Through the Screen

chapter 1

abel looked at the gold band on his ring finger, his watery brown eyes attempting to lessen the weight of the emptiness of his and noah's vows. the ring may be three years old, but it still reflects a sliver of bronze light on abel 's right cheek. the visual of it is almost innocent.

he pulled the white duvet up to his chest, turning his head slightly to look over at his husband, who was laying in the far corner of the bed, his naked back turned towards abel.

and even though abel wished noah would crawl back over to him and wrap his arms around abel 's frame in a tight grip and draw delicate patterns on his chest, the idea seemed too overrated now, too fake, and too pretentious.

he sighed, slipping further into the gradually growing warmth of their bed, shifting his body and trying to get as comfortable as he once was when noah used to hold him.

things just weren't the same anymore.

and it's not like abel was complaining because things had been like that since the past year and a half, and honestly, he was getting used to all the little things that had switched over time.

he was getting used to sleeping on the left side of the bed, and he was used to eat lunch alone in his suffocating work place.

he was used to fake smiles and repeat conversations and discussions only about their finances or adrian, their thirteen year old son.

he was used to occasional, meaningless kisses that were devoid of passion or love, and he was used to having five minute showers alone, without any pair of arms wrapping around his torso or soft lips pressing against the back of his neck.

he was used to short arguments about nothing in particular and he was used to noah's constant ignorance.

and he still wasn't complaining. he just missed their relationship when they were younger, when they weren't tied in the bland bond of marriage or had a family to manage or a son to drive to football classes every weekend.

two years ago, abel wouldn't have thought that they would be having separate meals and half a minute phone calls. he didn't think that their working hours would be so impossibly different that when he came back home late at night, he would find noah asleep on the recliner in front of the television.

he didn't think that weekends will just be spent in half hearted kisses, or a small argument about who is doing the dishes or making the bed. two hours later, noah would stay on his laptop, drafting emails or carelessly scrolling through his work documents and abel would just sit around in his study, letting the ink of his fountain pen stain multiple pages.

maybe two years ago noah cared about him enough to listen to him rant about his day but now noah just presses a kiss to his forehead and says that he is sleepy.

noah no longer makes love to him frequently, and whenever they do it's just not the same.

it is distant and impersonal, like they are just having sex. there are no longer any marks on abel 's body, no significance that noah has made love to him the next morning. noah doesn't pull him to his chest and noah doesn't clean him up with a wet rag. noah just places a meaningless kiss to abel 's cheek and shifts to the other side of the bed again.

and the problem is that abel can't blame noah either.

according to noah, abel has just stopped trying in their relationship. not like he doesn't love noah or anything but he kind of fails to show it, and the fact bothers noah greatly.

he is still insecure, even after three years of marriage and he doesn't want to to be too clingy, doesn't want to suffocate abel.

he doesn't want to pull abel into his lap when he returns from work and says that he ate outside, dismissively thanking noah for making dinner.

he doesn't want to step into the shower after abel, when he says that he's late for work and only takes a big swig of his coffee before leaving, forgetting to kiss noah goodbye.

he doesn't want to take abel outside alone for a simple dinner and icecream or a movie because abel always says that he doesn't want adrian to feel ignored and it is just that.

their relationship revolves around household expenses and adrian.

and maybe they don't have three am conversations anymore, or pancakes for dinner, or think about getting a dog, or fight over who is doing the dishes.

or the making out against walls or buy concealers to hide marks from people at work, or have showers so long that they turn cold.

or unplanned outings or random walks in park, or insecure talks about the future or endless cuddling on the couch.

but maybe they need 2009 again.

just once more to know what they are missing.