The professor’s young daughter

#####01

It had been four days, and I was done crying over him. Four days of lying in bed, barely getting up to feed the cat, let alone cook food and shower. Four days of staring at the far wall where I had stupidly hung the one framed photograph we had together, the picture he had not really wanted to take because he hated pictures and he hated PDA. What had resulted was an awkward « couple-y » photo where I was smiling too wide to make up for the fact that he was not smiling at all, with his arm around my shoulders squishing me half-heartedly to his side.

When I actually thought about it, the last two years had been complete bullshit. Wasted. Why hadn’t I left him six months in ? Why hadn’t I left him when I first even suspected he was sleeping around ?

But nope. I had been so determined to make it work (« All good relationships take sacrifice, dear, » as my mother used to say) that I had ignored every huge red flag. My own angry internal voice echoed the cruel last words Jay Maitland had said to me between drags on a cigarette in the Petco parking lot, as I stood there with tears streaming down my face holding a bag of cat food.

« You’re just weak, Liz ! God, you let me walk all over you. Of course I had to see how far I could push it ! You’ve known about Heather for weeks, come on, don’t act surprised. »

Weak. It brought on a fresh stream of tears. I guess I wasn’t done crying.

« Yes you are ! » Sarah yelled from the other room. Beautiful, crazy, party-girl Sarah Bak. She had been my saving grace over the past few days. Coming over in the evenings to make sure I was eating something other than chicken-flavored ramen noodles. I felt awful, knowing she was worried about me. I felt awful in general.

Sarah was the master of handling breakups. I had seen her go through three, and that girl was the quintessential « movie-style breakup » girl. She would get herself a big glass of wine, chug it on her way to the club, and vomit everything up at the end of the night as if she was literally purging out her ex. When I had seen her cry, it was angry tears. She would sit there and say, « He’ll realize what he’s missing. He’ll fucking regret it. Watch him come crawling back in a month, Liz, just watch ! »

I really, really wished I could do that. I wished I could see my own value. How sad is that ? God.

« Come on girl, up, get out of that bed before you atrophy to it. »

I opened my swollen eyes at Sarah, who stood with her arms crossed over me. She had let herself in, as usual, so I hadn’t actually seen her yet since she had been so preoccupied cleaning up my disastrous kitchen. Her long black hair was in a high ponytail, she had false lashes on, and was wearing a short off-the-shoulder red dress.

I sniffled. I had been wearing the same 5-year-old Victoria’s Secret leggings and Jay’s old t-shirt for days. « What are you all dressed up for ? »

« Because we’re going out, » she said, flinging back my blankets and then going to my closet, rifling through the hangers. « You’ve been in this apartment way too long. This isn’t healthy, Liz. Why are you even sad ? You know that guy was such an asshole. He was always an asshole. Two years and he wouldn’t even meet your parents ? Come on. »

I sat up, realizing I really needed a shower. I also really needed to clean my room : there were five half-empty mugs of tea on my bedside table alone. I shuffled to the bathroom and turned the water on as hot as it would go. Just below scalding, perfect. When I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I was honestly a little horrified. There were dark bags under my eyes, I looked like I had lost 5 pounds, and my brown hair was a complete rat’s nest.

« Get it together, Lizbeth, » I said, frowning at my sad mirror-self. « Sarah is right. Just get the hell over him already. »

Body wash and hot water really do wonders. By the time I had blow-dried and straightened my hair, Sarah had already chosen my outfit for the night : a little black dress with a strappy, harness-inspired cutout around the neck and above the very low-cut neckline. I had been so excited when I got that dress and Jay had hated it. He had said it made me look slutty. So it had gone into the back of my closet, unworn. It actually still had the tags on it.

It still looked as good as when I had first tried it on. It made me feel like I could be one of those kinky porn girls, except my ass was too flat and my tits were too small. I made a mental note to buy a new push-up bra ASAP. Jay had never liked those on me either.

Go figure, the girl he had left me for was a queen of short skirts and big cleavage.

We took an Uber downtown, Sarah sneaking us vodka shots in an innocent-looking water bottle.

« Where are we even going ? » I said. « You know my classes start tomorrow right ? I really can’t get too turned up. » She looked at me incredulously. « Really, Sarah, I can’t. »

« Okay, okay, » she said, pouting a little. « We’re going to Bailey’s ! »

« Oh god, Bailey’s ? Sarah that’s such a frat boy bar-« 

« Yeah, exactly. Dozens of horny frat boys who are all gonna want a piece of hot Liz ass. Trust me. A little flirting, maybe making out with a stranger you’ll never see again ? It’s good for your self-esteem. »

I was pretty sure there had been studies published saying the exact opposite, but whatever. We were already there and I was three shots deep thanks to Sarah’s vodka. The Uber dropped us off right in front, where there was luckily no line. The bar was packed nonetheless, mostly college kids getting in their last night out before classes started up again. Sarah and I wormed our way up to the bar where she ordered for us, and then put a bright blue drink in a plastic cup into my hand.

« Adios ! » she said cheerily, and downed half of hers before dragging me out amongst the crowd.

The Chainsmokers was blasting over the sound system, a song that had been good the first time I heard it until I couldn’t turn on the radio without it playing on every other station. I followed Sarah around as she saw people she knew and went up to say hi, sipping my drinking and smiling and nodding appropriately. I never knew what to do with myself in bars. Clubs were easier, since I could just dance and pretend I was tripping out if I wanted someone to leave me alone. Luckily for me, Sarah took most of the attention so I was spared having to get too involved talking with strangers. The drink was also taking a much more rapid affect than I had expected. Suddenly everything was feeling great.