02

I’ve tried running away from my punishment, I’ve tried talking my way out of it, I’ve probably tried everything in the book to get out of my punishments and when those didn’t work I accepted that there just wasn’t a way to get out of them.

So I stopped trying.

He leads me out into the back yard, into the woods that sit behind the pack house, to a circle made out of the members of the pack.

They part easily as we come up to them, making it quick and easy to get to the center where a single wooden post sits.

I look around at the faces of my pack, noticing how some look sympathetic, others look neutral as though this doesn’t bother them but they’d also rather it not happen, and some just look excited in a maniacal way.

None of them would help me, I’ve been here more times than I could count on one hand and not a single person has stepped forward to help me.

I walk up to the pole and look up into the excited eyes of my Alpha. He likes this part of his job, being able to control people, to force them into obedience.

« Take your shirt off and give it to Sarah. »

I do as he says, feeling the brisk wind hit my back. Thankfully I have a bra on, even though wolves are accustomed to nudity I’m glad I don’t have to give Alpha George the satisfaction of that extra embarrassment.

He walks over to the post and I follow him, I watch as he is handed two pieces of rope. Instructing me to get down on my knees with my chest pressed against the pole, I do as he says.

He grabs my wrists roughly and ties them together around the post. I close my eyes and rest my forehead against the post.

I try my hardest to block out the annoying voice of Alpha George as he drones on and on about what I’ve done wrong and why this is happening.

It’s not that I want this to happen, it’s more that I want to get it over with. It’s almost as though the suspense is worse than the actual job itself.

Finally I hear Andrew start towards me. I flinch but don’t cry out as the first sting of the whip hits my skin. I can feel my skin breaking every few hits but I force myself to stay quiet.

If I cry out it will only be another satisfaction for Alpha George that I refuse to give him.

I can see Alpha George out of the corner of my eye, the self satisfied smirk that sits on his face only makes my resolve stronger. He’s enjoying this, he wants this to happen to me. I clench my eyes shut tight and take deep breaths as Andrew continues the punishment.

I feel every stinging gash that the whip makes on my back, but I don’t show it. I make sure to control my face the entire time so none of my pain or resentment shows through.

A few times I catch myself looking around at the pack members that make a circle around me, I notice how most of their expressions have changed since I first walked up.

Most have changed from sympathetic to excitement or that neutral look that shows they could care less what happens to me.

The whole thing lasts for over an hour, I can tell by looking at the moon every few minutes. When it finally ends they untie me, making me collapse momentarily against the ground before regaining what little semblance of strength I still possess.

« You’ve paid your debt, now get out of my sight. » No sympathy, no helping me to the pack doctor, nothing.

With a slow nod I get to my feet and stumble my way out of the circle, back to the pack house, and up the stairs to my room.

When I’m back inside the house away from the prying eyes of my so called pack, I finally allow my resolve to crumble. The tears come immediately, making me stop and lean against the wall for support.

I use my hand to cover my mouth so no one can hear the small sobs that come out of my mouth. I won’t give them that.

After a minute to compose myself once again I start up the stairs to my room. When I finally get there I collapse onto the floor, the energy and strength leaving my body the second the door closes.

In here I don’t have to put up a false front, pretending to be indifferent and strong.

I can mourn the loss of my family, both biological and not.

A pack is supposed to be your home away from home, your second family that you can always count on to have your back when you need it.

This is the farthest thing from that. Alpha George would laugh in my face and send me to an insane asylum if I even dared to ask for any sort of help from him, the rest of my pack not far off from doing the same thing.

With that thought in my head I allow my wolf to pull me under, into the black abyss of unconsciousness so I can have a chance at healing.

With a grateful sigh, all thoughts flee my head and I’m free to dream of a better life, one with a mate and a family, with a pack that would support and protect us.

Dreams that will never happen.

I wake up on the floor exactly where I had passed out previously. When I look around I see it’s still dark outside so I couldn’t have been out that long, right ?

Wrong.

After checking the time on my phone I saw the date is 4 days after my punishment.

I’ve been passed out for 4 days and no one has come to look after me, to see if I’m ok, if I’m dead or alive.

They all just let me be.

I will never admit how much that hurts, honestly it probably hurts more than my punishment.

You’re pack is supposed to be you’re family. The people who you could trust with you’re life to protect and love you as you are. It breaks me to know my pack will never be that for me.

They’ll only be my personal version of Hell.

I stand up, wincing from the sharp pains in my back and the sore muscles everywhere else from not moving enough.

I make my way to the kitchen to get a glass of water. While I’m sitting there I see a wet drop on the counter.

Out of instinct I look up at the ceiling.

Right because ya know, it now rains in houses. New global warming guys, be prepared.

I mentally face palm myself and shake my head. I stop and stare at the wet spot that now has many others near it.

It suddenly clicks inside my head, sorta like the light bulb thing.

I raise my hand to my face and sure enough, I’m crying.

After having the revelation of such a thing, I can’t help but let it all out.

I end up sitting on the floor sobbing in a time of self pity. Yep, I’m the definition of a sad person.

You know how you’ll see someone doing something and you’ll have that moment like ‘oh that’s just sad’ yep that’s my life.