Chapter Four

“LT. McCoy! You got mail!”

First Lieutenant Jon McCoy looked up from where he sat cleaning his weapon. “What?”

Private First Class Williams, standing in the doorway to his quarters, tossed him an envelope. “Looks like it’s from your wife.”

Frowning, he caught the legal size envelope. “Thanks,” he said absently.

The letter was from Evie. She hadn’t said anything about sending him one when she emailed yesterday. A feeling of dread pooled in his gut. What was so important for her to say that she couldn’t tell him when they’d Skyped?

He put his weapon back together and wiped his hand on a hand towel to rid it of gun oil, all the while staring at his wife’s handwriting. Lots of relationships fail while soldiers were on deployment. The separation was tough and lately he’d been getting the feeling that Evie…

No, better not go there. Read the letter, see what she has to say, and then I’ll know how to handle it. I hope.

Getting comfortable on the bunk, he used his thumb to unseal the envelope and pulled out a plain sheet of notebook paper.

Dear Jon,

I’ve been trying to be the perfect little soldier’s wife, keep a stiff upper lip, and pretend that I’m adjusting well to your being gone. But the truth is, I’m not.

The knot is his gut gave a vicious twist. Hurriedly, he read on.

I know our separation isn’t any easier on you and really, what right do I have to complain? This is your job and honestly, I’m so proud of you and your dedication to the Service and our country, I don’t know how to express it all. The last thing I want to be is a burden to you.

“Oh, baby, that’s the last thing you’d ever be to me,” he murmured, eyes glued to the sheet.

Mom suggested— Okay, she nagged me into going to one of those military wives support meetings. You know how I am around people I don’t know…

“Yeah, baby, I do.”

…so you can imagine how I felt.

Jon smiled. He was the sociable one while Evie was reserved with people until she got to know them.

I sat alone in the corner, planning my escape but then one of the ladies took me under her wing. She dug in until I told her how I was feeling and then she told me the most amazing thing. That each one of them had gone through what I’m going through, felt how I’m feeling, and that I wasn’t alone. Then she gave me some advice. ‘Talk to Jon.’

I told her we communicate all the time: email, Skype, IM. She told me to write you a letter and tell you how I was really feeling. That it would help both of us. I’m not a hundred percent sure this will work but I told Mom I’d give it a try.

I miss you.

“I miss you, too, baby. You have no idea how much,” Jon said, as though Evie could hear him.

I miss you so much. I’m trying not to be whiny about it. I miss me and you. I love your parents, don’t get me wrong, and your mom’s been great. But sometimes I wish they’d all just go away and let the two of us talk, really talk. Then at other times I’m glad they’re there because I don’t know what to say to you. My life is boring compared to yours. Do you really want to hear about my classes, or test scores, or what happened today at work?

“Hell, yes! I want to know everything about you, you daft woman!” Jon shook his head. Apparently, he and his woman needed to have a long talk.

Then there’s the fear. I know statistically you aren’t any more at risk than you would be here at home, but my heart says differently. Don’t worry. I’m dealing with the fear. I pray for you daily, and I’ve determined to put my faith and trust in God to keep you safe. Otherwise, the ‘what if’s’ would drive me crazy.

My biggest fear is that this separation will change us. I know a certain amount of change is inevitable, but Jon I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want you to come home and be a stranger to me. I don’t want you to come home, look at me and wonder why you ever married me. I’m so afraid that we’ll lose us, and I don’t know what to do or how to stop it from happening.

Jon closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall, his hand clenched so tight the paper was wrinkled. That was his biggest fear. Not that he wouldn’t want Evie. He could be ninety years old, half blind, and crazy as a junebug and still want his Evie. But that he’d come home so changed from his experiences here that she’d decide to call it quits.

He smoothed out the paper and continued reading.

Jon, I know you can’t talk about where you are or what you’re doing, and I understand, but can’t you tell me something? How are you doing? I see the news reports, though I try not to, and I know or think I know a little of what you’re going through. Please, don’t shut me out. We’re becoming strangers because we don’t talk. Not like we used to. Maybe you think I can’t handle it and perhaps you’re right, but at least give me the chance to try. I feel like I’m losing my best friend and it hurts.

Again, Jon had to stop. Evie was right. He talked to the guys because they were here, but when it came to home, he pushed it all aside. No need for the civilians to know what really went on over here. But it was his silence that was creating the distance between them.

I love you and I’ve decided I’m not going to sit back and do nothing while we just fade away.

That brought a smile to his face. God, she could be so stubborn. If she put her mind to something, he might as well give in because his Evie wouldn’t stop until she got her way. Thankfully she was the most generous, loving woman he’d ever met, so it didn’t happen too often.

So I’m going to write to you, talk to you and tell you what’s in my heart and encourage you to do the same. I’ll be a pit bull about it until you do. I know there’s something you can talk about. The soldiers you serve with, the friendships you’ve made, your superiors…something! When I think of you over there, there’s this big black void. Describe the base, your quarters, the terrain. Tell me about the people in Afghanistan.

That’s all I have for tonight. It took me way too long to put into words the things I wanted to say to you. Now it’s late and I have to class tomorrow. Expect another letter from me, real soon.

Remember I love you.

Your wife, Evie