Chapter 4: Cassandra’s Secret II

“I’ve tried to rid myself of these impure thoughts. I’ve tried. I wish I could.”

“What thoughts, Cassandra?”

“They’re too… naughty… to talk about.”

“You can tell me. I’m not going to judge you. What thoughts?”

Cassandra looked at me, closed her eyes and leaned across the table again. I met her halfway and felt her soft cheek brush up against mine. She paused, trying to summon the courage to speak. Then she whispered her secret in my ear.

“At least once in my life, I want to submit myself to a man and become his sexual servant, his slave… I want to be tied up and spanked… hard... and…”

Tied up and spanked… I must confess I wasn’t expecting to hear that! I noticed my mouth had fallen open and saliva once again was accumulating at the back of my mouth. Cassandra squeezed her eyes shut even tighter.

“And I… I want to make love to two men… one right after the other… while they watch… I want to bring each man to an orgasm with my body… and my mouth.”

Cassandra leaned back, her eyes still shut, her hands so tightly pressed together that her knuckles had turned white. Her breathing was shallow and she appeared to be trembling. She inhaled in once very deeply through her nostrils and pushed the air slowly out through her pursed lips. Cassandra seemed stressed out about admitting these forbidden desires to me and perhaps, to herself.

“I know it’s bad, but I long to do these things just once, just once in my life…”

I leaned back, astonished. She finally opened her pretty eyes and blinked, fluttering her eyelashes.

“I’ve prayed about it, asking God to take these inappropriate thoughts away, but my prayers have gone unanswered. I’ve tried exercising like crazy when I have these desires, jogging around my neighborhood, taking cold showers, reading, watching TV, anything I can do to take my mind off of it, but nothing seems to work. They wake me up in the middle of the night, these dirty thoughts. I think about them all day long, I can’t get them out of my mind. I thought perhaps, if I could talk to someone about them, it might help, but the only people I talk to are my friends at church and they wouldn’t understand.”

“Is there anyone in your family you could talk to?” I asked.

Cassandra took another sip of her coffee drink and stared out of the window for a long moment.

“I have a sister.”

“Yes, you mentioned that.”

“She’s my closest friend. You would like her, Charles. She’s so free-spirited. When I started having these… fantasies… I was too embarrassed to tell even her. If there’s anyone in my family I could tell, it would be her. I could talk to my sister about anything.”

“She sounds nice. Why don’t you talk to her about your feelings?”

“I can’t… She’s gone away…”

“Gone? Where?”

“Chicago.”

“Oh… Do you know where she lives?”

Cassandra cast her eyes down at the table and shook her head no. Looking closely at her face, I noticed dark circles under her eyes covered up by makeup. She seemed lost in thought, with a pained look in her eyes. I wanted to ask her more about her sister, but I thought it would be best to change the subject.

“I think what you’re experiencing is not uncommon for someone about to get married. Couldn’t you just have… a little fling with someone… before you enter into your long-term relationship?” I asked, hoping that someone would be me.

“I wish it were that easy, Charles. What I want is… a little more complicated… I did consider, as you say, having a little fling. Earlier this evening I finally decided to try to fulfill these urges in a discreet manner with a stranger. I put on this slinky dress and went out to a singles club. I sat at the bar and ordered a cocktail, even though I don’t drink. Several attractive men approached me, asked if they could sit down next to me, buy me a drink. I knew they were attracted to me. I could have easily gone home with any one of them, but… it’s so hard to explain. What I fantasize about is much more than just a simple affair. Anyway, I wasn’t comfortable with anyone I met at the bar tonight. What I want could be dangerous… very dangerous for me… if I picked the wrong person… or persons. The men at the bar intimidated me, made me nervous, so I didn’t give in to my urges with any of them. I left the bar and stopped at the grocery store on my way home. That’s when I saw you wandering around Safeway. Something about you made me relax. I could tell you were a polite and gentle person… someone who wouldn’t hurt me if I made myself vulnerable to you. I wasn’t intimidated by you at all.”

Cassandra raised her chin and looked into my eyes.

“And then in the store…I knew it was wrong of me, but I had this desire to talk to you, to flirt with you… To see what it felt like to have a stranger’s hands upon me. And this time I didn’t… I couldn’t… hold myself back. The way you held me and squeezed me so hard… and in such a virile fashion... I knew you were able to give me exactly what I wanted.”

Cassandra looked back down at the table, ashamed to continue. I felt embarrassed again and mumbled an apology for my crass behavior.

“I don’t know what came over me. I don’t usually… I think I sort of lost control for a moment, back at the store. I promise you, it won’t happen again.”

“You really shouldn’t worry about it, Charles. You didn’t hurt me at all.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“I’m sure. It was exactly what I was looking for. You see… I have a high tolerance for pain,” she said, biting down on her lower lip and looking up to make eye contact with me. “The way you touched me, Charles. I could tell you are a very sexual person. I thought you might be the one, the only one able to give me what I want, what I need. That’s why I flirted with you in the store and let you touch my breasts.”

Exchanging a smile, we reached out across the table at the same moment and held hands.

“I thought, perhaps, if I shared these desires with someone I felt comfortable with, someone who doesn’t know anyone in my circle of friends, someone like you, Charles, perhaps these thoughts wouldn’t have such a grip over me and I’d be able to get them out of my system. Then I could settle down and get married without being plagued by all these inappropriate desires. I know it sounds crazy, but I think it would be better to explore these fantasies now, rather than have some scandalous affair after I get married.”

“That makes sense,” I said.

“Charles, do you have any plans this weekend? Would you be available to spend some time with me?”

Though her situation seemed odd to me at first, after thinking it over it began to make perfect sense. Cassandra hadn’t seen her boyfriend in quite a long time and probably had cold feet about getting married. What would be the harm in spending a little time with her this weekend? I wasn’t usually the type to go out with someone else’s girlfriend, but if Cassandra and I had some sort of experience together, perhaps it would make her feel more comfortable about settling down and getting married. But… what was it she whispered in my ear? She wanted to be tied up and spanked? She wanted to make love to two men? She wanted to be some kind of sexual servant? I wasn’t sure about all that. It made me a little nervous, frankly. That kind of kinky stuff is normally way out of my league, though I had just fondled her breasts rather roughly in the grocery aisle, so who knows what I am capable of, I thought.

“I don’t have any particular plans this weekend, Cassandra. Since its Labor Day, I’m off on Monday. Are you?”

“I do most of my work from home, but if I put in some extra time on Sunday, I could take Monday and maybe even Tuesday off,” she said.

“Ok then. I’d love to spend the weekend with you, Cassandra.”

She smiled and tears came to her eyes. She seemed extremely relieved, took another deep breath and exhaled.

“You don’t know how glad I am to hear that, Charles! Thank you. I promise we’ll have a fun weekend together.”

Her enthusiasm made me excited too.

“Can you tell me a little more specifically about these… fantasies of yours?” I asked.

“I’d rather describe them to you in a more…intimate setting,” she said.

“OK. We could go to my apartment if you’d like. I live just a few blocks away. Did you drive here?”

“Yes.”

“Follow me in your car. You can park off the street in my guest parking spot.”

“OK.”

We stood up. I cleared the table of the coffee drink and napkins. When I returned to the table, Cassandra touched my cheek with her soft lips.

“You’re very sweet to listen to my situation. There is one last thing, before we go. Do you have a computer and a printer at your apartment, Charles?”

“Sure.”

Cassandra leaned in closely again and whispered.

“Part of my fantasy… involves signing a contract… that we must go over together and agree upon.”

“A contract?”

“I know it must sound strange, but it’s necessary. We need to agree on our rights and responsibilities to each other, the hard limits I have, and especially the time period of the contract. If you sign the contract, you are agreeing to let me go after our time is up, no matter what happens between us, no matter how you might feel about me. I’ve pledged myself to my boyfriend and I intend on keeping my promise to him. That means you and I will never be able to see each other again after my boyfriend returns in four days.”

“In… four days?”

“Yes, can I trust you about that, Charles?”

At the moment I would agree to anything to spend time with this pretty woman.

“You can trust me, Cassandra,” I said.

“OK then.”

Cassandra kissed me on the cheek again, her lips lingering a bit longer on my skin.

“I’m so excited,” she said.

“So am I. Come on. Follow me, Cassandra. I’ll take you to my place.”