06

« Don’t mock me ; it’s been a while since I’ve done dirty-talk. »

He laughed. « Yeah, three weeks, you’re so out of practice. »

I scowled. « The offer is very close to being rescinded. »

He smiled and planted a soft kiss on my lips. « Okay… I’ll accept your sweet offer, because this isn’t going down any time soon. » And he moved my hand to his crotch.

My breath caught, an odd involuntary reaction, really, considering that Nathan and I had been having sex for a good two years now. Needless to say, other stuff didn’t last long before Nathan was pulling me to my feet. Before I could ask what he was doing, he’d sat down on my desk chair and pulled me onto his lap so I was straddling him.

« Screw waiting »—he kissed me hard—« ‘til tomorrow »—another kiss came, this time accompanied by the tiniest flick of his tongue—« let’s just improvise. »

And improvise we did.

☼

« You look like a couple who had a fun time last night, » Jasmine said the next morning.

I couldn’t help blushing, despite not being at all surprised by her directness. Nathan, on the other hand, was never one to get embarrassed and often relished the opportunity to further my discomfort.

« Very inappropriate, but also very true, » he replied.

I rolled my eyes and looked down into my cereal, letting my hair fall across my face to disguise my embarrassment. Jasmine chuckled and squeezed my shoulder as she passed me on her way to the kitchen.

« I like Jasmine, » Nathan said, pushing his empty cereal bowl away.

I jerked my head towards the bowl. « You ate that quickly. »

« I’d built up an appetite. »

Ignoring his goading, I asked if he wanted any more but he shook his head. Today we were going shopping ; I was in dire need of food — my pasta supply was nearing crisis point — and a trip to the supermarket was something I always dreaded.

« It’s just always such a drag, » I complained to Nathan as we headed to Pam. « It’s always so busy, the aisles are ridiculously narrow, the staff are rude… Mind you, I suppose it won’t be so bad if you’re with me. »

« You say the most romantic things, Bella. »

As it happened, having Nathan accompany me on my trip to Pam proved even more beneficial than I’d first imagined. His fluency in Italian meant that he could easily navigate the aisles — asking people to move out of the way and translating various items for me — and he was even managing to persuade me to try new things by assuring me I’d like it or that it tasted like such and such a food. When we got to the tills, he turned his back on me, blocking my access to the cashier. As soon as he pulled his wallet from his pocket, I knew what he was going to do.

« Nathan, » I said, trying to keep my voice low as I tugged on his arm. « This is my food. I’ll pay. »

« Don’t be silly, Bella. »

His tall, athletic body was impossible to shift and I didn’t want to cause a scene. With a small huff of defeat, I left him to it and concentrated on packing away the food as quickly as possible. That was something else I hated about coming to the supermarket by myself ; the packing area was so small that the food quickly piled up if you didn’t transfer it into bags quickly enough. The cashier would then have to stop ringing through the items to give you time to catch up, while simultaneously looking at you with an impatient frown as if to say, « who is this incompetent tourist ? »

I’d just finished packing when Nathan gathered his change from the designated tray and then hauled two bags over his shoulders, carrying another two in his hands. That just left one for me.

« I can carry more than one, » I told him as we headed out of the air-conditioned supermarket and into the warm sunshine again. I reached to pull my sunglasses down over my eyes.

« So can I, » he said, as if we were simply exchanging facts.

« Thank you for that, » I said instead.

Nathan glanced downward at me with a friendly smile. « No problem. I like to know you’re eating well. »

Jasmine wasn’t around when we got back to the flat, which didn’t surprise me. She often took strolls around the city with her camera, capturing various monuments to add to her portfolio. Nathan helped me pack away the shopping and then spread a map across the dining room table.

« Time to plan the rest of the weekend, » he announced.

☼

Just as I feared, the rest of the weekend passed in a blur. We spent equal amounts of time exploring Bologna and exploring each other in bed. As much as we both wanted to make the most of being in a new city, we also realised the importance of making the most of intimacy and having that physical connection that we wouldn’t be having again for another few weeks.

When the time came for him to leave, I took it much harder than expected.

« It’s gonna be fine, Bella, » Nathan assured me, stroking my hair as I cried silently into his shirt. « It’s just all very new at the moment, and it’s strange and unsettling… But you’re one of the strongest people I know. »

I leaned back to look at him. « How can you possibly say I’m one of the strongest people you know ? I’ve never coped well with upsetting stuff ; I always cry… »

« But that’s the exact point, » he told me, his thumb gently brushing away a tear from my cheek. « You cope. It doesn’t matter if you do it well or not. Crying just shows you’re not afraid of expressing your emotions ; more than anything, it shows you care. And that’s nothing to be ashamed of. »

Nodding, I rested my head back on his chest. My fingers still clutched tightly at the fabric of his t-shirt but his embrace succeeded in calming me. I knew this long-distance business would be tough — and that the goodbyes would probably be the toughest part — but imagining doing it with the naive thought of, oh we love each other so it’ll be fine, was completely different to the raw, painful reality.

Moving in with Nathan, as expected, had intensified the unnatural feeling of being separated from one another. We were used to seeing each other every day ; if I’d had a bad day at uni, at least I knew I’d be able to come home and he’d be there ready to cheer me up, listen to me rant, or make me laugh.

He insisted on making his own way to the airport, stating that he didn’t want me travelling back by myself when I was upset. Although I wanted to cherish every moment together, I had to agree that it’d be better if I stayed in the flat with Jasmine while I calmed down.

I saw him off, watching his retreating figure until it disappeared out of sight, desperately trying to memorise every last detail of him. I then had a few moments to myself in the bedroom, trying to pull myself together. He was gone now ; there was no point moping around.

After wiping away the smudged mascara from around my eyes, I made my way into the living room and sat down at the table.

« You’ll be with him again before you know it, » Jasmine said, squeezing my shoulder as she shimmied past me into the kitchen.

I heard water gush loudly from the tap and then the rattle of the kettle. Wiping my eyes again on the cuff of my sleeve, I took a deep breath to calm myself. Jasmine emerged from the kitchen again and took a seat opposite me, crossing her legs and resting her elbows on the table top.

« I bet it’s times like these that you feel lucky not to have a boyfriend, » I said, forcing my mouth to contort into a small smile.

« On the contrary, Izzy, » she replied. « It’d be lovely to have someone I cared about as much as you care about Nathan. From just a few days with the two of you, it’s clear how much you love one another. You’ll get through this. »

« It just feels like the beginning of a very long year, » I admitted. « You know, I thought it’d be okay. I knew I wouldn’t exactly enjoy being away from him, but I assumed it wouldn’t be too traumatic. I thought long distance was only hard for the people who don’t really care about each other as much. »

Jasmine arched an eyebrow. « Surely that would be easy for them ? It’s only hard because you miss each other so much. You miss each other because of how much you care, right ? »

I nodded. « Right. »

« So, what you need to do is—« 

She was interrupted by the loud, high-pitched whistling of the kettle. Cursing under her breath, she leapt up from the chair and scuttled into the kitchen. It gave me a few moments to digest her wise words before she reappeared, armed with two mugs of steaming tea. She placed one in front of me before taking a seat again.

« So, what you need to do is find a way to get through it, » she continued.

Nodding again in agreement, I cupped my hands around the warm mug. « Yeah. I need something to keep me distracted. »

A cunning smile curled around her lips. « I think you should make a bucket list. »

« A bucket list ? » I repeated. « Like what people make before they die ? »

She rolled her eyes. « No, people make them all the time. Stuff to do before they die, stuff to do during a summer, stuff to do during a year abroad… »

I lifted the mug to my lips and took a tiny sip, wincing when the boiling liquid burnt my tongue. Placing the cup back down in front of me, I cleared my throat and tried to concentrate on Jasmine.

« How would I make a bucket list ? » I asked. « I don’t have any ideas in mind. »

« Easy. » She beamed, jumping up from her seat again and crossing the room to grab a pen and sheet of paper from out of the printer tray. Then she sat back down again and put pen to paper, scribbling in frustration when no ink came out. « Fuck this, » she muttered, tossing the pen into the bin and retrieving another one.

« I’m not very imaginative, » I warned her.

« That’s fine, because I am. » She smiled sneakily. « Okay, number one…Skype sex… »