Can't Wait

Lexa’s [POV]

I took my bag out of my locker and shut the door as my coworker Kathy approached with her keys in her hand. “I can’t believe we lucked out with a day shift. Tonight’s going to be wild, but we’re out of here while the sun’s still up.”

“You know it. There’s nothing like a full moon and gorgeous weather to keep us on our toes in the ER. This is my last day shift for a while, though. I’ll be pulling nights for the rest of the week, and we’ve still got one more good night of full moon glory before it wanes.”

“That turnaround is going to be rough, Lexa. I don’t envy you.” I didn’t mind it so much, but I smiled and agreed with her.

It wasn’t like I wanted to have much downtime, anyway. It was lonely at home with Shawn gone, and my parents had been distant since his death. I was afraid if I slowed down I’d start to get depressed again, and that was the last thing I needed. I’d accepted that Shawn wasn’t coming back and that he would want me to move on and be strong.

I pulled my hair from the elastic band that held it out of my face, and the long jet-black strands fell like curtains on a stage. Kathy shook her head. “It’s not fair for someone so pretty to have great hair, too.”

“Thanks. I wish I didn’t have to tie it up to work. It’s been rough on it. My hairdresser says it’s unnatural abuse. I have to remind her it’s necessary.” I raked my fingers through and massaged my scalp as the tension eased in my forehead.

“Well, if that’s abuse, I’ll take it.”

We walked through the double doors and to the back elevator where we rode in silence until it opened up at the parking garage. We had the same routine each time we worked together, so I walked her to her car, and she waited to get in until I was at my door, then we called across to each other goodbye before ducking inside our cars at the same time. One could never be too safe, and after one of our coworkers had been beaten and robbed, we’d been told to use the buddy system.

I hurried out and made my way to the freeway. I had a dinner date with my parents, and if I were lucky, things would be more upbeat than usual. It had been all doom and gloom and death and blame for months now, with both of them grasping at whatever they could to get by.

I pulled into their long drive and parked, seeing that my father was kneeling in the shrubs out front. Gardening had become one of his hobbies to cope, but his mother had taken up day drinking and going through old photo albums.

Dad stood to welcome me with a puzzled expression as I got out of the car. “Where’s Bre? I thought she would be with you.” My oldest and best friend Bre was driving in alone so she could bail if things got too bad. We never knew what to expect from

my mother since she’d had a few bad episodes of tears and mourning.

“She’ll be along soon. She had somewhere to go before, and we couldn’t meet up.”

He gave me a warm smile and led me in. Dad had been much more affectionate than Mom, who acted like my brother was the only child she’d ever had. Dad had smothered me as if I might die at any moment.

“So what’s this good news you and Mom have for me?” I hoped it was something about them going away on vacation, but I couldn’t get as lucky.

“I’ll explain over dinner. She wants to be present.” He held the door and waved me in, and as he went to clean up, I looked for Mom.

My parent’s house, which smelled like baked lasagna, was too big for them, but they’d decided to keep it after my brother and I had left home. Dad found projects to work on, and even though he’d never been much of a handyman, he liked that it filled the time between gardening. The very idea of it embarrassed my mother, and she’d already explained to all the neighbors that it was his grief causing him to act out.

I walked upstairs and found Mom in the guest room staring out the window. It had once been Shawn’s old room until he’d moved out. She’d taken over both of our rooms and turned them into guest rooms, taking out all of the personal things we’d left behind. I wondered many times if she had regretted it, and then I noticed she was smiling.

She noticed me walking in and came away from the window. “Did you have a good day at work?”

“It was okay. Nothing too awful. Tonight’s sure to be”

“Dinner will be ready soon; I’ve got everything in the oven.” She leaned in and gave me a peck on the cheek and then walked out. I followed but didn’t continue what I was saying. She wasn’t listening and had never had as much interest in my work as she did in the money it made me.

As I followed her downstairs, the aroma of our dinner became more prominent. “Smells delicious.”

“It was your brother’s favorite. I had the cook make it before she left, and I’m reheating.” She walked over to the sink and washed her hands before she took out a big bowl of salad which she tossed with her hands as if she’d made it herself. That’s the way she’d always done it, and I cringed every time. I heard Bre’s car and then walked into the other room to greet her.

“Dinner smells amazing, Mr. P. How are you doing?” Bre hugged Dad and then hurried to put down her purse.

“That’s new.” I walked over and admired the bag as she gave me a quick hug. Her hair was almost as long as mine, but instead of jet-black, hers was more of a purple-toned red and wavy. Bre had always been a bit edgier and had often tried to get me to put color in my hair. Jet black was as brave as I could get, and with my tanned complexion, it worked.

“I hit the biggest sale down at the mall. I tried to call you, but you never picked up. I assumed you were on shift.”

“I miss everything.” I poked out my bottom lip and then Mom came in to hurry us up.

“Dinner is ready, and I’ve made a salad.” She turned to walk away, and Bre glanced my way, mimicking my mother’s hand tossing of the salad. I nodded, and she made a face. She knew Mom well. The woman hadn’t made a meal much less a salad in her life.

“Can’t wait.” Bre threw her arm around me, and we walked to the dining room where my parents were already seated.

We chatted a little, mostly Bre and I, while we ate and then finally I couldn’t wait any longer. I needed to know what was going on and what the big surprise was.

“So, are you going to tell me what’s going on? What’s this big news?” I smiled Dad’s way and hoped I could tell simply by the look on his face. He was much easier to read than my mother, but then he gave me a weary look.

“You tell her, honey.” He took a drink and wiped his mouth. When I turned to my mother, she had tears in her eyes.

“We’ve decided it’s time to go forth with the lawsuit. We filed the papers today.” She took a long pull from her drink, and I was certain it was laced with something stiff.

Bre sat back in her seat and dropped her fork, and my stomach turned. I had hoped that my parents could move along and be satisfied with the insurance settlement, but they’d gone back and forth for months contemplating for the right time and if they should.

“What’s changed? Why now?” I reached for some sort of understanding.

My mother swirled her glass, clinking the ice in it. “Well, after paying the house off, there simply wasn’t much left for your father and me to retire on, not to mention we’d like to secure your future.”

“So this is about money.” I knew my parents had blown through the life insurance money, but this was ridiculous. “Don’t you think you have enough?”

“There was new evidence found by our investigators. It puts Mr. Walker in the pilot’s seat at the time of the crash. He wasn’t a licensed pilot,” Dad explained. “It’s perfectly within our rights, Lexa.”

“No, I don’t have enough because I’ll never see my son again. You’re brother meant the world to me, Lexa, and because of some rich prick wanting to show off in the cockpit, I’ve got to live without him!” Mom threw back her drink and downed it.

I couldn’t argue with her. I understood the pain of losing Shawn, but no amount of a settlement would make it right and the man she wanted to punish died along with my brother. There was nothing to gain, and both families had suffered enough.

I’d heard that the Walkers’ son, Aiden, Allison’s brother, was the only surviving family member. I couldn’t imagine him losing his entire family. It didn’t seem right to sue someone who’d already lost so much. There was nothing left to gain, and I couldn’t help but feel that my brother wouldn’t want things this way, either. He’d loved Allison and wouldn’t want this.

I only wished I could tell my parents, but I knew they wouldn’t understand. They hadn’t cared much about my opinions since the funerals when I’d wanted to go to Allison’s. I ended up skipping it out of respect for them, but I’d since felt so lonely in the world because neither of them had been there to support me in my grief.

Thank goodness that I had Bre. She sat next to me wringing her hands in her lap, and I knew she was biting her tongue just as hard.