5

England, especially London, has always been a city that fascinated me. When I was eighteen, I was living in Sydney, Australia. No one could suspect my origins because of my cold character.

As soon as we say "Australia" the first images that come to mind are: Surf, atmosphere and sun. This was my life once

The rainy London character is more representative of my mood today. It is gloomy, gray and cold, especially at the beginning of winter.

This city is a kind of boiling hot pot of culture, it's a city that could not be defined by a single category or a race of people, it's a city without its own identity. That's what seduced me, I had the impression that it was intended for me. After all these years, I don't know who I am. A vulgar brunette thirsty to kill? When I was the complete opposite when I was younger?

I step into my apartment and smell the delicious smell of food. A sweet smell of shrimp and saffron tickles my nose. I put down my purse and unbutton my beige coat.

I arrive in the kitchen and find my sister in an apron cooking. She has headphones on her ears and waddles from right to left to the rhythm of the music. I can't help but smile. Yuna has always been in a more cheerful mood than me. His joy makes my apartment a little nicer.

I scratch my throat and she turns around. She immediately becomes uncomfortable, maybe ashamed that I see her circus. She takes off her headphones and gives me an uncertain look.

“Oh, Ella, I didn't hear you come in.

- I saw that, I retorted. What are you doing?

She gains a little more confidence and turns around. She is stirring a saucepan with a spatula.

- You had nothing in your fridge, I went shopping. And here I am preparing a paella for us!

A smirk creeps across my lips. I didn't have the time to cook, nor the desire. This kind of activity no longer amused me. I always had meals delivered to my home. I ate little, both because I paid attention to my figure and then I found no pleasure in it. I fed myself by force, so that my mind and body would not weaken.

I have the impression that Yuna brings back a good part of the sun from Spain.

- Can you set the table please? she asks me.

I squint. Apart from my boss, no one dares or even has the right to ask me for a favor or impose something on me. My fists clench, but I remember it's my sister, and no one else.

I relax and nod my head. I grab two plates, two forks and put them on the table.

When my sister comes into the dining room, pan in hand, she steps back and looks surprised.

"Not even knives?" Glasses?

I shrug my shoulders and she sighs before going to get some. Don't ask me too much either.

She serves us, in silence and I finally throw myself on this food that has been taunting my nostrils for a while. I chew and even find myself enjoying this mixture of Spanish flavors in my mouth. It's an explosion of tastes and and I can't help but jump in place it's so good. I just did not expect such happiness in the mouth.

My little sister looks at me.

- How are you ? You say nothing.

I swallow my first bite, chewing until the last morsel.

- If I say nothing, it's good.

"Ella, I know you're mad at me for leaving, but you don't have to be so cold...

I frown. I'm not cold, I make superhuman efforts not to be. Cold, that's what I am before I kill or at my desk, in front of her I'm not, or else I don't realize it.

“I am not.

"Did you have a bad day?"

“No more than usual.

She tries to detect in my eyes what is happening, which could force me to not be so jovial as before. When she left, my darkness was just beginning to show, but there were times when we were very close, and I was really me, Ella, the youngest Ella. But when she left, I became more and more black, closed, cold, insensitive. Now it's irreversible, I no longer have two faces. I changed, I got used to this new way of life, she can't help it. She would not have left that she would have experienced horror by my side.

"Did you argue with your boyfriend?"

My eyes are widening and I almost choke.

- I do not have a boyfriend, I do not want elsewhere.

— Ella, it would be nice to turn the page...

I glare at her, she seems surprised at my behavior. My gaze frightens him.

- I turned believe me.

"Have you had a relationship with a man since?"

I look away and shut myself up. I'm no longer hungry, it's a shame, because this meal would have had the honor of making me regain my appetite.

- No. I do not want it.

- Or a girlfriend? She's trying.

I don't know how to take this question. I just can't see myself taking advantage of any of my colleagues, I've never had inappropriate attention to girls.

- No.

"Sex then?" She is exhausted.

- No, stop with that Yuna.

- You have not turned the page then, and as I see you, rage itches your eyes. You'll never get out of it, it's no use rehashing the past, you're a beautiful woman, you have to move on.

I pull myself up from the table using my wrists.

- I have no lesson to receive from you. You're gone, don't be surprised at the person I am now. It's either you finally accept me for who I am, or...

- But finally Ella! It's not you! Stop with your bullshit. Mom and Dad wouldn't even recognize you anymore.

I bang my fist against the table, my mood seeming to freeze her inside.

- So what? They are no longer there. Leave those morons out of it. Nobody is there. You, you turned the page much too quickly, as if none of this mattered to you.

- It's wrong, she replies on the verge of tears.

I grab his hand on the other side of the table, and serve the ring ring on his finger.

— You go to Spain for two years, you come back with a ring, engaged. So you didn't understand my mistake, you didn't even learn a lesson from it.

She gets up this time and walks around the table to face me. I smile, my little sister has become stronger. She never dared meet my gaze.

"Ella, I'm sorry for you. You were unlucky, that's all. You could not have known. But do not determine your case as a general case. I'm engaged, and I tell you openly, I wouldn't give it up.

I advance dangerously leaving no hint of joviality.

“So you came here for that. Not to come see me, but to announce your engagement.

She steps back scared of my frozen look and I slam her against the wall. I feel like she's taunting me with her ring on her finger. I don't know if she understands how heartbreaking this situation is. I know very well that she will have more luck than I had. I grab his wrist and squeeze it with all my might. My eyes seem to bleed from my anger.

— Ella, no, she stutters. I would never do that. I didn't even intend to tell you about it, I wanted to avoid this subject but you forced me to.

- We always have the choice. You just displayed all your happiness in front of me. You also chose to leave last time, you're only making bad choices.

I instantly pull back and turn around. I leave her panting against the wall, the only thing I hear when I close the door to my room is her incessant crying.

***

Alvaro Rumi, so it's him, it's the man who strives to make my sister's life a candy cane. The photo displayed on my screen shows that he is exactly my sister's type of man. He is of medium height, sturdy, he is a real dark man with mid-length hair, he has eyes as black as ebony, his jaw is square.

A notification informs me of the arrival of an email. I open my box carefully. Joyce, one of the service's hackers just sent me my sister's boyfriend investigation. She was quick. I like to know if I should put him on my next target list or not. For now, it is. Nothing leads me to trust him.

I carefully read all the details found on his account. He is twenty four years old, a year older than me, three years older than my sister. He comes from a wealthy heiress family from Spain. Her father is the head of a leather goods company, her mother works in international trade. A beautiful little family smelling of happiness.

His passion is horse riding and volleyball, sports that my sister loves very much. He is also a horreal piano player. He has been playing it since he was three years old. A rich brat...

He finished his marketing studies a year ago, he is currently working as a trader at Foot Locker, surprisingly like a daddy's boy.

This must be hiding something. Yuna is a beautiful and resplendent woman, but I have now enough experience to know that this man is crazy about her. Their living environments are far too far apart, she's close to getting a slap, and I'll be the reason why she won't. In a few hours, she won't hear from this man again.

It will be hard to accept, but she will not have to know the sadness of my fate having destroyed me at the same time from a physical, moral and psychic point of view.

The end of the email indicates that Joyce has a little more detail but more private. She prefers to give them to my face.

I get up immediately, ready to disembark at my colleague's. I stop in front of my sister's door, even though I've been very hard on her tonight. I must at least warn her of my absence, she will do what she wants with this information.

As I'm about to knock, I hear his voice. She is on the phone and communicates in Spanish, a language that I now fully master, although she does not fascinate me. I'm not one to listen to conversations, it's terribly rude, but I can't help listening, she's crying. My heart breaks instantly.

— No, you were wrong, it's a bad idea, she hates me... What did I think too! I abandoned her Alvaro... If it's my fault.

A moment passes and I no longer hear him speak, only his tears punctuate the conversation.

- She is no longer her, I saw it in her eyes. I'm not even the exception in her eyes anymore, just one more person she hates...

My heart sinks, I lower my head.

- She does not want to understand for us, let it go. She freaked out when she saw my ring.... It won't change anything! In three years, this is the first time I've dared speak to her about you, she wasn't even happy for me for a moment.

Three years ? What does she mean by that? She's known her friend for three years without ever talking to me about him?

“I'm going home tomorrow. She scared me so much...I...I wish she would forgive me, honey...I love her, but to see her suffer so much...

I feel my eyes moisten. I'm dumb, that's all. I was ready to murder my sister's boyfriend just because I was afraid he would hurt her. I was ready to take the only thing she could count on since I was no longer on that list.

I feel bad because I love her, distant memories of the two of us playing in our garden come back to me. I'm crying. I clench my fist against my chest, it's too hard to take. I don't want her to leave, I need her. I need his good humor, his delicious dishes.

I feel worthless. My heart is broken, I'm about to burst into tears but I prefer to suffer in silence, from within.

I go back to my room and throw myself against my bed. I have the impression of having a platonic and bland life, nothing, there is nothing. I kill, I make money, I avenge women, but nothing. I don't feel anything anymore. Everything is dead around me and I feel terribly alone.

I absolutely have to make an effort, I want to win back my little sister, I don't want to hurt her anymore. I don't want her to be afraid of me. Except that, I don't know how to do anymore. All my gestures are frightening, I held myself back for years in order to always play in elegance and cruelty. I excel at it but I can't get away from it...

I need someone and my mind knows exactly where I'm coming from. I pick up my phone and dial a number. I'm nervous, this is the first time I'm about to disturb one of my colleagues. I'm not the social type. The ringtone lasts and I bite my nails.

— Tyler Leicester speaking.

I hear Caribbean music and cries in the background. His voice seems barely audible.

"Tyler where are you?"

"El...Ella?" He launches surprised.

- Boss, not Ella, I correct him.

I hear the background music and the sound disturbances dissipate little by little. Tyler doesn't answer me anymore, until I hear a door slam.

"Boss?" He resumes. What an honor to get a call from you!

I roll my eyes and sigh.

- Where are you, I grow impatient

- It's Friday night. I'm at a party in a club in central London. With a boss like you, I have to decompress.

I find myself smiling.

- And you? What are you doing? he asks me. If you have nothing to do, you can join me.

"Very little for me, I cut it off." I need your help.

"I'm finally going to go to the field?"

His tone is very enthusiastic. I guess he has stars in his eyes the moment he speaks.

"No, fool. I need advice.

He sighs and resumes.

- I'm listening to you.

- If you ask me a single personal question I'll ruin you. Just answer me. Suppose you just hurt your sister so much that she might be afraid of you and you want to fix things, what would you do?

A moment passes before he decides to answer me.

- Bah, I do not have a little sister, I do not know.

- If you had one, I sigh.

- Well I do not.

"Damn it, don't be smart.

"Are you frightening your sister? Why isn't that surprising to me?"

I'm starting to get seriously impatient, calling him was actually a bad idea. I know he doesn't answer me sincerely because he wants something in return, he doesn't want to throw an answer at me in the air and then act like he hasn't helped me.

- If you answer me frankly, I promise you that you will participate in our next mission.

“Swear on your sister's head.

I avert my eyes to the right and grab my cell phone. I locate his phone before replying.

“I swear by no name. I know where you are, you divert the conversation once again, I arrive. You piss me off, you know how I react when I'm pissed off. Don't play with me Tyler.

“No need to get carried away,” he complains. So, if I were in your place, he continues. I would make her breakfast with everything she likes, I would write a simple I'm sorry on her omelet. I would wait for her to wake up and then I would explain myself to her. You need to show her that you care about her. She's a girl, she'll fall for it.

He stops. I thought he would keep talking but he doesn't.

- And that's all? I am getting impatient.

"Do you think I'm a magician perhaps?" That's what I would do. Would a little thank you scrape your throat?

- Yeah.

I'm hanging up. This moron thinks a simple breakfast will change things? I should take my pain patiently all night when I have only one desire: to check if this technique would really work. I sincerely think to spend my night to find what would correspond the most to my sister.

My iPhone vibrates and I frown. I never receive any messages, apart from my operator telling me what package to pay.

Tyler: I have your phone number, not very smart boss

I find myself cracking a smile. I slump against my bed. The night is going to be deadly impatient and I really hope the other jerk is right. Otherwise, I fire him.