Chapter 16 - Ben's POV

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"Hey, Candice. Can you email these for me, they're addressed at the bottom of the page and set up a conference call with China for next week Monday at eight. Also, update me on how Daniel's doing." I said.

"Daniel called to say he's gotten nowhere since last time but is going to try asking around her old neighbourhood. Is there a reason you're looking for this woman? She doesn't seem... like she could offer us anything." Meaning she didn't seem wealthy.

"Just do your job." I replied. Candice pouted before she laughed. The fact that I only gave her assignments rarely telling her what they were about or what I was doing always had her prying, even though I never said more to her than what she needed to know. She was my secretary, her job was setting meetings and making calls, she could be nosey though, "Wesley called to reply to your text, he says you guys can have dinner tonight if Jordan's ready to discuss the project."

"Great, call him back and let him know it's at seven. Jordan should be home by then..." I mumbled. I wasn't really sure, I assumed he would. This was good news. He was going to get his gallery show and we would have something positive to focus on.

I was in the process of clearing up the drug shipment mess. I had not lied to Jordan, it really was nothing big. I had refused countless shipments from people I used to deal with, and so had Sergio but this was a deal Sergio had with one of our old co-workers. He needed our help and we didn't turn him down. It would only be for the next year until he figured his shit out, I kept the drugs at home because anyone could have found it at work and Jordan randomly looked into the safe in my office when he came by and got bored. When Jordan found the stuff, I had to have a friend of mine move them to his club for a while and now I was indebted to him, of course he wasn't interested in money, he wanted some of the drugs and he wanted a reasonably priced continuous supply. That had nothing to do with me, it was between them. They both knew having my company ship it was out of the question.

I walked into my office and was about to shut the door when Candice called out to me, "Sergio called, he says to answer your phone."

I shut the door instead of replying and pulled my phone out before I paused after I unlocked it and saw the picture of Jordan smiling as he leaned to peek into the ocean that I had set as my home screen. We had gotten engaged on the cruise, because I knew he was too much of a child (and had a slight fear of commitment) to ask for what he wanted so I asked him. We had both been ecstatic.

I placed my phone on the table deciding to call Sergio later and get some work done in the next couple of hours before one so I could leave early to prepare for the dinner with Wesley.

When I arrived home after stopping to get some ingredients, I began making a spaghetti dish that Jordan's mom had taught me. It would take a while to prepare, and I had just put the spaghetti on the stove and began chopping up vegetables when I heard the front door. I smiled expecting Jordan but instead I saw Stanley walk by the kitchen, he didn't even look at me, much less address me. I clenched my teeth annoyed. I was going to find his mother and he was going to join her wherever the hell she went to.

I really, really didn't like him. I had not wanted children, I figured eventually I would put up with one we would adopt because Jordan really wanted a kid and I wanted Jordan, so obviously I told him I would be fine with having children one day. I wasn't expecting Stan at all and his attitude didn't make it much easier to have him here. I get it. It's our fault he's a mess, but it's not my fault his mother didn't tell me about him earlier. I would have given her enough money for them to live comfortably as far away from me as possible. The way he turned out was her fault anyway. She was every bit the mess she was when we met, she hadn't aged well. Probably because of all the drugs she took. He just pissed me off so much. Now even if we did find her and I made her take him (pretty sure she would be happy to for a bag of coke and ten grand – no, five), Jordan would insist that we continue to see him.

I could always fake their deaths... No, Jordan would be beyond pissed if – when – he found out about that.

I let out a breath and continued chopping vegetables and preparing dessert for the next hour until I heard footsteps before they came to a halt the door. I looked to see Stanley staring at me blankly.

"What?" I asked. "I'm not giving you money," I added.

"I don't need shit from you." He muttered.

"Then why are you here?" I asked, "Keep being disrespectful and I'll tell Jordan about the weed you keep in your drawer." He glared at me and I smirked. "Where'd you get that? Did you rob someone with those friends of yours?"

Unlike Jordan. I wasn't naïve and I had spotted Stanley with the guys he hung out with when he left the house. They all looked like the type of guys that used to beg our dealers to let them in on it. They were the young types who did petty crimes so they could have some money to buy dope with. Whether either of us wanted to admit it, it was true that the apple didn't fall too far from the tree.

"Tell Jordan I'm taking a walk, probably an hour." He replied.

I gave a scoff and went back to grating the lemon I had been busy with hearing him leave as I did. I wanted to say Jordan wouldn't care but I knew he would.

A few minutes later I heard a car door shut outside before I heard the front door open again.

"Stan?" Jordan's voice came.

I felt slight jealousy at the fact that he had called him before me even though he clearly knew I was here because my car was in the driveway as well.

"He's not here! He said to tell you he's taking a walk, he'll be back in an hour." I called back as I moved to place the dessert in the oven.

"You're early."

"And you're late." I tried to joke because just from those words something sounded off with him. I decided to change the topic quickly, "Wesley thought we could have dinner tonight to discuss the show. I figured I would cook."

His eyes ran over the tables before he grabbed my cell phone. I furrowed my brows as he dialled a number before he proceeded to cancel dinner. I watched confused as he spoke to Wesley, my anxiety building slowly.

"Thanks." He hung up.

I felt nervous and I was hoping this was about school, but I knew Jordan's schedule and I couldn't see what would cause this. "Prep for a test? The kids aren't writing exams for another few weeks. Why did you cancel?" I asked.

He didn't reply as he took out his own phone and began glancing between ours as he tapped on them.

"Jordan." I said his name as I turned the stove off assuming I would be too distracted not to burn anything now.

"Something happen between you and Sergio?" His question made me rigid but my heart picked up instantly. He wasn't looking at me but I felt like he would be glaring if he was.

"W-what do you mean?" I cursed myself as I stuttered. Jordan was silent, as if he was thinking or building up to something. Right now, it seemed like no matter what he was going to say it would be bad.

"You... kissed him?" He looked at me and I really wish he had not. He looked like he was holding down his anger, but I could see the fear in his eyes clearly.

My heart was hammering in my chest to the point where I could feel it in the base of my throat. He couldn't know... I didn't tell him, I never even hinted at it... Sergio wouldn't because that would be weird... Alexander? Fuck, he could never hold his tongue. I thought about how to answer him and realised I had unconsciously been moving my mouth without saying anything. I stopped.

Finally, I just decided on, "K-Kissed?"

"Yes. Sergio. You kissed him." His voice was hard, "Alex told me." Of course he did. Alex got up and I watched him turn away looking tired. The fact that he wasn't showing his anger was scaring me even more. He walked out of the kitchen and I followed him to our room trying to explain in a way that would make it seem like what it was: Nothing.

"I – yes, that happened... but that's all it was. I mean..." It depended on what context it was in.

"Was it really, Ben?"

I opened my mouth, he wasn't looking at me. I knew lying would only make him angrier now, hurt him more. "Well... no, it was more than a kiss, but it stopped before it meant something, before it could go anywhere," I said.

Of course it was more, I cared about Sergio. I always had, but it was different with Jordan. He meant more, I was just drunk that night.

"It stopped or he stopped you?" It could have been more, if Sergio let it happen... I was embarrassed afterwards, humiliated that he pushed me away, again. Not that I had come on to him like that before, it was just after he had met Alexander, I didn't even know Jordan back then. And this, this was just one stupid mistake. "You were drunk," Jordan kept talking, "Just a kiss? Really? You expect me to believe that?" He sounded amused, it was obviously to hide the pain in his voice, the fact that I could hear that only made me hate myself more, "I know you, Ben." He added. He did.

My mind was pretty clouded with my concern and panic and I couldn't think straight. I decided that my objective right now was trying to make him calm down and not be too upset with me.

"With him – it was –"

"With him?" Jordan's voice cut me off as his eyes met mine and I froze. Shit. Fuck. I should have kept quiet until my head was cleared. I couldn't stand staring into his eyes so I looked away as I chewed on my lip. It was a mistake. He wouldn't understand that right now. I only did it because I was mad that Sergio had brushed me off and I was horny and she was there and willing. "What did you do?" His voice was softer. Fragile. "And don't fucking lie to me, Ben." The fragility had disappeared quickly.

I stared at the wardrobe across the room. Whether I told him or I didn't, he would be hurt. My fault. He had every right to be hurt and pissed and to resent me. Maybe I should lie... No... "I was drunk – and-and-and," I wanted to say it in a way that wouldn't make him hate me but there wasn't any, "mad that he turned me down and Candice was just there so we..." my mouth had run dry and my voice seemed to disappear.

He said nothing, so I looked at him when he moved suddenly and grabbed something from his closet. He's leaving. No. He can't be.

"Jordan –" I tried to grab his arm.

"Don't." His venomous voice actually made me pull my arm back, but only for a second.

"Jordan, listen to me –" I grabbed his arm but he twisted it from my hand.

"No, you listen!" I froze as he snapped at me. Hearing him shout was fairly new, we never yelled at each other. I was still frozen as he grabbed my shirt and shoved me back against the wall, "I'm done. Ben. With your lies and your secrets and I won't be your replacement for him anymore. Fuck this! And fuck you! I'm done." He shoved me again as he let me go. It sounded final, but it couldn't be.

"Jordan, please, I didn't mean –"

"Shut the fuck up, Ben!" I froze seeing his tearing eyes. He turned from me and walked out.

I was too stunned to move for a second before I realised he was leaving and I needed to stop him. I ran to follow him but he was already in his car when I got to the door and when I called out he just ignored me and backed out of the driveway fast. I couldn't do anything but watch in fear as he sped off down the street.

Follow him. I turned to grab the keys but I stopped seeing both our sets hung beside the door. Stanley didn't have keys. Locking him out would be a sure-fire way to make sure Jordan never speaks to me again. I walked inside slamming the door before I made my way back into the kitchen. I grabbed a bottle of beer and took one sip and instantly stopped, disgusted. It was partially the reason for all of this. I and threw the bottle across the room and watched it smash into the cupboard leaving everything wet. I repeated it with the three bottles that were left. It didn't help much but it was nice to throw it. I leaned back against the fridge running my hands over my face.

It's okay. All his things are here. He'll be back and then he won't be as angry, I can talk to him – we can talk. I can make him understand. God, what if he hurt himself? He was driving so fast.

I sat down grabbing my phone and tried to call him, I wasn't going to ask him to come back, just to be careful. The call rung twice and then went to voicemail. He must have turned it off. I felt tears burn in my eyes as I leaned my face into my hands again.

I didn't mean to hurt him, it was stupid. I was stupid. It was a mistake.

Where was he going? A friend? None of our best friends or family lived close by. He had to be back in a couple of hours, right? I wouldn't talk to him if that's what he wanted, I wouldn't even look at him if he just came back and I knew he was safe.

I heard the front door again and listened to Stanley shuffle into the house, the hall and then stop at the kitchen.

"Jordan?" He mumbled as he stepped into it.

I watched his eyes move to the floor flooded in beer and decorated with shattered glass before his eyes moved to me. He stepped back before he walked towards the rooms quickly. I followed into the hall and watched as he peeked into our room before he looked at his and then glanced towards the guest room but decided not to even bother looking into it.

"Go to your room." I said when he turned to come towards me.

"Where is he? What happened? What did you do?" He ignored me as he began to walk towards me.

I grabbed his shirt roughly and shoved him back when he tried to walk by me. I wasn't going to let him out of the house.

"Go to your fucking room." I repeated.

He glared at me, and I expected him to fight me but instead he walked into it and slammed the door. I sighed. There. One thing Jordan will be happy I did, he wouldn't like the method but the kid wasn't going to get jumped late at night or sleep on a park bench and that would matter more to him.

I walked to the living room and sat on the couch.

I'll wait for him to get back before I attempt to sleep.

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