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Chapter 4 - Love is our resistance

"Seriously, Em? That's your attire for the day?" Vanessa complained, rolling her eyes, just as she entered Emily's room.

The girl was wearing black jeans, large white t-shirt covered by a zipped up dark blue hoodie, her hair was left loose for once, but only because she wore a black beanie. Everything rigorously baggy enough to hide every single hint she had curves.

Emily, putting on her watch, baffled, asked: "What's wrong with it?

"What's wrong with it? What's wrong with it?! Ugh. Don't get me started." Vanessa waved her hands in the air dramatically, so Emily sighed, rolling her eyes as she prepared for another one of her friend's sermons about how she was a woman, and she needed to show off God's gifts, which would normally lead to Emily grumbling that there were no gifts she could show off, giving the go to Vanessa's telling-off about how she always undervalued herself while she shouldn't, because she was pretty and all, she just needed to take a bit more care of herself and so on ... usually Emily tuned her out by putting her headphones on, therefore losing herself in time, only to get a bruise with the pinch Vanessa would give her to take her back to reality.

However, this time, because Emily had no will of going through all that, she only sighed, and justified that she felt more comfortable like that, which was something Vanessa normally didn't argue with, knowing it was a code for 'I'd feel uneasy wearing anything else' aka 'I'm in a gloomy mood'.

Actually, the beanie always meant Emily was in an awful mood. The last step was the high-neck pullover or the zipper of the hoodie up to her chin, which meant she didn't want to see or talk to anyone and preferably would hide herself behind the high-neck, which was a habit of hers.

Therefore Vanessa decided to shut up, just wondered why the Converse and not the sneakers, seeing as the first ones belonged to the days when Emily was not so gloomy, but it was easily explained when her friend just shrugged and admitted: "Mom washed them yesterday and they're not dry yet."

Of course. Both Vanessa and Mrs. Robinson would always buy her nice things, but they were all tucked in the back of her wardrobe, Emily ignored them daily to wear always the same things, never changing. At least she didn't dress like a homeless, Vanessa thought. Well, not always. The point was her self esteem, Vanessa knew that and she'd talked about it with Jason and Mrs. Robinson, but there was nothing they could do to change her mind, no matter how hard they tried. Maybe, as Jason suggested, Riley could do the magic and change things.

Ah, Jason. That hunk. He got hotter and hotter every day. Vanessa had spotted him near the gas station in the early morning, when she was jogging. He said he was gassing up to go fishing with his father, of which he wasn't that much enthusiast for once, but "you know, the old man works so much, it's good to have him relax sometimes", then he admitted his mother had practically thrown her son and her husband out because she was up to grand cleaning up, of which the girl laughed.

She'd had a little chat with Jason, also about Emily and how something seemed to have changed already after a couple of hours spent around Riley, so maybe the answer was him. As for the rest, Vanessa saw to tease her crush as usual, throwing jabs here and there about how lonely he must feel now that his fiancée was out State, which only brought him to admitting he missed Gwen, therefore Vanessa had to change strategy.

Ugh. That boy was so stubborn. But he'd budge sooner or later. He just didn't know it yet. Though he did look inaudibly sexy in his fisherman outfit. Then again, the man managed to look always sexier than sexy. Sometimes she craved to lay her fingertips on him. Hmmm ... who knows how many things could he teach her ...

Vanessa realized she'd been spacing out, biting her lips as she thought of Jason and the things he could do to her if only she got him to admit he wanted her just as much as she wanted him, when Emily snapped her fingers in her line of sight, making her flinch, to which her friend laughed, gaining a dirty look.

At least she was laughing, Vanessa thought. For once. That girl laughed so little. It was nice to hear that sound now and then.

"Are you sure this isn't some kind of date?" Vanessa asked absentmindedly when Emily reached her bathroom to grab her phone, which she always had while showering because she liked to listen to music, it helped erasing thoughts. Hearing that question, she recoiled, nearly blanching, which Vanessa noticed, but went on: "I mean, it was supposed to be just the two of you ..."

"We've had plenty of days like this when I was a child." Emily blurted out, nervous, especially as her friend perused her.

"You have, huh? Well, you're no more a child and he's no more a teenager. He's a hot guy that wants to spend his Sunday with you." Vanessa pointed out with a mischievous grin.

Emily sighed, pushing her friend out of the room. "It's Riley. I've known him since I was born. He's always liked spending time with me." That phrase was more directed at herself, in order to confirm she was silly for even thinking he'd asked her out on a real date.

"Yeah, ask yourself why."

Emily gulped. "I was a child!"

Vanessa snickered as she chanted: "But you're not anymore ..." Seeing to gracefully waltz through the stairs before a pale Emily could answer.

Vanessa was intrigued. She'd heard so much about this Riley, had seen pictures of him and Jason back in the day and ... hmmm, yum-yum. Each one of them was a girl's dream, to say the least. Of course, she preferred Mr. Dark And Stormy and his devilish sexiness, but the blondie was nothing less. And that was years ago, imagine now that he was actually a man ... if he'd aged just as amazingly as Jason, then 27-years-old Riley was even hotter than the teenager she'd seen in photos.

Once downstairs, Vanessa nearly got the front door slammed in her face as it opened, lucky thing she moved back just in time. "Oops ... sorry. You alright?" The tall dark blonde guy in front of her asked and she grinned, knowing exactly who it was.

Man, was he even hotter than in photo! With his black jeans and round-neck white t-shirt, sunglasses on his head, he looked so much like one of those cliché bad boys, but in a very original way. "Hi, I'm Vanessa, you must be the famous Riley." She introduced, stretching her hand to him, who chuckled, shaking her hand politely.

"Well, I don't know if I'm famous, but yeah, I'm Riley."

Emily reached her friend with a sigh, and caught the eye of the new arrived, who gave her a heartwarming, or in this case for her, heart-stopping smile as he greeted with his usual cheerful: "Hey, Honeybee!" Emily gave him a shy smile as she descended the last step of the stairs, blushing profusely when Riley playfully reminisced: "Ah, there was a time when you'd run through those stairs to come greet me with a kiss ..."

Vanessa grinned as she nudged her friend. "Yeah, Em, where are your good manners? Greet your old friend like you should."

Emily glared at her, her face crimson, but thanked God for her mother's convenient interruption as she came to wish them a good day and gave them some muffins for the trip, so the thing ended there and they headed out.

As Riley walked ahead of them, Emily couldn't help but notice her friend's outfit, which made her arch an eyebrow, a bit confused. Sure, the weather was warmer today, but ... "What is that exactly?" She asked, hinting at the sweetheart white floral sundress her friend was wearing, which was pretty short and showed not little of her skin, the short sleeveless jeans jacket and the cowgirl booties giving her kind of a country look, which was exactly what Vanessa wanted.

She blinked her eyes, confused. "What's wrong with my dress?"

Emily blushed a little as she turned to face the grass they were walking on, towards Riley. "Nothing, but ... why did you wear it today?" She cleared her throat. "I mean ... that's ... not for a fair, right? It was better casual, I mean -"

"Oh. My. God! You think I want to flirt with him!" Vanessa nearly shouted, pointing at Riley, who was right then taking something out of the trunk, and Emily blushed, retrieving her friend's hand immediately, highly hoping he hadn't heard. "Are you jealous, Em?" Vanessa inquired, to which Emily's eyes practically bulged out.

"No! Of course not!"

Vanessa kept scrutinizing her. "Mmh ... I think poor Dean will get his heart broken." She commented, shaking her head, arms crossed.

Emily rolled her eyes. She wasn't ... that word. Why would she be? There was no reason. She could not be. She could not allow that. It was part of those infectious emotions she ought to beware of, therefore no, she wasn't.

She was saved from replying as they reached Riley's car and he gentlemanly opened the doors for them, Emily sitting in the passenger seat, Vanessa on the back.

Silence filled the car for a minute, but only one, because Vanessa, feeling the need to talk, immediately dragged her friend into a conversation about some of their peers. Emily just kept mumbling "uh-huh, yes" every two sentences, while Riley divided his attention between the road and her. At some point she just tuned out Vanessa and started gazing out of the window, thinking about nothing yet everything, trying hard not to let her mind go to dangerous places.

"Why don't you pick a CD from the dashboard?" Riley proposed, just to take her off those thoughts he didn't know what were, but was sure weren't too happy.

Even if taken off guard, Emily turned to him and nodded, then opened the dashboard and was surprised to find out that most of his collection matched her taste. Well after all, Riley was the one who'd taught her taste in music, passing on his passion for various genres and groups.

To Vanessa's dislike, she opted for Muse, with every intention of letting the whole album play throughout the whole hour it took to reach the fair, especially given the knowing smile she exchanged with Riley. She knew that was his favorite band and it was hers too, so why not?

Emily was their first fan when he and Jason created a group with a couple of their friends. Of course, she was only eight back then, didn't know much about what was all of that "technical talk" they had at every rehearsal, but she always listened gladly.

She remembered clearly Riley and his beautiful voice, all those afternoons spent hanging in the garage, listening to the guys rehearse, Emily recalled being captivated by Riley's smooth voice as he sung. Too bad they gave up in a couple of months.

She remembered many little things about their bond. Like all those times when she was five and Riley and her brother were going through their gaming addiction, so they played often, and in norder not to let her feel ignored, Riley had her sit on his lap as he played, most of the times ending up quitting the game because she'd fallen asleep.

She used to do that a lot when she was a child. Falling asleep in Riley's arms. She loved it. Well, she did that also in Jason's arms, but mostly it was Riley to conciliate her sleep.

At the third Muse song that played, Vanessa decided it was enough, if she couldn't avoid the torture, she could at least distract herself, and because her friend was barely answering, busy as she was exchanging smiles that were all but insignificant with the driver, she decided to be direct, and asked out of the blue: "Do you have a girlfriend, Riley?"

"Vane ..." Emily reproached her friend swiftly.

"What? I'm just curious." She justified, leaning out in between them. Emily was jealous, Vanessa thought, she just didn't want to admit it. And it wasn't the friendly kind of jealous she'd been towards her. It was the same kind of jealous she herself experienced when she saw Gwen all over her Jay. It was a possessive jealousy that had everything to do with feelings. The only difference was, she was mature enough to admit she'd very much gladly tear the bitch's hands off her man, while Emily didn't even want to admit she wanted Riley all to herself.

Poor Dean, he was sooo headed towards a harsh heartbreak. She'd always hoped her twin brother and her best friend would end up together, but that was before Mr. Charming came in and brightened up Emily's eyes. Gosh, it was so clear, even only talking about him lit up a peculiar glint in Emily's brown eyes. Well, if that was the man that made her happy, then Vanessa was sorry for her brother, but Emily needed someone that could push her limits and bring down her walls, and apparently, as Jason said, only Riley could.

The guy chuckled at her question, glancing at her for a moment before going back to the road. "No, I'm single. What about you, girls?"

Vanessa grinned, theatrically spreading her arms to mimic a pair of wings as she exclaimed: "As free as a bird." Then more lowly added: "Well, till someone makes up his mind, that is ..." Jason, Jason. Why couldn't he see that Gwen wasn't the woman for him? Silly boy.

"What about you, Honeybee? Any Romeo nigh? Maybe hiding in the shadows?" Riley playfully asked, but Emily turned her head to the window, now gloomy, feeling something weird crawl back in her heart.

"Nobody." She muttered. Who would ever want one like her? There were so many prettier girls around. Skinnier, more cheerful, less brooding, funnier, even smarter. There were so many other people better than her. What fool would ever want her out of so many?

Riley caught the gloom in her tone and took advantage of the red light to better look at her. So that was it. She felt insecure of herself. How was that possible? Sure, she'd never had that high of a self esteem, but till four years ago it had been manageable, it was more modesty than self consciousness.

And now? Now she brought herself so down. Seriously, Emily had seemed so beyond such mainstream preoccupations. Then again, she was still a teenager, everything was harder those years, especially now with mass media and everything bombarding girls with images of perfection they ought to look up to. Even the girls of his age were affected, imagine a teen.

But Emily had nothing to envy to other girls. She was beautiful. Always had been, growing she only blossomed, becoming gorgeous. Even as a brother he could see that. Well, he wasn't her brother, but he felt like it.

After all, he'd seen her grow up as much, if not even more than Jason. Ah, not always. He'd missed the biggest part. Puberty. Maybe that was why it was harder than usual to look at her with the same eyes as he used to. But she still was his little Honeybee, and he'd do his best to make those brown eyes shine of their peculiar light again.

Riley recalled all too well her giggles and laughs when he played with her, he even remembered the first time her parents brought her home, he was there waiting with Jason and their grandmother. He remembered feeling an immediate affection towards this small bundle of flesh and bones that smiled and squeezed his finger as soon as he took her in his arms.

He'd been afraid of that, she was so tiny and he was only a child himself, but Mrs. Robinson gladly handed her to him and he sat on the sofa with her, feeling this weird sense of happiness overwhelm him, as if that were his own sister.

Jason only perused her with a scowl on his face, not at all glad to have competition now, though once that little thing wrapped up in her covers landed in his arms, even grumpy Jason smiled. Having her in his arms was enough to instantly replace the scowl with a grin as he asked what would her name be.

It was actually Riley to suggest Emily. For some reason he'd always liked that name and would have wanted his own sister to be called that, but ... well, his dad passed away before the dream could come true.

He remembered blurting out that name as he perused her sleeping peacefully in Jason's arms, who seemed more focused on not dropping her other than rejoicing of her cute countenance, Mr. and Mrs. Robinson immediately agreed, but a middle name was needed, so they all glanced at Jason, to see if he would come up with an idea, and he did: Rose. His face turned crimson when he gave the cheesy explanation: because her cheeks were so cutely rosy and she was as beautiful as a rose.

Of course, Jason made them all swear not to ever dare mention the thing to the little girl. But it was decided, she would be Emily Rose Robinson. Her future would be as bright as the sun, because, both Riley and Jason swore, under Mrs. Robinson's playful jab, they'd protect her as best as they could from every kind of hurt, and they'd love her as deeply as she deserved.

And that was the truth, wasn't it? Riley thought as he perused her, so gloomy. He loved her. But always and without any doubt in a very brotherly way. Her blossoming in four years and becoming so beautiful didn't change anything. She was his little sister now as much as she'd always been.

Yeah, then why did he need to convince himself of that? Ugh, no, he didn't need to be convinced, he knew. He was perfectly aware of everything. Emily was, always had been and always would be only his little Honeybee, that little girl he'd lulled in her sleep so many times, that child he'd read bedtime stories to, brought her to see the movies she loved, even taught her to read and write, with the help of her mother. That only she was and always would be. No questioning.

Yet, one thing was indeed to question: her gloomy state that seemed to swallow her at the unexpected. That was to change. And soon.

Vanessa scoffed: "Yeah, nobody ... tell Dean about that!"

"There's nothing between me and your brother, Vanessa." Emily restated.

"Yeah, like there isn't between me and yours ..."

"Exactly. There's nothing between you and Jason, and never will be."

Vanessa huffed. "He'll come around soon. Deep down he knows we're made for each other." She stated, certain of her means.

Emily rolled her eyes, then glanced at the driver, who was observing the scene, half amused, half pensive. "May I remind you there's his best friend right here beside us?" She pointed out, hinting at Riley, who chuckled.

"Oh, don't bother me. I won't say a word." He replied, zipping his lips, which made Emily chuckle. At least that. One step at a time. First of all, he needed to know everything about the reasons for her gloom. Apart from giving up volleyball, that is. "Although, I must say, Jason is pretty taken by Gwen." He added, to which Vanessa snorted.

"He just doesn't know what he really feels yet. Just needs time to realize it." She replied. Everybody was so convinced Jason was so in love with Gwen. Then how comes that morning he couldn't take his eyes off her? A guy that looks at you as an older brother or even only a friend doesn't drink you in like he did to her, does he?

Age was just a number, one like Jason didn't even consider it, Vanessa was sure that to stop him was only some sense of duty towards that Gwen. Wasn't Gwen there, he'd have more time to focus on who was really made for him. And this was the right week, because apparently that girl would stay at her grandparents' till the party, so ... Vanessa had all the time to work her magic and stick in that hot but thick head of his that she was the one and only woman for him.

"They're engaged, Vane. They're getting married." Emily reminded her, but she only rolled her eyes, pointing out: "Well, they haven't set a date yet, so there's still hope."

Emily rolled her eyes as well, going back to staring out of the window, her chin leaning on her hand, tired of discussing the impossible. Vanessa had always had a huge crush on Jason, no matter the difference in age, no matter the boyfriends she'd had, it was useless to keep trying to make her change her mind.

Even though, Emily knew it wasn't truly a matter of mind. She knew her friend wasn't truly just playing around, it wasn't just a crush, and Emily feared the moment when Vanessa would get her heart broken, because she would.

Be it only because Jason was completely smitten with his fiancée and he'd marry her, no doubt he would, no backing out, if even Riley was convinced about that, then there was no chance to save poor Vanessa's heart. That's why Emily kept trying to persuade her to give up. Before it hurt too bad. Before her friend's heart started aching as much as hers did when Riley left ...

Under Riley's confused gaze, Emily shook her head to delete that last thought. How silly. It wasn't the same. Sure, her heart had started aching exactly when he left, but it was for a different reason.

She'd missed her special friend, her favorite person in the world, as she'd often called him when she was a child. Vanessa's heart would ache in a different way, because her feelings for Jason were different. Right. Different.

Then why did her heart start racing again when she turned back to him and Riley smiled at her? Even more, why did it feel like the words of the song playing applied so perfectly to her situation?

It could be wrong, could be wrong

But it should've been right

It could be wrong, could be wrong

Let our hearts ignite

It could be wrong, could be wrong

Are we digging a hole?

It could be wrong, could be wrong

This is out of control

It could be wrong, could be wrong

This will never last

It could be wrong, could be wrong

Must erase it fast

It could be wrong, could be wrong

But it could've been right ... love is our resistance

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