Scolded

With the help of Vanessa and Charlotte I moved out of Washington after a couple of days. They promised to cover up for me when Hector— the landlord and Señor Alonso's friend— asked about me. I wanted to go to either Nevada or California, but I couldn't make up my mind. When I asked Nessa and Charlotte, they had each picked a side between the two, so the day before I left Pullman, I flipped a coin over it; heads for California and tails for Nevada. It landed on heads. 

That was settled.

Vanessa and Charlotte had tried their best to make sure I would be comfortable wherever I decided to stay, they had given me powder, some clothes, oil and Charlotte even insisted on giving me some foodstuff.

"No. I can't take it." I protested when they gave me an envelope containing some dollar bills.

"Don't be silly, girl!" They had scolded me.

I was in the fifth month of my pregnancy when I arrived in San Jose, California. In normal circumstances I would have been ecstatic about moving to the famous Golden State. But there was nothing normal about this so I was more nervous— or scared—than excited.

Charlotte had advised me to subscribe to the California newspaper so I would always be informed about any job opening available. I found a vacant room in a small lodge when I arrived. 

"Are you sure you can live alone here?" The landlord asked, when I asked if there was space.

He was a tall, black man with very untidy hair and a big beard that always seemed to itch.

"Yes I can, thank you." 

"Yeah. The problem is, the only place available is the smallest room and I don't think it's right to rent that to a pregnant woman." He said, scratching his beard for what seemed like the fifth time that afternoon.

"I'll take it, I don't mind that. I'll only be staying here for a while." I lied. I had no idea how long I would stay.

"Hmm." He said, staring pitifully at my baby bump. "Okay. But the kitchen door doesn't close, you'll have to manage." He said and gave me the keys to the house.

The house was smaller than the one in Pullman, it had a small living room, toilet and an even smaller kitchen and it didn't have a large balcony like the one in Crestview but it was something.

I had been checking the newspapers for available jobs for days and on a Tuesday, I found an opening in a candy shop downtown. My body was aching and my feet hurt a little but I had to keep going at least because of the baby growing inside me.

I took a quick warm bath and got into something less comfortable than the maternity gowns I had been wearing for the past week. I would have loved to wear them but… I had to look less like a vulnerable, jobless pregnant woman and more of a determined worker.

I arrived at Sugarys Candy Shop around ten in the morning. As I opened the entrance door, I saw my reflection in the mirror; the dark circles around my eyes were very visible and my face looked swollen. I took a deep breath, shook my head slightly and went in.

"Hello ma'am, how can I help you today?" A girl smiled at me as soon as I entered the place. She had blonde hair just like Vanessa.

"Good morning, I'm Alina and I'd like to see the manager please."

"The manager? Oh. May I ask why, please?" She asked, sounding a little surprised that I didn't come for a candy cane or something.

"Yes, concerning the job opening in the paper yesterday." I said and her eyes widened slightly.

"You want to work… here?" She asked, and her eyes slowly fell on my baby bump. 

This was getting annoying.

"Is he here?" I was beginning to be irritated by all this staring. 

"Oh. Yeah. Right this way." She motioned and I followed."

The last time I had a job interview, it went very smoothly thanks to Vanessa talking non-stop about me to her colleague. Her extroverted nature had literally gotten me a job but this was sure to be different.

The manager's office was at the far end of the shop, the blonde girl knocked twice and opened the door.

"This is Alina, she's here for the packaging job." She said, led me in and left.

"Thank you Madison." He said and put out the cigar he was smoking. "Please have a seat dear."

I obliged, then took out the file containing my credentials and handed them to him. He glanced at my belly and collected the files.

"I see you worked at Grocery Outlet before?" 

"That's right." I nodded. Was that a good sign?

"How many months pregnant are you? If you don't mind"? He asked, studying me.

"Five months."

"Hmm. It looks a little bigger than that don't you think?" He asked, still staring at my belly. Didn't these people know it was rude to stare?

"Is there a problem sir?" I asked, keeping my face as straight as possible.

"Hmm." He grunted again. "It says here that you're not married. What about the father?" 

"What has that got to do with me working here?" I said, staring him straight in the eye, forcing him to look away.

He closed the file and got up.

"Your files are good."

"Thank you sir."

"But I don't think we can hire you ma'am. Your pregnancy will inevitably make you a burden to us and we can't cope with that right now, I'm sorry."

"No sir. I can work here, this pregnancy won't hinder my performance I promise." I said, getting to my feet. "I shouldn't have spoken to you like that, I—"

"This isn't about that. You were right, I shouldn't ask about that, it's not my business, but we can't employ you, not when you're this pregnant." He said without flinching.

"I promise this won't get in the way, I'll do my best." I said, bent on keeping my feelings positive.

"Please leave my office." 

"I could—"

"Please ma'am." He said firmly.

I took a deep breath and left the office. I knew this would happen but somehow it still hurt.

"Wait, Alina." Someone called when I was at the door.

I looked around and saw that it was the blonde receptionist. She had a sad look on her face, like she understood the way I was feeling.

She moved towards me and handed me a flyer.

"This should save you money on hospital bills." She smiled, lightly.

I looked at the flyer;

SAN JOSE GENERAL MEDICAL CENTER

ARE YOU FIVE MONTHS GONE OR MORE AND DON'T HAVE ENOUGH FOR TESTS, MEDICATION, ETC? THEN BE THE FIRST TO ENROLL TO OUR PREGNANT MOTHERS' CAMPAIGN.

VISIT THE HOSPITAL COMPLEX NOW!

(DIRECTIONS AND ADDRESS AT THE BACK)

This would have made me smile if I hadn't been so disappointed about not getting the job but here we were.

"It's just some blocks away from here." You should try.

"Thanks." I said, managing a smile. And without another word, I left.

I hadn't eaten anything since morning, part of the reason was because I wanted to get the job and use the food as a bit of a celebration. The second reason was because I was trying to manage the remaining money I had, therefore I had been surviving on cheap bread and milk; yes it saved money but I was pregnant and eating bread everyday was starting to make me disgusted. But then, I had no choice.

On my way back, I saw an advertisement on the roadside showing a vacancy at Gulliver's Bakery. I knew I shouldn't get my hopes up but I still did. I turned left and headed inside, I just had to believe.

"I'm sorry ma'am, I don't think I can give a cleaning job to a pregnant woman in good conscience." The bakery head said after taking several minutes pretending to read my file. 

"I really don't mind sir. I promise I will try my best not to be a liability to the company." 

"It's not just about the bakery, this also affects you largely, all this stress could affect your pregnancy and if anything were to happen, it would be my fault. So I'm sorry, I can't." He said, shutting the file and handing it back to me.

I walked back to the bus stop more miserable than before. I shouldn't have gone through the trouble. I stopped on my tracks when I got another of my dizzying feelings.

Not again.

I held on to a streetlight pole, just in case. It usually went away after some minutes but this was getting worse. I held on tighter. I felt my stomach churn and knowing what was coming next, I ran to a gutter and threw up; once, twice, three times. I had tried to ignore the fact that I was getting sicker by the day but this time it was much worse.

"Are you okay?" Someone asked from behind. I lost consciousness before I could see who it was.

I woke up to the beep-beep sound of a clinical monitor. I turned on the bed and saw someone in scrubs scribbling something on a piece of paper.

"You're awake, Miss Alina. I'm Dr. Audrey Brown." She smiled when she saw me open my eyes. She looked too beautiful to be a doctor.

"Where am I? What happened?"

"This is San Jose General. The lady that brought you in said that you fainted on a sidewalk and the only thing she could find was the hospital flyer and your ID."

"I fainted? My baby! Did anything happen to…"

"Nothing happened, your baby is fine, but you were suffering from severe dehydration. We'll run a scan and a few tests just in case, to make sure you're in optimum condition." She said, adjusting the drip bag above me.

"I'm not sure I can afford—" 

"It's all free dear, you qualify for free treatment so the government will be covering everything, don't worry." She said, reading my mind. "Is there anyone you'd like to call to inform them where you are or anything?"

"Nobody." I said quietly.

A nurse came in with a tray just then, kept it in my bedside table and left.

"You might not have much of an appetite but you'll have to eat." Dr. Brown said when the nurse was gone.

I looked at the tray and smiled when I didn't see bread, that was a start. Baked beans and bacon would do nicely.

"Thank you, Dr. Brown." I said, taking a scoop of beans.

"Call me Audrey." She smiled.

"How much longer do I need to stay here?"

"Well technically you can go when your tests come back. You can also choose to come for check-ups every week but I would recommend you stay here till you deliver, that's the safest way and it also helps avoid any complications during labor."

*****

I had been two months since I first got admitted into the ward and my tummy was now bigger and heavier than ever, but thanks to the doctors, I had been put under the best care, all the pregnant women in the ward did some little exercises and physiotherapy everyday to loosen the strain on our joints and muscles, it really helped.

I had made some friends too; Jennifer and Gwen but Jenny gave birth to twins last week and Gwen was already nine months gone. It was nice watching them hold their babies in their hands for the first time. Mine had begun kicking after some weeks since my first physiotherapy. Those kicks were very beautiful.

"Would you like to know the gender?" Dr. Brown asked later that day.

 I was nervous but I agreed. I had to find out. 

"It's a boy." She said after looking at the diagrams. "A boy with a strong heartbeat, that's very good." She smiled.

I couldn't help my joy. Yes this baby didn't come into my life the way I would have dreamed but I will do anything in my power to keep my boy safe. I won't let him pay for my sins. I won't stop fighting.