Chapter 4 - All about Louis

Louis xx Pov

“Louis get down here!” My dad shouted from downstairs I groaned, why does he have to ruin the silence of my room, I slowly stood up from my comfortable bed i was laying on since i got home today, and made my way down the stairs and in to the kitchen

I saw my Dad sitting on a chair in front of the dinner table filled with 3 plates of food, I excitedly jumped to my casual seat and got ready to be served, as a person who doesn’t like being babied or at least being treated as a prince i would’ve served myself the food

But my dad wouldn’t allow it, he always gives me the usual talk of “We hire maids for a reason, either you don’t eat or you let them do their work” I love food – i mean who doesn’t—so i let them serve me, my dad only cares about his money being worth it that’s why he doesn’t allow me serving myself, I hate it though

Marzia plopped down the plate of my food in front of me she smiled and winked at me, she was my age and she was attractive, but girls really aren’t my type, I like—love—boys and that is final, but my dad doesn’t know that the people who knows it are the people in school, good thing there is Zayn who can beat the shit out of the people who refuses to keep my secret, so my dad never knew I’m gay

After i finished eating i thanked them for my food and i quickly ran to my room locking it and went to my bed and took out my journal from the bedside drawer, some people call it a diary, but i call it a journal, but any normal person can call it both, because it’s actually just the same.

Dear Diary,

It’s been a hard day for me, first, i wanted to know where Marcel lives and well isn’t it a coincidence that he lives at the same house Harry used to live in, and well there’s something worse than that, I saw him being forced to kiss near his house

And I felt weird, somehow jealous, I didn’t even know why, but my instincts kicked in and so i attacked the guy, he got away though, which is probably bad, but I’m hoping he was just some kind of drug addict or some other shit on drugs or something

Something inside me hurt when i saw him getting hurt and getting forced to do what he doesn’t want to do, but i ignored it, it’s better to just ignore it

Marcel came to me in the cafeteria which i liked because he remembered promising to meet me there, he mentioned something about a concert and i flashed back on harry and I’s first date, it was on a Leeds festival and I bought him the “I can’t change” bracelet that he wore every day since that special memorable day.

Since the day I talked to Marcel, I have been having this flashbacks around him, that’s why i didn’t get disappointed when he rejected my offer on coming with us on the weekends, I was somewhat happy because I can remember Harry without feeling guilty of remembering him

And somehow I’m also happy that he won’t get hurt by the plan we originally had for him I’m hoping the boys won’t do that to him, I’ll try and explain it to them

So that’s what happened to me today, full of drama and a blast from my painful yet memorable past

Oh harry if only you were here..

- L x

I put my pen down and my journal and stashed it inside my drawer locking it, I got up and went to the bathroom i looked at myself in the mirror and another flashback came

“Harry where is the toothpaste?” I asked Harry who was staring at the window for the past 30 minutes, that’s the only thing he has been doing these past few days, coming inside my room and staring at the window

I am getting frustrated by it to be honest; I groaned and made my way in front of him I waved my hand at the front of his face “Harry?” I said slowly getting annoyed that he is ignoring ... again.

“Oh yeah what is it?” He said snapping back to reality

“Well nothing, it’s just that you have been ignoring me for the past few days Harry, are you tired? What are you tired off, i mean the only thing that you are doing these past few days is staring at the ceiling, it would be absurd if you are getting tired of nothing innit?” I said to him

He just stared at me “I’m getting tired of you” He said without anything else, got up, and left without a single word

Leaving me with a broken heart

I snapped back to reality looking at myself in the mirror, my eyes were full of tears rolling down my cheeks, that’s the first fight we had together, I didn’t really understand why he was mad at me or tired of me, and the next he hugged and kissed me like nothing happened which confused me more

Until the day his parents told me what was happening to him, i forced them to tell me which they found annoying but i didn’t really care because they already found me annoying in the first place

“He has a multiple personality disorder Louis, that’s why he might seem to hate you then love you and vice versa over and over again, without him even knowing”

Those words hurt me like hell, all i could do was sit there and watch him change from being sweet and kiss and me and suddenly changes into some scary guy who i really didn’t like. I loved every moment he was back to normal, but i also ended up just accepting his bad self too

One time he didn’t even remember punching me in the face and accusing me of cheating on him, I remembered walking up next to him the day after and he looked at me shocked and gripped my face and stared at me and asked what happened to me

All i could do was cry on his chest and lie about me just getting punched by a drunk guy on the street and that i asked him to just stay with me because I was hurt, I wasn’t just lying to him that day, I was also lying to myself because I let him stay with me and comfort every painful moment of it, even though he is the main reason i was hurt

I loved him even though he was a man with many different personalities; If it wasn’t for my stupid actions he wouldn’t be dead or missing at least.

Yes he’s only missing; we assumed he is dead because he’s been gone for 2 years now, I remembered the day i didn’t like remembering at all

“Harry... don’t go” I said until i blacked out, I woke up with him right in front of me bandaged and smiling, I couldn’t move because I was still dozed with the drug they used to calm me down, He just stared at me

“Hey Lou, I’m sorry but I have to go, I love you and I’m sorry that I had to put you through this much pain, I should go, it’s for the best, I love you so much,” He said slowly walking out of the room

“Harry please no” I said he walked closer to me and gave me one last kiss, and walked wat, leaving me crying on my hospital bed for days

I was finally released and that’s when i started the search party for him Zayn, Liam and Niall helped me too, unfortunately, he was gone.

I stripped my clothes and went inside the shower, I heard a knock on the door and I walked out of the shower and covered my waist with a towel, I unlocked the bathroom door and peeped in to find Zayn looking at me worriedly

I nod and quickly clothed myself, I got out of the bathroom and sat beside Zayn on the bed, He took a deep shaky breath, he looked at me with glossy eyes, he was about to cry, I hugged him tightly “What’s wrong Zayn?” I asked him

He pulled away “I want to tell you something that I should’ve told you a long time ago,” He said I looked at him confused “What is it” I asked nervously

“Harry cheated on you once,” He said I was about to say something along the lines of past is past or let’s not talk about him but he cut me off

“With me,” He said making me stare at him in shock I shook my head chuckling is he pranking me again? Is he making fun of me? Or is this really real?

He just cried and kneeled in front of me grasping my hand tightly “I’m sorry Lou, I didn’t mean it, I didn’t know you guys were dating back then, all i knew was I met him at a club and he seems sad i asked him what was wrong and he said his boyfriend was cheating on him and then we ended up kissing, and he didn’t even remember me the day after i saw you guys holding hands and kissing until i understood everything when you told me he had a psychological problem and me—“

He was panting for breaths, and he was crying so hard it hit me hard, I hugged him tightly and whispered incoherent sweet words to him to calm him down, He didn’t know anything about it, and harry broke /his/ heart, and harry broke my heart too, who else did Harry break to be honest

This flashbacks only let me wonder about our relationship, on how bad it is, it was shit, it was amazing at first but it didn’t last, and it made me regret everything that had happened between us, maybe it’s time to just forget about it

To finally move on, It would be for the best, he left me for a reason, he broke my heart for a reason, and that reason is probably that he wants me to know i would be better off without him, I don’t think i can think of him more than my first love ever again

I don’t think I’ll ever be thinking of him ever again