5

My heartbeat echoes so loudly that I hear them in my brain. So unbearable that I plug my ears hoping it will pass.

But nothing changes, still those same unpleasant palpitations pounding on my head.

You are alive.

Yes, I'm alive, but for how long?

The demon is a monster, he has no limits.

That darkness in his eyes, I had never seen that.

When his hands tightened more and more tightly around my neck, his pupils no longer transmitted any emotions.

They were empty, dark, they scared me.

It's as if a veil had intervened and prevented him from realizing what he was doing.

Or maybe he knew very well what he was doing...

But how can we do that?

How can you take pleasure in making someone suffer?

He doesn't know me, so why is he doing this to me?

The flashbacks threaten to resurface and I beg my brain not to inflict this on itself. I'm tired of reliving those painful moments.

But it's too late, the memories are hitting me and I can't control anything. They slap me so hard that I can't stop anything.

I'm just a spectator of my demons, a shadow in the dark.

I'm here, I see everything, I feel everything, but I can't do anything, and it's even worse.

I remember his look. It reflected such darkness, such great coldness that it made my blood run cold.

The more the seconds passed, the darker his eyes became and the more my body shook.

I was scared.

Afraid of him.

Fear of dying.

The truth is, even though I'm nothing, I don't want to die.

I still have this hope that something good is waiting for me behind all this.

Maybe I'm deluding myself?

Certainly

As his hands squeezed my throat, my breathing grew weaker and weaker. My breath was missing, the words in my throat were like blocked, I was unable to scream, I was not even able to breathe.

The tears keep rolling down my cheeks and I wonder when they're going to stop.

The images loop through my head and I shiver when the sensations hit me. I feel his hands squeeze my neck like I'm just a doll.

As if I didn't deserve to be treated properly.

My body blocked by his, I had no way to defend myself, he was bigger, heavier, stronger.

A sob escapes and I can't hold it back.

But despite those blows, despite his cold gaze, what hurt me the most were those words.

He had dared.

He knows what I went through with Sohan, and I know he knows about him too.

And yet, that didn't stop him from hitting where it hurts.

Because he knew that those words would have hurt me, he knew it and he didn't hesitate to spit them in my face.

Without any remorse, without any pity, his voice was cold and cruel.

Exactly like him.

I don't know why they hurt me so much, why Sohan's blows seem like nothing to me.

Because he is right.

My head is about to explode and the ringing in my ears keeps getting louder.

I couldn't.

- Don't worry Kali, I'll try to talk to her, Elsa's voice whispers to me through the door.

The sound of his voice brings me back to the present and I suddenly realize how cool the room is.

I finally realize where I am. And that immediately causes me a lack of air. I can no longer breathe normally, each puff of air becomes more and more complicated.

My eyes wander around the room with the same annoying sound still in my ears.

The ground is cold, the room dimly lit, a red car is parked on my left accompanied by a motorcycle on its right. I turn my head and realize that he just threw me in his garage.

The panic attack overwhelms me and I feel my heart rate accelerate.

I'm afraid of this confinement, of this absence of window where I have the impression of being once again a prisoner of this closed space which blocks my breathing.

Like with Sohan.

All of a sudden, it's as if the walls are closing in on me, a lump in my throat prevents me from breathing normally and I suddenly feel like I'm suffocating.

My body heat increases, I'm hot, much too hot for such a cold room.

It's the first time it's happened to me, I can't control anything, I feel myself leaving but I can't do anything.

My hands still shaking, I try to get up and use what little strength I have left to reach the door.

My legs are weak and reaching Elsa seems to me to be so complicated.

After several seconds of struggling with my body, I lean on the handle to get up completely and try to open the door.

Closed.

I try again, feeling the panic increase in intensity.

Always closed.

HE LOCKED ME IN HIS FUCKING GARAGE THAT BASTARD

I pound on the door, knock with all my might, I can't stay locked up here.

I don't feel well, my head is spinning and the walls are getting dangerously close to me.

I will die.

- Elsa, help me, I huff without understanding how I got there, while hammering the door with insignificant knocks.

My body is shaking despite the drops of perspiration beading my forehead and Elsa's voice tries to calm me down:

- I can't Kali, the door is locked and he has the only copy.

No, no, no, it's impossible. He didn't do that. Tell me this is all a horrible nightmare. That this day was just a bad dream.

TELL ME I WILL WAKE UP!

But nothing happens.

And I find myself once again trapped in a place that scares me.

- I can't stand... not... confinement, I suffocate, I articulate with difficulty.

My knocks against the door are gradually weaker and without me noticing, my body collapses on the frozen ground.

A loud noise inexplicably reaches my ears as my body hits the ground.

- Kali? Everything's good ?

I'm conscious, I hear Elsa, I still feel my heartbeat, yet I can't articulate anything. My words get stuck in my throat and it freaks me out even more.

After several seconds, Elsa tries for the umpteenth time to open the door, in vain.

- Kali tell me what's going on, she insists, starting to panic too.

I want to scream at him that I can't breathe, that I'm having a panic attack, but no sound comes out of my mouth.

She continues to speak to me and her voice becomes only background noise.

I perceive a few words of the conversation, my brain struggles not to sink.

- Daemons!!!

Short of breath, I try to imagine the voice of my psychologist advising me to take deep breaths of air, like during my other panic attacks.

But usually, I gradually manage to calm myself down, so why is my panic only increasing?

- She fainted, Elsa yells behind the door.

Please, Elsa, help me, I beg her inside.

- Leave her, she's faking it, he blurts out naturally.

- Her body collapsed, I think she's...

The ringing in my ears goes up to my brain and I feel like I'm losing total control.

I feel myself leaving.

A few seconds pass without any sound reaching me, then the key turns slowly in the lock.

And in the second that follows, I can see Elsa's sweet face throwing herself at me.

She shakes me violently, screaming at me things that I am unable to understand.

His eyes filled with panic examine me from head to toe.

She gently strokes my face and waves at me, hoping for some reaction from me.

But I can't, staring into space, I struggle to catch the slightest oxygen passing near my face.

She puts her fingers in my neck and takes my chicken, exclaiming:

- She's alive.

Yes I am, can't she see that I'm looking at her?

- I think she's having a panic attack, we have to get her out of here.

She puts her arm behind my neck, the other behind my knees and tries to lift me.

But I'm too heavy, collapsed on this floor, I can't help it. I can't even speak.

- You have to do it, I'm not strong enough, I can't do it, she said turning to the demon.

His eyes are fixed on my inert body, frowning he exclaims:

- No way am I wearing it.

Elsa glares at him and lectures him with words I snapped at the first second.

He huffs angrily and nonchalantly, his body moves closer to mine.

She leaves her place to the demon and with a cold face, he lifts me up like a pancake and presses me against him.

My head against his chest, his hands tighten behind my knees and he walks towards the exit.

He carries me so easily that I feel like a sheet of paper.

My heartbeat still accelerating, my face relaxes slightly when I finally see light.

Quickly, he crosses the living room and I almost have to cling to his T-shirt so as not to fall forward.

I feel his muscles contract through his T-shirt and oddly, my hands no longer want to come off.

A minty smell reaches my nostrils and I realize that, little by little, my breath is regulating.

Elsa follows us on our trail and doesn't take her eyes off me.

- Does she have her eyes open, she asks the demon.

His eyes drop to my face and our gazes lock for a few seconds.

There's a certain electricity in the air, or maybe it's me making movies of myself, I'm not really in my normal state.

He nods positively and continues to lengthen his stride.

My hands are shaking and he grabs them sharply between his, easing my tremors.

His heart beats fast in his chest and his jaw clenches when he finds himself in front of the stairs.

The same ones where, a few minutes before, he was dragging me mercilessly, violently pulling my hair.

His body hesitates for a moment to go up but Elsa reprimands him and says:

- Take her to her room, she needs to rest.

Gritting his teeth, he climbs the stairs and quickly finds my room.

I'm surprised at Elsa's authority over the demon. Despite his displeasure, he carries out his orders, not without a dark look in his direction.

And when I thought he would have thrown me like an old towel on the bed, he takes the time to extend my body awkwardly and to accompany my head, thus sparing it a brutal shock.

Once lying in my bed, he freezes in front of me for a second and looks at me lying on it.

His thoughts seem elsewhere, gone too far, and I would so like to understand what he feels, that he talks to me.

But the next second, he shakes his head and hurries out, letting Elsa in.

She walks slowly towards me and she smiles at me saying:

- You took colors.

She sits by my bedside and stretches the blanket over my body.

- Rest Kali, she said, passing her hand through my hair.

Still shaking, I let my head fall back and close my eyes savoring Elsa's soft hands caressing my face.

She whispers positive thoughts to me and I fall asleep to her comforting words.

*

When I wake up after what seems like an eternity, the sun is high in the sky again and I guess we've moved on to the next day. So I slept for long hours.

I turn my head and notice a figure sitting in the chair by my window.

I sit up slowly and discover Hayley, a fashion magazine in hand, energetically turning the pages.

Her hair falls in front of her face and she looks up as I struggle with my blanket.

- Finally. I'll get the doctor, she said simply before rushing out and slamming my door.

I look at the time on the small black alarm clock on the bedside table and open my eyes wide to discover 11:33 displayed in white.

I slept almost fifteen hours?? It's amazing how many hours of sleep I had to catch up on.

Waking up at 3:52 a.m. every night is no more restful than that, reminds me of my conscience as if I've forgotten what time he came.

Knocks at the door make me jump:

- Kali, I can come in, asks this voice kindly.

I nod and sit patiently in my bed.

But nothing happens and I stupidly remember that he can't see me.

Idiot

- Yes, sorry, I exclaim, feeling the blush rise to my cheeks.

Stupidity level, you are strong Kali!

A man, about thirty years old I would say, in a white shirt and with a growing beard enters. A notebook in his hands, he joins me near the bed.

- Hello Kali, my name is Ayden, I am a psychologist.

I frown at these words and wonder what he is doing here.

My panic attack wasn't that bad, there was no need to call a psychologist. This is not my first, I know how to manage.

Although this one was a little different from the others.

Ayden grabs the chair Hayley was in seconds before and pulls it closer to me.

- How do you feel, he asks me, sitting on it.

I thought for a moment.

In fact, I feel much better than before. I can't explain what happened but it was so strong and everything happened so fast that my panic increased tenfold.

I really felt like I was going to die.

- It's better, I tell him with a smile.

He shakes his head and with an affectionate look, he exclaims:

- You don't mind if I ask you a few questions? I would like to check something.

I shake my head with a slight smile and wait for his question, not really understanding where he is coming from.

- Could you describe to me what you felt down there, locked up in this room.

This first question surprises me and I have to take several seconds before having clear ideas again.

Remembering the sensations of a few hours ago is not something easy and I take a deep breath, clenching my fists.

I imagine myself locked in the garage alone again, tears threatening to escape and Ayden nods and smiles encouragingly.

- It was as if the room was closing in on me, preventing me from breathing properly. I had chills but at the same time I was sweating, it was so strange, I told him.

He jots things down in his notebook and I tilt my head forward, trying to see, too curious to know what it is.

But he brings the notebook back to his chest and pushes the chair back, laughing.

- It's not your age, he jokes when he must not be more than ten years older than me.

I make a face at him and sit back against the wall.

- You felt like you were suffocating, he asks me.

- Exactly.

He continues to ask me several questions, even inquires about my past, about Sohan. And after ten minutes of answering her, he closes his notebook and breathes heavily.

- I think I understood what happened, why it happened.

I panicked, that's all, I don't see what else there is to understand.

- I'm going to go tell Mr. Cole, it could be serious if we don't do anything to make you feel comfortable.

I frown trying to decipher those words.

But what is he talking about?

What can be serious?

I'm not sick, I feel fine, why does he say that?

He picks up his stuff and gets up to leave my room. But I can't let him go until I know what he's understood, so I grab his arm and force him to stop.

He turns to me and I meet his blue irises.

- What do I have, I let go of a sudden.

His shoulders slump and he hesitates before telling me. But I oblige with a look and his response leaves me speechless:

- You're claustrophobic.

What ?

- No, it's impossible, I can't be claustrophobic. I thought this disease was diagnosed when we were born and nothing like this has ever happened to me, you must be mistaken.

- Claustrophobia is not hereditary or diagnosed at birth, it is triggered at a time when you are in a fragile state. An event in childhood or a traumatic event in a closed place can explain the claustrophobia.

I listen carefully to his explanations, still in shock at his announcement.

- What you told me with Sohan, those rehearsal nights where he came, I think your trauma triggered your claustrophobia. You were locked in your cell, you couldn't get out, you were trapped.

The pieces of the puzzle are gradually coming together and I realize that Sohan has hurt me much more than I thought.

- But can I cure her?

He sits down, not taking his eyes off me, and exclaims:

- I can give you some advice.

I scrutinize him and forget my negative thoughts and the insults I would like to spit at Sohan.

- You can first be followed by a specialist, do breathing and relaxation exercises.

It reminds me strangely of that part of my life.

- Don't hesitate to talk about it around you, to confide in you, like Mr. Cole or someone else you trust.

I hold myself back from bursting into laughter.

Did he really just insinuate that I could speak with the demon? That I trust him?

No, I must have been dreaming.

- But above all, don't let this phobia suffocate you little by little and deprive you of doing things. When you feel like a crisis is about to come, think of positive things and try to stay calm.

Easy to say...

And as if reading my thoughts, he exclaims:

- I know it's not that simple but I know you're brave, you'll get there, he said grabbing my hand and looking at me deeply.

The door opens abruptly and Hayley falls on our hands on top of each other:

- I'm interrupting something apparently...

Ayden quickly gets up and glares at him.

She laughs as she approaches us and taps him on the shoulder, giving him a look for forgiveness.

He finally gives in and accompanies her with a frank laugh, while I remain planted in my bed, surprised by what Ayden said to me.

I still can not believe it.

After several seconds of bickering, Hayley said to me over Ayden's shoulder:

- Romy is waiting for you downstairs.

Romy is here? Nothing else was needed to cheer me up.

I quickly grab my sweater and go down to join her, not paying attention to the fact that I'm in my pajama shorts.

Arrived on the ground floor, I pout when my eyes land on the silhouette of the demon.

Slumped on the armchair near the sofa, a glass in his hand, his stern gaze fixed on the corner of the rug.

It's crazy, just seeing him puts me in a bad mood.

- Kali! How are you feeling, Elsa called me, you scared me.

Sitting on one of the chairs around the table and with her back to the demon, she invites me to come near her. I'm going to kiss her and reassure her by telling her that it's better.

- Daemon should never have let you clean the garage alone.

Clean the garage ? What is she talking about ?

I turn my gaze to the demon hoping for an explanation but I only get a smirk from him.

- But I don't-

- I had however told him that it was not necessary to do it, cut me the demon.

The bastard.

My brain finally understands where it's coming from and I have to restrain myself from giving it another kick in the balls.

His smile taunts me and I just want to punch him in the teeth so hard that he wouldn't dare smile anymore for fear of scaring people.

But I do nothing, I grit my teeth and watch him pretend to be the good guy. Because I'm sure he didn't tell her about what happened before either.

- Daemon is sometimes right you know, you have to be careful of yourself, said Romy not suspecting that all this is just a lie invented by the demon.

Why won't he tell the truth?

Would the demon be afraid?

I hesitate to reveal everything, the very thought that maybe I could get revenge makes me smile.

But he gets up and glares at me that can only be seen by me, he threatens me without even saying a single word.

So I swallow my words and quietly stand, too scared of what he might do to me otherwise.

I watch him approach me, his eyes drop to my bare legs and something flashes in his eyes.

Hatred?

Disgust?

Indifference?

His body draws closer to mine and, without failing to stare at me, he blows:

- Start by dressing properly before you want to clean the garage.

And without another word, he walks out the front door, the feel of his hot breath still on the back of my neck.

I'm really going to end up killing him.

- So how are your first days here, Romy asks me, inviting me to sit down.

Romy snaps me back to reality and I focus on her again, annoyed that he's taking up all my thoughts.

- If I put aside Daemon, it's fine, I say, sitting down in front of her.

- Come on, that'll do it, he'll calm down, don't worry.

If she knew...

- Tell me, where are you staying, I let go, this question running through my head for a long time.

- I live in a small apartment that I rented not far from here with Derek.

- Oh... But why don't you come and live here, I ask curiously. The house is huge and there is still plenty of room.

- Do you really think I want to share my daily life with Daemon? I love it huh, but support it 24 hours a day no thank you. Especially when he has his tantrums, I could strangle him.

Oh one thing in common.

In any case, it's super reassuring for the rest of my stay!

- If you want, I can take you somewhere tomorrow to take your mind off things, she offers.

I nod positively with a smile, it's been so long since I've been out like a normal person.

The idea that tomorrow I will be able to feel the cool wind in my hair gives me hope for the rest of my weeks here.

I just have to forget about it.