Chapter 7

“The amount of time you’re spending at the hospital isn’t healthy, Ash,” Liz said, stepping forward to get in line for coffee. “It’s not normal.”

I opened my mouth to respond, and she held up one hand, stopping me. “And don’t say it’s for your thesis. I talked to Clancy and he said you have plenty of outside material, and that your thesis outline is nearly done.”

I closed my mouth, unable to use the defense I’d been about to employ. I had a draft of my thesis outline complete. Logan’s situation was only a small part of it, a real-life reference point in all the other data. It hadn’t felt right to make his case front and center, dramatizing his pain that way. Things have gotten a little muddled, but I don’t want to tell that to Liz.

I followed Liz towards the counter, needing much more caffeine to even consider discussing my relationship with Logan with her.

Over the last few weeks, I’d managed my schedule so that I could swing by the hospital and see Logan every day, even if it was only for thirty minutes between classes. Unfortunately for me, my attraction to him hadn’t lessened. In fact, it only seemed to intensify each time I saw him. But knowing I’d never be able to act on it, my feelings stayed bottled up. Locked away. He was safe in the hospital for now, which made me feel the tiniest bit better. If he were to get out, though…I had no idea what might happen between us. The long, lingering glances. The casual brushes of his fingertips when I handed him a book… Our sexual chemistry was ready to combust.

I had avoided elaborating on my visits to Liz, harboring a sense to guard what was developing between Logan and me, but I know that won’t last forever. Liz had a way of cornering me, of getting information out of me that I couldn’t quite explain. Homegirl could be a hostage negotiator in another life.

“Tell me what’s going on, Ash. This isn’t like you to get so obsessed about a test subject.” She met my gaze with a concerned glare.

I swallowed hard. I needed to come clean about Logan. He wasn’t just some test subject. He hadn’t been from the beginning, and now after spending several weeks with him, talking music and literature, tasting all kinds of foods, I knew we had grown close. Too close as far as doctor-patient relationships went, even if I wasn’t a doctor yet.

I suppressed a grin at the thought of Logan, struggling to keep my game face on in front of Liz. She’d jump on me at the first sign that something was off.

Even though my visits hadn’t helped Logan to remember anything, spending time together brought him a sort of peace, he’d said. I provided a brief escape from his pain, and a break from the investigators who still questioned him, but were running into roadblocks as they tried to build their case.

I stepped up to the counter to place my order. “Small skim latte.”

Liz barked her order to the cashier and handed him her card. “I know I’ve been encouraging you to get laid, but I didn’t mean with him. I don’t care how good looking he is. He’s a mental patient for fuck’s sake.”

The dreadlocked cashier raised his eyebrows, looking between Liz and me. Great. I dropped my loose change into the tip jar and marched to the end of the bar to wait for my drink, clenching my fists at my sides. I should never have told Liz how handsome Logan was.

We sat down in the cushy chairs in the back of the café, sipping our drinks. Liz’s knowing gaze never left mine. “Tell me what’s going on. Since you met him, you’ve become even more of a hermit than before.”

I ducked my head, sucking in a sip of my latte. Damn, too hot. I knew she was right, but I couldn’t explain the pull that Logan had over me. Maybe it wasn’t healthy spending so much time at the hospital. I almost laughed at the obviousness in that statement. But Logan wasn’t crazy. I knew that for sure. I also knew with absolute certainty that I’d be the one to go insane if our sexual chemistry got any hotter.

“I’ve got it under control, Liz.”

Each day I entered his room he lifted me into his arms and held me tight before setting my feet on the floor. I couldn’t help but think that he was craving the physical affection after the weeks alone.

Dr. Andrews had seen us hug once and I’d instantly felt ashamed and embarrassed for letting myself grow so attached to a patient. Of course, it hadn’t stopped me from visiting Logan every day. I just tried harder to avoid Dr. Andrews.

Over coffee, Liz tried to convince me that I needed to take a break from my work with Logan, that I was becoming obsessed. When she dropped me off afterwards, and saw the embarrassing state of my apartment, I started to think maybe she was right. Stacks of textbooks and a small mountain of notes had spilled from my overstuffed bookcase just inside the entryway, providing an obstacle to even getting through the front door. I had thought nothing of stepping over the heap the last several days, but watching Liz clumsily navigate it embarrassed me. I led her farther into the apartment, where at least the sofa was free of clutter.

She tossed her purse onto the couch. “Seriously girlfriend, you need to reel it in.” She waved her arms, motioning to the state of my apartment.

Despite any evidence to the contrary, my life was neat and logical. My piles of books and papers were concrete, things I could grasp. My kitchen contained only the essentials—coffee always left out on the counter and cupboards filled with cups of instant noodles. I didn’t have time for fluff, for boys and their nonsense, and certainly not for the one I was studying who had more baggage than a celebrity’s luggage cart.

But maybe my life needed the excitement Logan could provide. Things had gotten damn predictable—classes, boring professors, a drawer full of vibrators and romance novels dog-eared at my favorite scenes. That had been my life before I met Logan. And I’d never once felt like anything was lacking. I was proud of the little life I’d built. Now though? Things were changing.

And against all common sense I couldn’t seem to keep Logan off my mind. With the criminal case against him weakening with each passing day, and the likelihood that he would soon remember his former life, I knew he’d be moving on and I needed to let it go. Heck, it’d occurred to me more than once with how good looking and charming he was that he probably had a girlfriend waiting for him, wondering what in the world had happened to him. Although in my opinion, any girlfriend who didn’t scour the city, search the hospitals, and jails and even under the overpasses for her boyfriend didn’t deserve a guy like Logan. Period.

Still, it probably wasn’t healthy to ignore my friends, and my poor apartment hadn’t seen a vacuum in weeks. That realization smacked me in the face when Liz wrinkled her nose in disgust, weaving her way through the clutter.

“Okay, it’s decided. We’re going out tonight. Cocktails, mancandy, overpriced appetizers. It’s happening. Because, this—” She gestured to the wreck that was my home. “—is concerning. You need to move past Logan. I know you think you feel something for him, but it’s only because of how passionate you are about your work.”

Maybe she was right? Hell, I didn’t know anymore.