Chapter Five

You stood there, frozen, shocked by the revelation. As the words sunk, you could feel Guk beside you, his still presence like a burning furnace. You sort of wanted him to react so that you didn't have to answer Hyun's question.

"Uh... Y/N?"

You blinked and glanced to your left where Guk stood, but he was still motionless as a statute, sporting an expression you couldn't quite comprehend. That's when you realized that it was Hyun who had called you by your real name.

You looked at the blonde boy quite stupidly, then blinked, "Sorry. What?”

"Is it okay if I called you Y/N?" He asked, his face looking shy.

"Yeah, of course." You said as you got over the slight shock. Guk clenched his hand into fists, feeling something stirring in his gut. He didn't want to seem possessive but he didn't like idea of somebody else calling you by your real name from his group.

Especially Hyun.

"So uh... Did you get it?" Hyun asked, his eyes bright and hopeful.

Your gaze softened at his shy disposition and you couldn’t help but smile back. "Yes, I did. Thank you. They were beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you." He winked and you blushed at the compliment. Guk rolled his eyes inwardly and felt the urge to punch something—or someone. He couldn't believe that Hyun was flirting with you right in front of him.

Well he doesn't know anything, the rational side of him reasoned.

"So, I was wondering," Hyun trailed as he rubbed his nape shyly. "I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go out?”

"You mean like on a date?" You asked and you felt Guk shift, though you didn't dare look at him.

Hyun's eyes widened a bit at your response. "It doesn't have to be a date!" He said in a rush and you almost chuckled at how cutely he had defended himself. "We could just…" he shrugged. "Hang out. As friends!”

Guk was going to suggest that he'd come along too since they’re just going out as "friends" but before he could say anything, you had already answered. "Sure, I'd love to."

Guk glanced at you but tried to keep the incredulous expression from his face as not to let Hyun notice.

"Really? You will?!" Hyun asked excitedly. His happiness was so contagious that you couldn't help but smile along.

"Yeah. I'd love to.”

As the words came out of your mouth, you knew you meant them. Hyun seemed really nice and genuine that you couldn't help but like him. Plus, he was really cute and you wouldn't mind being asked on a date by someone like him—

A girl suddenly tapped him on the shoulder and motioned for him to come with her before leaving in a rush. Hyun looked back at you with an apologetic gaze. "Sorry, I have to go. They have to put the mic on me."

"Oh, okay."

"Can I call you later?" He asked with a smile and you felt your heart increase its pace at the gaze he threw your way. You reached out your hand and Hyun handed you his phone as you saved in yours. Meanwhile, Guk was chewing on his lip to keep himself from saying something that might offend you—or his hyung.

"Thanks." Hyun said as you returned it, taking a step back and throwing you a dazzling smile as left. "I'll see you soon."

You waved back and smiled, feeling happy about the interaction. You smiled even wider as you watched him go, seeing the slight skip to his step. He's sweet, you thought.

"I thought you were busy."

You snapped from your trance and looked at Guk who was staring down at you with a displeased expression on his face. "What?"

"I thought you didn't have time for," He nodded at Hyun's direction. "Hang outs."

"I don’t--"

He scoffed and your eyes widened at his rudeness, wondering why on earth he was being like this. "Guk—"

"I have to go." He said and started to leave, not even sparing you a glance. "Have fun on your date."

Before you could respond, he had already walked away, leaving you confused and a little hurt though you had no idea why you would feel that way when there was obviously nothing between the two of you anymore...

Right?

~~~

Guk practiced vigorously at the studio that night, sweating through his shirt and his hair like he had just gotten out of the shower.

"Hey, Guk." Their choreographer called as he peeked into the room. Practice has ended half an hour ago but Guk decided to stay and practice some more; saying that he had to review some steps. Steps which he had perfected a long time ago.

"Yeah?" He asked, stopping in the middle of the routine.

"Take a break. Go home." He said and Guk pressed his lips together before giving him a curt nod. Their choreographer gave him a small smile before leaving and he sighed, sitting himself on the floor with his back leaning against the mirrored wall.

He thought about what happened earlier today. Thought about their performance, Hyun's confession, you...

Mostly about you. Guk ran a hand over his face and groaned, frustrated with himself.

"Yah. You alright there, Gukie?"

Guk tried to keep the scowl from showing on his face when he heard the familiar deep voice of his hyung. Hyun strode in, already showered. He gave him a concerned gaze, which Guk tried to ignore. He knew he meant well, but after what happened today, he just couldn't seem to care.

"Fine." He muttered.

"Something wrong?" He asked and Guk shook his head.

"Aren't you going to get cleaned up already? We're about to leave—"

"Then leave." He spat, making Hyun jump slightly at his sharp retort. "I still have to practice a while."

Hyun sighed as he took a step back and let their youngest member do what he wanted to do, muttering something about how puberty was making him seem like he was on his period sometimes.

When Hyun left, Guk waited for several minutes, making sure that everyone had already left before taking a quick shower then running off into the night, towards the one place he knew would make him feel better.

~~~

You sighed as you placed your foot on the stool, letting your pencil tap on the body of your guitar as you thought of the next line to the song you were currently writing.

You've been sitting there for almost three hours now, just letting yourself be immersed in your music. A piano stood beside you where layers of music sheets rested upon it, words splayed over in blank ink.

Strumming your guitar to the chord progression you had made a while ago, you looked at the music sheet in front of you and started to sing.

~

Please don't see just a girl caught up in dreams and fantasies

Please see me, reaching out for someone I can't see

~

You closed your eyes, letting your thoughts wander. Letting your heart sing the lyrics for you.

~

Take my hand, let's see where we wake up tomorrow

Best laid plans, sometimes are just a one night stand

~

--Flashback--

"Where are you taking me?" You asked for the nth time but just like always, Guk responded with a chuckle.

"We're almost here."

Guk had his hands over your eyes, concealing everything from view. You took baby steps as his chest became your anchor, prodding you to move forward. "I swear Guk if trip—"

His hands suddenly let go and you were welcomed by darkness. You gasped, having no clue of what's in front of you… only a clear void of blackness.

"Guk?" You called out, your voice echoing. You reached out behind you but there was no one there but before you could panic, lights illuminated your surroundings and you saw a set of seats below you with a balcony adorned with several light fixtures. Only then did you realize that you were standing on a stage of a small theatre.

You gaped at the view, your heart racing with excitement. You've always loved to sing and to be able to perform in this kind of place. It would be a dream come true.

"This is it. We're going to debut here." Guk said and you glanced to your right, seeing him with a satisfied smile as he looked around the place.

Guk had been training for over a year now and things were starting to shape up. There were news that he would be debuting soon and it excited you. "Really?"

Guk glanced at you then shrugged, "Looks like it."

"It looks amazing." You gasped with a smile. "Are you excited?"

He paused then bit his lower lip, "I'm more nervous, really."

You placed your hands inside your hoodie's pockets, switching your weight to your other foot before turning towards him. "Why? You're amazing—"

"That's the thing." He interrupted, his smile fading. "They think I'm amazing. They think I'm great and all that. But…" he looked at you, his eyes reflecting worry. "What if I'm not as great as they expect me to be?"

You sighed and nodded, understanding his point. People tended to over expect, especially when they liked what they see. When you learned to draw, they expect you to be an artist someday. You got a good grade? They expect you know everything! You knew that. In fact, you experienced it all the time; with your parents, your relatives, your teachers...

"What if I perform up here and I just end up disappointing them because I wasn't that great as they thought I would be?" He asked again.

There was a moment of silence before you spoke. "Then they’re just gonna have to deal with it. Whatever they think, it wouldn't matter. It's how you see yourself or how you evaluate your performance which matters in the end."

A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips and you smiled on the inside, happy to have comforted him. "Thanks.”

"Plus,” you interrupted. “I think the Guk I see right now is pretty darn great." You added, taking a step closer to him and his smile became a grin. He hooked his arm to yours, forcing it out of your pockets so he can hold your hand. His palm was soft and warm, enveloping yours perfectly.

"Thanks, Y/N. You always know what to say."

You squeezed his hand and bounced on your heels excitedly. "I can't wait to see you perform."

Guk smirked, "Yeah?" You looked at him and nodded and Guk was caught off guard at how genuine your smile was. He stopped and stared, watching the way your eyes lit up as you stared up at the place; like you were seeing something for the very first time.

Guk smiled, remembering how he used to have the same look on his face. That wistful and wonderstruck expression...Like the first time he realized what you meant to him.

"Y/N?"

"Hmm?" You hummed as you faced him and your smile faded slightly when you saw his serious expression.

Guk turned towards you and held both of your hands in his, gripping tight. "I'm dedicating my first performance to you. So, promise me you'll be there," He pointed at the first row "when I do."

Tears pricked your eyes at his words and in that moment, you knew you would have given him all the yeses in the world, in every single language. You nodded and Guk leaned to kiss your forehead, sending tingles from your head to your toes before wrapping his arms around you as you both stared the empty theatre with hope flaring in your chests.

--End of Flashback—

You stopped as the memory hit you, echoing at the back of your head. Your eyes skimmed through the hollowed hall, landing on the seat at the very first row. Feeling a slight sting in your eyes, you bit your lip to keep the tears at bay.

Stop it Y/N, you scolded yourself just as a tear fell. Frustrated, you huffed and wiped the tear off your cheeks.

"Y/N?"

Your hand froze at the sound of the familiar voice and as you gulped, you dared turn from your seat, seeing a familiar form enter the stage wing.

Guk stood at the opposite side, wearing a black hoodie and dark jeans. His hair was disheveled and his face was bare. There was a weariness in his eyes instead of the piercing glare when he performed and a softness in his features that contrasted the passionate energy he exudes on stage… but he couldn’t be more beautiful to you now. He looked breathtaking… He looked real.

"Are you okay?" Guk asked as you turned back from him to wipe the remaining tears pooling in your eyes. You cursed when you heard his footsteps coming closer.

"I-I'm fine."

"You don't look fine." He said simply when he reached you. Taking a deep breath, you looked up at him and mustered a smile.

"I'm fine, Guk. See?" You mustered a smile.

He nodded but still looked unconvinced. "Fine. You don't have to tell me."

You stayed silent as you plucked the guitar strings. Guk looked down at you at the sound of the acoustics and he tilted his head to the side, observing the clutter of music sheets piled on the piano, including the crumpled one’s underneath. "Is that it?"

"Huh?" You asked as you looked up at him questioningly.

"You're frustrated because you couldn't write a song?"

"I—" Sort of, the small voice in your head whispered. He didn’t have to know what you were really thinking about a few minutes ago. "Uh...yeah. Yeah. Just kind of stuck."

Guk pressed his lips together as he moved towards the piano. "May I?" He asked, pointing at the music sheets. You shrugged, too tired to disagree. He took the paper sitting in front of you and read. Almost instantly, he was humming the melody of the tune you created.

Without saying another word, he compiled all the papers and placed it on top of the piano so he could open it up. You watched as he sat down and placed it on the sheet holder. He looked at you and pointed at the guitar, "Show me what you got so far."

Turning your stool to face him, you crossed your legs, adjusted the guitar on your lap and started to play the intro. Guk immediately followed with a piano melody, the sounds merging together in perfect harmony. You took a deep breath and started to sing.

~

Please don't see, just a girl caught up in dreams and fantasies

Please see me, reaching out for someone I can't see.

Take my hand, let's see where we wake up tomorrow

Best laid plans, sometimes are just a one night stand.

I'll be damned cupid's demanding back his arrows

So let's get drunk on our tears...

~

You closed your eyes, feeling the music take you away as you sang the chorus. Guk turned his head towards you and stole a glance; his eyes watching you intently as you slipped into the music, lost in your own sound.

Beautiful, he thought as he continued to play.

~

And God, tell us the reason, youth is wasted on the young

It's hunting season and the lambs are on the run

Searching for meaning... But are we all lost stars?

~

You stopped playing while Guk continued to play in progression, seeing that the next few bars were still blank.

"That's all I got so far." You said.

"But are we all, lost stars..." He sang, causing shivers on your arms at how beautiful his voice sounded. You had almost forgotten the sound of his voice up close. He suddenly looked at you and for a moment, everything seemed to clear. You gasped as you saw the lyrics reflected upon his eyes and you said,

"Trying to light up the dark."

Guk smiled, a genuine one which caught you off guard, leaving you breathless. He got to you way too easily and it scared the hell out of you. "Tryin' to light up the dark." He sang, finishing the lyrics for the chorus of your current song. "Perfect." He said as he grabbed a pencil and wrote it down.

You stared at him as he wrote, feeling your heart tighten at the familiarity of it all. Not so long ago, the two of you were writing songs together... Singing together...

Together, you thought and you felt your mouth start to move before your mind could even conjure a proper sentence. "Guk, I—"

Guk looked up at you questioningly, a spark of hope flaring in his eyes and the moment you saw it, you cowered. "Never mind.”

He pressed his lips together and continued to play on the piano. He had a funny look on his face, almost like he was trying to suppress a grin.

“What?” you asked.

He shook his head, glancing slightly at you, “Nothing. I just remembered something.”

You gulped as the word ‘remember’ slipped form his mouth, knowing that the past was a place you never want to go back to and something you had avoided for the longest time.

“I remember we used to play songs together a lot.” He said. “And you always get so frustrated when lyrics escape you. I always have to help you out.” He snickered and you felt your chest tighten.

“Humble as ever, I see.”

“You know I’m kidding.” He said, his smile slowly fading as he continued, “Uh, hey. There something I’ve been meaning to ask you.” You hummed. “There was a line you said to me before…”

“I’ve said a lot of things to you before.” You muttered amusedly as you placed your guitar down, avoiding eye contact.

“People are just specks in the galaxy.” He said and your breath hitched, remembering those words. “But without us, there is no galaxy because we’re what it’s made of.” Silence hung over the two of you for a moment before Guk continued, “It seemed really funny before, how you used words like that to encourage me to make a difference with my music.” He glanced at you. “Do you remember that?”

You did. You told him that just a few weeks before he got signed. “Not really.”

Guk frowned and shrugged. “Well I just wanted to ask if you meant it to be mean something deeper.”

You looked up at him in confusion, feeling something come up. “What do you mean?”

Guk placed his hands on his lap, looking straight as he told, “I found a deeper meaning to it and it made sense.”

You snickered at his statement. “Yeah? What did you evaluate in my words of wisdom?” you asked jokingly but Guk’s face remained serious.

“I was nothing...” he started, his voice dropping to a whisper.

You scrunched your eyebrows in confusion, not comprehending what he said, “What?”

“When I lost you.” He finished and your heart skipped a beat as his eyes locked on yours. You bit your lip and did the first thing that came to your mind.

You needed to flee.

“I…I have to go." You said as you broke your gaze and stood up from your chair and started gathering your things, hastily.

"Wait, Y/N—" he reached out and touched your wrist, halting you. You looked up at him and caught his stare, which was so deep you could've easily drowned into them.

"I’m sorry.” Guk said, realizing his mistake. The fear in your eyes confirmed that he went too far. “Please,” he whispered. “Stay."

You felt tears prick your eyes at that one word. How was it possible that one word could trigger so much emotion? So much pain...? If only he had said it sooner…

"I'm sorry." You said as you removed your wrist from his grip and slung your bag over your shoulders. "I have to go."

You passed him in a rush, leaving him standing there. You ran into the cold night, practically slamming the back door to the theatre shut. You took a deep breath and leant against the bricked wall, trying to hold your emotions in. Thunder rumbled and your head snapped up finding thick clouds hovering over the city. It didn't take long before you felt water droplets kissing your cheek and you cursed as you ran towards the street, eager to get out of the rain...

Eager to get away from him.

You were looking down at the ground, your tears practically pushing its way out of your eyes that you didn't even notice the car coming towards you. With rain and tears concealing your view, you stepped off the sidewalk just as a loud beep sounded.

Beep!!!

"Y/N!" You gasped as a hand pulled you off the road and you stumbled onto someone’s chest. The car sped fast, water splashing on your boots.

"Are you crazy?! Are you trying to get yourself killed?!"

You looked up and saw Guk holding you, his hair damp and his face sporting a worried expression. You gulped, staring at the rainwater hanging from his eyelashes, his face pale against the streetlamp's glow, and wet lips that were slightly parted, your name wrapping around them.

"Y/N?" He asked, softly this time as he cupped your cheeks. Despite the rain, his hands were warm and soft. Just as you remembered.

The moment the thought hit you, you moved your head to the side, releasing yourself from your grip. "I-I have to go."

"The hell I'm letting you go." He said sternly as he held onto your arm.

"Guk…"

"I'm taking you home." He said, his tone final. "It's late and it's raining—"

"You better get in, then." You gestured back at the theatre. "You could get sick." You removed your arm from his grip and walked away briskly, wincing when you heard footsteps following you.

"Y/N." He called, but you ignored him, the sound of your feet splashing across the driveway was the only other sound heard.

"Y/N." He said again and when you didn't turn around he huffed. Soon you felt your arm being pulled back as he whirled you around.

You faced him with an incredulous stare, "What?!"

"Why are you being like this?!" He asked angrily. "What the hell is wrong with?!"

"Nothing's wrong!" You yelled back and you cursed inwardly at how defensive you sounded. The rain was getting harder and the two of you didn't seem to care that you were getting soaked.

"Of course, nothing's wrong." He scoffed, his head leaning back in annoyance.

"I don’t want to talk about this right now.” You pulled away and turned your back on him but Guk didn't seem to be backing down.

"Then when? When will you ever want to talk about it?” He yelled after you. "After another five years?”

You stopped in your tracks, his words striking like a knife. You exhaled and half turned, seeing his soaked form, his hair plastered to his forehead but his eyes stared intensely at you.

"For once," he said, his voice almost pleading. "Can you stop running away from me?"

"Why should I?"

"What did I do—?”

"That's thing." You said, feeling tears escape your eyes. This was the conversation you had been trying to avoid. And now it was out here in the open and there was no stopping you. "You did nothing!"

"Y/N—"

"You did nothing, Guk.” You spat, voice shaking with anger. “That's the problem!"

Guk opened his mouth to speak, "About that night—"

You held your hand up, "Don't. Don't even try to explain, Guk. I get it. You had a career and I was just in your way.”

"That's not—!"

"Of course, it is." You argued. "That's exactly what happened." At this point the rain had subsided a bit but the tears continuously flowed from your eyes. Guk's heart twisted at the sight, hating to see you cry. "Don't you see?" You whispered. "Your very dream killed us."

Guk stepped forward and opened his mouth to argue but you beat him to it. "I guess it's for the best. We both got what we wanted in the end, anyway.” You said almost bitterly. “Everything worked out. You debuted, I went to the States and produced my own music—"

"That wasn't the plan." Guk interjected, shaking his head. "We said we'd go through it together!"

"What's important is we got here." You pressed. "It doesn't matter if we're together or not. What matters is—"

"It matters to me!" Guk exclaimed, surprising you. “Of course, it matters, Y/N—"

"Why?"

"Because I—"

Beep!

You looked to your right and saw a black car parking by the sidewalk. The window rolled down and you saw the familiar face of your manager, Jordan, looking appalled. "What the hell are you doing out here?!" He scolded and you pressed your lips together, giving Guk one final glance.

"Just leave me alone Guk." You muttered before opening the door and hopping into the vehicle.

Guk watched as the car sped away, the rain still pouring over him, almost as much as the sorrow washing over him like a wave.

~~~

Guk went home to their dorm, with a heavy heart and a soaked jacket that pulled him down, causing him to drag his feet through the floors. He walked up the steps, staring idly, thinking about the words you said... or more like spat at him.

~

"That's the thing! You did nothing, Guk! That's the problem!"

~

Guk winced as the words reverberated in his brain almost mockingly. Opening the door to their dorm, he sighed as he saw Jay watching a show in the living room while Hyun was nowhere in sight.

"Yo, Guk!" Guk looked up just as Hyun came barreling towards him, holding up two polo shirts with a big smile plastered on his face.

"Which?" He asked, striking a pose as he held the two shirts up against his chest. Guk placed his bag down and sighed, relieved that the older didn't ask about his current wet condition.

"Why? What's up?" He asked as he glanced at the shirts while rummaging through his backpack for his phone charger. One was a white and blue-striped collar shirt and the other was a plain lavender one.

"I'm taking Y/N out tomorrow." He answered, clearly excited. Guk paused at the sound of your name and felt like the ground was shaking beneath his feet.

"Yah! Guk?" Hyun called when he didn't answer. Guk bit his lip to keep from saying anything.

"Tomorrow?" He swallowed and Hyun grinned.

"Yeah. She texted me and said she was free."

She's busy she said, Guk thought bitterly, thinking how you were really avoiding him. He stood straight, feeling a little pissed and he was just about to tell Hyun everything but was shot down by the look of hope and excitement in his eyes.

He looked genuinely happy and excited and Guk swallowed, unable to do it. He didn't want to burst his bubble when he didn't even do anything wrong and has done nothing but be a good friend to him. Instead, he licked his lips and sighed, his hand pointing at the lavender one.

"It'll bring out your hair. And she likes violet."

"She does?" Hyun smiled gleefully. Guk hummed in response before making his way to the bedroom. Hyun's happiness was making him miserable and he wanted to get away before he even fell apart.

"Thanks, man! Always can count on you!” Hyun called after him just as he entered the bedroom. He took off his jacket, moving ever so slowly, feeling lethargic. He took off his wet shirt and sat on the bed, grabbing his phone from his pocket. He scrolled through his contacts, stopping by your name. He stared at it for a while, your face and last words flashing before his eyes...

His thumb hovered over the delete button and he pressed it before he lost the guts to do so. A confirmation message popped up: Delete Contact?

Guk pressed his lips together, his thumb hovering over the confirm button.

Hyun's voice echoed through the dorm, hearing him sing his own version of "Happy Day" and his heart constricted.

At least one of us is happy, he though as he threw his phone across the room in annoyance, where it clanked noisily. He covered his face with his hands and lay down on the bed, his legs hanging by the edge as he cursed himself over and over again.

He knew he was going to regret throwing his phone away later but he couldn't seem to care. He sighed, thinking that it was just another thing he threw away...

Just another thing to regret.