Prologue: What ifs

"You know what... I would have liked you so bad if we don't treat each other like siblings."

Hindi ko na matandaan kung ilang araw na ba akong hindi pinatulog ng sinabi niyang iyon. Fuck the alcohol for making her say that and fuck my mind for repeating it over and over again. Fuck. How long have she's been keeping that? Dapat talaga hindi na lang ako sumama noon ng hindi ko narinig ang mga sinabi niya.

Pero ayoko din noon. Mas maganda na ito. Kahit paano ay may alam ako. Mas maganda ng alam ko na ngayon ang nasa isip niya. This for the better... Fuck.

"The 'what ifs' are sometimes killing me too. Paano nga naman kaya talaga, 'di ba? What if you're just Francis and I am just... me-- not suffixed with the things we are for each other. 'Yung tipong mahihiya naman akong mag-putangina sa harapan mo! Hahahaha!"

I can't even deny that I am not affected with her words. I am. I really am.

What if...

Sino ba ang nag-imbento niyan at babarilin ko na lang sa ulo.

What if...

Paano kung matagal na akong umamin sa kanya? Tatanggapin niya ba? Anong sasabihin niya?

What if...

"But we are what we are now and I won't change it for the world. Buong buhay natin magkasama na tayo. Hindi ikaw si Francis and hindi naman ako ang sarili ko kung may mababago doon. Pero... paano kasi talaga, 'di ba?"

What if I told her I love her differently since the first time I laid my eyes on her that night?

What if...