06

Emmy interrupted her : « No, you don’t have to say anything, honey. I’m not questioning the decision you made. »

« I’m not even sure I’m definitive with this, » Eliza confessed, looking up with downcast eyes that were looking at the calm baby.

« Are you still deciding if you want to keep her ? »Emmy grumbled.

Once more Eliza did not know what to say. She wasn’t sure she wanted to keep the child. The baby was already an accident, but since her birth Eliza has not been able to cope with the fact that her world had to revolve around someone for whom she had never prepared. She was so uncertain that she still hadn’t given him a name.

« You have the right to make whatever decision you want to make, Miss Kelly, » Emmy mumbled.

« I can’t seem to make you want to keep her. »

Eliza watched as Emmy slowly turned away and strolled into the kitchen. She came back with a little note in her hands, and Emmy told her that it was a message from her brother.

« What ? »Eliza asked, mortified.

Emmy shrugged her shoulders with an annoyed look on her face, « Yes. First, he asked me who I was, and when I told him that I was the nanny… he took a long pause before telling me that he would come late in the evening. »

Eliza looked down at the tiny fingers that she hadn’t realized were balled up in a fist and on her chest. She looked up to find a smile on Emmy’s face that she tried to hide as soon as Eliza caught her looking. Eliza took her time to take a look at the blossoming little hand. Everything was so small, and it made her more nervous to see who she had worn for almost nine months.

In a few minutes, the doorbell rang, and this surprised both women.

« Don’t get up, » Emmy demanded with a point as she hurried quickly to the door.

After some muttering, Eliza saw her brother drifting around the corner. He had to come directly from the company building since he was dressed in his finely tailored suit. Pete’s work and home were at least an hour away, and his sister was completely surprised that he had traveled during the week to see her. However, visits to her apartment were rare, and her strange presence and her veil of red had shaken her. Peter’s eyes threatened to pop out of his head, while his lips parted at the sight of his older sister cradling an infant– not to mention feeding him.

Emmy hurried back and gently placed a soft pink blanket on Eliza’s shoulder and the baby’s head.

« Eliza. What the hell is going on ? »Peter asked with narrowed eyes, filled with shock.

She sadly lifted her chin and said : « I had a baby, Pete. »

« What ?! »he screamed, and Emmy immediately scowled at him.

The noisy guest of the baby interrupted her so much that she began to cry. Eliza was shocked by the sudden change in her reaction, but Emmy quickly removed the child from her arms.

« Tell him to hurry up. She needs you more than he does right now, » Emmy spat under her breath and rushed to the nursery before closing the door. Eliza looked after Emmy and listened to the moans that echoed from the room.

Peter shouted : « What’s going on, Eliza ?! »

« Couldn’t you come screaming into my house ?! »she hit back.

« It wouldn’t be a problem if you didn’t… Come again ?! »he continued with a puzzled look.

« I had a baby ! »she shrugged her shoulders, her eyes reddened with a twinkle.

« With whom ?! Who is the father ?! »he shouted.

She drew up her posture and shook her head at him.

« Have you been to a bank ? »He asked in perplexity.

« No, » she grumbled.

Pete rolled his eyes, « Boyfriend ? »

« I don’t have a boyfriend, » she declared firmly with squinted eyes.

« What happened ? Did you have a late night at a bar or something ? An unfortunate one-night stand ? »

« I wouldn’t do something like that, » she spat.

« And you wouldn’t do something like have a baby either ! What’s wrong with you ?! »

« Oh, I’m sorry ! I just got up and got pregnant just for fun, even though I had no plans to have children ! »she screamed.

« What else am I supposed to assume ?! »

« You have considered all the other options except the one that could be valid in a situation as confusing as mine, » she breathed.

His shoulders dropped, and he quickly asked, « We are you–« 

« No. No, I wasn’t, » she replied idly.

« So how on earth did you end up having a child ? I have a niece that you were never going to tell me about ? »he narrowed his eyes, vexed.

« Because I don’t want everyone in my company, » she didn’t hesitate to retort.

« It’s my business ! I’m your brother ! »

« We haven’t seen each other for almost a year and look at the way you have reacted since you found out ! You assumed I was a drunk idiot before you even considered sexual assault as a possibility ! »

He remained calm for a few seconds before starting : « I’m coming… it’s just not something I expected. Eliza, what happened ? Come again ? »

Spreading her arms to exaggerate, she confessed : « I was stupid with someone I loved more and more, and now here we are. »

He winced : « Haven’t you been paying attention ? »

« Yes ! Yes, I was, but what method of birth control is ever one hundred percent Safe ?! »

« Why didn’t you get rid of it ? »he quickly asked.

She twisted her face, « What ? »

« I’m sure that by the time you found out, you could have had an abortion, but you kept her. »

There was something about the word « it » that struck a chord with Eliza. Her eyes wandered around the carpet between them, and she held her breath. She looked into her brother’s eyes, which were identical to hers. She saw herself in him, but he surpassed her in altitude and in muscles. Kelly’s strong jaw was accentuated by the Caesar cut– Eliza is less apparent and easily masked by her shoulder-length curls. Her little brother– a man-stood in front of her, trying to force her to look at herself and the reality that she ruined.

He refused to stop, « You kept it because of our past, didn’t you ? »

She shook her head, « No. I–

« You kept the baby because we were foster children, » he reiterated. « As black children, we have fought all our lives not to be stereotyped… »

« Pete. I am tired. I need to rest, » she signed, ignoring his assumptions.

« However, you will end up putting this baby in the same situation as us ! »he pointed the finger vehemently.

« get out ! »she painfully screamed at the top of her lungs.

« You are not meant to be a mother, Eliza ! »he gushed factually.

She blurted out her first line : « How do you know that ?! »

« I know you better than anyone ! You know you’re going to end up putting her in the system because you’re too self-centered to give up your life for someone else ! We have worked too hard not to be like the others ! »

She moaned : « What are you even saying ? »

« I’m saying you shouldhave been smarter. Is this really who you want to be ? A single mother ? Another single black mother ? »

She looked at him in bewilderment, « I never knew there was anything wrong–« 

« Yes, you did, and you are doing it ! »he barked.

« Are you judging me because you came out of all the struggles and managed to have a perfect life ? The white picket fence with the beautiful wife and the children ?! »

It was enough, « Clearly, I think before I act. »

Eliza’s lip quivered, and before she could say another word, they were both interrupted by Emmy, « Mrs. Kelly, the baby… »

Peter gave Emmy a black look, but she returned the same look. Eliza covered her face and rushed into the nursery, while Emmy continued to stare at the man who interrupted a reasonably quiet evening.

« I’ll see me out, » he snapped before turning away and slamming the door behind him.

« Damn it, » Emmy scoffed before quickly returning to the nursery.

Emmy was stunned as she looked into the crib to still find the baby crying her lungs out dry. Like a stone, Eliza was sitting in a La-Z-Boy with big eyes to the floor and leaning against the armchair.

« Miss Kelly ? »Emmy called her calmly.

Instantly Eliza raised her head and realized that Emmy was holding the beet-faced child in her arms. Frantically, Eliza began to pull down her loose crochet top and make efforts to calm her baby.

« She’s not feeding, » Eliza cried.

Emmy quickly used her palms to wipe the many tears that had fallen from the mother’s terrified face, « She’s upset just like you. She knows that. Calm down and so will she, Eliza. »

It took Eliza a while to regain a regular heartbeat between her brother’s recent visit and the distressed baby.

« Try again, » Emmy ordered tenderly, and after another try, the baby settled in.