Chapter 3 - Fighting what cannot be fought

"Only one more night", Samantha repeated amongst muffled sounds of excitement as she let him pin her against the wall, his lips all over her neck, his hands everywhere over her soft curves, while hers dug in his short sandy blonde hair.

Lucas was barely able not to chuckle as he nibbled on her neck. "You say that every time", he argued, lifting her up, her legs hooked behind his waist. "Yet here we always wind up". He moved her from the wall, but only to walk towards the bedroom, without losing a single instant of that soft skin of hers.

"Remember the rule", Samantha chided him when his lips seemed to be straying towards hers.

That was the downside, he could have everything of her physically, but not her lips, kisses were not allowed, no matter how lost in the ecstasy they were, which was quite frustrating, because he craved to kiss those lips, every day more, and he might have disobeyed, hadn't she been so rigorously strict about her rules, so that violating one might result in a permanent or semi-permanent ban from that heavenly land that was her virtue.

Lucas found himself more and more addicted to her and her enticing curves, it was impossible for him to go more than one night without having had her in his bed, therefore he was somewhat forced to obey to her rules, unless he wanted to suffer the pains of withdrawal from his most favorite drug, as he'd started calling her.

He pushed her onto the bed, hovering over her, hungrily trailing kisses from her neck to her cleavage, while his hands worked to unbutton her vest first, her shirt later. After nine weeks of not that much occasional, practically routine, nocturnal encounters brimming with unbridled passion, their movements were perfectly in sync, and, amazingly, Samantha was even able to dare participate more than she ever had in a sexual act.

That's why she had no troubles flipping them over to straddle him, her knees bent to his sides as she gave him a small impish smile while taking off vest and shirt together, completely revealing her burgundy bra, which barely contained her cup D, and Lucas wasn't able to hold back a "oh, damn ..." she found herself giggling at at.

Samantha placed her hands on his chest, and started undoing his shirt, button by button, while she did the same thing as he always did to her, namely nibble on his neck sensually, sultrily, in a way that might have been new a few weeks before, but was perfectly natural now, yet it still held that overwhelming power that drove him over the edge in a few moments. If there was one thing she liked about her secret encounters with her employer, it was learning new things.

A whole new world of pleasure had disclosed before her eyes, and that was possibly the biggest pro to such liaison, and most probably the sole one, along with that irresistible need, that pushed her to keep going, other than quit concretely instead of just verbally, as she did every time.

Only one more night, she kept repeating herself and him every time she let him convince her to go over to his place. Only one more night, she kept repeating every time she got dressed in a hurry, escaping every word he might have wanted to let slip. Only one more night. Since nine weeks.

Samantha trailed kisses along his neck while she undid the buttons of his shirt, his hands raking over her hips as he admired the sight of that breathtaking creature unbridling her hidden ardor only for him. She'd gotten more than a bit better, if he cared to admit it, she'd learnt a lot more, had felt a lot more than ever, and he was quite proud of it.

He let his fingers slide over those sensuous hips of hers while her hands worked to unbuckle his jeans, every touch of hers was tripled in power, every time their skins came in contact. Lucas felt a powerful tremor quake every fiber of his being, like fireworks going off at the unexpected, every time his hands touched her skin. Samantha felt tingles all over her body. It was uncontrollable, but the very confirmation that, no matter how much they tried, no matter how much she repeated it was the last time, they couldn't stop.

***

Like in a déjà vu, Lucas watched her get dressed in a hurry, slip on pants and shirt and everything at the speed of light, as if afraid he would stretch a hand and grab her, blocking her for life. He couldn't help wondering whether she was just anxious to keep their bond as shallow as possible, or she felt ashamed of doing for the nth time what she kept on promising not to. The latter wouldn't be hard to believe.

Within nine weeks Samantha had always been repeating how they would stop, that that would be their last night, how it was wrong for them to indulge in such pleasures, that there was a clear conflict of interests, she even got to pointing out that, was HR to know, they might get into serious trouble, which had Lucas point out that it was his company, he responded only to himself.

She mentioned the board council, which held quite a power, he flaunted the very simple fact that he owned 60% of the company's shares, which meant that, as a matter of fact, the board council counted pretty much nothing, although it was true that, was HR to know, they would indeed get into trouble, but not as catastrophically as she depicted it.

Questions would raise, but there was no rule that forbid to colleagues to mingle in a specific sense, the 'no sex with employees' policy was a self imposed one the CEO had brought upon himself in order to avoid a second Barbara Lane, therefore the most HR could do was to investigate on whether their peculiar liaison translated into preferential treatment for Samantha, but given that the CEO himself was involved, they couldn't do much about it, Lucas claimed.

"This company is no democracy, I'm the sole king, the sole emperor. I make the rules, I can bend them", he joked a couple of times, not knowing that such statement only pushed his sex partner into believing that sleeping with her employer could get her in trouble.1

However, Lucas was starting to think it wasn't that much about conflict of interest, it was more about her self imposed isolation, she was probably more worried about winding up caring about him, or that her colleagues would judge her.

Within nine weeks, for how carefully circumspect Samantha had been about it, Lucas had been able to draw some sort of outline of her character, and for how incomplete that was, he'd come to at least one conclusion: Samantha Benedetti was only strong until heavily put to test. 1

She was more insecure than she would ever let seep through. She wasn't shy, just under the heavy spell of low self esteem. Proof was how much she repeated that she meant nothing to him, she was only a game, so why wasn't he tired yet?1

In her mind, that was an argument to convince him to quit, go back to normal, in his, it was to push him away. She didn't want to be better known, she didn't' want him to know her better, Lucas was sure of that.

On the other hand, it might also be believable that she felt ashamed of their encounters. After all, she was willingly submitting to some sort of sex deal, with her exquisite passion for flipping over situations, she might turn a simple sex relationship into some sort of dirty deal where she played the part of the whorish employee that hooked up with her employer in order to get favors.

Lucas was sure it wouldn't be long before she played that card. She was getting quite creative when it came to excuses to end what they had. Too bad she couldn't resist one minute after those.1

Lucas was somewhat amused and curious, if he had to be honest, given her excuses and denials, it was inevitable for him to wonder why did she still agree to keep going. Was it simple lust? Did she feel the same irresistible pull as he did? Maybe she had more restraints than him, but it was the same strong attraction to keep them tied to that bed almost every night.

It was strange, though. Something deeper than the simplest sexual pleasure erupted from their sessions, there was more than physical delight when he touched that soft skin of hers, heck, he felt catapulted into a whole different dimension when they were in bed together, as if they'd just left this world to enter an exclusive one where they were the sole inhabitants. What on earth could ever cause all that? That was the sole thing Lucas might wonder, the rest were needless fears.

From her part, Samantha did feel guilty. What he saw as excuses where the real troubles her mind made up when it came to their peculiar liaison. She was truly worried about what would HR say about the CEO hooking up with an employee, she was truly anxious about her colleagues finding out and thinking that she was literally fucking her way through promotions. However the biggest issue was very personal.

Getting fond of her sex partner. That was a mined field. It was the reason why she didn't allow kisses nor any other touch that wasn't simply sexual, neither small talk.

It was the reason why, in the office, they were pretty much strangers, she never met his gaze voluntarily, never dared speak directly to him in meetings. Nothing. The farthest they were emotionally, the better.

She was stubbornly determined to steer clear of any sentimental bond, and certainly it wouldn't be her employer to change that. Not even friendship was allowed, because it would imply caring, caring was the fastest door to weakness, and how could she endorse that, when she'd spent a whole life battling not to be weak?

"I'm ... leaving for Hong Kong in the morning", Lucas informed her, not sure why, as she buttoned her shirt quickly. "It won't take long, but then I'll head directly to San Francisco. All in all, I'll be away for three weeks more or less". He wasn't sure whether he wanted a reaction or not, be it only out of pride, he just felt like telling her.

Samantha merely nodded, and sat on the edge of the bed to put on her shoes.

"Don't be too sorry, eh" he joked, a little hurt at her lack of response, not sure if in pride or something else.

She stood, impassive. "It's a good thing", she pointed out, smoothening her clothes, without meeting his gaze. "Being far for a while. It'll help get back to normalcy."

Lucas rolled his eyes, honestly annoyed at the nth proclaim about how this had been the last time he'd seen her naked. "Sure, whatever floats your boat. I'll see you in three weeks", he liquidated it, better lying in bed, smoothening his pillow to sleep.

"I mean it." Samantha claimed, serious, as she turned around. "Three weeks without a drug are a great start at getting cleaned up".

He rolled his eyes. "Samantha, let's be honest, we're addicted to each other. If possible, three weeks will only do worse."

She sent him a dirty look as she grabbed her purse. "You seem to think I can't live without having sex with you. That's absolute nonsense. Just because I do cave, doesn't mean I can't stop whenever I want to."

He smirked, moving an arm behind the back of his neck. "Well, how many times have you claimed it was the last time? Yet here we always wind up".

"That's your fault". She crossed her arms, furrowing her brows.

"Is it? As far as I can tell, I don't force you."

"No, but-"

"But what?" He sat up, tired of this pantomime. "Samantha, be honest with yourself. We aren't able to stop this, neither do we really want to. And why would we? It's not like we're hurting anybody, are we? We're just two adults having fun, I don't see any issue in that."

She sighed, exasperated that after nine weeks he still wouldn't get it. "Do I have to repeat myself over and over again every time?" She snapped. "Of course it's an issue! I freaking work for you, you dumbass."

"Oh, for Pete's sakes, quit it!" Lucas snapped as well. "There is no conflict of interest. We're just screwing, Samantha, not getting married."

"It's the same."

"Why? I don't even have a way to play favorites. It's not like I'm giving you pay rises or promoting you, am I? Or is that what you want? Are you fucking me because you want a promotion?"

"How the hell could you think that?!"

"I don't. But you fear people will, don't you?"1

"Well, who wouldn't? It's me, a low level employee with a medium wage, with Mr. Womanizer. Who wouldn't think bad?"

"I'm no womanizer."

"Your reputation says otherwise."

He snorted, slightly offended. "Oh, please, how can you believe those stupid magazines?"

"Whether that's true or not, people believe it, and-"

"I really don't understand you. Nobody suspects anything, and it's been nine weeks, if people were able to tell you fuck your boss just by looking at you, they would have already found out."

"You're being irrational", she snorted.

"Look who's talking." She gave him a dirty look, but he ignored it, better sitting up. "I honestly don't understand why do you fuss this much. We're screwing, so what? It has nothing to do with your job. I don't give you lighter tasks, do I? I don't play favorites in any way, do I? I treat you the same as I do to others. What's the freaking problem then?"

"We're getting too close."1

Lucas blinked his eyes, marveled at her honesty. "What?"

Samantha shook her head, biting her tongue, conscious that she'd let slip too much. She didn't even say goodbye, just left in a hurry, practically fleeing, knowing that if she stayed even only one moment more, if she gave him even a sole chance to question her, she would budge, because that was what she always did. She budged, caved, gave in, every single time.

And it wasn't her habit. She never bowed, she never let control slip out of her hands, she never did things whose outcome she couldn't predict nor want. She never did that. And the sole fact that he was able to have her act against her will was one big alarm going off. 1

He was getting too close, too, too close. There was no way she would allow that. No matter the cost, she would not bow to sentiment. Never.

***

From Lucas Grant:

Next time you run off on me, I'm gonna have the guards chase you1

Samantha gulped as she read the text once she'd managed to squeeze in a seat in the subway.

I didn't run off

She sent, just to act normal, even though, she knew she had, literally, because after getting out of his penthouse, she'd taken a run for the exit of the building and consequently for the closest subway stop, while normally she would take her time walking, in order to clear her head from all those sensations that a night with her employer caused.

The first times he actually offered to drive her home, or at least have his chauffeur do it, but she always refused, determined to keep every single bit of their unconventional bond locked in the bedroom, never outside. Already texting was an exception, she only answered because she didn't want him to think she was fleeing, which she indeed was, though he didn't need to know.

Lucas Grant: I could see the trail you left behind, Road Runner8

She didn't reply, even though that simple text did cause a small laugh to erupt from her sealed lips. Samantha turned to look outside the window after having plugged the earphones in her ears and having started to listen to music, ignoring the ruckus people packed in a small place made, even though it was weirdly tranquil tonight, maybe it was because it was later than usual, so there weren't as many people as there usually were.

When she first arrived in New York, Samantha was worried about taking the subway. She'd seen movies and shows, it seemed that was the most dangerous place in the city, especially at night, but in the end she reminded herself of one thing: you've survived through worse.

Indeed she had, and that had given her the strength and courage to go on, with one certainty: death could only be a light relief for someone like her who carried such weight on her shoulders.

Not that she hadn't considered it as a solution, she'd just never acted upon it, not to let them win. They wouldn't win, never. If there was one purpose to her life, it was to beat those demons. If she lived, it was only just so they wouldn't win.

She could picture them, grinning with their wasted teeth as they learnt of her suicidal. No, she wouldn't give them such victory. She was a fighter, she had coped, and she would keep on coping, until God decided to quit picking on her.

God never gives us more than we can cope with, her grandmother always repeated. Well, He'd certainly overestimated her strength, Samantha never dared reply even while being convinced of it.2

She'd already had too much to face in only 24 years of life, just how worse could it get? Her sole ambition was to stem the tide of possibilities. There wasn't much that could happen to her that would be worse than what she'd already been through, but whatever that was, she worked to avoid it.

Pushing through life without getting any more damages, that was her sole ambition. And it might not work if she dared let someone as dangerous as Lucas Grant in her life.2

Samantha sighed, rejoicing of the coldness of the window once she'd leaned her temple on it. They wouldn't win. She might have been bent, but she would not be broken. Not any more than she already was.

***

Lucas stood under the stream of the warm water of the shower, hands against the wall, head bent, trying to cleanse his mind of every thought and sensation, but it didn't work. His mind kept wandering to her words, nonstop. We're getting too close, she'd admitted. Not that he'd never considered that was her fear, but now hearing it come out of her lips, it gave it concreteness, it made it real.

Samantha feared getting close to him, she was terrified she might come to care about him, maybe even fall for him. It wasn't unusual, many people were afraid of commitment, then why did it sound so heavy coming from her? Why did it weigh him down that much? She wouldn't even be the first person he cared about that didn't care back, so what was the issue?

He cared about her, okay, but what was strange in that? After nine weeks of such closeness, how couldn't he care? He was never cut for being a heartless player, he couldn't sleep with a woman more than once and not start caring, heck, he was never the sex without date kind of guy, if he did resort to that, it was always only because of that ongoing trouble that would be dating when the company swallowed all his time, and, physically, he wasn't exactly cut for being monk either.

However the point was, what did Samantha Benedetti have on him? Why did it feel so disappointing to know she was dead set on keeping him out of her private life?

A light knock broke into his trail of thoughts, and Lucas struggled to come back to his senses, the warm water having cuddled him into lala land. "Yes?"

"You called for me, sir", his chauffeur's deep voice came from outside the door.

"Ah ... yeah, um ... did you ..."

"She's home safe, sir."

For some reason Lucas' heart skipped a tiny beat, but he cleared his throat, nodding to the wall. "Ok, um ... yeah, thanks, Lewis. I'll be downstairs in 20 minutes, get the car ready, please."1

"Will do, sir."

Lucas sighed, dropping his forehead against the cool wall. She'd run off so fast this time, seemed so upset, and it was later than usual, he hadn't quite felt at ease knowing her on her own taking the subway at late night. That was why he'd had his chauffeur tail her, just to be sure she would get home safe. Troubles of caring, he chided himself. The main question however was, how much did he care exactly? And into how much trouble would he get because of that?

***

"Bumblebee", he breathed out through the phone, already concerned. "Where have you been? Why didn't you answer the phone?" He inquired in Italian.

Samantha cracked a small sad smile as she slipped off her shoes after having locked the door, while Sky jumped up and down beside her, barking his welcome. "I was late at work, sorry, dad", she justified, always in Italian, like all of their exchanges were.3

Marco Benedetti heaved a sigh of relief, his heart starting to relent the mad race it'd started at the second call his daughter hadn't picked up. He sat back on the armchair, ignoring the understanding smile his wife sent him while sautéing vegetables in the pan, relieved, for how also convinced he'd been fussing for nothing. "Don't ever do that again, you hear me? Answer when I call. No matter what."

"Dad ..."

"I was worried, Bumblebee. I was about to call Alitalia to get a ticket for New York."

Samantha let slip a small chuckle as she headed to the kitchen, her Siberian Husky waltzing around her, glad his mommy was back, but also glad he would get his dinner now. "I'm fine, dad. I just had a long day at work, that's all."

Marco frowned. "You're always doing overtime, bambina mia. Why?"

"Look who's talking."

"I'm a cop, working around the clock is the very definition of my job."

"So? You're entitled to rest as well."

"Crime never rests, Sam."

She bit her lip while serving Sky his well deserved dinner, kneeling to caress him. She knew all too well that crime never rested, even the most unsuspecting people could hide monstrous intents, she was well aware. "How are you?" She asked, just to change subject.

"I'm fine now, but not next week, your mother has decided to drag me to this silly cooking class..."

Samantha smiled as she listened to her father complain about it, then he recounted her his day, told her about this and that, which didn't really matter: she was just happy to hear his voice, that was all.

The sole man in her life that had never hurt her nor tried to. Samantha loved her father to no end, and she missed him dearly. Even though she'd never admit it out loud, if she might ever regret leaving Italy, it would be only because now she was far from her dad.

However they talked on the phone every night after she came back from work, it was a routine now, this one time was delayed just because her secret encounter with her employer had taken a little longer than usual, given the general meeting he'd held just one hour before leaving the office.

Samantha listened to her father and then her mother speak, recount everything they wanted, occasionally banter, then laugh, while she prepared herself dinner, Sky lazily lying beside her, raising his head, hopeful, only when she seemed about to toss him something to eat.

It was after one of those episodes that she felt her phone buzzing in her pocket. Ignoring her parents' banter for a moment, she curiously but anxiously fished the phone inside her apron and slid it open, only to have her heart skip a few beats as the name Lucas Grant flashed on it.

Open the door

She read on the screen, and frowned, confused. What? She sent. As if on cue, she faintly heard a knock on the main door, which startled her, having her yelp, so that it caught her father's attention. "Everything alright, Bumblebee?"

"Uh ... yes, um ... I ... I gotta go, I'm cooking and ... Sky is hassling me to go out, so ... I'll call you tomorrow, okay? Say goodbye to mom from my part." Without waiting for a reply, she hung up, and tore the earphones off her ears, anxiously cleansing her hands on her apron as another knock resonated in the small apartment.

What the heck was he doing here? Samantha glanced over at Sky, who'd perked up at the sound of the door, and now was staring at his mommy, as if asking for permission to go see who was the intruder.

She forced herself to take the steps needed to get out of the kitchen and get to the door, Sky on tow, ready to attack whoever tried to hurt his mommy, which Samantha was thankful for. Having such a protective guard made her feel just slightly more courageous.

Taking a deep breath, she unlocked the door, and opened an inch, only to feel her heart going ablaze as she came in contact with that familiar smile, along with those breathtaking ocean blue eyes.

"Well, hello. I thought you were gonna keep me out here all night."

Samantha's mouth opened agape, but no sounds came out.

"You okay?" Lucas asked, guiltily amused, hands stuffed in his pockets. He was all cleaned up, wearing a black suit with a white shirt and black tie other than the usual jeans and shirt, his hair was neat, and he was wearing his reading glasses. Except for this latter detail, evidently, he was ready to go to some fancy event. And, Samantha wasn't able to ignore, he looked dreamily hot.

Sky barked his presence from behind Samantha, and she struggled to keep him when the dog forced the door open in order to get a hold of the stranger. Lucas took a step back, conscious that the Siberian Husky wasn't a fan of his at the moment.

"Down, boy!" Samantha ordered, holding him back from his collar, not much succeeding. "Sky! I said down!" Only repeating the same order twice more helped, and he finally obeyed. Samantha sighed, still holding the dog's collar. "Sorry, he ... doesn't like men." Lucas frowned, amused, so she explained: "He's ... quite jealous and protective over me, he's trained to guard me, and ..."

"It's okay, don't worry." Lucas sent her heart vibrating with one of his dazzling smiles. "I'm actually glad there's someone taking care of you." Samantha blushed, lowering her gaze, not knowing what to answer.

"Everything alright here?" A brusque voice came in, causing for Sky to get excited once again, this time positively, as he barked his approval to the new man in sight.

"Yeah, it's ... just Sky being overprotective, as usual." Samantha explained, catching the cold glare her neighbor sent her employer.

"Does he have a reason to be?" Sean questioned, seizing Lucas up.

Samantha rolled her eyes, not at all glad of the type of testosterone match she was about to witness. "Sean, this is Lucas, my ... um ... friend."

Lucas arched an eyebrow at the last word, but wasn't too unhappy about it, then he turned to face the guy beside him, having felt the cold glare meant to incinerate him. He stretched his hand to him, offering a warm smile, which was barely reciprocated, same goes for the handshake. Sky pulled at his leash in order to greet Sean, and Samantha let him go, rolling her eyes as her neighbor praised her dog for his attentive guard job.

"So, um ... why are you ... how ..." She attempted, not really knowing how to ask what was her employer doing at her door without raising Sean's suspects. Like the dog, her neighbor was quite protective.

Sensing the weird tension, Sean let himself inside her apartment, followed by Sky gleefully waltzing around him. "So, what has my lovely chef prepared tonight?" He asked, flaunting a routine that never existed, as he wandered in the kitchen, smelling pot and pan.

Samantha didn't answer, as surprised as she was, but she did catch Lucas' harsh look headed to her neighbor's back. While Sean made himself at home, she turned to her employer, this time steadily asking: "Why are you here?"

Lucas tore his gaze away from Sean, whose presence in her apartment for some reason angered him, and turned to her. "You left these when you left", he explained, handing her the black rimmed glasses she always wore. Suddenly Samantha recalled seeing all blurry figures while going home, until she got the spare ones.

"Thanks", she breathed out meekly while being careful not to touch his hand as she retrieved the glasses. They stood in silence after she'd put them back on, only Sean and Sky playing in the living room being heard. Lucas didn't really want to leave, especially not now that she wasn't alone with her dog, Samantha didn't know what to say, so just waited for his next move, and when that didn't come, she resorted to asking: "Are you going somewhere fancy?"

Lucas blinked his eyes, which had been half focused on her, half on the guy all too familiarly sitting in her living room while playing with her dog. He recalled her saying she got along well with her neighbor, but was there more to it? And if there was, why did he care? Why did the thought of that Sean routinely hanging out with her cause him to feel the prickly feeling of a needle in his gut? Was it just annoyance at being unknowingly part of a betrayal?

"Lucas?"

"Huh?"

"You okay?"

"Oh. Yeah, I just ..." He checked himself, as if only now noticing what he was wearing. "Yeah, I-uh ... I'm leaving for Hong Kong, remember? I won't have time to get changed, and they're kinda obsessed with manners there, you know, so ... showing up in jeans would be disrespectful in their eyes."

Samantha nodded lightly in response, and silence slipped in between them again. They were both waiting for something, but neither of them knew exactly what.

"Hey, Sam, we're hungry here!" Sean called out, not that slyly trying to get rid of the unwanted guest, while playing with Sky.

Samantha turned around, taken off guard, then towards the kitchen, scanning the stoves for a moment. "Yeah, I ..." She trailed off, turning back to Lucas. "Sorry, I ... I'm preparing dinner, and ..."

"It's alright. I have to go anyway." Annoyance wasn't hard to spot in his tone, even for Samantha, who didn't bother asking herself why.

"Okay, um ... have a nice trip" she murmured meekly and awkwardly, not really knowing what else to say, her efforts being more focused on not fidgeting.

Lucas barely held back a small chuckle, finding her cute. "I will. Thanks." He bit his lips, needing to say something, worried about leaving her alone with her neighbor, annoyed at himself for having to leave. For so long even.

Three weeks were long. They would not hear nor see each other, while that freaking neighbor of hers would be there every day ...

Lucas shook his head violently, ignoring her confused look as he forced his mind back on track. Why did he even care if she started dating her neighbor? Wouldn't that be good riddance? She was even too much in his thoughts, her sweet scent pervaded his bedroom even too much, there was no need to make it any worse.

He didn't have the material time for a real relationship, and, for how regretful that was, Lucas was sure Samantha would be quite a handful as a girlfriend, he wasn't quite sure he could have the emotional strength to embark on such a relationship.

However, such awareness didn't prevent regret from pervading him as soon as Samantha closed the door behind her. Maybe in this she was right, three weeks away from the drug would be a great start at cleaning up. Hopefully he would return void of perilous thoughts and sensations.

Little did he know that Samantha was harboring the very same hopes. Had she recalled her father's phrase, she would have known that, the heart has its reasons, which reason does not know, and to no use would it be to keep on fighting what could not be fought.