Chapter 3: Cassandra’s Secret I

We walked silently, this mystery woman and I, arm in arm, through the parking lot and across the street to Starbucks. God, it was nice to be close to someone again, however strange the encounter. Was Cassandra a prostitute? If she was, it didn’t matter to me in the least. I would pay whatever it cost to spend time with her. It was my birthday, after all. Maybe it was healthy for me to give a present to myself. I felt happy for once and exhilarated to have my arm around a woman again. Hopefully my luck had finally changed and the dark cloud hovering over me for years had finally gone away.

We found a table and Cassandra went to the counter and ordered a drink. From across the room we made eye contact and she winked at me. I noticed all the men and some of the women were checking out her exposed bra and the curvy shape of her body over the brims of their coffee cups, laptops and I-Phones. The sexy way she dressed and her sensual beauty easily made her the center of attention in the room. I couldn’t believe my luck that this angelic creature plucked me out of the Safeway produce aisle and was now sidling over to our table with a Frappuccino in her hand, swirling with whipped cream on top. Though no one else in the place even knew I existed, Cassandra looked me directly in the eyes. Me. I had gone through life virtually ignored by humanity, and Cassandra’s recognition made me feel like my life had meaning, purpose. She placed the coffee drink on the table, sat down and crossed her legs.

“You have your own straw. See?”

“Yes. Thanks, Cassandra.”

“Do you like to share? I do. It’s more fun that way. Do you like to share too, Charles?”

“Sure. I like to share.”

We both leaned over and sipped our straws, my eyes automatically drifting down to her tantalizing flesh, the light brown rings of her areolas peeking out from under her bra.

“You like to look at me, don’t you? Even more than the melons.”

“I do. Yes… I mean, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to stare, but you have the prettiest…”

“The prettiest what?”

“Uhh…”

“Breasts? Is that what you’re trying to say? You like to stare at my breasts, Charles?”

I nodded. My heart raced and I hoped she wouldn’t be offended by what I was about to say.

“Back in the store, I loved touching them, squeezing them. It… aroused me,” I whispered.

“I could tell,” she said.

“You’re such a sexy woman, Cassandra. You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever met in my life.”

She placed a finger on her lips and lightly tapped them.

“I wonder… Can I trust you, Charles? I don’t really know you.”

I reached across the table and took her hand in mine.

“I know we just met,” I said, “but you can trust me, Cassandra. Believe me, you can.”

“I feel like I can, Charles.”

She smiled and squeezed my hand in hers.

“You know, when I first saw you in the store I followed you.”

“You did?”

“I did. I had the feeling you might be the one.”

“The one?”

“The one I could trust.”

Cassandra leaned forward slightly in her chair and spoke in a softer voice.

“There’s something I need… that only a man can help me with.”

I wondered what it was she might need from me.

“OK. What can I do?”

“Would you be free to help me over the next few days?”

“Sure. What exactly do you need my help with, Cassandra?”

“Let me explain… But first, may I ask you a personal question?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Are you a religious person?”

I was slightly taken aback. It seemed a strange question to ask after what had just transpired in Safeway.

“No, not really. My parents didn’t go to church, so I wasn’t brought up religious.”

“Oh. I see…”

She seemed disappointed by my answer for some reason.

“Are you religious?” I tentatively asked.

“Yes. I’m a Born-Again Christian,” she said with an enthusiastic smile.

I nodded my head once, not sure I had heard her correctly. I started to feel completely confused. The woman who just let me fondle her breasts by the honeydew melons was a Born-Again Christian? I shifted in my seat.

“OK…”

“Do you like this gold cross I’m wearing? My boyfriend gave it to me the night before he left for his deployment.”

Boyfriend? I knew it was too good to be true. I looked down as the air left my chest. The hopeful exuberance I felt just a moment ago was now crushed.

“Uh-huh.”

“He served in Afghanistan.”

“I see…”

Cassandra glanced down at the engagement ring on her finger. I hadn’t noticed it until that moment.

“I go to the First Assembly of God, out near the Target, right before the exit off I-80. We’re getting married there by Pastor Orman next month. He’s been my minister ever since I was a little girl.”

“Oh…”

A long pause went by as I looked at the ring on her finger. Cassandra took a sip of her coffee drink and licked the whipped cream off her lips in a provocative manner. We made eye contact for a brief moment and then I stood up. Our awkward words came out in unison.

“I’m terribly sorry, Cassandra. I didn’t know -”

“Please, Charles, where are you going? Sit down, don’t—”

“You are engaged to be—”

“Leave. Please allow me—”

“Married.”

“To explain… Please don’t leave yet, Charles. Let me explain myself first. Would you? Please sit back down. I have no one else to talk to about this.”

“OK...”

I slowly sat back down.

“Would you like a sip? You’ve hardly had any.”

“Sure.”

I politely took a sip from the straw.

“Do you like it, Charles?”

“Yeah.”

“I like sharing my drink with you.”

“Thanks.”

“I know this all must sound terribly confusing, Charles. It must be rather awkward for you and…it’s very hard for me to talk about as well.”

I took a breath in and exhaled. I didn’t know what else to say.

“You must think I’m some kind of freak,” she said, ashamed.

I reached across the table and placed my hand briefly on her arm.

“No, Cassandra. I don’t think that at all. It’s just that I don’t understand the situation or what you want from me,” I said. “I mean, you have a boyfriend, you’re engaged…”

She smiled stiffly at me and I smiled back. Just a moment ago we were staring deeply at each other and now we couldn’t make eye contact.

“You know what I was thinking, Charles?”

“What?

“Sometimes you can tell something to a stranger you can’t tell anyone else,” she said.

“That’s true,” I said.

“I don’t really blame you if want to go, but would you mind staying a little longer so I can talk to you?”

The situation was quite odd. If Cassandra was in a relationship, not to mention religious, why did she flirt with me and allow me to fondle her breasts in the grocery store? Despite my confusion and the fact she was engaged, I decided to stay. Maybe she just needed a friend, someone to talk to perhaps. I would need to do a better job at keeping my hands to myself around this attractive woman.

“Sure I’ll stay. You can talk to me about anything you’d like, Cassandra. What’s on your mind?” I asked.

“Well, it’s difficult to talk about. Like I said, I’m engaged to be married to a very nice Christian man. He’d be so jealous if he knew I was talking to another man right now. He hates it if anyone even looks at me in public. I have to wear plain clothes so I don’t draw attention to my body.”

She leaned forward again and whispered very quietly in my ear.

“When we go out he even makes me put band aids over my nipples so they don’t attract the wrong sort of attention. They have a tendency to pop out under my clothes a bit.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“It feels nice to just let myself go and not worry about it for once,” she said.

“You should be able to wear whatever you want. Doesn’t he trust you?”

“Oh, he does. He knows, once we get married, I’d never cheat on him.”

“What’s his name?”

“Patrick… We started dating in college. His family is poor, so he signed up with the military to pay for his education. After graduating he had to serve his time to repay the debt. On the last night before his deployment, he asked me to marry him. He said he was afraid something bad was going to happen to him and he wanted to have something to look forward to when he came back home. He finished his last tour in Afghanistan a few months ago and is flying back to Chicago from Fort Bragg on Wednesday. I haven’t seen him for over three years, though we’ve written back and forth. Am I boring you with my story?”

“Not at all, Cassandra. But if you’re boyfriend’s coming back, I just don’t understand what it is you want from me.”

She took a sip of the Frappuccino and breathed in.

“Well, I know I want to marry my boyfriend and he’s a good person, but…”

Cassandra leaned in again and whispered her deep dark secret to me. Only to me.

“There’s this... other person… living inside me… no one knows about. She has these... needs… I’ve never been able to express them to anyone. Before my boyfriend returns, at least once in my life, I’d like to… no, I have to… act upon them, in order to be happy when I actually get married, I think.”

Cassandra sat back in her chair and breathed out, relieved to unburden herself from the weight of such a great secret. I tried to make eye contact with her, but she cast her eyes downward. Her cheeks flushed red with shame. I wasn’t sure yet what “needs” she was referring to, but she seemed quite tormented about it. I assumed it had something to do with sex.

“Why don’t you express these… needs… with your boyfriend?” I asked.

“I’d like to, very much, but I think it would ruin our relationship if I revealed the secret to him. I don’t think he’d be able to accept it. Even if I told him, I don’t think it’s in his nature to interact with me… in that way.”

I nodded. Cassandra intertwined her fingers together on top of the table, as if in fervent prayer.