[09] - Daydreams in a Desert with no Electricity

I had come to the conclusion:

Did I create a person?

Assuming that Ågaris was a real person and if he could see Hayden, then: either Hayden is a living being, or both are part of my imagination.

Ågaris being one being the person responsible for the disappearance of humanity that wants to steal a being that I created makes more sense than "everything is the source of my imagination (which would be highly troubled)". I don't think it would be that creative to create one is to steal another being from my head.

I couldn't believe I was having a psychotic break and it was all just delirium.

Still, how could I create a being with my mind? I had read about monks with special abilities after years of meditation, but what was my excuse for playing god?

I no longer understood reality, I didn't know how to distinguish it anymore, I didn't know if it really existed or was a mere word I was taught.

Theory 243: Maybe I'm in a computer simulation.

Dawn light touched my back, warming my body. Those first rays of sunshine brought me a little comfort, and made the energy I needed to walk flourish. I didn't use GPS, cell phone, or even the iPod, for the first time I didn't want to dismiss any thoughts. I let my mind run through the unexplored corners of my psyche.

Images of that strange dream flashed by. Who were those faceless people? What place was that? Could any part of it all be true? Could these dreams be memories of another life? Couldn't the times I have dreamed of Hayden actually be Ågaris trying to communicate with me? If so, why did he appear to be doing it hidden? Why not speak to me clearly for a message? Were we being watched? Who am I, where did I come from and blah, blah, blah ... All existential crises took over my mind. Did I have the right to have such a human crisis? Was I still part of that race? I had created a person (?)

My questions revolved in circles, one question generating another without any endpoints entering the middle.

I held my wrist for a beat. I had blood in my veins and a heart beating at a slow, controlled pace. When did I part with the human race? Was it the day everyone disappeared, or was I born that way? Born.

If I were part of this Node, the people who raised me were never my biological parents. Were all those words of how I looked like my grandmother just a lie? I think it should have been obvious. How could a daughter have nothing in common with her parents?

I remember my false mother's sweet words when she combed my hair "You have an old soul, a lot of wisdom is stored inside you". Her bracelets full of crystals swayed with each movement and she looked at me in the mirror with curiosity as she slowly braided my hair. I think I should have realized that I was never one of them when the curiosity in their eyes was becoming disappointment, I think they were tired of waiting for their daughter to do something special. I imagine their faces if they could see Hayden ...

I was beginning to see what was always in my face. I never really understood what it was like to be normal, I was always the point off the line, not because I did something incredible, or because I didn't think I was part of a group at school, I just didn't understand people, they were always distant from me, confused, small, but I never imagined that being different would even mean belonging to that world.

No! I suppressed the thoughts, I was believing in dreams and the words of a boy who captured my friend.

I was paranoid, a lunatic raving about conspiracy theories ... but ... for some reason ... it made sense. The madness, the irrationality, the unusual, that was what made sense at that moment.

I looked at the map again making sure it was going in the right direction. I looked at the compass giving up the GPS that refused to work. The sun had heated up and I already felt disgusted with sweat.

I opened the tent to protect myself and sat on the sand under the shade. The muffled air seemed to cook me over low heat. I secretly wished for a breeze that luckily blew in my favor. The heat seemed acceptable for an instant.

If I wasn't human, maybe not entirely, what could I do? Was I a mere sequence of different genes, or did it come with magical powers of toast? I could feel like the change was a virus and was spreading in my body.

I looked at the floor as if I could make grains of sand levitate, or perhaps create a flame with my eyes. I waited for a while, but besides the loss of time and the wind that started, nothing changed. I had no idea how to find Hayden, I didn't know where they took him... I fell asleep.

/ --- \

▲ I was back in that place, at the same time that everything went black. It was like playing a paused movie. Ågaris sat next to the girl next to me, she had long braided brown hair and a lost look on the horizon. My head rested on his shoulder. The girl's name seemed clear to me, but the word did not form in my mind. N ... I was sure it started with N, but the rest was blurred. I felt that I knew her as well as myself, but how could I?

- Maybe this is the last time we will be forced to leave, maybe next time we will just go out for fun - I had a desolate voice, almost tired, yet, I realized how optimistic my sadness was.

- Maybe ... - She said, for some reason, I knew she forced a smile.

I felt my cheeks form that half moon and my lips part. The lack of control over that situation was already natural to me. I just watched everything looking for revelations.

- It will be - I see Ågaris stand up and stand in front of the three of us. Altogether we were: Me, Ågaris, N, and a second boy whose memory caused me a happiness that I had never felt. Ley ... something, the name was on the tip of my tongue but I couldn't spit it out - We just have to focus on our goal. Everything is ready for our arrival. We just have to find the answers and you will be able to bring us back so that we only need to go out for fun.

Once again everything went black in an abrupt cut. ▲

/---\

I woke up scared. Sweat ran down my forehead and my right arm burned. While I slept I must have dropped it out of the shadow.

I touched the red area, the pain was not as bad as I imagined. I pulled out the backpack where my head once rested and picked up the water bottle on the side. Even hot I could feel the coolness running down my throat.

I leaned back in search of the sun, it was already the end of the day. I hadn't slept much.

I went through the fragments of that dream, wanting to understand my familiarity with those characters. There were three in all. Ågaris, N, and the other boy held my hand giving me comfort. Ley ... ley what? There was an inexplicable connection between us and not remembering his name made me uncomfortable.

- WE - The word escaped my lips, it sounded familiar.

Was all this insanity possible? Was I recalling another life? What happened in that other life for me to forget about it? Why were they all so desolate? I no longer needed to just find Hayden. He needed to find Ågaris, he was the one who had the answers.

I groaned in frustration, but then I laughed. More and more, I was less human, I was becoming a formless being that only generated animalistic grunts of anger. Perhaps this was my species, an animal not yet fully evolved capable of creating others with its imagination (in other words, I think I am a child).

I got up quickly taking the cover with me. I suppressed the new angry growl that reached my throat.

- Hayden and Ågaris - I repeated to myself seeking a focus.

If I were a kidnapper of imaginary friends in a desolate land, where would I take them? What did they want Hayden for? Were they testing him? Was he suffering?

"No" I heard the words in my mind.

- You're still here! - I jumped excitedly throwing the canvas aside - Where are you, Hayden ... - I thought out loud.

I crossed my fingers waiting for any murmur in my mind.

Hayden sounded in a whisper, I could barely hear him. I covered my ears as if to help and closed my eyes to concentrate only on his voice.

"Warm"

- Warm? - he said, feeling warm inside me.

I got up concentrating on that feeling. It was like an internal compass, many animals had that instinct, maybe I did too, maybe my superpower was going to find Hayden.

I walked sideways until one of them looked right. I took the compass and the map going to my initial objective. I set up my makeshift camp and got the iPod, I wanted some company. I pressed the power button, but the device showed no sign of life. I should have downloaded it. I looked for the portable battery in the backpack and plugged it in, but nothing happened. I put my hand on the bottom of the backpack, going through layers of clothes and food. When I touched any wire, I pulled it out, tangled with it came all the others.

I connected another battery and waited a few seconds for the small battery to appear. Nothing ... I repeated the process again and waited full of expectations. Nothing ... I took the phone in front of the backpack and the GPS, tried to connect the two, but none showed any sign of life.

I took a deep breath and smelled the rain, was it possible that it would rain? I let the air slowly escape my lungs mixing with the wind that wagged my ponytail.

At that moment, my personal hell started. The power that had been left on was turned off when Hayden was taken they also fried all electronic devices. They didn't want to make it easy for me. They wanted to see me lost in the desert for the rest of my days. Damn you. I picked up the iPod and threw it away with all the other useless electronic objects.

All that mattered was to rescue Hayden. Electricity no longer mattered, (yes, I would probably collapse from boredom in a few hours). Hayden needed help, I needed to be clear about my priorities.

In less than 20 minutes walking, I found myself complaining to the universe, I could hear time passing slowly, teasing me, poking me so I could not forget.

The cold increased as the sun went down. I put on my coat and stuffed my hands in my pockets. 80 km yet.

80. Damn you. Kilometers.