02

« Where is what ? »she spat back.

« The fucking baby ! Did you keep it ? »He asked with disgust mixed with horror.

« I gave birth this weekend. That’s all you need to know. That’s all any of you on this floor needs to know, » she retorted.

As usual, he did not hear her requests and his eyes were wild with fury, « It’s just as much my business, Eliza ! »

« No. Your only business is waiting in locked folders and files on your desktop. Now, please find my door, Mr. Louis, » she affirmed.

« You can’t make me leave, until you tell me what you did this weekend, » he demanded wickedly.

« Your status as director of information technology at Bluestar continues to baffle me, because your logic and comprehension abilities seem to be much lower than average, » she breathed boldly, and she could feel the threatening beads of sweat at the edge of her hairline.

He raised a finger at her, but she quickly returned it to him, « You are beyond unprofessional, Mr. Louis. »

He chuckled maliciously : « You can’t even call me by my name ? »

She erected her posture, « Once again, I have to question your intelligence. Isn’t Louis your last name ? »

Andrew was quick to answer : « Is that the name on the birth certificate ? »

A knot lodged in his throat, and his nostrils flared as they looked down at each other. The cynical tension in the room froze Eliza stiffly as her whole body felt like it was on fire. Distraught, Eliza turned away and sat down in her soft seat. She tapped gently on the keyboard of her iMac and began to connect to her workspace.

« You did it, didn’t you ? »He asked in a low growl.

Eliza refused to let her eyes be directed to anything other than the screen. His voice faltered, « Please, escort yourself, Mr. Louis. I am sure that you have a multitude of tasks waiting for you at your desk. »

He hit his hands on his desk once more and threatened : « I swear to God, if I find any fucking surprises… »

Her fingers froze on the keys and she kept her jaw clenched. In a few seconds, he opened the door to his office and walked out without closing it from behind. As soon as the fury was out of sight, Eliza jumped out of her office and hurried to close the door.

She was so angry that she couldn’t control her body. His hand was clenched with all his might on the doorknob, just wanting to open it and scream to his heart’s content. Instead, she slowly stepped back on her heels and stared at the frosted panels. Tears were already streaming down his face, devastated by everything that had happened in a few days.

The two places where she had found solace were no longer safe havens. In the workplace, she was confronted with the anger of the father of the child she never planned to have. Not once did Eliza think about seeing children in her future. It was never what she wanted. She didn’t hate them, and she didn’t necessarily like them either. Now she has put one into the world and had been in denial about it until last weekend brought her back to reality.

All this time she had a plan. Losing sleep over decisions that should not have been delayed, Eliza had already set appointments to discuss what steps to take once the baby was due–the days were mapped out and phone calls were made until her last trimester. Out of nowhere, cold feet prevented her from making the last phone calls. Thus, leaving his second place of comfort filled with the endless cries and desires of a newborn.

She ran her hands over her gray skirt and quickly resumed her place at her desk. Shredding the tissues from the next box, she passed them roughly over her face before pushing several bundles into the wastebasket.

Reaching out to grab another handkerchief, she was struck with fright again as her phone vibrated with Emmy’s number on the screen. It was instinct to ignore him, so she followed suit. By pressing the hold button, she ended the vibrations.

Eliza just needed a moment for herself. All she wanted was to go back to work and not have to think about what was waiting for her at home. Alas, the loud clicks that sounded from the keyboard could not keep the vibrations away from the phone.

After the fourth consecutive call, she grabbed the device and barked : « Yes ?! »

« Why did it take you so long to pick up the phone, Miss Kelly ? »Emmy has crossed the line.

« I could have walked away from my phone, » Eliza retorted, pinching the skin above her nose.

« Uh huh. This explains the fierce reception, » Emmy stressed.

About to slam her hand against the desk, she stopped quickly and calmly asked : « What… Why are you calling ? »

There was a brief pause, but then, with a soft sigh, Emmy began : « I was checking to see how you were doing with your first day back at work, Mrs. Kelly. »

« It’s all right, » Eliza lied, while trying to reread the sentences that were mixing on her screen.

« Mrs… Kelly, »Emmy called with a whimper that only meant she knew Eliza was lying.

The frustrated woman leaned over her desk and placed a sweaty palm on her forehead, « Emmy. I really have a lot of work to do in the office. If that’s all you have to ask me, then I’m going to have to hang up now. »

« All right… I–«  Emmy’s response was interrupted by distant moans in the background.

Without thinking twice, Eliza hung up. Everything revolved around this child and it scared her more and more with each passing hour. The screams and the frequent trips around the apartment had left her exhausted after complying with Emmy’s constant requests the previous night. Fueled by three fragmented hours of sleep, Eliza called Vanessa to bring her a cup of coffee.

As soon as the landline was back on the receiver, she looked down at her chest and sighed in frustration. Small spots of breast milk were apparent on her dark blouse and she was cursing that she didn’t remember to put on the breast pads that Emmy was pestering her about before leaving in the morning.

Abruptly, Eliza covered her face and curled up in her chair. The incessant crying would exhaust her, while she continued to sulk the changes that were happening too quickly. For more than eight months she had been preparing for this, but she was also planning adoption measures that, according to her, kept her a little sane. However, the balance between the two caused sleepless nights that never helped the swelling and the pains that she already had to endure throughout her pregnancy.

Eliza was always wiping her face and blowing her nose, cleaning almost half of a new box of tissues. She seemed together as she took the small cup of black coffee that she received from the intern. However, as soon as she thanked Vanessa and closed her world, she would collapse once again with blankets of tears covering her face. Crying and typing, she tried her best to concentrate but she couldn’t.

Eliza crossed her arms over her desk and continued to sob wickedly up her sleeves-finally giving up after failing to compose a simple email. She was uncomfortable everywhere ; there was not a single place where she could run without being reminded of her mistakes.

The next morning was just as dreary as the previous one. While typing on her computer, Eliza made efforts not to move as much ; her breasts were still incredibly painful because of the attempts to breastfeed and the general swelling. She hated that they hurt her considering that she was only able to feed the baby for a maximum of ten minutes before she couldn’t handle it. As soon as she called Emmy to pick up the infant, she was already assembling the breast pump.