chapter 6

'Our marriage is a mistake. I married a wrong woman '

Those words keeps bugging me. I was not on my own as I walked towards the park. After my husband told me that he left me immediately. He didn’t even say I knew he was going to be your Beatrice. I'm so jealous. Jealousy killing me slowly. My heart is being torn to pieces.

But I can't do anything. I can't tell him not to go there because I can't control his mind and body. I'm just his wife. He just married me. But I couldn’t hold his heart.

I smiled bitterly when I saw a happy family. The father chasing his child cheerfully while the mother smiled so eagerly. When he captured his child, he kissed it endlessly on the face. He approached his wife and kissed her. My tears flowed at what I saw. How I wish so much that me and Max will be like that someday. Happy and contented with the family we build.

But I think that was so impossible.

Unable to reach and hold to.

A miracle to happen.

I averted my gaze and approached the swing. I kicked the foot and executed the swing. Every time I fly in the air, my hair also flies.

I let my eyes water. I want to be able to think. I want to know what I really value as a husband. Did my husband ever really love me or was it just a game?

I stopped swinging and started to cry. I scratched my face and pulled my own hair. I thought it was the most magical part of being in love, but I was wrong. It was just a lie who keep us believe that it wasn't fraud. Everything in love is a lie.

I looked up at the blue sky. Sky reminds me the day when we got married. Fresh winds and blue sky. But now, I can't breath fresh air but just the suffocating air. I can't see clear sky but full of hatred and questions.

Why did he fall out?

I took a deep breath. I just cried more every time I saw a happy family. It was a torture for me. I felt like I was cage with torments. My heart is full with anguish and pain.

I looked down and burst into tears. I sniffled. I feel so heavy. It's too heavy and I feel like something's gone wrong. I bit my lip so as not to scream.

I want to end this! But I don't how will I start. I can't leave him. I love him so much.

"Miss? You're fine" I saw two pairs of shoes. I wiped away the tears before looking up. A tall handsome man welcomed me. I was still a little dazzled when the sun's rays fell on me.

She smiled at me causing me to see her two deep dimples.

"Are you okay?" I shook. His smile fades. He sat down so that our faces were level.

I was embarrassed when he stared hard at my face.

"And why is that?"

"Ahm ... just f-family problem" I said softly. He nodded and touched my chin.

"Why are you crying? It's not your thing to cry" Somehow I smiled at what he said.

I shouldn’t be talking to him. But there is something about me that makes me feel comfortable talking to him.

I smiled sweetly at him. I saw how his jaw dropped. She seemed surprised when I smiled.

I sneezed.

"What's your name?" He asked me.

"Vienna. Vienna Celestine Madrigal — Uhm, Villano by the way" I nodded. He laughed at me.

"Married? Now I wonder why you're crying" He stood up. I looked up at him.

"yeah"

He held out his hand.

"Brix Antonio Samañiego" I accepted his outstretched hand.

"Mind to eat ice cream with me?" He offers. He pointed to the nearby dirty ice cream stool. I nodded. It's been a long time since I last ate ice cream.

I just noticed that he might still be in office attire and looks like he just got back from work.

What is he doing here?

"Manong dalawa pong tig sampong dirty ice cream"

I was just quiet by his side. he smiled when he saw me.

"Sir Brix is ​​that your girlfriend? She's very beautiful. You're a good thing" Brix laughed. I was embarrassed to scratch my head.

"Oh no!"

"She's a friend " He raised an eyebrow at me and laughed.

"I thought it was your girlfriend! I haven't seen you with your ex -girlfriend for a long time" Suddenly the smile disappeared from her lips and her face was serious.

"Let's not talk about Beatrice, Manong" He replied coldly. My eyes widened.

Beatrice? Is it a coincidence? Or was that Beatrice really Brix's ex -girlfriend?

Manong gave us the ice cream.

We once walked back to the park and sat on the swing. He is on the right and I am on the left. He was just quiet and his face was dark. The eyebrows meet and the jaw tightens.

I sneezed and broke the silence that prevailed over us.

"Are you alright?" He turned to me and smiled.

"Quite" He looked up at the sky and smiled bitterly.

"Did you know I'm almost married?" I was surprised there. I didn’t expect that. I licked the ice cream and also looked up at the sky.

"W-Who?" He was shaken.

"Beatrice. Beatrice Carstin" I nodded.

"I love her so much. She was my world back then. You know how does it feels that your world is spinning because of her? Because you love her so much? But then ..." He bite his lower lips.

"She cheated. She's my fiance. And she was impregnated by the man she truly loves. I wasn't the father. So I was hurt so much" She laughed lifelessly.

'She was impregnated by the man she truly loves'

The pain then. I was feeling when I found out Max was pregnant I would go crazy too. I can't do that. I wonder how does he feels right now. Maybe he's still hurting.

"I'm ready to accept the child even though I'm not the father but he doesn't want to. He wants to be with the person who got him pregnant which is until now I still don't know. That happened a month ago"

"A m-months ago?" He turned to me and smiled.

"Yup" He finished the ice cream. I did the same.

"You still love her?" I can see sadness and longing on his eyes. I can tell that he still loves that woman.

"Yes. It's not easy to forget what we have" My heart pounded. What if Max and I got to the point where he himself insisted on my permanent annulment paper? I might go crazy. I can't yet.

"I don't really get it why we should suffer from love. We just love ah. I don't know why we have to be hurt—

"It was part of being in love you know? If there is love there is pain. In the game of love when you are serious ... you lose" I bowed to the words that came out of my mouth.

"You wouldn't feel pain if you don't love that person. You wouldn't be miserable if you don't really need them. You won't felt gap between if you don't care for them. You wouldn't felt incomplete if you don't really need them "

"And you won't cry for them if they are not important" he added. I glanced at him. Tears welled up in his eyes.

"But I'm happy seeing her happy that's why I let her go" I pressed my lips together. I can feel his sorrows. We have different reasons why we are hurting but we are both victims of love.

When I release Max will he be happy?

"I let her go even though she left my heart with a hole"

"W-Why?" I said sadly.

"Simple. Because I love her"

"Is that reason enough for you to release him?

"There's no reason enough at all, Vienna. I don't want us both to hurt each other. If she loves me then I'll keep her. But if not ... I'll set her free" I can't count if I have a few more tears today. I'm so tired. IM very tired.

"But what if ... he just change without giving you the real reason why? What if ... what if ..." I'm out of words. My heart suddenly ached.

"We're living in the world full of what ifs? We're living in the world full of lies. We are both a victim. But never let yourself get drowned. It will torn you apart"

"Do you love your wife?" He approached me and wiped away my tears.

"so much"

"Do you love me?" I cried even more. I didn't care anymore but I immediately hugged him. He reciprocated that. I cried in his arms. My knee is weakening. It's a good thing he's here to support me.

He caressed my back slowly.

"I don't know ... does it mean he loves me even though he's cheating? S-Is there enough reason that he p-married me to say m-he loves me? I want k-I want to understand him, B- Brix. But ... he's confused "

"Ssh ... I don't know the answer though"

"B-Brix? What's wrong with me?" He introduced me. He smiled sweetly.

"You're almost perfect, Vienna"

"P-Perfect? ​​Do perfect things really need to broke?" His smile fades.

"Perfect things are meant to be broke"

I shook my head uncontrollably.

"Are you willing to embrace her again even though she cheated once?"

"Love can do anything. Maybe, if my heart beats still her. But if not ... I'll be with the woman I love the most" He caressed my cheeks as tears falls for it.

"Should I give up him?"

"Only you can answer that question, Vienna. Only you. I can't hold your heart. But as soon as possible, you decide. Because you are the only one who will have a hard time"

I was an idiot when I came home. Brix even offered to take me but I refused. I don't even want him to be added to the quarrel my husband and I have.

I turned the gate open. It will be night too. I was silent and slowly the footsteps were released. I opened the door. I took a deep breath before I turned on the light switch.

My jaw dropped at the first scenario I saw. Max was lying on the floor and there was no coat upstairs.

I immediately ran towards him. I knelt down to go to him and stood up. The hand trembled as I tapped his cheek.

"M-Max? Baby ..." I covered my mouth when I saw the bottle of wine in his left hand while a picture frame was in his right arm. He hugged her too tightly there. Someone helped a tear in his eye even with his eyes closed. I grabbed his arm and patted his face.

"Max ... hey wake up, baby" He groaned. I took the bottle of wine in his hand. I slowly picked up the picture frame. I smiled bitterly when I saw who's in the picture.

Our wedding photo.

Max is happily smiling while looking at the camera. I was looking at him while grinning in that photo.

I turned sesame around. It was only then that I saw how ruined it was inside. The mini table was upside down while there were cracked wine bottles. The mantles were broken and the vases were cracked. Even our pictures that hang on each wall are gone and ruined.

What happened here?

"Naha ... don't leave m-me" I turned to Max. I was confused by what he said.

"Max. Wake up please" He turned to me and slowly opened his eyes. I saw how messed up he was. Her eyes are very red and her whole face is very red. The hair is messy and the hands are bleeding. Maybe because of the broken vases.

"Let's go baby. Stand up" He nodded and I helped him stand up. But we fell because of his weight. I bit my lip.

"Get up, Max. I can't lift you" My tears were already dripping.

IM very tired. I will soon give up my love.

"Max go ahead" He shook his head and tears also flowed.

"I-I am not a g-good h-husband" He sat up and laughed lifelessly.

"I d-don't know where to s-start but ..." He looked into my eyes.

"I-I'm so messed up. I just want to e-end everything"

I bent down and straightened our faces. I caressed his cheeks. He closed his eyes from what I did.

"Are you really tired?" It never crossed my mind that the day would come when we would be like this. I didn’t think so because I totally thought he was like the prince charming I see in fairy tales. You are the only one who sees and doesn't care what others say. But I was wrong. What we see is what we believe. But what we believe is we do not really see.

He nodded and smiled. But I can't even see life there.

"Y-Yes ..."

"Tired of what?"

"Tired of everything. Especially on our r-relationship" I rubbed his face with full courage. I wiped all his tears.

I can sense it. He's really tired.

"Is there really no way I love you?"

"I'm tired. Please I'm tired. I'm begging you ... please l-let me go"

"Is that what you really want?"

"Yes" I sighed deeply.

"Do you still love me?" I want to know. I want to have a clear reason to give me even more strength and motivation to leave him.

He looked into my eyes.

"Do you think I will hurt you if I still love you?"

"Maybe that was just your way for saying I l-love you" He shook his head fervently.

"I was in anguish. Please don't add"

"Is my wife bad, Max?"

"When I say yes will you let me go?" I looked down.

"No!"

"Do you love me?" I smiled bitterly.

"Do you think I'll beg for you if I don't love you?"

"I don't think so"

"You don't think because you are blind"

"Blind of what?"

"Seeing my mistakes even though I don't know if I had one. I see myself as a good wife. But you always see me as the wrong one"

"Because that's the truth" His voice weakened. I'm already hurt by what we're talking about but I need to be strong.

I shook my head and stared at him intently.

"Well ... you always see yourself as the master of everything. You will only believe what you heard and what you saw. But you never listen to your wife. You never listen to me" He slightly chuckled with anger.

"Do I really need to listen at you? Do I really have to hear your filter stories—

"Yes! If that's make us feel love again! You have to listen to me because I'm your wife!"

"Did you listen to me?"

"M-Max ... where the hell are your words coming from?"

"I thought you're different" Another bunch of tears fell on his eyes. I cried too. I can't take it anymore.

"I a-also thought you're different ...

"Because we are wrong to each other"

"We aren't wrong, Max. You're just making excuses for us to be wrong"

"But I'm tired" I smiled at him and hugged him very tightly.

"I-I'm t-tired too" I stopped moaning. I'm glad he's not hurting me physically now, but honestly ... I'm completely crushed.

He's my life. He's my everything. The moment he kneel down his knees in front of me was the day I accepted that he'll be with me forever. But i was wrong again.

Ring and marriage isn't the real symbolism of love and contentment. It will always be the heart. What would you do with an expensive ring if it wasn’t the person you love who gave it to you or who gave it to you? Of course ... it will end up worthless. Because I'm worthless. We are worthless.

I picked up our wedding photo and hugged it at the same time as I kissed her.

"Max?"

"Vienna?" It's not wife anymore. He no longer calls me wife. It hurts!

"Uhm ... are you really t-tired?" I rested my chin on his back. I knew he could hear my heart beating. I know that he can clearly hear it.

My heart only beats you my love.

"I will give up. But in one condition ..."

"What is it?"

"Let me be with you until I surrender. Let me be with you until I find my real worth. Let me be with you even though you already fall out. Because I know if the day comes ... you'll kneel down your knees begging for another chance. And if that day comes ... I can clearly look at your eyes without love and can smile widely. I don't want anyone to regret me when I leave. I will fight as much as I can "He caressed my back.

"I can't promise to be gentle at you like before, Vienna. I don't love you. It will always be Naha"

Why ... is it Natalie Hanira Rafael?

His first love?

"She will always be your last?"

"My first and last"

"Why are you doing this to me"

"Because ..."

"What?"

"..."

"Why did you marry me if you were just going to hurt me?" Both of our voices are fading. I was already crying. It hurts so much. I can't do that anymore.

"I like so"

I pressed my lips together and then suddenly shook my head.

"I am with torments. Dying with loathsome ideas. Full of anguish and pain. Why did you let me in to your world? W-What's with your p-promises?"

"I just did the things I should have done to Naha"

Covering holes. Simple as ever.

"But I love you. W-What's with your I love you?"

"It should be Naha I talking too"

"You're a monster" I close my eyes then feel his presence and embrace. I think this would be the last time he'll embrace me like I matter.

"I know. I know"

"You played me"

"I-I'm sorry"

"Forgiven"