Chapter 16

*

I parked my car beside Ben's in our driveway. He was home early. Alexander must have called him. When did Alex become so close to him? I blinked after a few seconds surprised at how quickly I had gotten home, or at least it seemed that way because I could not remember anything past putting my phone back on my desk at school and now I was here.

I climbed out of my car and made my way inside our house.

"Stan?" I called.

"He's not here! He said to tell you he's taking a walk, he'll be back in an hour." Ben's voice sounded normal. Maybe Alex had not called him and his early arrival was just a coincidence. I was relieved Stanley was gone. I knew I wouldn't be able to act normal around Ben right now and I didn't want Stan to hear anything. Still, it was almost 6 pm and the sky was darkening. He's such a night owl.

I made my way into the kitchen having heard Ben's voice come from there and he turned from the stove to smile at me.

"You're early," I said.

"And you're late." He joked before he turned to me, "Wesley thought we could have dinner tonight to discuss the show, I figured I would cook." He said.

The gallery event. I had completely forgotten about it. I reached across the table grabbing Ben's phone from where he and left it and scrolled to Wesley's number before I dialled it. He picked up after three rings with a 'Ben, what's up?'

"It's Jordan. Can we postpone dinner?" I asked. "I have an exam to prep for." I added.

"Sure. We would have had to eat in a rush because I have to be somewhere afterwards as well." He said.

"Sunday evening sound good?" I asked.

"Yes, you can just confirm in a text so I can save your number as well."

"Thanks." I hung up.

"Prep for a test? The kids aren't writing exams for another three weeks. Why did you cancel?" Ben asked.

I ignored him as I copied Wesley's number into my phone.

"Jordan." Ben turned the stove off.

"Something happen between you and Sergio?" I asked bluntly because I figured he would assume I was talking about work but he tensed.

"W-what do you mean?" He asked.

I couldn't drag it out. I didn't want to. It took so much effort to even look at him without showing him how hurt I was. I stared at the phone in my hands trying to arrange the words in my mind before I spoke.

"You... kissed him?" I looked at him.

His jaw dropped slightly and it moved open and shut a few times like he was a fish out of water as he tried to figure out what to say in surprise.

"K-Kissed?"

"Yes. Sergio. You kissed him." I stated. "Alex told me," I added. He was silent. I gave a nod as I got up and walked out. Mostly to create some distance, somewhat to try and think clearly while I wasn't in his presence. He followed me all the way to our room.

"I – yes, that happened... but that's all it was. I mean..." He drifted.

"Was it really, Ben?" I asked.

"Well... no, it was more than a kiss, but it stopped before it meant something, before it could go anywhere."

"It stopped or he stopped you?" I asked. "You were drunk." I pushed. "Just a kiss? Really? You expect me to believe that?" The amusement in my voice was evident. "I know you Ben." He was quite fixed on things he wanted to do, especially when he was drunk.

"With him – it was –"

"'With him'?" I cut him off as I looked up. Ben seemed to realise what he said and bit his lip as he looked away from me. And I shook my head."What did you do?" I asked. "And don't fucking lie to me, Ben." I added.

"I was drunk – and-and-and mad that he turned me down and Candice was just there so we..."

I watched his jaw clench as he kept avoiding my eyes.

I opened my mouth but my throat felt dry and knotted. I forced myself to swallow in a painful gulp that only made my eyes burn with tears. I let out a shaky breath as I moved to grab a jacket from my closet.

"Jordan –"

"Don't," I said sternly seeing him reach for me before I turned to leave.

"Jordan, listen to me –" He grabbed my arm and I immediately twisted it out of his hold.

"No, you listen!" I snapped as I grabbed his shirt slamming him against the wall, "I'm done, Ben. With your lies and your secrets and I won't be your replacement for him anymore. Fuck this! And fuck you! I'm done." I shoved him again as I let him go.

"Jordan, please, I didn't mean –"

"Shut the fuck up, Ben!" My shout made him freeze. I didn't look at him again as I walked out of the room.

I left our house fuming mad. I had been stupid. Blind. I climbed into my car and ignored Ben as he called out to me from the door while my tires screeched as I backed out and then drove off.

Sergio. Asshole didn't even tell me. Not that I would expect him to – unlike Alexander.Candice? She didn't even act any differently towards me than she had in the past three years. I would never be able to pinpoint when it had happened if I tried.

I stared at the road, my knuckles whitening as they gripped the steering wheel. I didn't know where I was going, I was just driving.

Slow down, Jordan, don't be stupid.

I ignored my thoughts as my phone began to ring. I pulled it from my pocket and turned it off without checking the caller ID before I tossed it into the glove compartment.

I need a drink.

I hadn't drunken much since I got with Ben, I used to drink like crazy but it just didn't appeal to me anymore. That didn't matter right now, I wanted something that could draw my thoughts away from him and to the burning of my throat as I drank it. I wanted something to focus on other than the pain in my chest. I had been driving for a while and didn't even know where I was when I spotted a club. I parked near the doors as someone had just left the spot and locked my car before I made my way inside. It was pretty high-end club and there was a balcony on the far side that towered over the bar allowing the people up there to see everyone on the dance floor.

I ordered a few drinks migrating between the dance floor that I was trying to use as a distraction and the bar. Eventually I got sick of dancing and drinking beer because neither of it was helping. Even as I danced all I thought about was what it must have looked like, what he thought about, if he thought about me. The fact that every day afterwards he had acted so normal and loving when he knew. I guess ben had always been good at brushing off guilt. Did he even feel any to begin with? Probably not...

I pushed past the woman that had been grinding on me and walked up to the bar.

"What's the hardest you've got?" I asked the bartender. He seemed to have just come on to his shift because I had not seen him the last time I came to the bar. He raised his brows.

"Tough night?" I gave a snort and he chuckled. "Pincer Vodka." he said.

"Give me a bottle." He gave a slow nod before he walked off. "Maybe, don't drink it all at once, Man." He said as he slid the bottle to me.

I thanked him for the drink despite wanting to tell him he couldn't tell me what to do with it because I paid for it and walked off as I opened it. I took a sip and savoured the burn as it cascaded down my throat and smiled. I didn't like how crowded it was on the ground level so I took the stairs to the second-floor balcony while the security guard was distracted by a couple of people trying to beg him to let them pass. I made my way through the crowds denying anyone that tried to dance with me by simply shrugging them off until I found an empty-ish corner and leaned on the railing watching the crowd below me as I sipped from my drink. Usually, I could hold my alcohol incredibly well. Usually. This, however, was new. I had never drunken anything this strong. I liked it though. I felt light, I hadn't felt like that on alcohol since I started drinking. I threw my head back and began drowning the entire bottle enjoying the way it burnt all the way down my throat.

I had just a couple of gulps left when I stopped and let out a dry sob I couldn't control. Shit. I leaned onto the balcony staring down at everyone through the blur created by the alcohol and my unshed tears. Five years of stupidity. I was sceptical about this when we started out, I had never been someone that could stay in a relationship very long. Even if I tried. I should have expected it.

I blinked and gasped as I felt tears run down my face. I wiped them away quickly but more came as I let out shaky breaths until I held my breath to fix myself. It worked.

I jogged back downstairs and out of the club before I stumbled across the road to my car and leaned against it as I continued to finish my drink. My eyes snapped open when I felt someone take my wrist and pull the drink from my mouth. I would have punched him if the bottle wasn't already empty.

"I was going to tell you to slow down." He chuckled before his smile fell. I tensed as he lifted his hand to cup my face and wiped a tear from under my eye, he didn't move his hand when he was done. He bit his lip automatically drawing my eyes to them. I wanted to bite them... "You alright, Jordan?" He knew my name? How? I didn't recognise his blurry face. It didn't matter.

I threw the empty bottle aside as I pushed off my car and shoved my lips against his. My head was too clouded for me to care about what I was doing or who he was, where I knew him from or where the hell he knew me from. He responded to my kiss immediately and I felt him push me back against my car but this time his chest was pressed against mine as he pinned me. He broke the kiss and I frowned annoyed.

"Sorry, this is someone's car. We should move before we start a fight."

"It's mine. You came with a car?" I asked.

"No... I'll drive." He said. I handed him my keys knowing I would look incredibly drunk if I tried to unlock my car because I really had forgotten how to do it at this point.

When he had unlocked it and I stumbled into the passenger seat with his help while he laughed as I kept trying to undo the buttons on his shirt before he got into the driver's. I figured we were going to his place because he didn't ask about mine and I kept trying to distract him and kiss him as he drove. The drive was pretty short and after some stumbling from me and help from him we were in his apartment in no time.

I tried to pull his shirt off once he had locked his door but he grabbed my arm and dragged me into a room.I tried again but he caught my hands with a chuckle. It was confusing. He doesn't want to have sex? Why did he kiss me in the parking lot and why did he bring me here? I could have found someone else at the club if he didn't want to hook up.

"Here. You can have my bed, I'll just use the -"

"We can share the bed." I cut him off kissing his jaw.

"Can we?" he groaned lightly and I smirked against his skin. If he didn't want to, it wasn't going to be very hard to convince him. I nodded biting and sucking his neck until I had left a mark before I trailed kisses up to his mouth while unbuttoning what I hadn't earlier in the parking lot. He responded immediately when our lips met I heard him toss his keys house aside before his belt followed.

I felt his fingers trace the skin on my neck as I kissed him. I had never kissed a man other than Ben before and it felt a little weird, but he also tasted really good and I really just wanted to have sex right now. It didn't matter who it was with. I slid my hands to the front of his waist but he grabbed my hands and turned us so I was against the wall before he grabbed my wrist and pinned my hands to either side of my head.

"As much –" he mumbled in a breath breaking our kiss for just a second before his lips met mine again only for him to pull back again annoying the fuck out of me, "– as much as I would love to finish this right here and now. You, drank as you are, don't want that." he said letting my hands go but as he began to step back I grabbed the front of his shirt and forcefully pulled him back to me making his eyebrows raise.

"Drunk as I am, I always know exactly what I want." I slid my hand up to his neck and pulled him against me. I smirked staring into his eyes feeling his bulge against mine and ran my other hand onto his ass so I could pull him even closer, "Do you?" I asked looking into his eyes – I think. He bit his lip staring back at me lustfully before he smiled.

"Yes," I smirked as I kissed him and this time he didn't break away.

*