3

A hand pats my shoulder and I jump when I see Elsa's face bent over me.

Elsa? What is she doing here? I thought the demon had given him leave.

I get up slowly taking the time to stretch and rub my tired pupils.

The night was hard.

The rays of the sun dazzle my clear eyes and I have to hide them with my hand to see Elsa.

His gaze details my outfit, the same as I had yesterday, and lingers on the sofa on which I am lying.

Memories of last night slowly come back to me, and the flashback hits me when I see the empty glass of water on the coffee table in the living room.

I vaguely remember falling asleep watching the third film. The softness of the blanket tight against me, the sound of the TV in the background. I remember the relief I felt when I let myself sleep without fear.

But the past always catches up with us.

And at 3:52 a.m., the bad memories resurfaced like a nightmare.

It was horrible. I could still smell his odor that reeked of tobacco, his drops of perspiration falling from his hair.

It was as if I was there, reliving the scene forever. I felt his dirty hands slowly run over my face, down my curves, tear my panties. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and I'm pretty sure my crying was real.

My senses were on alert, the pain paralyzed me.

I knew it was all a nightmare, but I couldn't wake up. I struggled to open my eyes but Sohan held me prisoner to this bad dream.

The silence in the room makes me relive the whole scene in detail and I feel tears threatening to flow. I have to think about something else, all that is behind me, I have to move on.

Seeing me so confused, Elsa sits down next to me and asks my permission to hug me.

This small detail, although insignificant, warms my heart and gives me strength to face this day.

I feel that Elsa will become a bit of a mother for me. Looking down at her face and seeing a few white hairs, I'd say she must be around 50 years old. But hey, that's just a number, I've never been very good at this sort of thing.

After several seconds pressed against each other, she awkwardly detaches herself, not letting go of my gaze.

- Hello miss, did you sleep well?

I nod my head positively so as not to worry him, even if the answer is not far from being the opposite.

She gets up and leaves to store the empty glass in the kitchen. The way the demon used again to wake me from my sleep.

He's planning on constantly waking me up with the worst mannerisms imaginable?

Why does he have to pull me out of this trauma like this?

Apparently he couldn't stand my reaction to that night's nightmare.

And yet, he did not play the main role in it.

Elsa returns a few moments later, accompanied by a meal tray.

Eyes in the shape of a heart, I jump off the sofa, a smile on my lips and settle down on the small coffee table just in front.

The smell of pancakes and nutella spilling out of the toast wakes up my sleepy stomach and another gurgle makes Elsa laugh.

It must be said that it has been a very long time since I ate pancakes, which are, in my opinion, the best discovery in the world.

Elsa laughs at my sudden excitement and puts the tray on the small table before heading back to the kitchen.

There's no way I'm eating this royal feast alone.

-Elsa, please come with me, I tell her, showing her the empty place in front of me and the meal tray that is much too large for one person.

She stops halfway and gives me an apologetic look.

-I can't miss, she apologizes.

I stare at her sternly at first and then encourage her to join me, leaving my look as cute as possible.

After seconds of fierce struggle, she finally gives in and takes her place in front of me.

-Thank you Elsa, I tell her with a smile. I could never have eaten all this alone.

- You have to eat my darling, you are very skinny.

She spreads another slice of brioche on me and almost forces me to take it. His eyes wide open on me, I laugh grabbing the toast that I do not pray to swallow.

"How's your wound?" she asks me, pouring me a glass of orange juice.

-Oh tu me please, I feel like I'm 50 years old, I'm kidding.

"Only if you...you do the same," she corrects herself.

I nod my head and answer his question:

-It's getting better and better, the pain is gradually fading and everything seems to be healing well, thank you.

-So much the better.

-I thought that the demon had given you leave for several days, I exclaim remembering the evening of yesterday.

Her lips stretch shyly at the nickname I gave her, then she replies:

- No, not at all, yesterday was my day off. Every Thursday Mr. Cole lets me go home to my family.

I nod wondering why he lied to me. Why make up a whole story when it was just his day off.

This man is really hard to pin down.

I don't dwell on the specimen and instead turn my attention to Elsa.

And, with a smile and all excited to know more about her, I ask curiously:

- Are you married, do you have children?

- It will soon be 30 years that I am married to the most wonderful man in the world and who is also the father of my three wonderful children, she said, stars in her eyes.

I watch her tell me the source of her daily happiness, a smile on her lips and a great admiration for this woman.

- I bet for three little devils, I say.

She laughs and, taking out her phone, shows me the photo of her lock screen.

- I present to you Mathis, our eldest, Jasper the youngest of the siblings and there, she said to me, showing her spitting image, her mouth full of chocolate, it's Lexa, our youngest.

His way of presenting his children is moving and I feel all his love for them. She must be an amazing mother.

- They are magnificent, you form a very beautiful family.

She smiles at me as I struggle to keep my little teardrop from dripping. It's not my fault, I'm sensitive to all this cuteness!

However, I've never really been interested in men, but that doesn't prevent me, like many people, from wanting to be fulfilled in love and start a family. See mini me running around the house. Watch them bicker over the remote.

My heart warms when I look at the photo again and, without understanding why, I hug Elsa.

She seems surprised at first then laughs and puts her arms around me whispering:

- Well, what's happening to you?

I pull away from his embrace and exclaim:

- Nothing, I just think it's too cute. I want you.

- Oh, don't worry honey, you'll find that love.

I roll my eyes realizing that to find that love, you have to find that man. This man who will be afraid of losing me and will do everything to keep me. This man who will love me and my faults. This man who won't betray my trust or break my heart.

And when I think about all that, I tell myself that it doesn't exist. All the men I've known have betrayed me and hurt me, so how can I still believe it?

- One day, you will meet a person, and without you even knowing it, it will become your most beautiful story.

I listen carefully, imagining that day.

One thing is certain, it hasn't happened yet.

She hands me my glass and I smile at her, grateful for everything she brings me.

Elsa is so benevolent that I wonder how she can work with the demon.

How can such a nice woman put up with such a hateful man. Maybe she is also forced?

I continue to wolf down my pancakes and, having a sudden urge to know more, I ask:

-How can you work for a man like him, I let go without taking any tweezers.

She laughs at my frankness and clears her throat:

-You know, Mr. Cole is not as cruel as he claims, at least, before, he was not.

Before

I say nothing and continue to listen to him, even if I have a little trouble believing that the demon has not always been like this.

-I knew him when he was still in diapers, she laughs, he was a real little devil.

I can't help but join her and laugh when I hear these little anecdotes.

-He has built himself an impassive appearance and hides his heart from others with another face.

To hide it, he hides it really well.

-You know, he didn't have an easy childhood, his father...

-ELSA, writes the demon from above, interrupting our discussion.

He has ears everywhere, it's amazing.

-Come over here.

His harsh voice sends shivers down my spine and I watch Elsa get up to join him. She doesn't seem the least bit shocked by these words dictated more like an order than a request.

She's probably used to it, I thought.

Finding myself again alone in the living room, I take advantage of a pleasant silence to quietly finish my breakfast, even if the thought of knowing more about the demon has taken my appetite a bit.

I finally had the opportunity to find out more about him and, coincidentally, he interrupts our conversation.

I don't know why but it intrigues me. I want to know more about him. I want to know his childhood, his journey. He is far too mysterious to hide only a simple secret.

It's an enigma, I don't know him, I don't know why he kidnapped me, he's filled with darkness, I see it in his eyes, incredibly dark.

It scares me as much as it attracts me, I don't know why, I want to know more about him.

And I would manage to pierce it. No matter how long it takes, I'll get there.

The house is quiet and when my plate is finally finished, I get up and do the dishes to avoid overloading poor Elsa.

I then quickly climb the stairs to my room, avoiding crossing paths with the demon. The very thought of bumping into him puts me in a bad mood. And for once, I feel that this day will be pleasant. So you might as well do everything you can to not spoil it.

The brightness of the room dazzles me once again, I think I could never get used to this strong light. And above all, to this change of color with the rest of the house.

I wonder why only this room is different?

Although I quickly visited, I did not see any pieces with this color. All are, like the living room, dark with little color.

I grab my notebook in one hand, a pencil in the other, and hurry back to the living room.

I prefer to write in this room, it inspires me and I feel surrounded. The daylight reflected by the bay window makes me feel like I'm floating and the sound of the fireplace helps me release stress. Besides, I don't really understand why the fireplace is on when it's early June. The weather is not so bad, despite this wind to dehorn the oxen.

The winter was quite cold, I guess that's why.

I sit on the chair next to the sofa and let the TV choose a playlist to accompany me.

I put on a random channel and come across a song by James Arthur.

I let his talent rock me and start writing whatever comes into my head.

Writing helps me to externalize.

When my pencil slides on the paper, all my worries and my stress are evacuated. I cannot explain how, but it has become an escape, a vital need.

I started writing under the advice of my shrink, it's been a few years now.

At first, I thought it was silly to tell a newspaper about our emotions and the thoughts that went through us. But my mother insisted so much that I forced myself for her. And then, over time, what was a chore became a pleasure. I was no longer doing this for anyone but only for myself.

In fact, thanks to this notebook, I spoke to him. It was as if through these writings, he was still there...

Now I'm going into my 20th year and writing is still part of my life.

Maybe some people will find it childish or weird, but for me, this notebook allows me to face what awaits me.

When I turn the previous pages and discover the pages written at the beginning of my stay with Sohan, I realize how lost I was.

I did not understand what was happening to me.

There are pages that I would never read again, they hurt me too much.

Powerful words bring back too many bad memories. But it also shows me that I was at rock bottom and now I've picked myself up.

After more than an hour of writing in my diary, the door slams and Romy enters a few moments later.

Her red floral dress brightens her hair and lights up her smile.

She joins me in the living room, just kiss me and moved to the other chair to my left.

-So, how was your first real night in this house, she asks me smiling.

-Hectic, I raise my eyebrows, thinking back to the brutal awakening inflicted by the demon.

-I hope Daemon didn't bother you too much.

- No really not, I'm ironic.

-He's not bad you know, you just have to get to know him.

Oh that's right ? Can't wait to get to know him then!

-Give him time to figure you out.

By dint of telling myself that, I begin to wonder why he is so cruel when everyone finds a kindness in him.

-How did you two meet, end, you know, how did you get back... I'm empty-handed not knowing how to formulate the question without it sounding like a judgement.

She laughs and resumes:

- Don't worry, I understood what you wanted to ask me. How I got into this industry. Why did I choose to stay there knowing all the atrocities that were happening there. That's every time the questions I get right.

I lower my head in embarrassment and play with my fingers, not knowing what else to do and not wanting to look at her.

My direct question was perhaps a little clumsy on my part. It's true that I don't always think before I speak and that has already caused me some trouble. In addition, we've only known each other for a day, she must think I'm crazy to attack her directly with personal questions.

But the thing is, I have so many questions in my head that I don't feel like beating around the bush. I'm tired of not talking to anyone, of having no answers to my questions, of feeling alone.

She gives me a benevolent smile showing me that it does not bother her, then she declares:

-I've known Daemon since we were children, I was the best friend of... I was one of those best friends, she corrects herself. Our mothers were best friends and we grew up together.

I listen carefully and notice that his thoughts seem elsewhere, surely nostalgic for the past.

She pulls her hair up in a high bun and adjusts the strap of her dress before continuing:

-And about how I got there, it's a little more complicated. Let's say it happened naturally. One day I was a high school student studying law, the next day I was in a cartel. Today, I have left my old life behind me and live from day to day.

- But why did you dump everything?

My curiosity is one of my biggest flaws, I know. But I don't care, I'm like that and I can't stay with my brain torturing questions anymore.

She seems to get lost in memories.

-When my mother got sick, Daemon supported me a lot, he was there for me when I had no one else.

She stares at the wall and takes a few seconds to breathe.

-You should know that my mother became pregnant very young and that her family quickly turned their backs on her.

-And your father, I ask shyly not wanting to launch a sensitive subject.

-My father helped him financially but could not be present because of his studies. So my mother had to raise me on her own.

-It must have been horrible, I breathe.

I dare not imagine the strength a mother must draw to raise her daughter alone.

I think it's very brave on his part and that there is no more beautiful proof of love.

-My father kept telling me that he was there for us and that he was not abandoning us, but I never saw him. If a father's job is to put just a little money in his daughter's bank account, then yes, I can say he was my father. But if his role is not limited to that, then I would rather say that I grew up without a father.

His words touch me and I can't hold back the tear that crashes down my thigh. I feel all her pain in her broken voice and it breaks my heart to see her like this. She looks so vulnerable.

She pauses and calms her breathing by exhaling slowly.

I feel that it is not easy for her to tell me.

So I get up and go sit on the couch, where I ask him to join me.

Our bodies now closer, I grab his hand and squeeze it tight in mine, showing him I'm here.

- You don't have to continue, I told her I wanted to in no way force her.

She shakes her head and smiles at me.

- It doesn't bother me, it's just that telling it always reminds me of the bad period of my life.

I understand her.

- My mother was really perfect, I never lacked anything, she said, stifling a sob. She was my little ray of sunshine.

Her lips stretch slightly and I smile as well when my mother's face appears in my mind.

Romy seems to love her so much, her words are strong and filled with emotion. Through these simple words, I guess all his love for her.

-But when the doctors diagnosed him with blood cancer, hell started. My father left, unable to pay for his medical care, my mother was getting weaker and weaker. And I was there, watching her slowly die without being able to do anything. I couldn't afford his treatment, so I started doing odd jobs. But that hardly changed anything. And then, one day, Daemon told me about his cartel.

-You didn't know before, I ask.

He was still one of those best friends, I find it weird that she had never seen anything before.

You did worse, my stupid conscience reminds me.

-Daemon is a very mysterious person, he keeps a lot of things to himself. You know, that life, he never wanted it for me, and I think that's why he never told me about it before, to kind of protect me. Our market is illegal, he was very hesitant to tell me about it, not appreciating the fact that I was going to be linked to it.

I nod, understanding his point of view.

-But the hospital costs were increasing and I had to find a solution. That's when I got into this business.

I watch her tell me her story, touched by her past.

This girl is so smiley and kind that I could never have imagined that she went through this.

Every day, I curse that person who sent me here and who killed my mother, without telling me that maybe other people have experienced that too.

-I started by smuggling drugs. My role was just to dress up and go to a party to give them their package. Then I evolved and the small evenings began to no longer satisfy me, I wanted more. The adrenaline wasn't strong enough, the salary wasn't big enough. And so I started working for Daemon, I organized big events and met the biggest mafiosos.

She wanted more? How can you want to spend your days between weapons, blood, violence?

-I was finally earning enough so I was able to pay for my mother's care. What I earned allowed him to climb the slope and still be able to share my life today.

I breathe relief to learn that his mother is still alive, at least everything she did was not for nothing.

But why is she still here if her mother is better?

- Why didn't you stop everything afterwards?

She takes a deep breath as if she's been preparing for this question since the beginning of our conversation.

-I entered it without knowing that once you set foot in it, it is impossible to get out.

His sentence freezes my blood.

I don't know if I'm ready to hear what she's going to tell me.

Since my arrival here, I have been in denial, for me, the demon is the only one responsible for my second kidnapping.

I imagine that these people are like me, forced to stay in this world. But in truth, I just don't want to face reality and tell myself that they are like him.

They are all criminals.

-I don't understand, I stammer looking at her in disbelief.

These are the only words I manage to formulate.

The questions keep swirling around in my brain. I can't understand how she could go on knowing what she would have to do to stay there.

Is she a prisoner of the demon?

Of this dark world full of secrets?

But her answer is by no means what I had imagined, and I am speechless watching her answer me:

-I liked him. From the moment I set foot in this world, I knew that my life before would no longer exist, she says, looking me straight in the eye. And if I had to go back, I wouldn't change anything about my choices and my career. I am like that, I have become who I am. I had to go through hardships to get this far and now be able to handle big events. And I don't want to forget them because they made me grow. This experience not only allowed me to care for my mother, it also gave me a second family. A family in which everyone supports and defends themselves.

His confession installs a blank between us and plunges the room into a heavy silence. Neither she nor I dare speak.

I'm in the dark, I see myself that night praying that this was all just a bad dream. I see myself again the following days, imploring them to let me regain my life.

How can you want to live surrounded by monsters and violence?

Romy comes a little closer to me and now it's up to her to clasp her hands around mine.

Her face is soft and her eyes look intently into mine:

-I'm sorry. I know that you never wanted to enter this world. And me, I'm here to tell you that I regret nothing and that I love this world.

I don't know why this affects me so much, why an anger rose in me while she was telling me about her choice.

Maybe it's because I had no choice that I resent him for saying that.

I was kidnapped and forced to live with them in a world I didn't want. And I know it's wrong to say that, that she also went in there out of obligation to save her mother, but she could get out of it.

She had a choice.

While I am trapped here not knowing when my life will be able to resume.

But I know never to judge a book by its cover.

All these choices were his, and I can't blame him for anything, it's his life. And while I might not have done the same as her, I can't blame her for that.

Romy is one of the few people who welcomed me naturally without yelling at me or making me feel uncomfortable.

She smiled at me and opened her arms, I don't want to say goodbye to this beginning of friendship. She remains an incredible person and I want to continue to share her life.

I cough to clear my throat and ask with a sincere smile:

- But all that... did you really like it?

-The luxury, the evenings, the beautiful dresses, of course I liked it!

-There were also mafiosi, illegal trafficking, weapons, I couldn't help adding.

She laughs and her frank laugh forces me to follow her.

-I was convinced that you would say that, you think this world is horrible and that I shouldn't waste my life with these criminals.

Exactly

-You are wrong. And I was wrong too in imagining that my life could pick up where I left off. I didn't think I would attach myself to this world either, but it managed to attract me and today I can't imagine my life without it.

I'm really trying to figure it out, but I don't think I can.

-In fact, I don't understand how you can tolerate violence, rapes, murders.

-Oh Kali, she whispers finally understanding where I'm coming from. I know you went through hell with Sohan and I'm terribly sorry you had to go through all that, but everything you went through with Sohan is not reality. In any case, the reality is not so harsh. Because believe me that otherwise, I would have left him a long time ago.

So why did Sohan do this to me?

- I was in your situation, I too wanted to end it more than once. But I fought, and now I have discovered another world. There's more to this world than that, I swear. Behind all these atrocities hides something good for you.

I would so like to believe her...

She clears her throat and continues:

-You know, I don't tolerate them. But this world is not to be associated with these bad sides, there are so many other advantages!

-Like what, I ask curiously, not having a single one in mind.

- Like money! They say that money doesn't buy happiness, but believe me, it does make a big difference. Liars are those who say otherwise.

His sentence hangs in the air and we burst out laughing when our eyes meet.

Romy the philosopher part 1

After several seconds of laughing, she stops short and declares:

-Yours.

This sudden change of mood and her face trying to remain serious make me burst out laughing again, and this time, it's up to her to follow me.