Feelings and desire

"I want you." She replied and suddenly I began to feel one of her hand pulling my nightgown trap sleeve down and the other pulling my panties underneath the gown, her lips kissing my neck and slowly heading towards my breast, making me feel so confuse and good at the same time

She's messing with my head.

Don't let her, don't let her Nana ..you can do this..

"Oh my god!" I moaned when she started nipping on my breast.

When I realised that I had moaned out loud, I covered my mouth in awe and disgust.

I look down at her to know if she is mocking me ..I know I'm crazy for even thinking that but yes I did, and no ..she isn't. Her eyes look so focused as her lips kiss me everywhere.

I'm disappointed in myself to say this but ..I really love her kisses, especially when her lips are kissing mine like it's the sweetest thing in the world.

Thinking about it makes me want to capture her lips in a deep kiss and touch her too, I know she wants me to ..she always tries placing my hands on her body but I always pull back and I could have right now if she hadn't just done that.

I didn't even know when she slipped my nightwear out of my body now leaving me with just my underwear which happens to be only a sokgot as I don't like wearing a band to bed because it makes me uncomfortable.

She is pulling down my sokgot and at the same time kissing me like crazy, making me completely hers ..to kiss, take and control.

god! she's distracting me from panicking or refusing her and she is succeeding.

"You're so beautiful." She said softly as she completely pull down my sokgot from my legs, then drop it where she dropped the others and again she started placing kisses all over my body ..starting from my lips, neck, stomach and now she is going downwards which made me have goosebumps all over my body.

"god, what are you doing to me?." I muttered so lost in the wonderful feeling I was receiving and then suddenly, I felt it.

The greatest pleasure.

I jack my body in shock when her lips cover my pussy and begin panicking thinking that she's going to bite me there too like she did with the rest of my body, but no she didn't.

I feel her kissing me there, sending me to heaven and then suddenly, my body receives the sharpest pain ever. I heard her hiss and at the same time muttered in a tone that I've never heard from her before.

"So tight ..so tight and beautiful."

I tried to suppress the pain thinking it would stop at just that once but then she started kissing me again and she stuck not one this time but two fingers, keeping them barely inside and this sends a grazing pain all through my body ..making me start pulling out of her hold.

Although I felt dazzling pleasure together with the pain, I didn't want to find out how painful it could be when she fully stuck her fingers inside me and I also pulled back because I was feeling guilty. I shouldn't be enjoying this at all, I should be pushing her off or hating her more but.. But..

"I'm so sorry ..did I hurt you?." She asked then as if sensing that her question is quite not wise, she said. "Of course I know I hurt you but I promise, it will only hurt just once."

"Nana." She called when I started pulling out of her hold more forcefully.

"Nana. Stop!." She said a little louder but I can sense her frustration and I don't want to be near her when she is frustrated.

"Please leave me alone." I plead as I struggle out of her hold but she wouldn't let me go.

"I did right by you Nana, I married you. You're my wife! Why do you always have to be difficult!?." She said then stood up in frustration when I began crying.

"You made everyone hate me. I can't give you an heir because I'm a female and your own people hate me for this!

I didn't even want to be your wife in the first place! For god sake I'm just eighteen!! If you and your father hadn't killed my parents and relatives ..I'm sure my life wouldn't have been this sad and I would be doing what I wanted instead of sitting here in this palace filled with people who have and are still killing innocent people!!." I yelled angrily not caring if she's going to punish me later for my words and behavior.

"I have already chosen an heir Nana and I don't need another. Your father died because he was forming an army so he can use them to over thrown Yi Chae-Yul ..the late Emperor who happens to be my late father and your family decided to go with him. They made their choice when they were deciding to break a traitor out of prison!!" She yelled back angrily.

"That's not true and i hate you! I hate you so much!!." I yelled and I saw her close her eyes as if hurt by my words but I don't care. "I hate you." I said crying then started dragging the bed cover to wrap it around my chest, which I did ..hiding my nakedness from her because she doesn't deserve seeing me naked.

"Nana.." She started to say but what surprises me is her soft tone and this makes me cry harder.

"I'm scared. I don't know me anymore, I don't even know if there's me anymore. I'm not ready ..please don't force yourself on me. I'm just not ready yet, I'm not ready." I pleaded in between crying and she walked up to me, wrapped her hands around me but I pushed her off.

"Shhh.. It's okay." She said calmly. "I'm sorry I brought your parents death up and I understand that you're not ready. I know you're scared Nana and I want you to know that I will wait. I will wait because I love you."