Chapter 4: The Cemetery

The rest of the school week passes by. The morning of the cemetery visit is upon us. My body is anxious to get to the cemetery to see my father.

"Ollie, never forget how much daddy loves you."

I find myself in yesteryear, recalling my five-year-old self talking to my dad.

"I love you too, daddy."

"The monsters in your closet wait until you fall asleep. Then, they come into your room to give you the gift of wonderful dreams."

The memory fades. I head to my sock drawer. Inside is a bottle of cologne my father used to wear. I put some on and am filled with memories of the surrounding aroma.

I remember how he put this cologne on when he took my mom on dates. He spilled it all over the floor when he got a bottle for his birthday. One time, he took Ronnie to a father-daughter dance and sprayed the scent around the house as they got ready.

I hear a horn honk. It's Tori; she is here to pick Ronnie and me up. I head downstairs before Ronnie comes down.

"Tori, can we talk for a minute?" I ask.

"Sure, what's up?" She asks, looking at me with her soft gaze.

"Look, the other night when I was drinking... I was out of sorts. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable. And thanks for putting this cemetery picnic together for me. I wanted to ask you... Does Dale have to come?"

I know I stalled the conversation long enough. I'm starting to imitate Lucas and his character flaw. But I don't want Dale to come. I want real friends.

"Wait... Why? I knew you didn't like him. I feel like an idiot. I should never have asked him to come." She shies away from me.

I feel like an ass for being jealous. But this feeling of being completely consumed with selfishness and bitterness is too much to handle. Do I let him come to make her happy? Do I beg her to comply? I see the sadness on her face and give in to her wishes.

"Forget I said anything. I just thought our close friend group could do this today," I say.

"We don't have to bring Dale. I can see it upsets you, Ollie," she sighs.

When she says this, I know it was a decision she made instantly. She calls him and tells him I prefer a smaller group of friends, preferably those who attended my father's funeral.

"You owe me every single one of Mrs. Jenking's chocolate chip cookies for a month," she smirks.

"I never share those with anyone. Those are heaven on Earth," I say.

Just then, Ronnie gets into the car. Our flirting ends, and we become friends again. The facade we put on is exhausting. This endless performance to appease everyone else is utter agony and selfishness on their part. I keep my actions to myself and bottle myself up again.

We reach the cemetery and get out of the car. I shut the door behind me. Maximus and Lucas show up with the large sandwiches I asked them to get. As usual, I bring BBQ chips for Maximus. Tori hands me the picnic blanket. We walk towards my father's grave.

The grave lawn has been mowed, and the grass sparkles with the morning dew. The trees sing with the remaining symphony of cicadas. We set up the picnic, and everyone looks at me. My sister places her hand on my shoulder.

"We are here for you today, Ollie. Of all of us here, dad was the closest to you," Ronnie says sadly.

I look at Ronnie, knowing deep down I was dad's favorite. I knew he always made extra time for me and brushed Ronnie off a bit.

"We are here for you too, Ronnie. Remember those father-daughter dances? You were always so beautiful getting ready to go with dad."

She beams when I mention a time when she was the center of daddy's world.

"Remember when his cologne spilled everywhere on his birthday? He was always so clumsy," Ronnie says.

We all laugh. We were all there for that birthday party. It was my dad's 45th birthday. I was 13 at the time. It was at this same party, where I noticed Tori for the first time. Overnight she turned from a tomboy into a woman.

"Well, I, for one, always enjoyed watching our fathers pretend to be carpenters together. The construction of the treehouse was legendary," Tori adds.

"I always liked watching him support you in your soccer games, Ollie. Are you playing this semester? Have you been to any of the practices?" Maximus asks. How do you tell your friends you have kicked off the team for aggressive behavior towards another student?

"They kicked me off the team," I say. I didn't give a reason.

"Why? That's not fair. You're the best player on the team? Talent scouts are going to be at those games. They're robbing you of getting a scholarship," Tori says angrily.

"Don't worry about it. It's for the best," I say, knowing no one believed me.

"Yeah, seriously, what the hell, Ollie? You're a senior. You should be fighting that shit," Lucas hisses with anger.

Do I have to remind everyone I kicked Brady's ass, and his mother's brother is my soccer coach? So I got kicked off the team due to favoritism.

I hate the Brady and Lewis families. They get away with everything. If one of them murdered someone, they would make it look like an accident. Coach Lewis never liked me. I wish we had a new coach.

"What aren't you telling us?" Tori begs.

"The truth is... I got kicked off the team for kicking Brady's ass the other day. His uncle is my coach."

Tori crosses her arms. Ronnie covers her mouth.

"That's bullshit. You are the best player on the team. You were getting scholarship offers last year. They will lose without you, " Lucas shouts.

"Oh well," I say.

"Not, oh well. You lose your dad, and they take soccer away from you. Obviously, they think you're broken if they force you to see a shrink. Can't you tell them you weren't thinking clearly when you beat Brady up? Soccer is good for your mental health. Surely, you have a case of some kind. I'm not a lawyer," Tori says.

Tori's speech ends. She has been passionate about her lectures to me this week. I appreciate her efforts to keep my hope alive.

"Guys, I don't want to talk about this anymore. We're here for my dad, remember?" I say.

I needed to change the subject. The news of the soccer team kicking me out really broke me the other night. I lose my dad and can't get over it. Tori's with Dale, and my soccer dreams reject all of me. So much for counting my blessings.

"Sorry, Ollie, of course, we can talk about this later. But, first, let's eat," Tori finishes.

"Did you guys notice Isabelle Gomez has been missing? I saw a missing person letter in the mail the other day. I wonder what happened to her," Ronnie says, changing the subject.

"I'm not sure. I saw a missing person flyer in Walmart for Sharon Miller. Why is everyone missing?" Tori asks.

We all look at each other, wondering where our missing classmates might be.

"Guys, we're here for Oliver, remember? We can talk about this later. But, Oliver, I have something for your dad," Maximus says.

We all munch down our sandwiches at my father's grave. Maximus goes into the bag and pulls out an extra sandwich. He places it on my father's headstone.

"It's his favorite Italian sub from Mario's Cafe," Maximus says.

I'm touched they remembered his order. Of course, we all knew the sandwich was never going to be eaten by my father.

"Thanks, guys, that's a nice touch," I say.

Lucas pulls out a flask with booze in it. He pours some on my dad's grave.

"I thought he might like a taste," Lucas adds.

My two best friends really are too much. Maybe we haven't grown apart after all.

Tori goes into her purse and takes out an old photo. It's us in elementary school, at the science fair in the fifth grade. She was my partner. We made a volcano-like all the kids do. Our fathers are standing at our display. She places it in a frame and rests it next to his headstone with a thank you note.

"Don't open it. It's for his eyes only," Tori says.

I hug each of them. They all put a lot of thought into it today. I hug Tori and kiss her on the head. Ronnie lets it slide and comes to hug me.

They have all put their own needs aside to help me today, and it is something I will never forget. I take the remaining whiskey in the flask and hold it up to my father's memorial.

"Thanks for being here with us today, dad. I miss you. Thank you for your memories. I won't let you down," I say.

I take a sip and pass it to everyone. Lucas puts the flask away. We clean up our picnic remains.

I'm blessed by all these people in my life. For the first time in six months, I can see them all again. Maybe I won't be moping in the treehouse anymore. Maybe I can come alive again and cherish being alive.

I need to enjoy life for my father. I need to be the man he would have wanted me to be. I feel a ghost-like hand on my shoulder, guiding me back to the light. My time of darkness is becoming light again.

I open the door for Tori. Today was thoughtful and kind. I can't believe she pulled this off for me. My sister rides back home with Maximus and Lucas. I know she is giving Tori and me space, which is out of character for her. I ride home with Tori.