Days past

Three days had passed since I told Gomes about the pregnancy and I still hadn't heard anything from him. Nothing. I had tried not to freak out over what he had said that evening, he was obviously shocked and I guess any person might have acted the same way he did so I decided to give him time and space to think about it, to breathe. Maybe that was exactly what he needed at this time. 

I picked up my phone and dialed his number; 

No answer.

I bit my lip and tried again. Gomes wouldn't do this, he wouldn't ghost me, he was the kind of person that always face things head on. "He didn't mean what he said that day. He was just surprised." I kept telling myself and dialed again, this time, an electronic voice told me I had been sent to voicemail. 

"Hello, Gomes I think we need to talk about this. Call me back when you get this okay? I love you." I said after the beep.

I wiped the sweat off my face. No, he's probably in class or something, and with that thought I went to take a shower, changed and headed for campus. 

I had missed a bunch of classes but at that moment it didn't really matter, I could always say I was sick or something came up, this was a bigger issue. I went to his department to ask about him.

"I haven't seen him for the past two or three days now." Terry, one of his colleagues, told me when I asked.

"Did you try calling him or something?" I asked, trying as much as I could to hide the terror in my voice.

"Call him?" Terry scoffed. "Dude is a big guy, I'm sure he can take care of himself. Who are you again, his mother?" He asked, smirking.

I closed my eyes in embarrassment and walked away without another word. He wasn't in his department so where would he be? I pondered, and combed every part of campus Gomes was likely to be in. Still nothing. 

After going through the entire business block, I concluded he wasn't in the university, meaning he wasn't in class so that wasn't why he didn't answer. He was probably at work then, yes. He was done with classes for the day and decided to hit up the garage. Makes sense.

I turned around and took cab heading for the garage, but this time I wasn't as nervous as I was the older day. When I arrived, the workshop was open, I entered boldy and saw a short, meaty man with a spanner in his hand. His clothes were covered in so much grease that it was hard to tell the actual colour of his vest.

"Can I help you?" He asked in a husky voice when he saw me.

"Good day sir, where can I find Gomes?" I asked craning my neck to see if I could see him through all the cars parked there.

"And who are you?" He asked, without looking at me."

"I'm his girlfriend." I said confidently but somehow it sounded a bit strange saying that, maybe it was because I had never referred to myself as that before in the past. But it wasn't important.

"You said you're his girlfriend?" He asked, finally looking up at me.

"Yes. That's what I said."

"Then how come you don't know he's not feeling well?" He asked, wiping some grease off his nose. He called in sick some days ago saying he had a cold or something, I haven't heard from him since." He said.

Sick? How come he didn't tell me anything.

"Did he say where he was or—"

"Look, lady he just took some days off, how am I supposed to know where he is? In fact you should be in a better position to know, not me."

What was going on? Gomes was sick and he didn't tell me? Something was definitely wrong.

"Where are you going?" The man asked as I turned to leave.

I ignored him and walked off. If he was really sick, he should be at home but Grimes Way was about a ten-minute drive from here so I decided to check the room in the resort where he said he stayed some times.

When I got there, I knocked on the door but someone else opened the door. An old woman.

"Who are you?" She asked, squinting at me.

"Sorry to bother you ma'am but I'm looking for Gomes Moreno."

"Who?" She asked, coming outside to look at me well.

"Gomes, he stays here sometimes. He's about this tall, black hair blue eyes." I described.

"Oh, he used to stay here for a while but he's not around anymore. He went back to his apartment some months ago."

"Oh, okay. Thank you." I said and turned back. All this walking around was really making me tired. 

I had only come to his place twice and I really didn't like it. The streets where always lonely and there were a lot of thugs hanging around, but at least it was morning so I was sure they wouldn't try anything stupid. 

I ringed the bell of his apartment and listened for any sound. I heard nothing. I tried again, still nothing, so I knocked. After knocking for about three minutes, his neighbor in the opposite flat came outside.

"Hey. Do you mind?" He said irritably.

"Is Gomes with you?" I asked. "I tried his phone but it's switched off." I said, ignoring his expression.

"Uhm, no Gomes doesn't live here anymore, he moved out a couple of days ago."

"What?!" I said, louder than I intended. 

"Yeah. He actually stormed off. He looked like he was in a hurry and that was very early in the morning. The only reason I saw him was because I was coming back from a night sermon. He didn't even seem to notice me; he just grabbed his bags and left."

I felt a ringing in my ears. My stomach clenched.Gomes left? First he calls in sick at work then just moves out? 

"No." I shook my head. "You're not sure he moved out, he might have just went to see someone or something." I said, refusing to believe that Gomes was truly gone.

"Lady I'm the caretaker of this place. He's gone, he left the key on my porch and as a matter of fact, someone's moving in here next week." He said and went back in.

I stood there. Lost for words not knowing whether to scream at the top of my voice or to sprawl on the floor and cry.

I was convinced when the day after, he sent five hundred dollars and a note saying it was my fault and he wasn't ready to be a father.

                         *****

(PRESENT)

After bathing the cold water from the roof I ate the cold bread from the cupboard. I had no choice. I brought out some oil and massaged my feet and knees, they had become more sore recently. 

Yes most or all this has been my fault but I wasn't going to give up on this baby. No. Abortion was not an option for me. I could have easily just taken ten tablets of aspirin or something but I couldn't. I chose to fight for my child.

During the holiday season I had kept myself locked up in my house to make it look like I had travelled or something so my neighbors wouldn't ask stupid questions, but session had started two weeks ago and sooner or later my friends would find out. That was what I dreaded. 

I had been managing what was left of my scholarship money and the little I had made from working in the grocery store but it would eventually get finished, part of the reason would be because of my increased appetite. 

The bowl of oil I was using to dab my feet had slipped from my hand and fell to the ground a loud noise. 

Oh God. Yesterday it was a bucket, now the bowl.

I had texted Vanessa and Charlotte saying I wasn't at home but I might just have given myself away. I prayed that nobody was around or at least nobody heard it.

 I stopped and listened. There was no sound. Phew.

But I couldn't have been more wrong.

A few minutes later, Vanessa and Charlotte came downstairs, straight to my house. The knocked on the door.

"Alina, we know you're in here." Charlotte said, knocking softly. "We've been monitoring for months and we know you didn't travel to Spokane. Please open the door."

I didn't move. How did they know I was around? I couldn't face them, not like this. I shut my eyes, hoping they'd go away. They did not. 

After a few more knocks, their tone changed from coaxing to force.

"Alina you're going to open this door right now and tell us what the hell is going on or we're gonna break it down, I swear!" Vanessa screamed. "We're your friends and we deserve to know what the fuck is up, so you either open the door or we go ahead with option two. If you call the police we'll apologize and fix the damage but right now I wanna make sure you're okay. Period."

I still said nothing.

"Okay then, you give us no choice. On three, Charlotte. One. Two…"

I grabbed my blanket and pulled it over my body then opened the door and saw them with a huge log of wood. They actually wanted to bring this door down. 

"Alina! What happened?" Vanessa reached out but I stepped back immediately.

"I'm fine. I just wanted to be alone." I hadn't spoken a word in months and was surprised by how hoarse my voice sounded.

"No you're not." Charlotte snapped. "Are you cold or something?" She said and adjusted the blanket covering my shoulder down. 

"Yes." I whispered.

Vanessa walked up to me and peered into my eyes.

"This is much more than cold, Alina you've been cooped up in here for God knows how long, you haven't come to work or school for two weeks and you haven't step foot outside here for more than a month. It had to take me, Charlotte and a log to make you open your door. Your eyes are red Alina, what is going on? Talk to us."

I took a deep breath and exhaled shakily.

"I'm pregnant." I said, closed my eyes and let the blanket fall. They gasped when they saw my baby bump.

This was too much for me, I dropped to the floor and broke down in tears, I hadn't been able to cry out loud for a long time now. I wailed loudly and without a word, they closed my door. 

They watched me cry for minutes without a word. 

"Is it Gomes?" Charlotte asked quietly.

I nodded and continued sobbing like a child. They took me to the bed and waited patiently. 

"How far gone are you?" Vanessa asked.

"Three month." I croaked amidst my sobs. 

"Tell us everything." She said when I was stable.

"H-he just changed immediately I t-told him I w-was pregnant. He just…" I sniffled."

"What did he do?" Charlotte asked in a strangled voice.

"He blamed it in me. Saying it was m-my fault. H-h-he pushed me away and just d-disapeared!" I wailed.

"Calm down, what do you mean disappeared?" Where is he?" Charlotte asked, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"A few days after I told him, I had tried to reach him but I couldn't. His phone was unreachable so I visited his house and they told me h-he m-moved out that week." I said and let the tears flow freely from my eyes. "He ran away." 

"I'm gonna hunt that motherfucker down and teach him a lesson!" Vanessa said and pulled out her phone.

"There's no need, Nessa." I said, holding her hand. "He's a coward, he only just keep running."

she looked at me but said nothing. 

"Where he went to is the least of my problems now after..a-after… " I couldn't continue as a lump formed in my throat when I recalled what happened this morning.

"After what, Alina?" They asked simultaneously.

" The school, they..they terminated my..my scholarship!" I cried, pointing at the crumbled envelope in the waste bin.

"Oh my God, Alina." They said and embraced me. I shivered violently from my sobs.

"They said it's because of classes and the test I missed without giving reason. I would have given the reason if I hadn't fallen sick." I shivered. "I can't come to work because I'm pregnant and I can't go to school because I'm no longer a student." I smiled bitterly.

"It's okay girl." They said, wiping my tears. "What do you want to do?" 

"I'm not aborting this child. I'm not." It's father might be a coward but I'm not."

"Okay Al, what do you have in mind then? What's your plan?" Charlotte asked.

"I can't stay here." I said, looking at them. "The landlord knows my uncle, if my parents find out about any of this it would kill them. I need to move out of Pullman entirely, I need to start over."

They said nothing for a while. Then exchanged looks with each other then looked at me.

"What do you need?"