Chapter 5

*

"Fifteen – fifteen grand? For that?!"

"It's priced quite lowly based on the quality," I replied leaning to take a closer look at it.

"It's an ocean of blue paint on a board. What quality?" Ben asked sounding dumbfound.

"Shut up, you uncultured asshole." He chuckled in response and I found myself wondering exactly how it was that we got from wanting to always kill each other to only occasionally wanting to kill each other and other times just being amused by the other's existence. "Wait here. Take your hat off, you're not supposed to wear them indoors." Why did he wear them so much anyway? He wasn't even balding.

"I don't take orders from people who think you can justify asking someone to spend 15 grand on a painting." He replied. I rolled my eyes biting back a reply about who he would take orders from because I knew it would undoubtedly have pissed him off as I walked away from him and I made my way upstairs.

We were supposed to be getting some beer and snacks for the gathering we were having at Alex and my place but I had decided to stop by a gallery on the way so I could choose a painting for an assignment I should have started a while ago. My recent party-less schedule gave me time to focus on school more... not that I did... I just told myself I did while I played games with my books beside me on the table. Still, I would occasionally glance through them, which is a big improvement for me.

Ben didn't follow me to the second floor and I was grateful, I didn't need to hear more about how ridiculously priced he thought the art around us was. Idiot. He had no idea about the amount of time and effort that went into making all of this. Though, it was amusing to hear how shocked and annoyed he was about it.

I began looking around having given myself a time limit of ten minutes to choose a painting because we were only supposed to be getting snacks and going home. I frowned when my phone began ringing and Ben's name shone on the screen. Why didn't he just come upstairs? I answered my phone with an annoyed 'what is it?'

"What the hell are you doing? I've been in the car for 30 minutes, I thought you were choosing one not making one." He said.

"Thirty... oh." I mumbled glancing at my watch. "I ran into a speed painting contest. I'm in the top six, I can't leave now. I'll be out in another thirty."

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"Yes." I smirked. He went silent before the phone died in my ear and I laughed. I wished I could have seen his face.

I took a picture of the painting I had chosen after explaining to the staff why I had to and got the place's details before I jogged outside and found Ben leaning against the car on his phone. I expected him to be mad at my messing with him, but he was too focused on the phone. I bit the inside of my cheek as I remembered the last time I had seen him look so happy on the phone, in the hospital a week ago. It made me angry. I was trying to convince myself it was because he was happy and I liked to see him angry but I wasn't stupid. I was in denial though, and I would stay that way. Because Jordan doesn't care about people looking for relationships, Jordan isn't one of those people.

My friends were the type of people that jumped right into long term relationships, I kept stuff like that casual, and it was fun.

I felt odd. I felt sexually attracted to a lot of people – women – but I never cared about their relationships with other people because I knew their relationship with me would be for a week at most. Then there was Ben... He's not a woman, that wasn't my biggest problem though. Why did Ben's cell phone buddy annoy me?

"What were you doing?" Ben's voice snapped me out of my thoughts as the papers I had printed were pulled from my hands. I grabbed them back from him like they were something I needed to hide.

"Finding a painting. The drinks?"

"I know where." He climbed into his car. I followed him and clenched my jaw annoyed at myself as I felt my heart race.

I was relieved when Ben began speaking about football – another thing we really didn't agree on, but this was fun to argue about – distracting me from my own thoughts.

We got the beer from people who Ben seemed very familiar with and we were on our way home when Ben's phone began to ring again.

"Who is it?" He handed his phone to me.

Wow. He's such a criminal but doesn't speak on his phone while he drives. It was almost cute.

"A Tony?" Sounds like a moron.

"Oh, just silence it. I'll call him back later."

"Alright." I hung up. There's no difference anyway, right? I'm saving Tony some time; he would have kept listening to ringing. I handed Ben's phone back to him.

Ben and I began talking about parties somehow, and laughing about our and other people's embarrassing moments.

"Shiloh's gets really touchy when he's drunk, but mostly with inanimate objects. It's weird for him, but it's hilarious to watch." He laughed.

"Ah, I remember when Tony did something like that. Stair railing at a club we were supposed to be working at. It wasn't a pretty picture, I mean, besides the fact that he had gotten shirtless somewhere into it." He had to ruin it. We were having a great conversation and he had to ruin it. "Another time –"

"Shut up!" I snapped.

"What?" He seemed shocked.

"My phone." I pretended to be getting a call that needed him to be quiet, but he wasn't having it and grabbed my wrist.

"No. What the fuck is your problem?!" He yelled. "You couldn't just ask properly?"

I didn't reply and instead shoved his hand from my wrist.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah. Shut up." I muttered looking at him. He glared back at me before he gave a laugh of disbelief and I turned to my phone.

We drove the rest of the way in silence, I could practically feel his anger at me but I didn't care.

When we reached my house, I climbed out grabbing some of the bags and walked in putting them on the coffee table before I made my way upstairs. I was grateful that I had not run into anyone I would have to explain my mood to.

I entered my room and sat down covering my face with my hands. That was a complete overreaction but I was still pissed at him. I was pissed at him for being so fascinated by this guy. I was pissed at me for caring who he had interest in. Maybe if I hook up with him, this infatuation will go away. I snorted. If I'm going to hook up with a guy, it's not going to be one I have to see again afterwards, like most of my other partners. I wasn't alone for thirty seconds when I heard a knock on my door. I didn't answer and the person didn't take the hint and instead came in. I figured it was either Alexander or Shiloh. Neither of them ever bothered waiting for responses before they entered my room. Claire did, but I bet it was only because she was female.

"What's up?" Alexander.

I shrugged and he chuckled.

"Does this have something to do with your recent schedule change? Are you club deprived?" he joked.

"I wish." I muttered. If only. If only I could just walk into a crowded club, take a few drinks and never remember or have to see Ben again. This is Alexander's fault. Seeing Ben wouldn't be a problem if it wasn't for Alexander. Should I move?

Don't be stupid, Jordan.

"Talk." He said.

"Talk about what?" Shiloh's voice came.

"Is Ben lying?" Claire asked.

"No, and it's not like I fucking punched him in the face, he was talking a lot and I got fed up so I told him to shut up." I said.

"What was he talking about?" Shiloh asked amused as he shut the door. I was the least likely of the four of us to get burst out or get genuinely angry, and they found this situation amusing?

"Nothing. Is lunch ready? Can I eat up here? Wait, it's my house. Can we throw Ben out?" I looked at Alexander hopefully. He gave me a flat look and I sighed looking back at my wooden floor as I gave a humourless chuckle. "A guy." I mumbled.

"A guy?" Alexander sounded surprised.

"Who? Someone we hate?" Shiloh asked.

"Someone you hate?" Alexander asked. "But he wouldn't know anyone you hate." he added.

"Right." I mumbled trying to get them to be quiet.

"Someone annoyed you and he was making fun of it?" Shiloh asked. They're idiots. I'm probably one too. Is this why we're friends? 'Cause we're stupid?

"Just shut up. I don't hate anyone." I glared at them.

"You shut up." They snapped back at me. Did they come up here to help me or annoy the crap out of me?! "Probably someone he hates." they said to each other and nodded in agreement before they looked back at me and their eyes widened because I was glaring at them. I felt my shoulders sink feeling my glare fade. They didn't understand.

"Oh..." We all looked at Claire as she sat down next to me. I didn't protest as she hugged my shoulders, it felt nice. "You were jealous." she said. I looked down.

"Of what?" Shiloh asked confused. I swallowed as Claire patted my shoulders.

"You like him." Why did she say it out loud? How am I supposed to deny it now?

"What?" Shiloh and Alexander spoke again.

"He likes Ben, he got jealous because Ben was talking about some guy. Probably some guy he's interested in." Claire said.

"You're gay?" Shiloh asked. I looked up and shrugged my shoulders.

"No... I don't know..." I really didn't, "I like girls... and him... I don't know... he..." I let out a frustrated growl from my throat as I covered my face with my hands again, "Yes. I like him. I don't fucking know why, he's an asshole. He's rude, he thinks art is overpriced and he makes fun of it and he wears hats and he's a Liverpool supporter – fricking Liverpool! He doesn't watch Rugby and he doesn't wash his hands – well... he probably doesn't, I mean look at him. Okay, maybe he does, but that doesn't change the fact that he's so fucking aggravating. And he says stupid things, even though he's obviously smart. He's arrogant but he's nice to random people he doesn't even know, and he takes care of his friends and he has a funny laugh and that really cute dimple in his left cheek –" What is wrong with me?! Stop it! You're saying too much! And you sound pathetic. "Fuck! Shut up!" I hissed at myself.

"Ben has a dimple?" That was the only thing Alexander heard? Thank God. "Oh – I mean... Ben?" Damn it.

"What's the problem?" Claire asked me.

"What's the problem? Uh, it's fucking Ben, he hates him." I felt my shoulders sink again. Right. He does. "I-I mean... Ben acts like he hates everyone, J." He said.

"That's true." Alexander agreed. "It's impossible to tell who he likes."

"You two aren't helping." Claire snapped.

She shook her head as she squeezed my shoulders again.

"Just tell him how you feel, J." She said.

"He was talking about someone else." I said. Pretty sure I would be setting myself up for disaster if I told him I... was a tiny bit attracted to him.

"How do you know he wasn't talking about someone else to get you jealous? I mean... that's what we usually do." Shiloh said. I looked up

"Talking about how much you like someone else to get the person you like jealous so that they will tell you they like you?" Claire asked, her voice projecting how stupid she thought it was. Huh... Did we do that?

"Well... yeah..." Alexander mumbled scratching the back of his head.

"You're all idiots." Claire frowned. No one bothered to argue. "Jordan. Just tell him you're into him."

"And have him laugh in my face and throw it back at me every time he gets the chance to? No, thank you, I'll keep my pride." I said. And my self-respect, and my reputation.

"He wouldn't do that." Alexander said. I looked at him. "Trust me. I mean, Jordan, do you really think Ben's insensitive enough to do that?"

"No..." I gave a light smile as I shook his head, staring at the carpet before m smile fell and I swallowed, "but... what if?" I mean, I wasn't someone he seemed to like very much.

"What if he says he likes you back? What if he asks you out? What if you get together and we're stuck with him? Holy shit what if he becomes family?" Shiloh's voice became more fragile with the last sentence and his face clearly showed the dread that the thought gave him.

"He's not that bad, Shiloh." Alexander laughed.

"Isn't the possibility of finding out that he does in fact feel the same way enough to risk it?" Claire asked.

I looked at her. No, not really. I didn't say that, she would probably have smacked me.

"Claire... I just..."

"Stop being a pussy." Alexander snapped. "Sorry." He added quickly to Claire who just rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, fix yourself. The Jordan we know doesn't sit around moping about what could go wrong. He has balls." Shiloh frowned at Jordan.

"Or don't you?" Alexander smirked.

I looked at him narrowing my eyes.

"Not man enough, Jordan?" Shiloh smirked. Why were they messing with me? I was more of a man then they were.

"I'm man enough." I hissed.

"Sure you are. You're trembling as you sit there." Alexander snorted.

"Fuck you, I'm man enough. Fine. I'll tell him." I got off my bed and walked out slamming the door behind me.

Assholes. What do their whipped asses know about being manly? Shiloh's a fucking cuddler! And Alexander can't even run without tripping over his own feet.

I found everyone in the dining room and Ben was just about to take his seat when I grabbed the collar of his shirt and dragged him out. My aggression was mostly aimed at the two assholes I called my best friends.

"What the hell -?!" I ignored him as I shoved the front door open and shut it behind us once I had dragged him outside. "What the hell are you doing?! Stop – Jordan, I'll fucking –" Ben's eyes shot wide as I put my hands on his shoulders and shoved him back into the wall pinning him against it. Big mistake. He countered by shoving my elbows so my arms bent and I stumbled closer to him before he grabbed my collar and swung me shoving me where he had been just seconds before. I figured he would hit me because I had probably – well, definitely – given him the impression that this was a fight and I lifted my fist to counter but his hands gripped my wrist before his lips pushed against mine.

After the initial aggression of him shoving us into the kiss, it slowed because of both of our shock. I lifted my hands to rest them on his neck and felt his grip on my wrist loosen but his hands stayed where they were.

Ben broke our kiss and we stared at each other silently before he smiled. I was happy he did because I was confused about what to do next. This is usually the part we take off our clothes... But we should be indoors... Also, I didn't actually want to do that yet with Ben.

"You know, the next time you want to shut me up, you should do it like this." He said.

"I'll remember that, though it will get tiring always shoving you around –"

"Why do you have to be an asshole right now?" He frowned at me.

"You weren't specific." I shrugged but pulled him back into a kiss before he could reply. Right, it was the best way to shut him up.

When we went back inside, everyone looked at us awkwardly and we moved awkwardly, but Sergio can always be trusted to make it more awkward by announcing that they knew what we had done outside. Even so, everyone brushed it off eventually and we began eating dinner.

I felt Ben's hand grab my hand beneath the table before he leaned close to me.

"By the way," He whispered, "Tony's my cousin."

I felt my face burn and began eating to hide my embarrassment as he laughed.

*