04

Joey and Cody got off the bleachers and went to play, which surprised me because they never once mentioned football, even Cody, who surprisingly talks quite a bit once he gets comfortable with you.

« They’re football players ? » I asked Melissa, who nodded as she watched her boyfriend participate in the game that looked pretty competitive.

« Yeah, Joey was the quarterback last season until he stepped down at practice during the summer because of some personal stuff, » she told me.

Melissa and I started a conversation with the dance girls and Coach Erixon about the routine because a lot of them were very confused about some of it. While some girl named Kara was asking a question, Melissa hit my shoulder and pointed over to Joey, who was waving me over to the locker room.

I shook my head at him, definitely not wanting to be alone with him. « Hey, maybe he wants to apologize for everything that happened yesterday. »

I shook my head at Melissa. « I doubt it. »

« Just trust me, if anything goes wrong, I’ll step in. I promise you, » she tells me and I looked down at her with her soft smile that was silently telling me to do it.

I sighed as I got up, making sure that neither of the coaches were watching me. I crossed my arms as Joey walked into the locker room to wait for me to join him. Even after all that happened yesterday, I was still majorly attracted to him. He was wearing some tight dark jeans, an orange t-shirt with a picture of some waves printed on it, and some Converse.

« This is so stupid, » I muttered to myself as I pushed the door open.

He stood against the wall with one foot pressed against it. As soon as the locker room door shit behind me, he stood up fully and opened his mouth to say something but nothing left it. He averted my eyes and didn’t try to talk again, so I went to leave, but he finally caught my attention.

« I like you, » he blurted out. I slowly turned around again to look at him and he was fidgeting with his hands while looking to the side.

« But you told me yesterday-« I started to say.

« Everything I said yesterday was complete bullshit, just forget that ever happened, » he said, finally looking up to meet my eyes.

« Just forget it ? » I asked, starting to feel that anger rise inside of my chest because everything he did to me yesterday isn’t just something I could easily forget. It was very scary and something I’ve barely ever had to deal with, so having to deal with it by a complete stranger at a new school is not something I had mentally prepared for.

« Yeah, it didn’t mean anything, » he said, but I knew he was just trying to play it off like it wasn’t a big deal when it was a huge deal, at least to me.

« Do you not understand that I had to go meet my family at a restaurant when I was utterly scared for my life ? » I snapped at him and his face shifted into a guilty expression that told me that I might be getting through his thick head that he truly scared me.

« I didn’t mean to do that, I really didn’t, I just didn’t know what to do about what I was feeling and it all just-«

« And what were you feeling ? » I asked, crossing my arms to show that I was still mad about the whole situation.

« I felt like I liked you and wanted to have a connection with you, » he softly whispered.

« I thought you were straight, » I whispered, my voice breaking from shock and embarrassment because I didn’t think I even moved throughout the last few seconds.

« I thought so too. »

I cleared my throat. « You don’t get to do this, Joey, you don’t get to hurt me and then think you can make it up to me by saying that you’re questioning your sexuality when you’re just another one of those straight guys that will never act on his feelings-«

« But I want to, I want to act on them. I promise you. I’ve never felt this way, never felt such a strong attraction to someone without ever even talking to them, » he said, running a hand through his fluffy hair that flopped every time he would move his head too quick.

« Then why don’t you ? »

« Because I’m scared. All my life I’ve been known as one thing and I think completely changing it will mess a few things up and I don’t know if I’m ready for it, » he told me and I could see the genuine fear building up on his face.

I cleared my throat again, feeling it getting dry every time I looked up into his eyes. « You’ll have to do it at one point or another, so why not now ? »

He crossed his arms before leaning into the wall. « I don’t know. »

I don’t know why the hell I’m helping this kid because he did physically hurt me yesterday and I could still feel it on my neck. There was just something about him that made me drawn to him. It wasn’t even that he’s godly attractive, even though that’s definitely a plus.

« You gotta make a choice at some point, but for now, leave me out of it, » I tell him even though it physically hurt me to tell him to forget about me because I don’t know how I would even react without him because there was something in my head telling me to get to know this boy and I really wanted to.

« Friday, uh, is the first football game of the season, would you want to come ? » He asked me and I noticed how nervous he was by the way he fidgeted with his hands and tried to not make direct eye contact with me.

I completely forget about what I just told him because if he’s asking me to do something for him, then obviously he’s willing to do something about the way he was feeling. I know how hard it can be to finally make a decision about acting on your sexuality or coming out because it really puts so much pressure on your chest the entire time you’re even thinking about it. When I came out, I was off for months because I couldn’t find the courage to just get it over with.

I nod my head at him, immediately seeing his demeanor change into a form of confidence that I hadn’t seen inside of him the entire time we were here. « I’ll be there. »

« Alright, cool, » he tells me before we sneak back into the gym. He goes back to the game while I go back to sit next to Melissa. She gives me a look like ‘what’s going on’ while I pretend like I don’t see her to make her continue to wonder for a few more seconds.

« You better tell me what just happened or I’ll slap you, » she threatens and I chuckle, leaning over to her ear to start to tell her all about what was just discussed.

Once I’m done, she reaches over and grips my arm with a huge smile. I chuckle at her huge expression. « You look so creepy right now, I don’t even know what to do. »

She giggles. « How do you feel about it ? »

« I mean, I’m still mad about what happened, but I understand more of why he did it now. I’m willing to stick with him and see what happens, but I think he knows now that if he pulls something like that again, I’m gone. »

She nods her head. « Yeah, but I do want you to know that he does care about you. When we got home yesterday, he asked so many questions about you and felt bad about what had happened. I’ve seen him struggling for awhile and now that I know that it’s because of his sexuality, I think he just needs to find his outlet and that might be you. »

Did she just say ‘home’ as in they live together ? « What do you mean you got home ? Like do you live together or something ? »

I notice the panic in her eyes before she pushes it down to shake her head. « No, I just spend a lot of my nights at Cody’s house who is actually neighbors with Joey. »

I know she’s hiding something, but I push it to the side to take in what she’s just told me. « So you don’t think that this is just some straight guy trying to experiment ? You think that this can be real, right ? »

She nods her head. « I know it’s real, Kade. The way he talked about you is not how he’s talked about all the girls he once dated. He truly likes you and I’ve never seen him like this with anybody else. »

I nod my head. « Okay, well, Friday it is, then. »