Chapter 3 3

That could have gone better; Lily thought as she closed the porch door and walked towards the fire place. But when she really thought about it Lily couldn't say she was surprised. Deep down she knew he was right. She was being selfish and...a coward. With a sigh Lily warmed her icy hands. She didn't feel the cold while she gave her vampire more control than the lycan. Lily had learned how to play with the balance between them and herself to work to her advantage.As soon lunch was over Lily quickly excused herself, claiming she had to unpack. The truth was, she needed some space to recover from all the lectures she had received in the few hours she had come home. No one was happy to discover she hadn't told them sooner about A.J. and no one thought her excuses were really valid. With a sigh, Lily knew they were right but it only made her feel unwanted and unwelcome, how she hated feeling like that.

Angrily, she unzipped her suitcase and began unpacking her clothes. Just remember why you're here, Lily told herself. A loud knock broke her silent but angry musings and she called for whoever it was to come in but she regretted it as soon as his scent hit her. Lily turned to face James. He really did look good, she had to admit as she watched him come in her room and close the door behind him.

James was well over six feet and with a muscled athletic tone typical of werewolves. His hair was dark, not as dark as hers, and bright hazel eyes that she thought were just pretty but his best feature in her opinion was his smile. Even when she was furious at the annoying man his smile could do things to her.

Lily shook her head to break her train of thought. She did not need to be thinking of his virtues, not when he could detect the changes some of them caused in her pulse or scent. "We need to talk," James said in a hard tone, helping her come back down to the here and now. Time for round two, she thought silently and prepared for another verbal assault. Might as well let him get it out all in one day.

"You have no idea how mad I am at you" he growled, but Lily thought he indicated that very well in their last conversation though telling him so might not be such a good idea.

"I know you're pissed and I know you have every right to be. I deserve it," She replied, trying to be as diplomatic as she could muster instead of going for her usual tactic – irritate the hell out of him until he left her alone disgusted. No one ever said change was easy, she thought, hiding the smirk she felt starting. James started to say something but paused when she obviously didn't say what he had expected her to.

"Let's get some things straight. You're not going to take A.J. from me," he practically barked at her.

"I wasn't planning on it," Lily replied, crossing her arms and James's narrowed his eyes at her ever so slightly. He must have thought she was playing with him, she realized. "Good," he snapped after a moment of silence, looking as if he had a whole speech planned out but she had just ruined it and now he wasn't sure how to proceed. "Cause if you try I will just hunt you down and take him back. You can't stop me!" He told her and she simply nodded in reply.

"Now I'm reasonable man, you're his mother so he can live with you here until we figure something more permanent out, but I get see him whenever I want," James continued and Lily tightened her arms across her chest. Her anger starting to rise at being ordered around. She hated people telling her what to do. With her jaw clenched she took a couple of slow deep breaths, refusing to speak, knowing if she said anything now she would regret it.

"I have no intention now or did I ever plan on keeping him from you," Lily said after a few breaths, concentrating on what she was saying and how she was saying it. She had no desire to fight with James on this and wanted him to know, to really know that. "But yes, don't worry I get the message James, loud and clear," she explained, feeling proud of herself when her voice sounded normal. "Do you need anything else?"

James was silent for a while and she was just about to demand what his problem was when he blurted, "That's it?" The surprise was marked all over his face. "You accept what I said and that's it?" He asked and the look of disbelieve on his face made her smile a little. Wow, this is kind of fun, she thought, amused.

"Yeah James, that's it," she replied, but he still looked surprised. Deciding now might be as good as time as any to test the waters she pulled her arms from over her chest and stuck her hands in her pockets. "You know I think we got off on the wrong foot James. Things got complicated so quickly," she started, her voice trailing off, referring not only to A.J. but the whole complicated mess that was their past.

"Yeah they did," James said, looking at her as if she had just grown a second head. Well so far so good, she thought and decided to go a little farther.

"I think it'd be a good idea, for A.J.'s sake, if we could to start fresh...maybe we can actually be friends," She explained, putting some emphasis on "for A.J.'s sake," so he wouldn't think she was trying to flirt with him or anything. She simply wanted to try to be friends with him instead of hating him for things that really weren't even his fault like she did in the past.

"You'd want to be my friend?" James asked again in that same tone that told her that he wasn't sure if to believe her or not.

"Well yeah, why not?" She answered with a shrug and he remained silent for what seemed like ages to her and it was starting to make her nervous.

"Try to be friends," he said after a while as if he was testing how the words sounded then mimicked her shrug. "Alright, I can try that."

"Great," she replied, feeling relieved that he wasn't looking at her like she was a freak anymore but was really starting to feel awkward about this whole situation when Chris came into the room without knocking.

"Hey Lily I gave him a bath," Chris started then noticed James was there. "Am I interrupting anything?" He asked, giving her a sly grin that only made the awkwardness of the situation peak.

"Of course not, we're just talking about A.J," James replied that seemed to hint he found the thought of anything more happening repulsive and it made her inwardly cringe for some reason.

"Yeah what he said," she agreed a little flatly then decided to focus on her son. "Did you like your bath?" She asked A.J. as she took the little boy from Chris. A.J. nodded and started talking about his Rubber Ducky's boating trip.

"Need anything else, just let me know," Chris replied then left but not before wagging his eyebrows discreetly at her causing her to shake her head at him but a little smile spread on her face. What a dork, she thought.

"One other thing," James said once Chris was gone. "What's Chris to him?" He asked, starting to sound a little jealous. He was worried she let A.J. think Chris was his dad? He must really think poorly of her, she thought and was surprised how much that bothered her.

"His uncle." She replied to him and after a moment of hesitation she added. "I talked to him about his father, about you."

"Good," James replied, looking mildly satisfied and she sighed, feeling slightly relieved as she set A.J. down on the bed and moving her suitcase to the floor. "I'll be back tomorrow to talk about how we're going to do this," he told her and she agreed with her best "Sure whatever face" and she saw his jaw clench but said nothing as he left the room.

Lily sighed, shaking her head as she laid A.J. down for his nap and crawled into the bed with him. "Wow, your mommy's life sure is a mess kiddo," she said pulling a blanket over them.

The next morning Lily woke alone but wasn't worried. She was sure A.J. was with family. Getting up from the bed she went down to the kitchen, not worried about being dressed in a thin tank top and boy shorts, she was with family after all. Chris, Sandy, and A.J. sat at a large round cherry dining table eating breakfast. Lily couldn't help but smile as she watched Sandy help A.J. eat his breakfast.

"Good morning Sunshine," Sandy greeted giving her a warm smile. "Can you eat breakfast?" she asked. Ever since Lily became a hybrid, she had trouble eating real food. Bloodlust would replace her normal hunger and cause her to get sick if she ate. Thankfully Veronica had found a way to suppress the bloodlust and its effects.

"Yeah I can," Lily told her happily, taking out a pill bottle a cabinet where she had put it yesterday and removing a reddish-brown pill and handed it to her mother so she could look at it. "With this I don't have the problems with eating like I use to and I don't need to take so much blood either. It's a sort of antacid for the enzymes in my stomach that reject the normal food," Lily explained.

"Take so much blood?" Sandy repeated, looking interested and disgusted at the same time. The disgust bothered Lily a little, but she could understand it. Lily wasn't exactly happy about it either.

"Yeah I only have to drink blood about once a month," she explained and Sandy seemed to approve as she handed back the pill. Lily popped it into her mouth and swallowing it dry as Sandy handed her a plate of ham and eggs with a warm biscuit. She licked her lips in eager anticipation. It had been three long years since she had one of Sandy's meals and thanks to the events of yesterday she had hardly touched her dinner.

As she ate, she watched Sandy feeding A.J. his breakfast and Lily couldn't help but smile and longing blossomed in her chest. Longing for A.J. to belong and have a place in Tony's pack and have family and friends who accepted and understand him. In Montana, he'd never have that. There were very few werewolves in the Aequivalere and the few that were there avoided and feared her. "Everything okay Lily?" Sandy asked, with a look of concern.

Lily blinked out of her thoughts and forced a smile on her face before she replied. "Yeah Sandy, everything is fine." She finished her breakfast and got up to put the plate in the sink. "Do you mind watching A.J. for a while? I thought about Chris and I going out and getting reacquainted with the town," Lily explained, actually she needed to get out and make herself visible as the Aequivalere told her too.

"Sure Lily, you don't even have to ask," Sandy replied while Chris got up to get their coats, knowing the plan as well as she did. Sandy watched him go before turning to Lily with a suspicious look on her face.

"Is there something going on between you two?" Sandy asked. There was a slight frown on her face, indicating her disapproval of the idea of it.

"Something between us? Oh good God no!" Lily replied with a scrunched up expression of disgust. "He's like a brother to me Sandy!" Her mother eyed her for a moment as if trying to weigh the truth of her words and after a moment seemed content with whatever she had learned.

"Well, it kind of looked that way and...well don't forget you are James are mates after all," Sandy told her with a pointed tone, surprising Lily and leaving her stunned for a second.

"Actually we're Sandy," Lily stated, letting her voice get a sharp edge to it. "Remember he took that serum of Xavier's and broke the mate bond that we had. We are no longer mates."

"Please Lily, mates is something much more powerful than some stupid serum that man could invent. You two just had a...falling out," Sandy told her with a dismissive wave of her hand. Lily looked at the older woman in pure shock.

"A falling out? I bet James would disagree with you," Lily told her with a bitter laugh. "I would have never figured you to be delusional," Lily told her earning a sour look. "Sandy seriously James and I together...it's not going to happen, ever. Neither of us wants to get involved romantically and we're both just agreed to try to be friends, keyword try," Lily explained to her.

Sandy opened her mouth to obviously argue with Lily on that point, but Chris returned and handed Lily her coat. "We should be back around lunch time," Lily told her then gave A.J. a kiss on his cheek. "Be good for grandma A.J. I'll be back later." They left the large ranch style house and got into Lily's old beat up car. She had no idea what make or model it was but then in her opinion all she needed to know was that it ran...well most of the time.

"I was thinking," Lily started, glancing over at Chris. "That we could visit Lacy." Chris shot a pained look in her direction and shook his head. "I think you should go with me Chris," she argued, but he shook his head with determination now on his face.

"No, I'm not going," he said firmly.

"Alright Chris," she said with a sigh and slightly disappointed. "I won't ask you again." Despite just having breakfast Lily and Chris stopped off at one the local dinners, the one visited more by the humans of the town. "Is that you Lily? Lily Nawassa? It is you, girl! I thought you moved and was done with this town!" A woman with dark brown hair and blonde highlights said as came up to their booth.

"Uh hi Mac," Lily replied with a small and only slightly forced smile. "I did move, but I came to visit the Roberts."

"Oh yeah? How are they? We don't see them around here too often," Mac asked in quick succession then noticed Chris. "Who's this?" She asked with an almost sultry tone as her eyes ran over him from head to toe.

"This is my friend Chris...my married friend," Lily told her and Mac pouted for a second then her smile returned. "Chris this is Mac. We went to school together," Lily said introducing the two.

"Yep and probably the only reason I stuck it out to graduate," Mac gushed and Chris looked at Lily with a look of surprise and questioning. "Oh yeah, I had a horrible time of getting rid of my baby fat and in middle school Mrs. Perfect and popular decided to pick on me. I took it all to heart and never tried to defend myself, but Lily did. She punched Hilary Donaldson right in the nose and told her to fuck off. Her words exactly," Mac explained.

Lily winced remembering the three-day suspension she got for it too. "Really, she never mentioned that before," Chris said with a grin and a mischievous look in his eye that Lily didn't like one bit.

"Oh, honey I could tell you stories! Everyone knew not to mess with her or bully anyone in front of her or she'd take them down. All the kids started calling her Lily Crazy Horse, Nawassa cause she was like one of the Indian warriors that you always hear about," Mac stated and Lily groaned and Chris tried to hide his laughter but was doing a poor job of it.

"Did she do one of those Indian cries and try to scalp the bullies?" He asked through his laughter and Lily shot him a dirty look, but Mac just laughed right on with him.

"You know, I think she tried once or twice," the woman said with a teasing tone then smiled at Lily. "I'm just messing with you, hun, like old times, you know. Anyways you two take a seat and tell me what I can get you this morning," Mac said, waving them off to a booth. Lily thanked her as she sat down, feeling uncomfortable talking about her past in front of Chris. The truth of the matter was the other woman was glorifying it. She was nothing but a punk even if she really was trying to protect the smaller kids.

They were in the diner for nearly an hour before Lily managed to drag Chris away from Mac and all her embarrassing tales of Lily's wild younger days. Chris drove her to the Moss Grove graveyard where Lacy rested but refused to stay. He'd offer to come back to pick her up, but Lily refused, rather having the time to walk home. Lily silently walked through the graveyard, letting her fingers brush over the tombstones.

She always did enjoy walking through graveyards as morbid as that might sound. It seemed like a place of peace to her and every time she walked its grounds that peace seemed to seep into her as well. Lily continued to navigate the well-cut paths till she found the grave she was looking for. She kneeled on the well-groomed grass in front of the tombstone, reading the upraised lettering all though she already knew what it read.

Lacy Gwen Roberts

Beloved daughter, sister, and girlfriend.

We will miss you dearly.

Lily brushed off the dry leaves with care and then ran her fingers over the upraised letters feeling the pang of loss wash over her. "I'm sorry Lacy," She said, her voice resonating the sorrow she felt. "I thought I could save you, save you from yourself and from what Xavier had done to you," she said, keeping her voice soft even though the graveyard was empty.

"I know he did something to you, Lacey. I know you would have never done that if it wasn't for him," she said, her voice now growing hard as she remembered the torture Lacy had put her through, the hateful words she spoke to Lily as she burned her and cut her with silver knives. Lily clenched her eyes tight fighting tears and the evil memories. Instead, she thought about the time before Xavier.

Lacy and her when they were little, imitating the dances the saw in the dance videos, their conversations about the wonderful futures they were convinced they would have, and their silly and childish races around the house. Yes, Lily told herself. That was how she was going to remember her sister. "I really miss you Lacy and wish you were here. You'll never guess the things that have happened to me!" Lily told her, smiling as she caressed the headstone with affection.

"I think the most surprising is that I'm a mom now. Who would've thought right? You'd love A.J. too. He really an amazing little boy," Lily explained and began to tell Lacy about the Aequivalere and what happened to make her realize that she couldn't get into fights and she talked about how well Tony seemed to be handling his Alpha position. Lily thought about talking about James but couldn't. Lacy had been in love with him since they were kids.

"I know he was meant to be with you," Lily whispered. "I'm sorry that I got in the way. I never wanted to hurt you like that." Lily fell silent and simply sat there for a while. "I'll come back again before I leave, okay," she said as she got up from the ground and was surprised to find her cheeks were wet. She quickly brushed the dampness from her face and left the graveyard.

Lily looked around as she walked over to the edge of the woods that practically surrounded the whole town. She had one more task to do before she returned to her parents' house. The beast needed to get out and have her daily run. It surprised her to find out that giving the beast a chance to stretch and run, Lily could maintain the control over her a lot better. She walked into the woods till she felt she was hidden enough from view.

Lily glanced around once more before she started to remove her clothing and stuff it into her purse. She shivered in the cool air as she slung the purse over her shoulder so that it draped across her chest diagonally. With a deep breath, she started to give her beast more control. Her skin tingled similar to the tingle one got through static electricity and got to nearly painful proportions until she felt the muscles, bones, and skin start to morph and shift itself into the beasts form.

She clenched her teeth with a groan, trying her best not to fall on her knees. Falls always hurt ten times more when she was in a shift than if she was in one form or another. While it still hurt, the pain had lessened quite a bit since her first shift. It was like her body knew what was happening so it hurt less or at least that was what she thought. She had never really asked anyone about it.

The beast shook herself to loosen up her fur and let it fall against her body more comfortably once the shift was finished. She lifted her large mussel up into the air testing the scents. A low grumble of approval rumbled up from the deep of her throat. She remembered these scents, she was home. With another shake, the beast trotted lazily deep into the woods as she periodically took in the scents and hoping to find some nice fat prey for her meal.

It was nearly nightfall when the beast finally gave Lily control back. A violent shiver tore through her body when the shift was done and all her monsters were back in balance. "Damn it's cold," she said breathlessly and closing her eyes tilted the balance towards her vampire. Her heart beat slowed till it a near stop, she felt her fangs lengthen, and the cold dissipated. Relief was only momentary before the bloodlust hit her.