Chapter 2: The Walk (Socially Distant Teen)

"Josh?" I say.

I want to cry. I haven't seen Josh for so long. Being in a line for food and practicing social distancing is impossible. I want to see Josh; I want to see his whole family and kiss his lips.

"Lizzie, it's my turn to get food. Give me a minute," he says.

I see Joshua's brown eyes; the rest of him is hidden under a face mask.

I'm frustrated. The only time I have seen him during this pandemic is when we video chat or are attending the same Zoom meeting.

Seeing Josh in person for the first time in weeks makes me want to break all the rules. I want to believe that by not touching Josh, I am saving Grandpa Jonah's life.

"Protect the elderly," they say. "Go out if it's essential," they say.

To me, a 17-year-old, kissing Josh is as essential as breathing air. I need to kiss Josh, and I know he needs to kiss me too.

It's the first time; I have ever considered breaking the rules. I always did what they told me. But everything in me is torn. I want to be a good person; I want my brothers to look up to me as a COVID-19 rule follower.

But none of that matters now. It doesn't matter because here he is so close and yet so distant. He's been in my neighborhood this whole time, but it's felt like he's been 100 miles away.

Control yourself, Lizzie. You can't hug Josh! You can't think about Josh. Do I need to break up with Josh? This social distancing makes me question the importance of my relationships and who I am as a person. Do I matter? Does my accomplishment of finishing high school matter? I hardly think so.

There are signs all over our town celebrating the senior class of 2020. I don't feel celebrated in this ghost town. I want a graduation party with endless balloons. I want all my relatives to show up at my house with their cards and checks to congratulate me. I won't have any of that.

My mom has offered to write me a check for $1000. This is to make up for the fact that I won't get a real graduation party. I always liked graduation parties and the food, company, and celebration of life that went with them. And now, my hopes and dreams are being taken away from me. Taken away from me because of an uncontrollable virus.

"Lizzie, let me walk you home," Josh says.

"You can't," I yell through my carbon monoxide flavored mask.

"Yes, you can. I can walk on one side of the street, and you can walk on the other," he says.

"Okay," I say.

We begin walking side by side. It doesn't really feel like six feet. It feels like miles.

"Do you still love me, Josh?" I ask.

"Yes, I still love you, Lizzie. Can you take your mask off?" He asks.

"No, I can't," I say.

"We are away from school. No one else is around. Let me see your pretty face," he says as he takes off his mask.

"See, it's fine. I'm far away from you, and you're far away from me. I want to see your face in person, just once," he begs.

I remove my mask and feel the fresh air hit my lungs. I feel alive looking at Josh. I see all the things I love about his face. I see his smile, his gap tooth, and his nose freckles. He has gifted me his whole face today. No mask can hide his smile from me anymore.

"I knew you were hiding. There you are. It's nice to see you smile again," he says.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask.

"You haven't smiled at me in weeks. Not even in our video chats. Not really. You haven't been yourself, Lizzie Foster. Are you okay?" He asks.

"No, I want to see people, I want prom, and I want to go back to school. I want my life back," I bitch.

"Me too... I want that too," he agrees.

"I wanted to go to prom with you," I shout.

"We went last year together," he points out.

"I know. But I wanted to go to our senior prom," I admit.

"So, let's go to the prom, Lizzie Foster," he says.

"We can't. It's canceled," I cry.

"Let's have one of our own. Let's get our friends together. It's about time we had some fun," Josh says.

"We can't, Josh. Call me later," I say.

"Think about it," he says, smiling at me as he puts his mask back on.

I walk up to the door of my house. The trash bag full of food is heavy. I think about having an underground prom. I am not one to break the rules. But today, I saw Josh, and today I am a girl who might need to break the rules to survive.