Chapter 6

Pam closed the apartment door quietly behind her. The night was long and relatively uneventful. She earned over eight hundred dollars. Marty was so pleased with her attentiveness to Gustof that he’d tipped her himself! Although her body was tired, her spirits were elated. She was sorry to see Fiana sleeping on the sofa. She’d hoped to find her lover still awake so that she could discuss and share her the evening’s events with her.

She pulled the afghan off the back of the sofa to cover Fiana’s lean body. The light touch of its soft folds against her pale skin was enough to rouse the middle aged woman. Her eyes fluttered open as she slowly rolled over.

“You stink of those men,” she slurred vehemently. “I can smell their sweat from here. I want to vomit.”

The stench of alcohol mixed with smoke assaulted Pam while she strained to understand the slurred words that were spilling out of her alcoholic Russian lover’s mouth. She moved Fiana’s feet and eased herself onto the end cushion of the sofa. Her elation left, replaced by a heavy tiredness that consumed her.

“The money’s good,” she said flatly. “We need the money.”

“If you would talk to your mother, we could get out of this dump,” Fiana said with effort. She lifted her head, groaned and fell backward with her arm over her eyes.

“This job is harder on my feet than waiting tables was; if you can believe that,” Pam said as she slipped off her shoes and stretched her toes as far out in front of her body as possible. “I freaking danced all night long. Sit up and rub my feet for me, will you? My dogs are dead!”

Fiana groaned as she pulled her body up to a sitting position and motioned for Pam’s feet. She kneaded them gently while she tried to focus her blood shot eyes on her surroundings.

“Talk to your mom, baby,” she whined. “Why do you need to do this thing every night? Talk to Ida. Let’s get out of this dump.”

“Oh yes, that’s great. It feels so good. Oh yes... yes!” Pam cooed as she reveled in the sensations Fiana’s foot massage was causing.

Normally Pam would leave the room to escape Fiana’s whining suggestion that she contact Ida, but the foot rub felt so good, she was willing to endure anything.

“You’re moaning like you’re having a bloody orgasm,” Fiana giggled.

Pam let her head fall back and her body relaxed as a shiver of delight ran up her spine as she said in a breathy tone, “This is damn near as good.”

“To hell with you,” Fiana said, feigning her anger as she slapped the bottom of Pam’s foot.

“I said near... damn near,” Pam reiterated as she stretched her legs so that her toes touched Fiana’s soft breasts. “You feel nice too, honey. Real nice.”

Fiana glowered at Pam’s smile of satisfaction and jumped up. This time she was genuinely angry.

“My tits are funny?” she roared with inane drunkenness. “You laugh at my tits now? You prefer I have a dick or something? Like those pigs you were with tonight?”

Fiana moved to the end table and fumbled at a pack of cigarettes. She broke several before successfully lighting one.

Pam sighed. She’d seen Fiana like this on multiple occasions before, but they were more frequent these days. There was no reasoning with her when she was in this mood, so she didn’t even try.

“If I had half a brain, I’d leave your ass,” Fiana spat. “You are one messed up little girl. Whoever heard of a little girl who hated her mommy? It’s shameful.” Fiana’s dark scowl looked almost sinister as she ran her fingers through her unruly and unwashed, short black hair.

“Have you written anything? How’s your project coming along?” Pam urged. She was eager to change the subject matter.

Fiana snuffed out her cigarette and placed two more in her mouth. Lighting both, she handed one to Pam.

“Sometimes I can’t breathe in this dump,” she complained. “I need to have air. I need to be where I feel free.” She knelt on her knees next to Pam and circled her arms around Pam’s legs. “Let’s go to the country. Call Ida and tell her we want to use the country house.”

Pam freed herself from Fiana’s embrace and stood up.

“They’ll can the project soon you know. You need to produce something or it’s all over,” she said firmly.

Fiana struggled to stand. Her legs were unsteady and the room was spinning.

“We will go to the country and you can take your camera. Pictures always help,” she said as she took a deep draw on her cigarette.

Noticing Fiana’s shakiness, Pam moved closer to allow her to use her body as a brace. She took her lover’s face in the palm of her hands and looked longingly for the older woman she’d become so deeply bonded with only a few years earlier. So much time seemed to have passed in such a short period of time.

“Marty has me booked for a weekend gig,” Pam said gently.

Fiana fell back onto the sofa with disgust. “I’ll go alone,” she sighed. “Again alone... alone... alone.”

Pam sat back down and tossed her feet back onto Fiana’s lap.

“I’ll call my mother,” Pam said consolingly. “We can go on Sunday for a day or two. Okay?”

Fiana started to lean forward to hug Pam, but was stopped when Pam quickly lifted her foot and wiggled her toes. Fiana laughed and resumed rubbing them.

“I’m having a problem with my damned computer,” Fiana said as she focused on her foot rubbing duties. “Can you look at it for me?”

Pam groaned with dismay, “Right now? I’m exhausted!”

“You want me to finish this assignment?” Fiana said with a voice that sounded half sober as she patted Pam’s feet and slid them off her lap.

“Do you know what time it is?” Pam asked. “Why don’t you keep normal hours like the rest of the world?”

Pam winced as she stood up on. She wasn’t accustomed to dancing and standing around in heels for so many hours. It placed a different type of demand on her body than waiting tables ever had. “I need to soak in a hot bath. Will you draw me one while I look at your monster?”

She hobbled toward the large mahogany desk that Ida provided for Fiana’s work area. She recalled with venom the day Ida popped in to meet Fiana and decided to do what she did best, buy her lover’s affections with material things. Fiana fell for it hook, line, and sinker. It wasn’t long before the entire apartment was decorated with lush, rich furnishings that could have easily been found in a mansion such as Marty’s. Needless to say, Ida had Fiana eating out of the palm of her hand.

Pam was grateful that Ida at least refrained from using any sexual tactics. Her mother managed to buy and maintain the body of a young woman and, since her divorce from Chester, she was free and promiscuous with it with whatever gender struck her fancy. Some might call her oversexed. Pam had such a low regard for her mother that she wouldn’t put it past her to use those sexual whiles on her lover; an opinion that Ida found outrageously offensive.

The antiquated and run down looking computer sitting on top if the rich mahogany desk looked like it belonged in a comic strip.

“Take the money you get from this project and buy a new computer, will you?” she called out as she sat down to inspect it more closely.

Fiana stood up and stretched as she watched Pam seat herself in front of the computer.

“We’ll see what they pay me,” she said.

“What? You don’t know?” Pam bellowed with disdain. She found Fiana’s lax and eccentric way of moving through life exasperating at times.

Fiana laughed as she walked into the bathroom; her words trailing behind her. “I’m an artist darling,” she said with humor. “Writing is my craft. You make money and I express myself. It’s a nice balance, don’t you think?”

Pam rolled her eyes and mumbled to herself, yet loud enough for Fiana to hear, “Why am I here?”

The inviting sound of water running into the tub soothed Pam’s agitation. The alluring scent of lavender bubble bath drifted out of the open door as Fiana popped her head around the frame.

“You are here because you fell in love.” She assured her. “I’ve made bubbles. You do want bubbles, right?”

“Sure, bubbles...” Pam said absently. She’d barely heard Fiana’s words as she stared at the multiple pictures of men that suddenly appeared on the computer screen. “What the...? Fiana... what? Good God girl, you’ve got men... what the...,” she mumbled.

As Pam clicked from one picture to another, an instant message from Darryl popped onto the computer screen. ARE YOU THERE?

Without hesitation Pam responded. THIS IS THE ROOM-MATE.

Startled, she sat back. Why didn’t she admit they were lovers instead of roommates? What had gotten into her lately? Sure, she kept her private business from the people at work, but this man, or at least she assumed it was a man, was nothing to them. It shouldn’t have mattered what he thought, but somehow it did.

Another message popped onto the computer screen. I AM SORRY TO BOTHER YOU.

Pam quickly typed back. IT’S NO BOTHER. :) WHO ARE YOU?

She held her breath as she waited for the messenger to respond. Her emotions were so unpredictable lately and Fiana was acting so off beat that she feared the worst.

Fiana discovered she was a lesbian in her early teens when she realized she had no interest in the flat and hard male body and an acute attraction to the luscious, soft curves of the female physique. Even when she arranged for sexual group encounters, she never directly interacted with the men; which often made Pam wonder why she did it in the first place. Fiana was a complicated person to understand in many ways, but she made Pam feel good about herself and that was something she needed.

Pam was relieved to find that the person on the other end of their correspondence was a man.

MY NAME IS DARRYL, popped up on the screen. Then annoyance overtook her as she read on and, YOU MUST BE PAM. I HAVE BEEN TOLD ABOUT YOU, followed.

Pam was completely taken aback. What was Fiana doing talking to all of these men in the first place? If that wasn’t bad enough, she was apparently discussing her private life with them. This was too much. Her fingers couldn’t type fast enough as she typed, WHAT HAS SHE TOLD YOU?

Darryl’s response came quickly, THAT YOU ARE HER

BEAUTIFUL FRIEND. I HAVE SEEN YOUR PICTURE AND SHE IS RIGHT. I HOPE THAT IS OKAY.

A frown settled on Pam’s brow. He seen her picture! She couldn’t believe that Fiana would send her picture out to someone over the internet like that. Who was this man? He could be a crazy murderer for all her crazy lover knew.

Pam was furious as she typed her response. WHERE

ARE YOU FROM? CAN I SEE THE PICTURE SHE SENT TO YOU OF

ME? CAN I SEE A PICTURE OF YOU?

Pam tapped her fingers restlessly on the desk while she waited for Darryl’s response. She was more than a little concerned. What if this man was crazy? He had her picture and she at least wanted to know what he looked like. That is, if he even sent her an accurate picture. What was Fiana thinking?

Pam moved forward with anticipation as the computer indicated that it was receiving a file. Time stood painfully still as Fiana’s antiquated machine slowly uploaded the pictures from Darryl. Pam opened one and gasped when she recognized it as one that was taken of her and Fiana last year at Ida’s country house. A wave of sadness swept over her as she looked at their happy smiles. What happened to them? Where was the joy they once knew?

Sighing heavily, Pam opened the second picture and almost fell out of her chair as she looked at the face of the same Asian man she kept running into on the bus!

Panic filled her. Could it have really been a coincidence or was he stalking her? She decided to address it head on and typed him a message, I’VE SEEN YOU ON THE BUS.

Darryl quickly replied, YES, BUT I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO APPROACH YOU.

This was too freaky.

Pam leaned her chair back on two legs. It was a habit she’d picked up as a teenager and couldn’t seem to break, no matter how many times she lost her balance and toppled backwards onto the floor.

Fiana broke Pam’s concentration when she popped her head out of the bedroom door and called out, “Bath time!”

Pam didn’t understand why, but she wasn’t ready to let her lover know that she’d met one of her online chat partners. Not wanting her to come any closer, she quickly typed, SORRY, I HAVE TO GO, and proceeded to shut down the computer.

Darryl’s message, I HOPE WE TALK AGAIN, sneaked onto the screen before the message that it was now safe to turn the computer off displayed.

Satisfied that Pam was on her way, Fiana moved back toward the bathroom, tossing her words over her shoulder as she did, “Did you fix it?”

Pam was so absorbed in her chat discovery that she hadn’t even bothered to investigate what might be going on with Fiana’s computer.

“Not yet,” she said as she stood up and started toward the bathroom. “It’s probably just old. You need to think about replacing it.”

The sultry, calming scent of lavender permeated the moist air as Pam entered the oversized, black and white tiled bathroom. The soft, steaming bubbles in the claw footed tub looked irresistibly inviting. She rushed to remove her clothing and ease her body down into the soothing liquid beneath the thick, aromatic layer of foam.

Fiana took a large sponge and squeezed the luxurious bubbly water over Pam in a soothing, yet sensual manner. Pam sighed with delight as her tight and sore muscles relaxed under the tender ministering.

“Why do you have all those pictures of men on your computer?” Pam asked in a dreamy manner.

Fiana tossed her head and laughed, “Are you afraid I’ve gone straight? Never, my darling.” She heaved a sigh and said in thick, breathy words, “They are for research on a new assignment, nothing more.”

Pam couldn’t imagine what type of writing assignment would require Fiana chat with strange men over the internet, but she was too tired and content to ask about it. She’d address it at another time; when she was refreshed and able to comprehend it all.

****

Pam looked at the clock as she tossed in bed. It was 3:00 a.m. She listened in the darkness to the steady rhythm of Fiana’s contented breathing. She’d been in bed for over an hour and sleep was no nearer. Her mind was stuck on her internet conversation with Darryl. She wondered if he was the only one who Fiana shared private information with. She’d be on edge as long as that question went unanswered.

She carefully eased her way out of bed and stood still while she made sure she hadn’t disturbed her lover before creeping out of the bed room. Not wanting to take the chance that a light might wake her partner, Pam made her way to the window to crack open the blinds and let in some light from the city streets; stubbing her toe and stifling a curse as she did.

Luckily Fiana’s computer desk was nestled in the nook in front of the window. The lights of the city provided sufficient visibility to allow Pam to maneuver the keys on the keyboard with relative ease. Time passed excruciatingly slowly while she waited for Fiana’s dinosaur to come to life. Almost immediately, it informed her of new mail available.

She scanned the mail quickly and stopped when she came upon an email from Darryl. ‘DEAR FIANA, I MET YOUR FRIEND, PAM, TODAY ON THE INTERNET. SHE SEEMED SURPRISED THAT I KNEW ABOUT HER. I HOPE I DID NOT CAUSE TROUBLE. DARRYL.

She couldn’t explain why she didn’t want Fiana to know she’d met Darryl. She just didn’t. Not yet, anyway. She quickly deleted the message and searched for any more that may have come in from him. Fiana had a habit of saving everything. Her eyes widened as she searched through her lover’s emails and discovered that she was corresponding with quite a few men. Were they the same men whose pictures were on her computer as well?

Pam’s thoughts were interrupted when an instant message from Darryl flashed onto the screen, HELLO? FIANA?

Her heart fluttered as she recalled Darryl’s handsome profile on the bus. She shook her head to clear it and typed her response, THIS IS HER ROOMMATE AGAIN.

Within seconds Darryl replied, YOU ARE UP LATE?

So are you my friend, she thought. SO ARE YOU :), she typed.

I CANNOT SLEEP, he replied.

Her mind reeled on what to do while she forced her body to relax. This man had an unsettling effect on her. Should she write back? Wouldn’t it be best to just let it drop? Reason said walk away, but her fingers moved forward on their own accord and typed her response, I CAN’T SLEEP EITHER.

CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? he continued.

Pam rarely communicated with people on chat lines or instant messaging. It surprised her to discover how quickly the messages were posted and responded to. It seemed like she’d no sooner hit the button to send and she was receiving his response.

She read his message several times before responding with, THAT DEPENDS ON THE QUESTION.

She knew all too well the high sexual drive Fiana possessed and she wouldn’t have been surprised to discover that her lover was having cybersex of some sort; all for research, of course. But, she wasn’t Fiana and she had no intention of doing the same.

I HAVE NOT SEEN YOU ON THE BUS LATELY. CAN I ASK WHY? he typed.

Pam hadn’t realized her muscles had tightened into a ball of anxiety and she was holding her breath while she waited to discover what he wanted to ask her until the air came pouring out of her lungs and her muscles went limp with relief. A warm smile formed as she cradled the fact that he noticed her absence. She snapped herself back to reality. He noticed her because he was communicating with Fiana, nothing more. Why should it matter to her anyway? She didn’t even like men.

She heaved a heavy sigh to clear her head as she responded with, I STILL TAKE BUT BUS, BUT AT A DIFFERENT TIME. I HAVE A NEW JOB.

She wasn’t sure why she was giving this man so much information about herself and she wasn’t altogether comfortable doing it.

ARE YOU STILL A WAITRESS? he typed.

Pam raised her eyebrows. What else did this man know about her? What kind of conversations with Fiana was he having?

Although her mind kept telling her this man already knew too much and she should simply stop and go to bed, her fingers quickly typed her reply, NO, NOW I ENTERTAIN.

She stifled her laughter as Darryl’s response appeared on the screen, NICE! WHERE IS YOUR SHOW?

Shit! He thinks I perform, she mused as she stretched her back and ran her fingers through her silken brown hair before sending her response, NOT THAT KIND OF ENTERTAINER. I HOSTESS FOR CORPORATE PARTIES. I KEEP THE GUESTS ENTERTAINED WITH CONVERSATION AND DANCING.

Pam looked at what she wrote for a moment and determined it sounded impressive. Pleased with herself, she continued, WHAT KIND OF WORK DO YOU DO?

Darryl’s reply was swift, I TEACH SELF-DEFENSE.

“I could have used that at the diner,” she whispered as she typed her response, THAT’S HANDY. I SHOULD TAKE

YOUR CLASS :).

I’D BE HONORED. WHY DON’T YOU STOP BY AND TRY A CLASS WITH MY COMPLEMENTS? he replied.

“Is this guy for real?” Pam giggled as she typed her response, THANKS. MAYBE I’LL TAKE YOU UP ON THAT SOMEDAY.

NICE, he typed back, I HAVE TO LEAVE YOU NOW. I NEED SLEEP. I WILL LOOK FOR YOU AT THE BUS STOP AND YOU CAN GO WITH ME TO HAVE YOUR LESSON WHEN YOU ARE READY. GOOD NIGHT.

Sure buddy. Don’t hold your breath, she thought, but she typed, THANKS. GOOD NIGHT, instead.