Chapter 8

"You're not supposed to be so nervous." Cassie said, evident lines of age showing on her face as she smiled

I sighed and twiddled my fingers, my tiny insecurities coming out to play.

"This is big Cass. I've never performed anywhere outside Lansing. Hell, I've never even been anywhere else but in Lansing. Now I'm going to perform in the great Des Moines Civic Center!" I said, my stressing only showing how panicked I was

'I'm supposed to be the one panicking here, not you! What if they throw the wrong flowers?! I honestly prefer Irises to any other y'know.' Keira said, she always had something to say and her daily lifestyle was to prance around my head

Somewhere inside, I felt like I got my mischievous side from her.

"You'll do great Ava. You're a natural." Cassie said and held on to my forearms, sincerity shining in her eyes "Ballet was made for you. I've never met anyone that moves like you. You handle it like it's your life! The world needs to see your light, it shouldn't be confined to four walls. You inspire them here to dance and I know once you get on that stage, the world will be more than inspired."

After she was finished, I gaped at her teary-eyed. I had never known her to be a person who gave inspirational talks, but I was touched all the same. Even Keira whimpered. I hugged her tight and totally forgot that she was fragile under my grip. It wasn't until I heard her breathing become tight, that I decided to let her go. She huffed as I let go, trying to catch her breath.

"Only Lord knows how you have the strength of a fully grown man." she said, I snickered

"I'm fed very well and loaded more than twice a day, I'm supposed to have that kind of strength." I replied with, instead of saying it was because I wasn't fully a normal human being

Cassie and I were sitting outside her dance studio, waiting for either Ben or Maria to come pick me up. It was exactly two days ago that I got a call from a Mr. Hall, telling me of how he has been to one of the shows we had held here in Lansing and that he loved my talent and wanted me to perform in Des Moines Civic Center. The show would feature new upcoming ballet dancers and they were allowed to come with their own instrumentalists or teams. It was so huge for me and it occurred to me that this was something that would ultimately change my life and the way I lived it. I'd leave the small place I had known and go perform in front of a crowd of over 2000 people. It was safe to say, I was afraid. The weekend and the show was just a day away and I felt like every day that it drew nearer, the older and more stressed out I became.

I was now 23 years old and worked in Cassie's studio as a teacher rather than a student. I couldn't bring myself to let go of the place and I wanted to teach people the beauty and safety that ballet offered. It had been 5 years and a month since I had started my new life. The life I truly deserved.

"If it's like that, then I guess I know where to go when I want to become obese." she mocked

"Oh please Cass, you've always known. You've just been waiting for an invitation just so you can stuff your face."

She glared at me and I laughed, knowing very well that I had spoken something very close to the truth. The honk of a car broke me away from my laughing fit and I sighted Ben inside the familiar dark blue pick up truck, waving our way.

"I guess my ride's here." I said and picked my bag, standing up

"Seems so." she mumbled, rising as well

We walked to the car and I opened the door and jumped in, the smell of fresh mangoes filling up my nose. I was convinced Ben had fallen in love with the shampoo Maria had bought him recently.

"Hey shortie cake." Ben said warmly

"Hey Bennie Wenny." I said back

I had never and could never bring myself to call Maria and Ben by the titles 'mom and dad'. I always felt even though my parents were gone, I still owed it to them majorly to let them keep their titles. I'm glad Ben was comfortable with it and even though Maria had some trouble with it at first, she got accustomed to it and allowed me to call her anyway I wanted.

"So when do you plan to get your costume ready and what about giving a call to the guy I asked you to call concerning the instrumentalists yeah?" Cassie said, leaning against the shut door "Hair and make-up can be done by Smith. He's always eager to get his hands on your pretty head anyways."

"But I wanted to bring Astelle along to do my make-up. She's been begging me since the day she found out and I know she's been taking all those courses and buying a lot of expensive make-up shit, I don't wanna disappoint her." I replied "Is it possible for you to come over tomorrow morning and see the dress Maria has been working on for me?"

"If you offer to make me a hearty breakfast, I'll darn sure as hell be there." Ben laughed

"Always the monger as usual Cassandra." he said

"My mama always said there isn't a thing as too much generosity Benjamin." she said, winking

"Of course I'll get breakfast ready for you. I've been meaning to try out a new omelette recipe, maybe you could be the first to taste." I said

"How can I ever resist good food?" She said, stepping back and nudging her head sideways "You guys get a move on now, Maria will be waiting for her two babies to come home. I'll call Smith and since Astelle has been so eager, she can chip in and do your make-up."

"Thanks Cass. Have a nice evening." I said

"Benjamin." she said towards Ben

He replied with a nod of his head and drove off, I waved goodbye to her before she was completely out of sight. Ben drove, keeping conversation light and telling me the stories of his day at the farm, making me laugh so much, I got blue and Keira kept screaming at me to keep my nipples in my bra, which was her way of telling me to calm down.

By the time we got home, I was all smiles and walked through the door to find Maria in the kitchen, over a pot of hot veggie style spaghetti. The aroma was welcoming and I kissed her cheek, telling her how good everything smelt, before going upstairs to wash up and change out of my dance clothes.

"Dinner will be ready in 15 young lady!" she shouted as I mounted the steps

"I'll be done by then, I promise!" I yelled back, hurrying to my room

Maria never liked us eating separately. She believed in family dinners and no one who stayed under her roof could skip the main meals of the day. The only time you could eat alone is when you got extra hungry.

Dropping my bag on the wingback chair in my room, I proceeded to start my routine of taking a bath and rinsing out my hair. I had decided to not cut my hair and it had been one of the best decisions I made in my life. It had gotten back it's colour and was a vibrant reddish-orange and I preferred keeping it curly, simply because I wanted it to look shorter than it was.

"Maybe I should consider giving it a short trim." I mumbled to myself as I towel dried it after my shower

'Maybe you should just carry it short.' Keira said

"Do you not like my crazy fire hair?" I asked incredulously

'I never said I didn't like it yo. All I'm saying is that you're starting to look like that girl from that movie with a bear and Vikings.'

"You mean Merida? I can't believe you just compared my looks to a cartoon character."

'The truth is bitter sweetie, but I'll be here to ease the pain. You could cut your hair like Rihanna or something, maybe even get a purple highlight! Ohhhh, and tint your eyebrows purple too...'

"Okay Tiger! We are not going all neon and punk rock on this luscious head of madness and no purple unless it's icing on a cake."

To anyone watching, they would think I had gone crazy. Just proof that everything was not always what it seemed.

'You are no fun.'

Sometimes, I wondered if taking care of a child would be the same as taking care of Keira, but when my mind always took me to the thought of pups, I remembered the person I was destined to spend my life with. I decided to just wear a pair of grey cotton shorts and a big yellow shirt I had gotten from Donovan's old wardrobe. I tied my wet hair into a ponytail and wore white socks because I wasn't in the mood to go out again. That was how I bounded down the steps, trying to remove someone who would be the very end of my existence, out of my mind.

Maria was bringing the glasses down from the cabinet when I entered again and I helped her carry out the dish that contained the spaghetti and the pork chops. After everything was set, we sat down and Ben said the Lord's prayer. I had never understood how it was possible that we served different supernatural powers but I never judged, instead I accepted their religion the way they accepted mine.

Dinner was full of chatter and laughs, as usual. Maria was always a chatterbox and always lit up wherever she was. It was no wonder Ben had been so attracted to her. Even then, when she laughed about the rats that had climbed up her co-worker's trouser, he looked at her like she was the most precious thing in the world. I still heard his heart rate pick up and skip sometimes and all these reactions were undoubtedly towards her.

We washed up and I snuggled up on the only Charles of London chair in the living room, with the many blankets Maria had draped over the lounge chair. She and Ben sat on the love couch and we tuned in to watch our favourite evening show. It was a comedy about two brothers that lived together. All through the time we were watching the show, I stole glances at them both, catching them stealing quick kisses.

It shouldn't have hurt as bad as it did then. It wasn't the first time I would see them acting like they just got married yesterday. It wouldn't be the first time I'd see Maria blush profusely and hide in Ben's chest. It wouldn't be the first time I'd see Ben chuckle silently and whisper in her ear how much he loved her. Nothing was new. But tonight, I felt vulnerable; emotionally and psychologically. My chest constricted and I wanted nothing more than to get away, before I broke down in tears.

And I hadn't cried in so long....

"I think I'll go to bed now." I said, standing up. They turned to me, their eyes showing they had forgotten that I was present in the room with them

"You sure shortie cake? It's just past 9." Ben said

I nodded. "I need to get some rest you know. I've been working all day."

"Oh, I hope the practise today wasn't too stressful." Maria said. Always the mother hen.

"No, no. But then again, I haven't been getting enough sleep lately. My mind has been on the show. Don't worry about me though, I'll be fine."

I stepped behind them and kissed them both on the cheeks. They bid me goodnight and I replied with a gentle hum before disappearing into my room upstairs. The weight on my chest remained even as I climbed under my covers and I stared up at my ceiling, the lights in my room on due to my nyctophobia. What if I was like normal? What if I was able to live like a human and choose who I want to spend the rest of my life with? What if even as a werewolf, I hadn't been treated the way I was and I had found my mate? Would he love me the way I would love him? Would he look at me the way Ben looked at Maria? What if all my life, I would never find the love I desperately longed for?

My heart gradually chipped away with every question I asked myself. I suddenly felt alone, Keira too, silent and not invading my thoughts like she always did. I fell asleep with tears streaming down my face and my duvet gripped tightly in my small hands.

............

xx

There wasn't any light in the room and I was alone. I looked around, trying to heighten my senses so I could see but my fear of the dark kept me from concentrating properly. I gulped and shivered when I felt a cold chill run down my back. Where was it coming from?

"B-Ben?" I called out "Maria? Astelle?!"

My only reply was the cold wind that seemed to gently caress me and laugh in my ears with no mercy.

"Keira?"

I didn't get any answer and I became panicked all of a sudden. I knew this was a dream but Keira always made it into my dreams. So why? Why was it now that I sought her that she seemed to not even exist. It seemed like nobody existed where I was. Just me and the cold wind.

I didn't know when I started to hyperventilate or when I started screaming silent screams. I curled up in a ball and ran my hands through my hair, jumping when I suddenly heard a door open. I stayed quiet and very still, a hope blossoming in my chest when the lights suddenly flicked on.

I stood and gazed at my surroundings. I was in an office, everything placed in perfection and nothing out of place. I stopped short when I saw there was a presence there. It wasn't the fact that someone was there that scared the shit out of me. It was who the person was.

Xander Harrison stepped out of the shadows, looking as menacing as I remembered him and staring at me with eyes so empty, I wanted the ground to swallow me and never spit me out. He walked closer and I moved back. When he noticed, he stopped moving altogether.

"Why are you running?" he asked. His voice awakened something in me, a need and a sudden rage that was indescribable

"Why?" I asked silently, still shaking "You know why Xander."

He tilted his head to the side, a kind of light igniting in his eyes when I called his name. His facial expression changed to one that was warmer; almost deceitfully loving.

"I don't want you to run away from me. It only makes me want to hold you down even more."

"W-What?"

"You ran away once. I am never going to let that happen again." suddenly he was no longer in front of me, the air shifting

A tender graze of a hand on my cheek made me jump and I found him standing so close, too close. I backed away from him again. It felt as though I had no control of what was happening in the dream. I was a slave.

"Ava." he whispered, making my hairs to stand and my breath to catch in my throat

"Stay away from me!"

I didn't want him to touch me. Not again. Never.

"Nothing will ever keep me away from you." he shrugged "I've let you go for more than 5 years, think of what I've been going through."

"What you've been going through?!" I shrieked "Think of what I went through for most of my life when I was with you! Think of how you almost killed me! Think of how suicidal I was! How can you even be a self-centred bastard and come here, telling me to think of what you've been going through."

By the end of my rant, I was panting and he was looking at me in such a way, it made me want to pull him close and never let go. He looked hurt. But I knew better, I knew him better.

"I regret everything I ever did to you..." he started and I laughed bitterly "...I wasn't myself and I'd do anything to get you back. I l..."

"I despise you." I hissed at him and watched as his eyes flashed black.

He took slow steps towards me and a smirk grew on his face as I backed away until my back came in contact with the wall. He caged me in and I had to resist inhaling his wonderful scent. All my confidence disappeared replaced with fear and forbidden desire.

"You can hate me all you want, run away all you want, struggle all you want." He rested his forehead against mine as I flinched "But I will always find you when you run and hide, I'll discipline you when you struggle. You'll have nowhere to go. Why?"

He chuckled and I gulped. This was the Xander I knew. The one that had dominated my nightmares with such ruthlessness, that it left me with thoughts of suicide and malice and hatred.

"Because my sweet Ava, you're mine." he whispered, "And I will come for you."

When he touched my face, that was all it took for me to finally scream. Scream like there was no tomorrow. Scream till I wasn't in this nightmare anymore. Scream. KEEP SCREAMING. RUN. HIDE. RUN. HIDE. I WILL NEVER BE SAFE.

xx

I heard the distant callings of my name and opened my eyes to find Maria with a frightened face and tears in her eyes as she looked down at me. It didn't take me long to fall into her arms and cry. I didn't know how long I cried or how long she assured me that it was all going to be okay, that I was safe. I vaguely registered the fact that Ben stood beside the bed, his arms wrapped around Maria and I.

Something inside me, deep inside, no matter how much I wanted to deny it, was so sure that I would be facing Alpha Xander Harrison again and when he saw me again, he would make sure I never got away.

Never again.