Chapter 1: Darkness hides the truth

Lilly's P.O.V

"I was starting to think that you weren't going to show up this year."

He was standing so close behind me that I could feel the heat from his body touching my skin. His intoxicating scent flooded my nostrils, and I greedily sucked it up, embedding it in my memory, hoping that it would take me through the next year.

I didn't turn to face him, not like it would have made any difference anyway. The club was dark, and the entire point of it was so that people can retain their anonymity, and that's what I needed, it couldn't have worked out more in my favour.

I knew that coming to the club that my dead husband once owned to hook up with a guy whose touch made me feel alive again was sick, but I couldn't help it. The first time I came to club Midnight after Killian's death it was to feel closer to him, I missed him so much on the first anniversary of his death that I thought I wouldn't be able to make it through the day.

So, when I couldn't take the pain anymore, I got in my car and drove the four-hour drive from my home to the club. I desperately wanted to go to our house, but I didn't want to risk it, I had to think about all the lives that were at stake if I took such a risk.

On the day that Killian was shot, Kinsley told me to run and never look back and that's exactly what I did. I had no reason to stay there anymore, I watched the love of my life get shot in the head right in front of me, I knew that his enemies wouldn't rest until I was dead too, so Kinsley and I came up with a plan.

We faked my death!

I'm not too sure what Kinsley did or even how she did it, but I trusted her to make Killian's enemies believe that I was dead like him, and she did. No one except Kinsley knew that I was alive, not Mik and not my parents and that exactly the way I wanted it.

"So, not going to talk, are we?"

I smiled, waiting for the contact that I knew was going to come and I wasn't disappointed by my body's reaction. His hand glide across my flat stomach and I felt that heat that I thought only Killian could erupt in me.

"I didn't come here to talk if I wanted to share my feelings I'd have gone to my therapist."

He chuckled, the sound was so rich that is washed over me, sending shivers down my body. This stranger that I was with reminded me so much of Killian that I sometimes forget that he isn't him. If I hadn't seen Killian get shot in the head with my own eyes I would have thought that my stranger and him are one and the same, but I know what I saw and there's no way he could have survived what I saw happened to him.

"Do you wanna dance first, or should we take this little party of ours to the back room?"

I decided to turn around to face him, I tried to make out the features of his face but it was hard with the flashing neon lights in my eyes. The club being in complete darkness was Killian's idea, he thought that it added a bit of mystery to the place.

When you first come in, it's kind of blinding, but after a while, you get used to it and it starts to feel fun. The great thing about it is, that you can go wild and let loose without worrying about anyone you know seeing you. You can be whoever you want under the cloak of darkness, and that's exactly what I'm doing.

"I didn't come here to dance either."

Although I couldn't see his face, I felt him smile and it made me smile too. There wasn't a lot of things that made me genuinely smile lately, but I take it wherever I can get it.

His hands that were on my waist moved to cup my ass, pulling me closer to him so that I could feel his need for me. He leant down until his head was by my ear and he bit it softly before whispering.

"I already have our usual room ready and waiting."

No other words were spoken as he took my hand and pushed through the crowd until we were in the room. The room was no better than the club, it was dark with a faint flashing neon glow, which just about let us know that we were the only two people in the room.

I've been in the room before, so I knew where everything was, but at that moment the only thing I want to find in the darkness was the bed. We both knew what we were there for, and we wasted no time getting right down to it.

We never talked about why we did what we did, but I could tell that his reasons were not far off from mine, we both had demons that we were trying to run away from.

However, for that night we chose to lose ourselves in each other and find peace and solitude even if it's only for a short while.

With every touch of his hands on my body, I felt things that only one man has ever made me feel. I knew that it was wrong and selfish, but I didn't care, it was the only way I could get through that day without completely losing my sanity.

When his lips touch mine, I let myself imagine that it was the lips of my lost love. I closed my eyes and pictured Killian with that hard edge in his stare looking at me, for one night I let myself believe that he was still with me.

Our kiss started getting passionate, and before you know it, we were both frantically tearing each other clothes off. I didn't know who this stranger was but I wanted him to touch every part of my body and never stop.

He lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist, but because it was dark, when he tried to put my back against the wall, we ended up knocking whatever was hanging there on the floor.

"Bed," I whispered, breathlessly.

"No, I want you right here first, then we'll use the bed."

I wanted to protest, but when I felt him enter me I gave up and just welcome the feel of him inside of me.

"F**k."

He gripped my hips, pulling me even closer to him. I bit my lips on a moan and dug my fingers into his hair. I still couldn't believe the way he made me feel, and I shamelessly let him use my body however he wanted, just so I can drown in the pleasure that his touch brought me.

I held on to him and thanked the loud music that was playing in the club for drowning out my provocative moans. His tempo started getting faster and I screamed when I felt the sharp sting of his teeth sinking into my flesh. I wanted to get angry at him, but I couldn't. It's his thing, his way of letting me know that he was real and not just a figment of my imagination.

I knew that when I get home there'd be an angry bruise there, but I didn't care. However, I'd have to try and cover it up, I wasn't a fool to think that my yearly activities go unnoticed by the people who worried about me.

He tugged my head to the side, nibbling my neck and my shoulders, I held onto him for support, as the movement got faster.

"F**k, woman, you feel so good!"

I was too caught up in the moment and him to reply. I felt the familiar sensation build in my body and I welcome it, but I knew that I should feel ashamed for betraying my dead husband memory like this, but I didn't.

We both gained our release then found our way to the bed, only to continue our assault on each other's body. Sweaty and breathing hard, we laid there in each other's arms, not talking, just enjoying our last moments together.

He ran his hand up my back and through my hair then back down again. However, this time his hand stopped on the slightly raised skin on my lower back. He circled it, tracing the new mark that was there.

"You got a tattoo."

It wasn't a question, so I didn't answer. As much as I enjoy having sex with him, I didn't want him knowing any detail of my life. He chuckled when I didn't answer and my heart skipped a beat. The sound was so much like Killian that I felt that familiar loss creeping up on me.

I quickly shoved it aside and reluctantly started to get up from the bed, his hands fell away from my body, and together we got dressed in silence.

I was about to leave the room when I felt his hand on my back and the hot air of his breath on my neck. The temptation was there for me to stay, but I knew that it would have to end anyway, and I also knew that I couldn't continue living my life in the past, I had to move on. And as much as I knew it would hurt me to give him up, I had to for my own sanity.

Deciding to give in to my feelings one more time, I turned around and kissed him, letting him know what I couldn't bring myself to say in words. This is goodbye.

Quickly, I broke the kiss and walked out of the room, back into the crowded club and out the door, straight back to my life and reality.

The love of my life is no more, he's gone and I'll never get him back, it's time I accept that Killian is dead.