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7
VANYA'S POV
Don't look at anyone. Just walk, simply walk.
Chanting the same thing over and over again, I forced my wobbled feet to move forward but it was as if my body was reluctant to move any further, maybe because I knew already that what's coming next. They were going to stare at me in distaste with only thing running down their head that how ugly I was. But it isn't like I am complaining because deep down I was well aware of the horrible look I carry among the crowd of perfection.
I clasped my sweat drained palms together and rolled my lips in between my teeth. "Mum, I-I..don't want-"
" Shh, sweety. Everything will be okay." She cut me in middle and guided her fingers on my shoulder in a comforting gesture but all in vain. Comfort and in this situation? No chance.
" Cupcake you're brave and I promise that I'll come to meet you with Mum and Dad." Vivan, my little brother coaxed.
Yeah, right. They'll come to meet me, once in a month. How soothing. I chuckled dryly and gazed over my brother who's tan face was shining under the pale lighting of Rehab. The corner of his lips were twitched into assuring smile. He patted my back then shifted his attention to Dad who was busy in gathering informations from receptionist.
" Don't worry Sir, from now on your daughter's mental health is our responsibility." A woman in her late thirties came forward with a gentle smile gracing her lips.
My eyes flickered in her direction. She was in white coat. Her silk black hairs were tied up in a high pony and her face was adored in softness. She indeed was beautiful. There was something different about her aura which was reflecting nothing but calmness.
" And I guess you're Vanya, right?" She raised her eyebrows and smiled politely.
I stayed, rooted to my place and hesitantly made an eye contact with her. Her gaze held nothing but compassion.
" I am your therapist." She added and that's when I took notice of her name plate on the pocket of her coat which reads Avantika Avasthi.
I gave a slight nod and stared back at my clumsy fingers which seemed more interesting then any other thing at this Rehab.
" Cooperate with your therapist, okay? Remember we only want your happiness."
Dad said and kissed my forehead.
I pressed my eyes shut to feel the wetness of my tears but nothing happened. Like always, no tears came to touch my cheeks. I wanted to cry, to scream, to run away but I didn't have enough strength to turn my thoughts into action.
" Take care, honey." Mum hugged me and her moistened eyes caught my attention.
Chewing on my lower lips, I swallowed a lump down my throat. They are leaving me. My own family are leaving me alone, here in this Rehab. Why? Only because they think that I am mentally unstable or maybe because, they all are ashamed of me and my pathetic state.
" Bye, sis." Vivan frowned and leaned to press a kiss on the side of my head.
I blinked, watching them move through the exit door. I waited for tears to sprint out but they didn't. They just didn't.
" Want me to show your room?" Doctor Avantika broke the thick silence. I simply nodded and followed her while pulling my suitcase along with me.
Entering inside the room no. 234, I closed the door behind me so that I can avoid her. I exhaled a large amount of air through my mouth and left my suitcase on the floor. I climbed on the bed and lied down on my stomach, with my face burring deep into the pillow.
A groan escaped my mouth as the realization drowned that now I have to face people here and just like that a worse panic strike through my heart.
If only I had never survived.
" Open the door kid." A high pitched famine voice came from the other side of the door.
I frowned but walked to the door and after unlocking it, I spot a nurse who had bored look but the second she saw my face, her eye softened in sympathy. I scoffed and rubbed my fingers on my denims.
" Follow me." She mumbled and gestured me to walk behind her.
Fixing my eyes on the floor, I took reluctant steps till she lead me into cafeteria.
" If you want to survive here then you need to make some friends." She spoke, glancing at the notepad in her hand. Her lack of interest while interacting with me was something I really appreciated. Since everything, I don't have a much habit to held much conversation with anyone.
" Huh?"
She rolled her eyes then pointed towards the mass of people in the cafeteria. " Go and bond some friendship, it might help you to feel better." And with that she left me.
All of a sudden, a fear of self consciousness knocked over my senses. Why they'll have friendship with someone like me? Someone who's ugly. Avoiding my gaze from everyone, I started walking in an instant urge to hide away from them. I don't want their judging eyes.
I came out of the cafeteria and passed by the empty hallway till I found a balcony which was completely vacant. I quickly took few strides and sat on the floor with my back leaning against the wall. The glass window was wide open which was giving the view of settling sun. The whole sky was brushed into the faded redness of sun. The sky was calm,, unlike my soul which was under the storm.
All the pain, hiding inside my heart was waiting to burst out of my chest like a bomb and destroy my already faint soul. But still, I was holding on because I don't have any idea how to end the suffering.
I averted my eyes from the sky which then fell on a boyish figure of around my age, sitting at the corner with his headphone on.
" But then maybe our stories were never meant to be told." He mouthed the lyrics of some song in his painfully melodic voice.
" Because some stories were never meant to be alive," I whispered under my breath and sighed.
Playing with the hem of my sleeves, I peeked at that boy through my eyelashes. Even after minutes, he was still in the same posture. His head was bent low and his chin was resting on the crook of his knees.
I shrugged my shoulder to forget about him but something in me told me something. So I did, I did walk to him and hesitatingly sat beside him. His face was still hidden but maybe he sensed my presence, so he tilted his head in my direction. I blinked, trying to turn my eyes away from him but our eyes got connected. I thought that he will feel reluctant to look at me since I was looking horrible but instead he held eye contact with me. Seconds passed but still, we'reeeeeee'reee'reat position. There was some kind of strange mystery behind the pair of his deep orbs as they were reflecting nothing but pain. That pain which I always feel but it's intensity was way more than mine. And then I feel connected to him through his pain. It was no more only an eye contact but maybe something deeper
I blinked, breaking our gaze and scanned his face. The first thing which crossed my mind was instead of the pain in his eyes, his face was an epitome of handsomeness. He indeed got that genes of heart-stopping look.
I soon realized that he was searching my face too with a pure curiousness. A sudden self-consciousness hit me and I fixed my eyes on the floor. Uncomfortably I rubbed my thumb over my wrist and cast him another look who by now had shifted his attention away from me. He ran his finger through his hairs and then removed the headphone from his head and offered me without sparing a look on me.
Ever so slowly, I shook my head in an attempt to deny. He put the headphone on the floor and pulled out the plugin wire and placed the cellphone in between us. Suddenly the song started playing in low volume which was enough for me to figure out the lyrics. It wasn't just a song but simply the jumble of lyrics followed by light background music.
" But maybe our stories were never meant to be told."
" Those memories of our heart together put my chest in pain."
" But I know you reside in the corner of heart, still smiling. "
" You're not here but your memories are."
" Will my pain be enough for me to survive your departure? "
" We were meant to be?"
" But then maybe our stories were never meant to be told."
The words of the song made the moment to stop. It was so heartbreaking yet most heartwarming at the same time. The pain subsiding behind those strong lyrics were creating the reality of only one emotion which was peace. I have no idea that it was just that song or his silent company which was creating a little peace in my heart. Yes, the pain was inviting but still in the field of infinite pain, maybe he invaded like a small ecstasy.
People never stayed beside me in comfortable silence. Because all they did was to judge through their terrifying intensity of gazes but this boy did nothing to build up this comfortableness yet still he gave me strange peace. He didn't judge instead he treated me like a human which was enough for me to relax those corners of my demons which were meant to be hurtful.
Seconds passed into minutes and that song repeated over uncountable time but still, we stayed in the same posture with our eyes lost in the calmness of sunset.
The loneliness of sun in the whole sky was a reminder of my life where I had lost everything only because I became cursed with something which took away my every peace and protrudes pain into my heart.
But for this moment, I wished it could be stopped. I wanted to treasure the little amount of peace even though I was sure that it would be temporary. This unknown boy had given me enough comfort even with his simple silence.
Maybe, Rehab was okay for this moment with him.
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