4

I walk the streets of London with great strides, the rain is raging, my clothes are soaked.

I embark in my building and have the unpleasant surprise to discover my front door open. Who would have dared to enter my apartment? I have a bad feeling.

I tie my hair in a ponytail and pull my gun out from under my skirt. My gaze oscillates between the door handle and my back.

I put one foot in my apartment and bend over my legs. I advance without a sound and my nerves are drawn. I hate when people play mouse with me. I check in every corner of the living room that no one is hiding. My concentration is at its peak. Beads of sweat trickle down my forehead.

I jump when I hear noises coming from my room. I open the door suddenly and scream.

- More a gesture or I'll break down.

The person in front of me looks just as shocked as I am. She raises her arms and I watch her. I'm ridiculous, I lower my weapon and rush into his arms.

My sister, my younger sister is here, and I'm not dreaming. For once, it's not a dream. I can't resist running my hand through her hair, just to make sure it's really her, not an illusion.

She hugs me to her chest as if she wanted our two bodies to merge. I'm not crying even though we last met two years ago. I show no hint of joy or sadness, but my body, unable to let go, betrays me.

Yuna, she can't stop crying and kissing me.

"Yuna, what are you doing here?"

— I got my degree in economics, I told myself that I had plenty of time to come and see you...

I hug her with all my might. If someone had told me that I would have to deal with my little sister again, I wouldn't have believed them. She had forgiven me and I don't know how.

The last time we saw each other, I was leaving a club, I was in a bad state morally. My thoughts muddled, it took me forever to remember how this scene happened, why did she leave, why overnight I found myself alone.

Flashback

I open the door and stagger from right to left, I'm completely elsewhere. My head is spinning, I'm both hot and cold, my vision is blurry, I seem to see water bubbles everywhere.

I watch my sister sitting on the couch. She's curled up against herself, her stitches tight, her eyes wet.

- Finally there.

She looks at me, I'm surprised by this anger that itches her eyes. She's a very calm and sweet girl, so seeing her disrespect me so much surprises me.

I pat his shoulder, and start laughing stupidly.

- Relax.

- Pardon ? Are you asking me to relax? Are you kidding me? I was freaking out!

I sigh and throw myself onto the sofa. I am exhausted. My legs barely respond to me.

- I called you a dozen times, there was this shooting near this neighborhood where you were. You didn't even deign to answer me! I thought you were dead! But actually no, you were having fun with all that shit.

She shows me a bag of cocaine that she had probably found in my room. She throws it at me. I don't care and to prove it to him, I collect some of this white dust and smell it. I cough, it's quite strong and I'm already very stoned.

And in reality, it was I who had caused this shooting. I couldn't tell him so much as not say anything. I couldn't stand killing people so much that I had to do drugs to forget.

"We'll talk about it tomorrow," I yawned.

- No Ella. It's been three months, I don't know what to do with you. I know you were hurt deep down, you lost your family, and so did I. We are only two, you are the last one I have left. But you're getting more and more distant... And strange... I don't want that.

She retrieves the bag of powder and closes it immediately.

- And what ?

- I leave. I'm leaving tomorrow, it's decided. It's not by your side that I would take back my life after all that has happened. You won't be better by my side. I'm going to Spain.

My gaze freezes and I grab her by the arm. My grip is so strong that her wrist turns purple, I force her to sit against the couch.

"No, you're not leaving. You won't leave me alone.

She tries to push me away, I know I'm hurting her, but nothing helps, if I let her go she'll go away.

- She! Stopped ! You're scaring me ! Bring my sister back, I want to see my sister, not that crazy girl.

She writes so much I hurt her, physically but especially morally. I hurt her deeply. Tears roll from her eyes and my heart sinks. I'm hurting my sister unintentionally. I'm not proud of it. I let her go and she gets up. Her cheeks are flushed and she can't look at me anymore, she's shaking.

"I love you Ella. But... It's no longer possible.

I don't answer and just stare at her. I just can't do anything, my brain is asleep and no longer responds to its main functions.

***

I push those memories out of my mind when my sister walks away from my body. She is even more beautiful than before. Her jet black hair is longer, and she looks happier. She has taken some forms, she is less thin than during this bad period. I wonder what the reason is and when I notice an engagement ring on her hand, I can't help but regain my coldness.

- What is that ?

She raises her eyes and hides her hand. She wipes her moist, rosy cheeks, she seems to me like innocence incarnate.

- Nothing. You are splendid, you have changed, she continues. You look... taller. Are you sure you're twenty three?

"Surprising?"

It's true, I look much more mature than my age. I am far from being a silly, innocent twenty-three-year-old woman. She nods and silence returns, I would like to talk to her openly, tell her how much I missed her but it's very hard. It's beyond my strength. I don't even know if such words are appropriate.

"And what was that Ella weapon?" Why do you have a gun at home?

- Just a precaution. It's not loaded in any way, just to scare.

She stares at me and I pull back.

"Are you quite sure?" Well, I've never seen you...

-Don't worry. It's alright, I just heard some noise in that room and it freaked me out, don't worry.

She tries to gauge my gaze to determine if I'm lying or not and ends up raising her eyebrows.

“I'm sorry, but I was just coming back here to get something… I have to get back to work.

A long smile stretches from her lips and she jumps in place.

- I saw that you are co-director of Brandy Bra. I'm glad you recovered, really.

I smile at him and turn around. If she knew... I'm probably much worse than before. It hurts me but I can't say anything to him and even less now.

"I'll be back around ten o'clock." Make yourself at home. After all... You're home.

I give him a smile, a real one.

***

I analyze the man's head very closely, even if no detail escapes me now. His image is imprinted in my mind. I've made up my mind so that if I meet him on the street, I'll strangle him. I stir my coffee. With my free hand I surround his head with a red circle. My patience has never been so important. It's been three years since I wanted to kill this man who destroyed everything around me, but I'm not ready yet. I'm way too lacking in detail to get into a dangerous fight.

My gaze is drawn to the side, there's Tyler's picture on one of my folders. I started some research on him, to be sure that he didn't play it backwards.

I jump when someone knocks on my door, so that I stain my white dress with the hot liquid from the coffee. If there's anything worse than bad hair for me, it's probably getting stained. I hate not being presentable, I like being on top. I'm not necessarily internally, but I like to hide it.

I grit my teeth and unbutton my dress. I get up to my closet and find a black one. Unfortunately it is bustier. I carefully remove my bras and prepare to put on the dress.

The door to my office opens. I immediately turn around and glare at this person. I'm not surprised to see Tyler there, he's the only one who doesn't wait for my orders to come into my office, he's the only unruly one.

His gaze locks when he sees me half-naked. His throat tightens. He instantly turns around.

- Sorry, I...

I put on my dress. It's a bit thin for my hips, so I had to force it to fit my size completely. Of course, Tyler had watched it all.

I sit down in my desk chair and cross my legs. I glare at the man, he still has his eyes wide open and obviously does not recover from what he has just seen. He should grow up.

“What is Tyler? Why don't you stop bothering me?

He scratches his head and squirms from side to side.

"You said you'd pay me a visit... Well, if I'm in trouble..."

I stop him with a finger so that he shuts up. I raise my body, compressed by the dress and ahead of him. I know he won't let me go with this visit, he was impatient to finally discover some secrets of our organization. I had promised him that only to apologize for my behavior at the shooting range.

Don't get me wrong, it was the first and last time I would be nice to him, the last.

As I'm about to walk through the door, he calls out to me.

"Uh... there's..."

I turn to him while making big eyes and questioning look.

- What?

He seems to be shaking, my glare doesn't help matters, I abuse it. He squirms again and smooths his black hair with his hand.

"Bah.. ehm.. how to say...

At this moment I expect the worst. He is a strange man, it must be said. I don't see who would have the courage to stare at my body at this point, when the threat of his death is at its highest.

However, I did not expect that. He runs his hands behind my back and she brushes one of my buttocks. His hand barely has time to touch me when I swing him a phenomenal slap propelling him backwards. He moans and I make no apologies.

It was then that I realized my mistake. The back of my dress was stuck in my panties, what a crock.

Had he really tried to put my dress back in its place? Tyler was a suicidal man, I hadn't let any man touch me for five years, I felt like the warmth of his hand on my ass was branded and it made me shudder.

I straighten my dress and glare at him.

"You'll never touch me again, is that clear?"

***

- We are eleven girls in the team, I announce.

We'll walk around the premises as I patiently and calmly explain to him the important points he needs to be aware of. Of course, I don't have enough confidence to go into the most dreaded details, I content myself with stating facts which, for me, are of no interest.

Tyler just stalks me like a dog and I'm seriously considering hiring him as a submissive secretary. It would make us women happy. In all the big companies, men have fun putting down their secretaries, they tear themselves apart for them so that in the end they are not of great interest to them.

I had suffered this when I was younger, and I was rather proud to have blown the brains out of this boss. He wasn't mean, but I didn't condone him putting me down so much.

“I'm the team leader, in case you haven't noticed. It's me who gives the orders, although I receive them from the boss.

Tyler nods.

- This is Emy and Joyce. They are the two heads of the team. They are professional hackers. They worked in dozens of countries before landing here. Nothing escapes them.

The girls don't even take the time to look at us, too busy with their screens. We are progressing slowly, I take my role as boss very seriously even if I am not very happy about it. Maybe it's the arrival of my little sister that makes me so patient with a man today.

- Here are in order Brooke, Alexie, Hayden, Chloe and Charlie. They are in charge of the smallest missions, or often to cover us. They look adorable, but don't piss them off, they're even more sadistic and out of control than me. Brooke and Charlie particularly adept at BDSM.

Tyler looks surprised, I shrug. I was hoping he didn't think the people working here weren't witty.

“Finally, Cheyenne and Eva. Surely you know them.

Tyler looks at me with contempt, he remembers them very well, it's their fault that he found himself the first to play in my office.

— Two outstanding sportswomen, two excellent shooters. They are in charge of the biggest missions, I often work with them. Basically, you tell them one thing wrong, it's like you're picking on me. I'll knock you down in less than two.

Tyler shudders but doesn't say anything, he's definitely not a talker since the blows I gave him.

— This agency is a kind of help for us. We take advantage of very good software to find our past and explain it. The boss also plays a big part, he has very good contacts, he is a relational person and a business man. So he hires us to kill people, he gets the money, we get a little bit, the business too. In addition to that, because of his good contacts, he helps us a lot to understand the traces of our past, to take revenge.

"And you haven't seen him before?" He asks.

- No, I say. We can't, it's dangerous. Its image must be clean, and we are not helping it. Avoid contacting him, it's not a good idea. He only does this in extreme emergency.

We approach a painting and a long smile stretches from my lips. There are photos of men's faces, others of dead men followed by annotations, they are connected with red threads. Crosses are drawn on certain faces and I contemplate the work. The man looks at this and I feel his impressed heartbeat, it sends shivers down my spine. .

“Oh fuck,” he swears.

I stretch out my arms and point to the painting.

- This is where the heads of the biggest shots are displayed, I explain. For example this one: he was the leader of a large international paramedical firm. In short, he forced his wife to watch his antics with his secretary. His head was worth more than five hundred thousand euros, I rejoice.

- Five hundred thousand ? He blows. How did he die?

I pass my hand over the signifying red line and stretch a sadistic grin. This mission had been an absolute pleasure. My act had been horribly unhealthy, but I was only giving him the change of his coin.

- I had attached to his desk and sheared his sexual organ gently before shooting him in the head: Enjoyable.

Tyler looks at his genitals and gets scared, there is reason. He pretends to vomit and I laugh. In this world, men have no pity, nor did I.

After doing the grand tour, we return to my office. He did not stop during the return to look at me strangely, always shocked by the enunciation of my act, I had told him he was not ready.

I sit down in my chair and tell him that he can clear. As usual, he does as he pleases.

— Why do you only take it out on men, he asks?

"Because you are unscrupulous, because you keep proclaiming a fair world, where there is gender equality, when these are just fine words to reassure average society, because whatever you do you keep bringing us down, because you were born tobreak us.

All my anger floods my eyes and I wouldn't be surprised to look like the devil in himself. My fists are clenched, this makes me rehash so many memories that I can't help but feel pain.

"Why do you hate men?" He continues. What did they do to you?

My gaze penetrates him immediately. I frown. Here, everyone hates men, but we never dare to broach this taboo subject, no one explains this hatred. It makes us dwell on too many bad memories that we don't need. We need to be focused, move forward, not back.

"Why do you hate your ex-colleagues?" I retorted.

He glares at me.

- The only thing I see is that you behave like all these men in fact. Nothing is different in what you do. It's almost a hypocritical feminist act.

My gaze freezes. How dare he talk to me like that? I lived through the worst horrors in the world, I lost everything, I refuse to pass myself off as a hypocritical feminist.

I don't let myself be discouraged. I smile at him in my most sadistic way. I turn my chair around and wave at him to go away.

Before he disappears completely I turn around and stretch a smile.

“By the way, I need a new coffee, a plum pie, and you sort through all the papers on my desk.

Even if it means being thought of as a hypocrite, you might as well be one completely.