Chapter 16

The important thing is not to be big, it's to be up to it.

He had just left me alone, in the middle of a room full of sharks.

And strangely, behind the enjoyment of having pissed him off, I felt something else. Like a white marble in the middle of those ocean blue ones, I had the impression that this feeling had nothing to do with my body.

Why, even knowing that this man was a monster, did I feel guilty seeing him pissed off to the point of exploding? Explode like a volcano filled with lava, burning everything in its path.

I had completely forgotten about the pairs of eyes that were watching me.

Some looked at me with their mouths open like a gaping hole of incomprehension, others tried in vain to hide a smile of amusement or perhaps of admiration.

Suddenly the man from earlier, the picket of the office, began to laugh. Serious, filled with sincere emotion, his laugh filled the room and, like a wood fire on a winter's evening, he warmed the 'atmosphere.

- You see Aldo, I told you that this girl had a temper

- My brother, you told me she was a warrior but in front of me I see a lioness, answers Aldo, starting to laugh.

As the conversations resumed and I was no longer the 2.0 specimen, I took the opportunity to slip away.

In what seemed to be my bedroom for a little while longer, I flopped onto the bed and pressed my head against the pillow.

If I could have been absorbed by this piece of fabric stuffed with goose feathers, I think I would not have hesitated for a moment.

A desperate little moan escaped me.

How long was I going to stay here?

Having absolutely nothing to do, I decided to wash up and put on my pajamas.

I had spent an hour in my bath recounting all the choices that could have led me to where I was now, yet I couldn't see any that could have had any influence on my relationship with the Russians.

Maybe it was just a misunderstanding?

Not impossible, not coming from the biggest mafia in the world.

I got out of my bath and put on my pajamas while still thinking. I was sure the answer was there somewhere, yet I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

I just felt like I was looking for a needle in a haystack and I hated it. I hated being patient. I liked having everything, right away.

This was one of my many faults.

Once the jumpsuit was on, I looked at myself in the mirror.

The reflection brought back to me the image of a most banal young girl. Brown eyes, brown hair, fair skin. Absolutely nothing about me was synonymous with exceptional beauty.

I looked down at my thighs, nightmares of my days, half naked.

I so wanted to sink my nails into them and scratch them bloodily. I wanted to tear off this fat that existence was rotting me.

You are crazy, my poor Elisabeth.

Although I knew that my attitude was completely stupid or even synonymous with pure madness, I couldn't help but stare at her unsightly and demonic thighs.

I looked away using all my mental strength.

I have to get out of here before I lose my mind.

The poor girl that I was began to run through the maze of corridors. Running away from myself, from my reflection in this standing mirror.

To the right, to the left, I was no longer thinking. I was guided by a primitive instinct.

Survival instinct.

Suddenly I stopped in front of this door and I understood.

My body had just carried me towards a door and I knew it was no accident.

I needed to find myself there, unconsciously I knew very well where I was running.