06

I bit my lip and looked through my hair at his legs, seeing him place a towel on the sink over me. I frowned when he left the room without another word, removing the clothes and scrambling into the filling water. Was he not going to wash me ? Where is he going ? Why did he not take his anger out on me ? He may break something he actually values then get angrier before coming onto me.

I sunk into the surprisingly hot water and stared down at my body, my frown deepening. I’ll never be free. I’ll never be happy.

I touched my bust with my hands and slid them over the ripples of my ribs down to my visible hip bones, disgust washed over me while I stared down at myself. My breasts looked as if they belonged to a chubby little boy. I didn’t feel like a woman much less an attractive one. How can I find happiness if I can’t be happy with myself ?

My body sunk deeper into the hot water as it filled until it went up to my chin, tears streamed down my face and connected with the water. I opened my mouth to let out a pained cry, to make a noise or some sort, but no matter how hard I tried nothing came out. I grew frustrated, if I could release the pain within me I’d feel a little better but I can’t even do that.

What’ve I done to deserve this life ?

My hand lifted from the water to the bottle on the side of the tub and I sat up, opening the cap and reluctantly sniffing it. I jumped at the unexpected intense scent that tickled my nose, widening my eyes then leaning to smell it again.

It was oddly comforting, my tears came to a stop the more I smelt it. I couldn’t stop myself from raising the strange looking bottle to my nose. Jade never washed me with soap, especially with something that smells this nice. She always used rubbing alcohol and cold water.

I tilted the bottle and watched the thick substance drip onto my chest which startled me, causing me to panic and throw the bottle just as the door opened. I widened my eyes and dropped my gaze to the bubbling water, my throat burning as my tears came back.

« Are you having difficulties ? » The man asked. I watched intensely when he came over and crouched down next to the bath. He turned off the water and handed the bottle back to me, « do you want help ? »

I caught a glimpse of his stubbled jaw but didn’t lift my gaze any further, gradually nodding and pinching a strand of my hair, shaking the bottle in my hands.

« You want to wash your hair ? » He questioned. I drooped my head until my chin hit my chest, « I don’t mean to upset you, but… are you unable to speak ? »

My lip quivered and I stilled, flinching when he brought his hand up toward me. I swallowed harshly after he froze, aiming his finger at the bottle in my hands, « the soap, I need it to help. »

He’s not angry that I ignored him ? He wasn’t trying to slap sense into me ?

The feeling of his hands on my neck made me jump away and tingles of fear shot down my spine.

« I’m just taking off your gauze ! I don’t mean to startle you, » he explained, his hand slowly touched to my shoulder and I stared at his grasp with wide eyes.

His fingers sluggishly trailed up to my neck and I flinched again, remaining on the other side of the tub tensely allowing him to pull the warm square off.

« There. It might hurt when you wash, » he warned. I inched closer to the edge to hand him back the soap and he was slow to take it. My eyebrows furrowed and my frown lightened, my mother never hurt me while I bathed. He shouldn’t either. Why is he going to hurt me ? Is it because I pushed away ?

His hands touched my head and my body tightened. I looked at my legs in the water and fluttered my eyes closed when the feeling lightened my tension.

It wasn’t painful, it was actually nice… until my neck spiked with a stinging sensation. My eyes ripped open and I thrashed my arms at him to get his hands off. I slammed myself into the wall thinking the pain would lessen, glaring at his soapy hands. My glare was replaced with terror at the sight of his arm covered in red scratches.

« It’s okay, I promise ! Your wound just got soap in it. I’d never hurt you, » he said, a weird piece of me trusted his word while the rest of me wanted to find the furthest room and lock myself as far away from him as I can.

Except I did nothing, watching him wipe his hands over his jeans and head toward the door, « I won’t touch you, okay ? I’ll lay out one of my shirts and give you your privacy. If you need something, knock on the door, the man outside will retrieve me, okay ? »

He waited for confirmation but never received it, taking that as his answer and walking out of the bathroom. My mind was scrambled with so much confusion. I hurt him… why didn’t he hurt me ?

I held my breath and dipped my head beneath the water, running my hands throughout my hair to get the soap out and coming back up after finishing. The man didn’t leave my mind so I looked up at the door.

Is he trustworthy ? Everything he’s said so far has been true and he had countless times to hurt me, yet never doing so. Is he sincere ? Does he really mean well ? What if he’s trying to get me to open up just to crush what’s left of me ? Nobody’s ever taken an interest in me before, this has to be a trick.

He indirectly saved me from Jade, he can’t be as bad as her, could he ? There’s nothing he could do to me now that she hasn’t done. Do I tell him about her ? Should I trust his word that he’ll keep me safe ?

The more it think it over, the more I’m questioning… what do I have to lose ?

I don’t trust him but there’s something about him that I’m drawn to. It could be his nice smell or his gentle demeanor. I’m deprived of kindness so maybe that’s what it is ? Whenever he’s near, I want him to go, and whenever he’s away, I want him back. I feel unsafe yet safe.

I drained the water and stepped out, looking around me and hesitantly taking the towel. I dried myself off and put the towel back on the sink, walking over to the door and pulling it open.

I was about to get down and crawl before remembering how it annoyed him. A shiver jolted my body and I took weak steps to the bed where there was a black t-shirt.

Did he want me to wear it ? He doesn’t want me to stay naked ? Why would he waste his clothes on me ? Will he be angry if I don’t put it on ?

Deciding I didn’t want to risk it, I slid the shirt over my head and walked over to the empty area by the window. I laid on the floor facing the wall and curled into a fetal position, closing my eyes in an attempt to sleep.

Jade always sent me to sleep at midnight and woke me two hours later. I never got to sleep before it, and if I did she’d beat me until I passed out, then continued to beat me until I woke again.

It didn’t take long before I felt my consciousness drift away.

?

« Hey, » a male voice said softly, my mind slowly registered the hand on my arm and I threw myself off the floor into a sitting position away from him. My body was overtaken with horror and I kept my eyes below his collar, eyeing his hands nervously.