05

Awkward to be caught ogling him, I give a small wave, smiling. He looks over to the guy, murmurs something to him and surprising me, he begins to make his way over towards me. I close my eyes slightly ; unsure as to why I’m suddenly desperate for a man I know nothing about… A man who clearly isn’t right for me.

« Iris, » he murmurs, stepping up onto the sidewalk. He’s out of breath- my eyes fixate on the fast rise and fall of his chest.

« Hi… Stellan, » I force out, smiling nervously.

« What are you doing here ? You usually only come once a week to do laundry. »

« … You’ve seen me… before yesterday ? » I ask, squinting.

« It would be hard not to, » he murmurs softly and my heart rate picks up. Stop this, Iris. What the hell are you doing ? « I mean- with who you are. Everyone knows you. »

Damn. I had almost believed he didn’t pay attention to the headlines. « You know who I am ? »

« Yes. I’ve seen your pictures on billboards. »

« Oh. »

He breathes out slightly, running his hand over the hair just below his lips. « Well ? You going in ? »

« No, no- I actually came to see you. »

« Me ? »

« Yes, I wanted to make sure you were okay after last night. You left pretty fast. »

He looks down after a moment and I purse my lips, uncomfortable at his silence.

« I mean, I just- I find you interesting. »

« Interesting ? Why ? »

« I don’t know yet. I just- can usually read people well. Not you. »

« I’m not interesting, Iris. I can tell you that now. »

My brows curve into each other at his words.

« … Well, I’m going to dinner. It’s about two blocks from here. I’m inviting you. If you’d like to- come. If not, I guess I’ll see you next time I’m here. »

I turn with a small smile and begin my trip back to the car. Feeling eyes on me, I bite my lip, looking back. His gaze is intense but cautious. I have no idea what he’s thinking.

Maybe that I’m a lunatic. I feel like one.

Or maybe he’s just as curious about me.

I look up, grinning at my table for two when I finally see Stellan walk through the door. The owner sizes him up and down, frowning. « You lookin’ for a table ? »

He points to me, awkwardly. « I’m with her. »

« Ah… alright. »

The owner’s hesitance isn’t lost on either of us. Stellan walks over to the table, ignoring the looks of disbelief from the people around us.

« I was beginning to think you wouldn’t show, » I murmur, gesturing to the chair.

« I wasn’t going to when I saw the paparazzi outside. »

I bite my lip, nodding. « Someone must have told them where I am. I’m used to it by now. »

« I don’t know how someone could ever get used to that. » He sits down across from me, raising a brow at the beer already located on his side.

« I ordered you a tap. You’re not- you can drink-« 

« I’m not an alcoholic, Iris. » He smirks, leaning back. « Was that a test ? »

« Yeah, it was. »

« Should I expect more ? »

« Wait and see. You never know. »

He exhales, crossing his arms. I take a good look at him, wishing I could take off that beard, see what’s underneath. « What is this, Iris ? Why are you doing this ? »

« I don’t like mysteries. »

« And I’m a mystery for you ? You met me yesterday- I feel like there are many other worthy people in this world that you should probably direct your attention to. »

« Like who ? »

« I don’t know. Angelina Jolie ? Some insanely good looking actor ? »

« I’ve already met Chris Hemsworth. »

He smirks slightly, nodding. « Of course you have. »

I grab my cosmopolitan, sipping, waiting for him to relax and grab his drink. When he does, I smile.

« I already ordered- I hope you don’t mind. Do you like chicken ? »

He laughs suddenly, sitting back. « Knew I was going to show, did you ? »

« I hoped. I figured if I already got the food, you’d be less inclined to leave this time. »

« I just- I’m not used to someone trying to- help me. »

Silently, I stare at him. The waiter comes with the food, setting it down before us. I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, reaching for my fork.

« Hi- um, excuse me ? I was wondering if I could get an autograph ? »

I look up, seeing a woman from the table next to us. I nod, aware of Stellan’s gaze on me and also aware of her gaze on Stellan. I take the pen from her and scribble my name onto a napkin, smiling softly.

« I’m just such a fan of your work, really. I have three of your dresses at home. »

« Really ? Thank you. »

« Would it be terrible for a picture ? »

I look down, uncomfortable but nod, standing up. Her husband takes it, rather slowly. After an apology for interrupting our dinner, she goes back to her table and I take my place again, scooting my chair close to the table.

« I’m sorry about that, » I whisper.

« Don’t be. »

I notice he hasn’t touched his food and he still doesn’t until I lift my fork, taking my first bite. My brows turn down in confusion as he cuts his food with eloquence. He keeps his elbows off the table, he rests the napkin on his lap, he chews with his mouth closed. I lean forward, shaking my head.

« Do you mind if I ask you a personal question ? »

He presses his lips together for a moment, leaning back before he nods. « You want to know why I live on the street. »

« Yes. »

« … Complications. »

What ? « Complications ? »

« Yes, you mess with the wrong person, you pay sort of deal. »

« What did you do ? »

« I really don’t think-« 

« That you should tell me ? »

« That I want to tell you. Listen, Iris, I don’t know what this is- I don’t know if you’re trying to help or if you’re simply bored with your life, but I’m worthless. In every way. You shouldn’t go through the trouble. »

I lean forward, appalled. « How could you even say that about yourself ? Stellan, no one is worthless, alright ? No one. »

« You don’t even know me, » he whispers hastily, obviously upset. « I used to have money, I used to have a life- I haven’t always lived on the streets. »

« I know, I could see that. I’ve been trying to figure out why. »

« Why do you need to know that ? Why ? »

« I don’t know. »

« There has to be a reason, Iris. »

«  I don’t kno- … Come work for me. »

The words fall from my lips like how water falls from a faucet, sure and strong. We’re tight together in our own little bubble, both eyes locked on each other, consumed by the tension.

He’s the first one to deflate. He closes his eyes and shakes his head. « Don’t, Iris. »

« This isn’t a handout. »

« Yes, it damn well is. »

« No, helping someone isn’t a handout. I can get you through the door but you’ll have to work to stay there. »

« I’m leaving, Iris. »

I watch him stand and feel my face contort with anger. « How could you want to stay out there, barely surviving rather than try to make something of your life ? »

He stares at me for a long while, his chest extending wide as he exhales angrily. I watch him turn for the door once again, running away from me. Well, hell no. I reach into my purse, grabbing a wad of cash and set it on the table, not bothering to check how much I left as I race for the door in stilettos.

He’s turning the corner when I call out his name. He doesn’t come back so I walk forward after him.

« Stellan. »

He doesn’t turn. « Please, Iris. »

I reach out for him, grasping his arm. « Just tell me why you won’t try ! »

I gasp when he spins on me, eyes wide. « Because I can’t ! Because someone destroyed my life and made damn sure I’d never be able to get it back ! »

My eyelids flutter as I stare into his night sky eyes. « Tell me what happened. »