You Will Not Win

…Tyler POV…

"Accept it. At some point, you are going to have to accept that this is not your fault. There is nothing that you can do about it."

But, what I can do, is tell YOU, Cancer, how I feel about you.

"Cancer. You infiltrate so many lives, how could you remember the details of mine? I do not remember you entering our thoughts. You were not in our vision at all. You can come to us in shock, all grades of your aggressiveness. I will give it to you, you totally took us by surprise and caught us out!

Jenna has one hell of a fight on her hands against you. It is taking all she has to fight you. You tear at her body; you mess with her mind, you make her at times, doubt her desire to carry on fighting you, but trust me when I say that those doubts are momentary.

They only occur in the rare weak moments when she hurts too much. When she feels too exhausted. But you underestimate her. She is fighting you hard, and it is at this point, Cancer, that I should tell you that you can never win against us. Never.

You have so many victories, have beat so many people, but I need you to know that this is a battle you cannot win, and I am going to tell you why.

But first… You changed my wife. You changed the woman that I love into a woman I wasn't sure of. For the first time ever, there are sides of Jenna that I do not recognize. Cancer, and your ole buddy Chemo, can do that to a person.

You make her fight demons that only she could see. Twist her mind, test her soul. You make her hurt from the top of her head right down to her toes. You weaken her physically, something she has never before experienced. You make her question her own strength, her desire to fight. You make her terrified, but not for herself, never for herself, you make her terrified of causing us, her family, so much pain, so much hurt in our hearts.

You make her feel guilty for the tears and heartache that she sees in us, her family, and friends' eyes. You make her own eyes look so, so sad. I can see in them the rawness of her fear and desperate longing to stay with me. You break all our hearts. You steal our happiness and rock the very foundation of our home.

You are able to do this, Cancer because Jenna is our happy. She is the foundation of our home. The strength. The pillar that holds up and supports me. The beacon that lights up our home and path when darker times have hit in the past. She is our home. You make us have to pause life for a while, something that we have never done. You make us live with real, crippling fear. I hate you so much for doing that.

Suddenly the impulsive side of our lives has to be pushed aside to accommodate the daily chemo, the days of sickness, the dark days, the weakness. We have always lived our life looking for adventure, exploring, living. We have always had a positive outlook on life, always knowing that we were lucky. Perhaps you thought us a little smug in our happiness? You take all of that from us.

But, I am a fair person, so I need to tell you what you also gave us. Balance things up a little. This will also help you understand why you can never win this particular battle! When you give us time to breathe, you give us a renewed lust and love of life.

You make us appreciate what we have, make us truly understand and remember how bloody lucky we are. We have always chosen to live fully, with no regrets, but you make us run full pelt at life again. Make us grab every opportunity, accept every invitation, laugh with abandon every single day.

You remind us to love deeply, appreciate fully, and to never, ever take anything for granted. You cement in our minds what is important and what really isn't! That is what you give us, and I will afford you a small nod of credit for that.

Now, let me tell you why you can't be victorious in this battle with us, Cancer. You cannot win because all of what I have mentioned is ours to keep, and nothing you do can take that from us. Whatever happens, you cannot take that. Some people don't get a single day of what we have! Jenna and I are incredibly lucky to have found each other, we have built a wonderful life together. Fully and fiercely we have lived. There is no coulda woulda shoulda with us, no regrets.

So Cancer, you invading our lives, just make us make more memories. We try things we have wanted to try. We upped the anti and live harder than ever! Yes, you stay on the periphery of our vision; that tends to be your way. You like to keep all of those touched by you, fearful. It is your calling card, isn't it, your modus operandi. You like us never to forget your visit. But every single day, we get up and live.

Well, we have now been visited by you. Hence, my open letter to you Cancer. Yep, you seem to want to make my wife battle. I would be lying if I didn't admit that we are scared. That we don't have to control our minds to prevent them from taking us to dark places. It would also be a lie to say that we don't fear you. That I don't wake up some nights feeling like someone is sitting on my chest, such is the panic. We do fear you. But fear can be channeled and molded into a positive energy. An incredibly strong and potent positive energy. Did you not know that Cancer? I learned that ability a long time ago, so we have got that skill in the bag.

What you perhaps didn't anticipate, though, is we are battle-ready. We are not blindsided. We are ready, with weapons in our arsenal, strength in our heads and hearts, and an army behind us! We are ready to battle you. Trust me when I say, my wife will fight you with every ounce of her being. She will push back as hard as you push, harder in fact. I promise you that. Oh, and guess what, Cancer, we have the added advantage of knowing that whatever happens, You Cannot Win, because we have already won! We have truly and fully lived, and you can never, ever take that away from us. Our memories, the love we found, our shared adventures, our babies we created, our full to bursting hearts. They can never be lost. We have won.

Hate is a strong word, but I truly hate you. You come in where you're not wanted and take what's not yours.

So, Cancer, this is why I'm writing you. I need to get all of this hurt and anger off of my chest. I am so pissed that you take and take and take.

But, you know what, Cancer? You are not invincible.

You have taught us a lot. We can't consider you a friend yet, but you have created a fire inside us that we are thankful for. We have learned to let go of the negative thoughts that we had pushed deep down inside ourselves and release the emotions that were harming us physically. We will not let you have the last dance. No, sir.

We will no longer put our lives on hold to be happy someday. We will not stress any longer over things we cannot control and instead will celebrate by living life to the fullest.

We know there will be bumps along the way in life, but as long as we are able to see the sunrise and smell the fresh air, we can overcome anything, and that means you.

So, Cancer, she will fight to live, and she will fight to give life in the future. You will not rob us of that.