other than guilt itself.

     Jade's smile was suddenly gone, and was soon replaced with a deep frown.

     Perrie, on the other hand, was not quite a heavy sleeper. And so when she was suddenly awoken from her door being opened and closed, she immediately jolted up from her bed and ran downstairs, only to find her wife's purse lying on the couch.

     Perrie blinked a few times, wondering why the purse haven't disappeared yet. And that's when she realized that Jade was in fact here. And then she heard a soft and gentle voice singing and echoing from the kitchen.

     "Jade?" Perrie called out to her wife, probably needing an assurance that Jade was in fact here. And seeing Jade standing on the corner of the room, her doubts ran away.

     Jade smiled at her wife, at the same time checking her out. "Goodmorning, Princess."

     Perrie stared at Jade for quite a long time before she went back to her senses again. She arched an eyebrow. "I thought you're at work."

     "Working before Christmas day? Nah." Jade chuckled whilst shaking her head.

     Perrie just gave Jade a perplexed expression. She is absolutely bewildered right now. She was not so sure of what to feel at this moment because she was used to not having Jade by her side, though that doesn't mean she never misses the brunette. "So, you're spending Christmas and your birthday here?" She dared to ask, though she was hopeful.

     Jade frowned inwardly, guilt slowly but surely absorbing her whole being, but she managed to flash Perrie her usual grin. "Of course. Why not spend my days with my wife?"

    Perrie once again flashed her a sad smile that didn't even reach her eyes. "You sure you wanna spend your days with me and not with your job?" She chuckled humorlessly. Then she mumbled, "or your other woman.." thinking Jade wouldn't hear it.

     But Jade did heard what Perrie mumbled under her breath, and with that Jade's guilt has finally governed her. And that made Jade's face fall, but immediately recovered fast enough before Perrie could notice it and smiled. "I made bacon and eggs, your second favorite." She joyfully announced.

     Perrie nodded and just flashed Jade an inadequate smile that she'd always give Jade everytime her heart starts to crack. "Well, that's good. But I already ate."

     Lies. I just don't wanna see you right now. Perrie stated in her mind.

     Jade scowled. "You already ate? But you just woke up—" her words were cut off by Perrie's.

     "That's another way of saying 'I don't wanna eat with you'" Perrie stated curtly, waving her hand dismissively.

     Jade's face softened, Perrie's words sent huge waves of guilt inside her, attempting to drown Jade in pure culpability. And before she knew it, a tear managed to escape from her eye, as she felt its wetness rolling down on her cheek.

     She managed to take a step forward Perrie, but her heart shattered when she saw Perrie taking a step back, keeping her distance from Jade that way.

     "Perrie, please listen to me." Jade tried to utter, though she was having a hard time to say something due to a formed lump in her throat that was precluding her from speaking. Her thoughts were filled with nothing but I cheated on you, Pez. I cheated on you, Pez. I cheated on you, Pez.

     "Let's just eat. I don't want to argue again." Perrie spoke with a tone of finality. She was sick and tired of their relationship being filled with silly arguments and ridiculous fights that neither Jade nor Perrie could avoid to make. She was just so tired to hold on.

     Sighing dejectedly, Jade agreed and trailed behind Perrie who was already on her way to the dining room. Once there, she saw Perrie already preparing her plate, just her plate, and Jade just had to stare at her wife.

     Jade sat down on the stool in front of Perrie's and just gazed at her wife, her appetite suddenly gone and she wasn't famished anymore. She was just sitting there, watching Perrie eat her home-cooked meal and couldn't help but notice how torpid Perrie was moving, and she couldn't just shake it off. From the years that Perrie and her were together she knew that something was definitely bothering Perrie and she couldn't help but think that it was all her fault.

     And this time, she just had to tell her the truth.

     "Perrie, I'm sorry." She breathed out.

     This had caught Perrie's attention, swallowing her food forcefully and slammed her fork down on the table, her darkened orbs glaring at Jade. Perrie knew what Jade was talking about.

     With her teeth gritted and her jaw clenched tightly, Perrie questioned. "Why do you have to tell me this now?"

     When Perrie noticed Jade's uneasiness and saw Jade's eyes that are starting to get watery as if anytime she was going to cry, Perrie's face softened, and she asked again when she knew Jade wouldn't have the courage to speak up. "Jade, why didn't you tell me this sooner? Why does it have to be now? Now that we're married, you took this chance to just—cheat on me?"

     Silence rolled in their conversation once again and Perrie took this opportunity to say the things she was waiting so long to say to Jade. She was finally taking this chance to tell Jade how heartbroken Jade made her feel, how devastated she was when she saw Jade and that woman.

     Perrie's face hardened once more, this time not letting her and Jade's vulnerability govern her and she apoplectically stood up on her seat.  "I trusted you! I loved you so much, Jade! I had faith in you!" Perrie yelled at her wife, not giving a fuck if their neighbors would hear her.

     She just wanted Jade to feel what she's feeling at this moment. She just wanted Jade's culpability to swallow her wife's whole being and not let her escape for she was too hurt, too damaged to even forgive what Jade has done to her. She wanted Jade to feel sorry.

     Jade successfully swallowed the humongous lump in her throat, and she stood up as well, the two girls now on the same level and she spoke. "Go on! Slap me! Hit me! Because I deserve all of that! Perrie, I'm really sorry—"

     "How stupid of you to think that a 'sorry' could make me forgive you!" Perrie barked, her anger growing intense, dominating her. "A 'sorry' won't turn back time, Jade!" Perrie was fuming, she was violently shaking due to her ire that has finally been triggered. "How dare you!? How dare you take advantage of my trust!? Of my love!?"

     Those words are more than enough to trigger Jade's culpability and break down in front of the blonde. Those words are more than enough to signal Jade's tears to flow freely on her cheeks, down to her chin and drop to her shirt. Those words are more than enough for Jade to realize that she had made the most horrible mistake that she had ever made in her whole years of living.

     "Perrie, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." Jade sobbed, trying to reach for Perrie's hand, and thankfully Perrie didn't pull away.

    Perrie looked at Jade intensely, but the only thing she could see in Jade is the picture of her wife and that woman during that night. The night of their second anniversary, the night where she thought would be a great night but ironically the worst night she'd ever had.

     "Jade, you broke me." Her voice cracking. She just had too much and couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't bear the thought of having an unfaithful wife. But at the same time, she couldn't bear the thought of being alone again, couldn't bear the thought of Jade leaving her.

     Jade fell silent, hanging her head loose, her eyes taking interest on the floor whilst letting the tears flow like a waterfall, adding up teardrops on the floor she's standing on.

     Jade's culpability was now in its immense state, and her vulnerablity has now governed her body. Her strong, confident self was now replaced with her weakest one, with her vulnerable one. Jade had never felt this unknown feeling before, she had never felt what true guilt feels like because she was always the conceited one, because she was used to having people feel guilty and ask for forgiveness instead of her. And now when she felt it, it had taken over her, it controlled her. It placed her at her weakest point.

     Perrie watched Jade closely and she was certain that Jade was already feeling her. She spoke angrily, "Is this what you want, Jade? Now that you've seen me at my weakest, are you now contented? Are you now gratified? Because I sure as hell am not!"

     Jade was just standing there like a statue, frozen though can still feel Perrie's words stab her in her chest area, but she couldn't let her wife stop because she knew that she deserved it all. She knew that this infidelity can only do damage to her, especially to Perrie.

     Jade walked briskly around the dining table towards Perrie and grasped Perrie's arms, pulling her towards her chest and wrap her arms around Perrie's torso, embracing the blonde tightly as if she never wanted to let go.

     "I'm sorry." Jade whispered to Perrie's ears, her silent tears now dropping on Perrie's shoulders. "I am truly sorry."

     "Why, Jade?" Was all Perrie could try to utter on Jade's chest because breathing was becoming an arduous thing to do for she was being clutched.

     Jade shook her head, trying to find an answer to Perrie's question, because for the first time she finally found a question she couldn't find an answer to. "I couldn't answer 'why', Pez, because I don't know 'why'." She replied softly.

     "Was I not good enough for you?" Perrie questioned, her tears flowing abruptly. "Did you fall out of love for me, Jade?" She questioned again, her voice cracking.

     Jade shook her head in disapproval. "You're good enough for me, Pez. In fact, you are more than enough, more than what I had anticipated." She sighed out.

     "Then why would—"

     "Perrie, as much as I wanted to answer your question, I just don't know how to answer it."

     Perrie sighed, thinking that Jade would know the answer since she was the one who did it. "Oh, Jade..."

    Jade loosened her grasp around Perrie and pulled away from their embrace, peering to Perrie's lovely eyes. She frowned when she saw Perrie's usual icy and giddy eyes turned into blue and anguished ones. She did all of that.

     "Perrie, let's sit and talk about this. Please." Jade muttered.

     Perrie nodded and let Jade pull her towards the spacious couch where the both of them sat on with a fair distance between them for Perrie thought it would be for the best.

    A moment of silence came before Perrie broke it. "Jade, I don't know what to say..."

     Jade gulped. She, too, doesn't know what to say. "How about you ask me questions and I'll answer the best I can?"

    Perrie stared at her with a hurtful expression, obvious enough to remind Jade that she had Perrie broken down in shattered pieces. "Since when, Jade?" Perrie asked, her mind suddenly wandered onto that dreadful night and she inwardly cringed with disgust.

    Jade sighed and looked at Perrie. Even if the blonde would be hurt badly, she couldn't just lie to her right there or it might aggravate their relationship crisis further. She already cheated on her own wife, she can't let her lies add up to Perrie's hefty burden. Perrie needed to know the truth. She deserved to know the truth. "I guess it all started with my new coworker, Rachel."

    Perrie furrowed her eyebrows at the mention of the name. Rachel? Isn't that the woman that texted Jade the other night?

    "Rachel?" Perrie asked, pretending that she heard the name for the first time to prevent suspicions.

    Jade nodded, confirming. "Rachel."

     "What about her?" Perrie questioned, interested to know the woman who, in the first place, ruined her and Jade's relationship. She wanted to know who this bitch is and what her intentions are.

     Jade let out a sigh. "I guess I was just in need of pleasure and then Rachel was there and you were not because you were at work—"

     "So I don't satisfy you, is that it?" Perrie scoffed.

     Jade shook her head vigorously, immediately disagreeing. "No! That's not it, Pez. You do satisfy me it's just that..." she paused, and let out another sigh again before she continued. "I guess I was just lonely."

     "Lonely?" Perrie laughed humorlessly, then went back to her serious face. "How dare you? Claiming that you're lonely when in fact I was the one who had to endure all the pain, all the sorrow! I was the one who had to bear the thought that my wife won't be sleeping with me anymore!"

     Perrie couldn't take it anymore. Another round of tears started to roll down her cheeks once again and her sobs were now audible.

    But she wasn't the only one breaking down. Because Jade's tears were rolling down as well.

     "Jade, please. Just tell me I'm not good enough already. Stop lying." Perrie whispered to her, her voice almost inaudible, and her tears continuously flowing.

     Jade scooted a little closer to Perrie, close enough to wrap her arms around the blonde and engulfed her with a tight hug, because that is all she could offer to her.

     "Perrie, don't blame yourself." Jade cooed in Perrie's ear. She just couldn't accept the fact that Perrie was accusing herself for not satisfying her when in fact she thought that she herself was the one not satisfying the pale girl's needs. "It's not your fault, Pez. It's my doings, so it's my fault, not yours. Don't blame yourself because of my motives of doing such things."

    They were accompanied by none other than silence. No words were being said, it was just them and the depths of their despair.

    "So, what now?" Perrie suddenly asked after her sobbing faltered a bit, breaking the unbearable silence between the two.

     Jade sighed. "Pez, I—I think it's for the best if we just...let go for now." She stammered, though saying those words immediately broke her heart. She didn't wanna let go, but she knows Perrie deserves the best and if that means Jade not being part of her life, then so be it.

    Perrie shook her head, but she knows it's for the best.

    All this time, Perrie was always the meek and the weakling, even to her family, and to Jade. She was the dependent one in their relationship, thinking that Jade would be there for her. But at this very moment, Perrie knew she had to stand up for herself. She had to be the strong one, she had to have the courage and the strength to let go of whatever she's been holding onto that led her to the immense state of vulnerability.

    And that includes Jade.

    Jade raised her hands and cupped Perrie's cheeks, her face slowly coming nearer to Perrie's and she soon found her lips intertwined with her wife's.

    Their lips were now moving in a slow yet same movement, just like how slow their hearts were beating. They could literally taste the sourness of their tears yet they didn't care because if this would be their last kiss, they'd make the best out of it.